Newbie having problems flirting

[Xraygirl_4832]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

[william70]

Texting and messaging are just like talking on the phone. With that said, if you feel more comfortable talking in person then that is what you should do. Please keep us up to date. I have book marked you.

[leo-cpl]

Xraygirl....it gets better with time ....dont stress Focus on making small and short conversations generally (dont focus on flirting) with random guys you come across that interest you. Online texting and chatting would be a lot easier.....general conversation would be a good start and if you enjoy chatting with the guy other things would follow naturally (since the objective if chatting in known to all parties). Good Luck

[snoogaloo82]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

For my sweetie you just talk natural. Don't force anything just let the words flow. If you're having trouble with that then just talk about something sensual or funny that you read or heard recently. That should kick start things, and then you're on your way to flirting with the best of them!

[Wife4Guys]

You don’t “have “ to flirt with anybody unless there is some chemistry, and you like them first. Maybe that’s why it came so easy 20 years ago with hubby as your friend first. Just relax, enjoy and if there is no spark just move on to the next. When the connection comes it will be easy and fun, NOT a job!
Good Luck.

[snoogaloo82]

You don’t “have “ to flirt with anybody unless there is some chemistry, and you like them first. Maybe that’s why it came so easy 20 years ago with hubby as your friend first. Just relax, enjoy and if there is no spark just move on to the next. When the connection comes it will be easy and fun, NOT a job!
Good Luck.

VERY good advice. I like your advice better than my own!

[The good hub]

To give a little more background, I think some of the problem is Mrs. xraygirl never had to flirt. Like she said, we met in college when she was 19yrs old and we have been together (except for a brief breakup early on) ever since. I always thought she was interested in me but she did have a very hard time showing it and that’s why we were friends for a few years before we started dating. I tell her “babe, you just never had to do it and it doesn’t come naturally to a lot of women”. Add to this the fact that she is quite shy at first and it’s easy to see her issue

[Xraygirl_4832]

You don’t “have “ to flirt with anybody unless there is some chemistry, and you like them first. Maybe that’s why it came so easy 20 years ago with hubby as your friend first. Just relax, enjoy and if there is no spark just move on to the next. When the connection comes it will be easy and fun, NOT a job!
Good Luck.

That definitely makes sense. I know at times I know I am overthinking every message I send because I’ve never met who I’m messaging . For me, until I know there is chemistry it’s hard to know what to say. Maybe if I stop thinking about the flirting part of it, messaging will come easier?

[Long Lurker 34]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

XRG# - The thing is not everyone can flirt or do it well, I for one was terrible at it and like many things it takes practice and if you are not in those situations physically or mentally you can't expect to improve. One does not need to be trying to 'pick up' someone, or be in a bar etc. Even simple things such as having dropped an item and a fellow retrieves it for you, instead of saying 'thank you' try some like "Oh, how gallant" etc.
- Might I suggest you get yourself verified (as female) and then you can get into the Women's Only Forum on the site. Perhaps there you might find some help from a female perspective.

[SilverStag]

To paraphrase Dale Carnagie, just show an interest in the person or what they are doing. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so a few simple questions about them will show your interest and spark a conversation. To move it towards flirting, remember to make lots of eye contact and when appropriate, gently touch them (on the shoulder, or arm so it appears natural and slightly vague in intent).

The transition from flirting to proposition is a difficult one unless you are very direct.

[Xraygirl_4832]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

XRG# - The thing is not everyone can flirt or do it well, I for one was terrible at it and like many things it takes practice and if you are not in those situations physically or mentally you can't expect to improve. One does not need to be trying to 'pick up' someone, or be in a bar etc. Even simple things such as having dropped an item and a fellow retrieves it for you, instead of saying 'thank you' try some like "Oh, how gallant" etc.
- Might I suggest you get yourself verified (as female) and then you can get into the Women's Only Forum on the site. Perhaps there you might find some help from a female perspective.

Thank you for the advice! I just feel better knowing someone else went through the same issue. My husband has suggested that I try going to a bar by myself just to see what happens. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet…

[2inUPMichigan]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

XRG# - The thing is not everyone can flirt or do it well, I for one was terrible at it and like many things it takes practice and if you are not in those situations physically or mentally you can't expect to improve. One does not need to be trying to 'pick up' someone, or be in a bar etc. Even simple things such as having dropped an item and a fellow retrieves it for you, instead of saying 'thank you' try some like "Oh, how gallant" etc.
- Might I suggest you get yourself verified (as female) and then you can get into the Women's Only Forum on the site. Perhaps there you might find some help from a female perspective.

Thank you for the advice! I just feel better knowing someone else went through the same issue. My husband has suggested that I try going to a bar by myself just to see what happens. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet…

If I went to a bar by myself I probably wouldn't talk to anyone
I found it easier to get to know men online where I could ask them questions about their lives, what they were interested in and what it was that they liked about playing with hotwives In person I tend to be shy at first and feel self conscious.
I don't bother meeting anyone unless I have determined they are someone I am interested in. Why bother leaving the house for a dud?

[zorro]

To paraphrase Dale Carnagie, just show an interest in the person or what they are doing. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so a few simple questions about them will show your interest and spark a conversation. To move it towards flirting, remember to make lots of eye contact and when appropriate, gently touch them (on the shoulder, or arm so it appears natural and slightly vague in intent).

Excellent advice. Allowing yourself to be noticed looking at the man who has caught your interest, smiling (although some women have shown their interest in me by looking intently into my eyes and face and NOT smiling -- I think the message was that they were serious), learning a bit about who they are and if there are any points of convergence can all be in the right direction. Some women play coy and hard to get, perhaps a test to weed out guys who are not very interested in them. But I like it better when the communications are to some degree honest and not manipulative/calculating.

And above all, focus on whether you like the guy in question, not whether he likes you. The questions come more naturally that way.

[parklife]

You’re setting yourself up to fail…. Putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation. Forget about flirting…. Really, just forget about it. Just talk. Just ask questions and be ready to just answer questions asked of you. About anything. Once the pressure is gone, possibility arrives. Expectation is what’s getting in the way, not your flirting. Leave the “flirting” to others, just be yourself and talk.

[The good hub]

You’re setting yourself up to fail…. Putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation. Forget about flirting…. Really, just forget about it. Just talk. Just ask questions and be ready to just answer questions asked of you. About anything. Once the pressure is gone, possibility arrives. Expectation is what’s getting in the way, not your flirting. Leave the “flirting” to others, just be yourself and talk.

Even just talking via texting or messages through a site is difficult for her. But when we have socially met the few guys this far, she is very sociable and has no issues. It’s bridging the gap from “hey, how are you” to meeting in person that she struggles with

[Xraygirl_4832]

I’m hoping it will all get easier with time.

I may have my first solo meet up tomorrow night with someone my husband and I met over the weekend. I guess I am not totally horrible at this?

[2inUPMichigan]

I’m hoping it will all get easier with time.

I may have my first solo meet up tomorrow night with someone my husband and I met over the weekend. I guess I am not totally horrible at this?

Guess what? He WANTS to meet up with you! You have captured his attention and he is looking forward to finding out more, and if there is potential for more
You don't have to be the one initiating, let him do the flirting and just respond to him.
If you aren't sure what to say just smile and look into his eyes.

I was horribly self conscious and unsure when first starting out.
Then I realized......these guys actually wanted ME! (how cool is that!)

Wear something that makes you feel comfortable, confident and sexy. Then go meet him with your head held high knowing that he wants to meet up with you because you are special, a hotwife in the making.

Go get him girl!!

[The good hub]

Easy does it 2in UP, lol!! Small steps, lol

[Xraygirl_4832]

I’m hoping it will all get easier with time.

I may have my first solo meet up tomorrow night with someone my husband and I met over the weekend. I guess I am not totally horrible at this?

Guess what? He WANTS to meet up with you! You have captured his attention and he is looking forward to finding out more, and if there is potential for more
You don't have to be the one initiating, let him do the flirting and just respond to him.
If you aren't sure what to say just smile and look into his eyes.

I was horribly self conscious and unsure when first starting out.
Then I realized......these guys actually wanted ME! (how cool is that!)

Wear something that makes you feel comfortable, confident and sexy. Then go meet him with your head held high knowing that he wants to meet up with you because you are special, a hotwife in the making.

Go get him girl!!

Thank you so much! I read your whole story and it was so helpful to me. I definitely took a lot out of it.

[snoogaloo82]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

XRG# - The thing is not everyone can flirt or do it well, I for one was terrible at it and like many things it takes practice and if you are not in those situations physically or mentally you can't expect to improve. One does not need to be trying to 'pick up' someone, or be in a bar etc. Even simple things such as having dropped an item and a fellow retrieves it for you, instead of saying 'thank you' try some like "Oh, how gallant" etc.
- Might I suggest you get yourself verified (as female) and then you can get into the Women's Only Forum on the site. Perhaps there you might find some help from a female perspective.

Thank you for the advice! I just feel better knowing someone else went through the same issue. My husband has suggested that I try going to a bar by myself just to see what happens. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet…

If I went to a bar by myself I probably wouldn't talk to anyone
I found it easier to get to know men online where I could ask them questions about their lives, what they were interested in and what it was that they liked about playing with hotwives In person I tend to be shy at first and feel self conscious.
I don't bother meeting anyone unless I have determined they are someone I am interested in. Why bother leaving the house for a dud?

my thoughts exactly!!! i'm glad my sweetie chose a good one!

[SilverStag]

You’re setting yourself up to fail…. Putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation. Forget about flirting…. Really, just forget about it. Just talk. Just ask questions and be ready to just answer questions asked of you. About anything. Once the pressure is gone, possibility arrives. Expectation is what’s getting in the way, not your flirting. Leave the “flirting” to others, just be yourself and talk.

Even just talking via texting or messages through a site is difficult for her. But when we have socially met the few guys this far, she is very sociable and has no issues. It’s bridging the gap from “hey, how are you” to meeting in person that she struggles with

My HW and I have a routine, wherein we always meet a new person together. That is both for safety as well as to assure the person that we are on the same page. It also provides a "crutch" in the event that conversation lags between them. If the person is a no-show, we still have a cocktail and enjoy each other's company. It is easier to meet a new person when your support person is with you. There are still butterflies, but not so many. The 3rd can excuse themselves once the interested parties are engaged in a self-sustaining conversation.

[snoogaloo82]

You’re setting yourself up to fail…. Putting too much pressure on yourself and the situation. Forget about flirting…. Really, just forget about it. Just talk. Just ask questions and be ready to just answer questions asked of you. About anything. Once the pressure is gone, possibility arrives. Expectation is what’s getting in the way, not your flirting. Leave the “flirting” to others, just be yourself and talk.

Even just talking via texting or messages through a site is difficult for her. But when we have socially met the few guys this far, she is very sociable and has no issues. It’s bridging the gap from “hey, how are you” to meeting in person that she struggles with

My HW and I have a routine, wherein we always meet a new person together. That is both for safety as well as to assure the person that we are on the same page. It also provides a "crutch" in the event that conversation lags between them. If the person is a no-show, we still have a cocktail and enjoy each other's company. It is easier to meet a new person when your support person is with you. There are still butterflies, but not so many. The 3rd can excuse themselves once the interested parties are engaged in a self-sustaining conversation.

As always you proved VERY wise advice! You are a wonderful advisor.

[SilverStag]

Happy to help out.

As one lady said to me during a break in a hot session, "Wow! You really HAVE been around the block a few times"

These are just my opinions, your mileage may vary....

[2inUPMichigan]

Easy does it 2in UP, lol!! Small steps, lol

not to worry she gets it!
The pace is hers to set. (Thankfully this is so different than vanilla dating!)

She can reel him in without jumping in the deep end

[snoogaloo82]

Happy to help out.

As one lady said to me during a break in a hot session, "Wow! You really HAVE been around the block a few times"

These are just my opinions, your mileage may vary....

ROFLMFAO!! Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off!

I love your style of writing...you also have great ideas that go with that wonderful writing!