Newbie having problems flirting

[Xraygirl_4832]

B was helping me take pictures and he videoed me sucking his dick. Once we started in the bedroom though he didn’t help much. I should have been pushing him more to help and that’s my fault.

[Long Lurker 34]

B was helping me take pictures and he videoed me sucking his dick. Once we started in the bedroom though he didn’t help much. I should have been pushing him more to help and that’s my fault.

XRG - This is something new for him too, so it might take a few tries to get used to remembering to include this in the fun.

[Lookingforadventure]

B was helping me take pictures and he videoed me sucking his dick. Once we started in the bedroom though he didn’t help much. I should have been pushing him more to help and that’s my fault.

No one is at fault. This is new. I consider every experience something that we can learn from and improve on for next time (or repeat for next time )

[Her number1]

B was helping me take pictures and he videoed me sucking his dick. Once we started in the bedroom though he didn’t help much. I should have been pushing him more to help and that’s my fault.

No one is at fault. This is new. I consider every experience something that we can learn from and improve on for next time (or repeat for next time )

[Xraygirl_4832]

B was helping me take pictures and he videoed me sucking his dick. Once we started in the bedroom though he didn’t help much. I should have been pushing him more to help and that’s my fault.

No one is at fault. This is new. I consider every experience something that we can learn from and improve on for next time (or repeat for next time )

Thanks! I am actually reading your story now and find it fascinating.

[zorro]

Now the bad. It took countless hours and conversations between us to finally figure it out….. i am jealous. Not that she had sex with someone else but that she had such an amazing experience and I did not. When we started, we agreed to play together. Yes, I gave her permission to go alone thinking I could handle it. Before leaving, she assured me she would keep me involved with texts, calls, and videos.

Told you it was complicated. But I suspect none of what i I am feeling is out of the ordinary to those involved with hotwifing. I know there will be ppl who say I am lucky and i should be grateful for what I got. Sorry, not like that for me. Her and I are equals and neither of us places the other on a pedestal. Has to be completely mutual or it’s not going to work. Yes, we are still happy with one another and are talking the whole thing out without any anger. We figure it is just something we will have to find a solution for or find another hobby.

You are right that your emotional responses are normal -- in the sense of expectable -- with hotwifing, especially in the beginning. Jealousy is a normal reaction that we should not expect to just go away but to manage and get through until we reach the great stuff on the other side. There are different types of jealousy; yours sounds a lot like exclusion jealousy -- feeling left out when your partner plays.

We are entering 14 years of HW play, and definitely MFM feels more fun -- for all of us. We have done some 1-1, and it's okay, but it feels different than the experience of being there. There is something different about feeling emotions associated with fantasizing asbout what is going on versus responding to what we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel during sexual acts. Or experiencing the excitement of your spouse with a different person. It is more intense in person than as a concept.

May I suggest seeing if doing MFMs feels better for you and the alluring XRG?

[The good hub]

Now the bad. It took countless hours and conversations between us to finally figure it out….. i am jealous. Not that she had sex with someone else but that she had such an amazing experience and I did not. When we started, we agreed to play together. Yes, I gave her permission to go alone thinking I could handle it. Before leaving, she assured me she would keep me involved with texts, calls, and videos.

Told you it was complicated. But I suspect none of what i I am feeling is out of the ordinary to those involved with hotwifing. I know there will be ppl who say I am lucky and i should be grateful for what I got. Sorry, not like that for me. Her and I are equals and neither of us places the other on a pedestal. Has to be completely mutual or it’s not going to work. Yes, we are still happy with one another and are talking the whole thing out without any anger. We figure it is just something we will have to find a solution for or find another hobby.

You are right that your emotional responses are normal -- in the sense of expectable -- with hotwifing, especially in the beginning. Jealousy is a normal reaction that we should not expect to just go away but to manage and get through until we reach the great stuff on the other side. There are different types of jealousy; yours sounds a lot like exclusion jealousy -- feeling left out when your partner plays.

We are entering 14 years of HW play, and definitely MFM feels more fun -- for all of us. We have done some 1-1, and it's okay, but it feels different than the experience of being there. There is something different about feeling emotions associated with fantasizing asbout what is going on versus responding to what we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel during sexual acts. Or experiencing the excitement of your spouse with a different person. It is more intense in person than as a concept.

May I suggest seeing if doing MFMs feels better for you and the alluring XRG?

Always open for suggestions!! That is exactly where we are at right now. If I am having exclusion jealousy, then mfm should reduce or eliminate that. Makes sense

As previously stated, the original plan was to do this together and we are going back to that. Mrs. XRG is much more open to the mfm idea than I ever expected her to be. B is also into it so that’s a big help.

A question for those with experience though:

We have recently been contacted by a very professional bull. Looks good, very personable, and has lots of experience with what we are seeking. B is a cool guy but not the “pro” this guy is.

If both are available and on board, which do you choose and why?

[Xraygirl_4832]

I would like to add to TGH response. This new guy messaging us is a little older than I’m looking for. I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him I told hubby I wouldn’t know til I meet him. He looks ok in pictures; looks good for his age but we all know how pictures can be deceiving.

[The good hub]

Guess I didn’t word it correctly.

More asking for opinions/experiences of a novice vs professional to be our first-third? Obviously, attraction would have to be established on the pros side. Definitely already there for B so pro would have to be at same level for us but just more of a general question: pro or novice?

[Lookingforadventure]

Guess I didn’t word it correctly.

More asking for opinions/experiences of a novice vs professional to be our first-third? Obviously, attraction would have to be established on the pros side. Definitely already there for B so pro would have to be at same level for us but just more of a general question: pro or novice?

Here's my take on it. Connection with the third is the most important factor. Do you/Does she feel comfortable with him? Is there an attraction that makes her want to have sex with him? Those things are essential.

As for pro vs amateur, I think there are pros and cons to each. If the "pro" is too experienced and has too many other women on the go, he might not be sensitive to you and your needs. There was a guy on this site for awhile (I haven't seen him recently) who really liked to be a wife's first third. I think he was fabulous at it and I never heard any complaints from the VHWs. However, he would quickly lose interest after that first experience. That can be hurtful if the wife has put herself out there and invested the time to get comfortable with someone. To be "discarded" after the first experience might put someone off trying again.

On the flip side, if it is a guy's very first time with a hot wife, he might be nervous. This can lead to flakes and no shows. It can also lead to performance issues (it happens more than you might thing). What's more, you might have to be more explicit with him about what you are looking for in the experience. This includes any "rules" that you have for what can and can't happen on the date (kissing? cuddling? condoms? anal? cum in the mouth? etc), but it also includes things like "We don't mean to be rude, but after we are done, we probably want you to leave fairly quickly. We will want to debrief the experience with just the two of us. We'd love you to stick around for a few minutes, have some small talk and then make a polite goodbye" (if this is true for you).

I'd say somewhere in the middle might be the best of the best. Someone who has had previous experience but is also invested only in you at the moment.

With all that said, I think you could make it work in any scenario. You just need to think through what you might want to communicate in advance so that everyone is on the same page. I hope this helps.

[The good hub]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

[harmankard]

I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

Most men have lost the ability to flirt.
Its not YOU!
Messaging with men is even worse. They can't sustain an interaction must less build sexual tension.
Social media has broken their brains. I swear it.

Step 1 - take the pressure off of yourself. (NO BARS!)

Step 2 - we women can give off obvious signals (they have to be obvious because men are incompetently blind at picking up on them).
- cleavage. Has to be more than a hint, which can seem accidental = no signal. Can't be over the top cleavage = wrong signal.
Just nice, obviously deliberate but tasteful cleavage. "Yes you want to be noticed cleavage".
- Red lips. Not super glossy. simple matte red lips. Truly is a bat signal for men.
- nice heel. mid height. wedge is fine. nothing tiny or fancy. Just enough to say that you want them to watch your hips move as you walk.
- tighter clothing.

Step 3 - put that together and find a busy coffee shop. Sit. enjoy them noticing. Smile when smiled at.
Put that outfit together at the busy gym you are going to join. Go when men over 40 also go.
Cleavage, red lips. Smile.

I promise at the end of the month of daily gym/coffee - you're phone will be full of men flirting with you.

I had a women suggest most of that to me when I was starting. (by starting I mean the phase that I wanted to take control).

We played a game that If a guy chatted me up and asked me out - I HAD to say yes if I would have said yes if I were single.
I literally started the gym game on monday and had sex with a new guy on wed.
Cleavage, red lips + a nice open smile.

Late to the thread… amazing advice. It’d totally work.

[zorro]

Yes, by the numbers you have to start with someone as the first extra guy in an MFM. You may want to try out both of them, but someone has to be the first.

When I was single, I served as the first for perhaps 5 newbie HWs, in all instances joining the couples in an MFM. The women really liked it and some invited me back again, so I must have done something right. And all of them continued HW, which meant I got them off to a good start. That was very satisfying.

As is the cardinal rule in all these sliituations, I believe it is best to start where your wife is at. Who does she prefer to have the first MFM with? It doesn't matter why she makes the choice she makes. What counts is to go with what floats her boat. That's the one. I find women very intuitive and capable of sizing guys up (and I'm not referring to cock size, although they can be good at that too). I offer that the strength of a guy's appeal -- and availabiility -- can be a good guide.

Do have fun with all this. If your wife wants a guy and you feel okay with it, start there. Trust your collective gut and don't overthink it. That can lead to the often mentioned analysis paralysis.

[Seekingmore12]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

Wanted to chime in here a little to support LFA’s comments and xraygirl.

Finding, vetting and creating a connection with the “ 3rd ‘ and then finding a grove that works for everyone is difficult and also very rewarding at the same time.

For me as a “3rd”, I am not by any means a human dildo, I value a true connection not only between the wife and me, also the husband.

This being said, it’s only one example and yes I have hit the jackpot, and I believe lfa and adventurer would say similar things about us.

A middle ground, sounds to me what you are after, someone who knows what he is doing, values your marriage, treats you all with respect. A slightly older guy maybe a better choice, better odds of him understanding the situation vs the younger ones.

A tall order when you think about it, take your time, good things happen to good people

Best wishes
G

[The good hub]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

Wanted to chime in here a little to support LFA’s comments and xraygirl.

Finding, vetting and creating a connection with the “ 3rd ‘ and then finding a grove that works for everyone is difficult and also very rewarding at the same time.

For me as a “3rd”, I am not by any means a human dildo, I value a true connection not only between the wife and me, also the husband.

This being said, it’s only one example and yes I have hit the jackpot, and I believe lfa and adventurer would say similar things about us.

A middle ground, sounds to me what you are after, someone who knows what he is doing, values your marriage, treats you all with respect. A slightly older guy maybe a better choice, better odds of him understanding the situation vs the younger ones.

A tall order when you think about it, take your time, good things happen to good people

Best wishes
G

Thank you G, those are the kind of insights we are looking for. I enjoy reading the ongoing post the 3 of you contribute to; both entertaining and educational!! We think something similar to what you all share is our ultimate goal.

At this time, our situation seems to be working itself out. Further text communication with the pro revealed some undesirable personality qualities that have turned XRG off. So that leaves B with his in and out of town work schedule. XRG does not seem interested in meeting anyone else at this point so we will have to figure out a way to make it work.

As they say “patience is a virtue”….. is just not a virtue I possess, lol

[Long Lurker 34]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

Wanted to chime in here a little to support LFA’s comments and xraygirl.

Finding, vetting and creating a connection with the “ 3rd ‘ and then finding a grove that works for everyone is difficult and also very rewarding at the same time.

For me as a “3rd”, I am not by any means a human dildo, I value a true connection not only between the wife and me, also the husband.

This being said, it’s only one example and yes I have hit the jackpot, and I believe lfa and adventurer would say similar things about us.

A middle ground, sounds to me what you are after, someone who knows what he is doing, values your marriage, treats you all with respect. A slightly older guy maybe a better choice, better odds of him understanding the situation vs the younger ones.

A tall order when you think about it, take your time, good things happen to good people

Best wishes
G

Thank you G, those are the kind of insights we are looking for. I enjoy reading the ongoing post the 3 of you contribute to; both entertaining and educational!! We think something similar to what you all share is our ultimate goal.

At this time, our situation seems to be working itself out. Further text communication with the pro revealed some undesirable personality qualities that have turned XRG off. So that leaves B with his in and out of town work schedule. XRG does not seem interested in meeting anyone else at this point so we will have to figure out a way to make it work.

As they say “patience is a virtue”….. is just not a virtue I possess, lol

TGH - What are the possibilities of XRG travelling to B's home city or meeting up with him in other of his work locals.

[The good hub]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

Wanted to chime in here a little to support LFA’s comments and xraygirl.

Finding, vetting and creating a connection with the “ 3rd ‘ and then finding a grove that works for everyone is difficult and also very rewarding at the same time.

For me as a “3rd”, I am not by any means a human dildo, I value a true connection not only between the wife and me, also the husband.

This being said, it’s only one example and yes I have hit the jackpot, and I believe lfa and adventurer would say similar things about us.

A middle ground, sounds to me what you are after, someone who knows what he is doing, values your marriage, treats you all with respect. A slightly older guy maybe a better choice, better odds of him understanding the situation vs the younger ones.

A tall order when you think about it, take your time, good things happen to good people

Best wishes
G

Thank you G, those are the kind of insights we are looking for. I enjoy reading the ongoing post the 3 of you contribute to; both entertaining and educational!! We think something similar to what you all share is our ultimate goal.

At this time, our situation seems to be working itself out. Further text communication with the pro revealed some undesirable personality qualities that have turned XRG off. So that leaves B with his in and out of town work schedule. XRG does not seem interested in meeting anyone else at this point so we will have to figure out a way to make it work.

As they say “patience is a virtue”….. is just not a virtue I possess, lol

TGH - What are the possibilities of XRG travelling to B's home city or meeting up with him in other of his work locals.

Slim to none.

We tried them meeting alone and it didn’t work for me. I believe someone else stated it perfectly: ”exclusion jealousy “. They both got very caught up in the sex and left me out. Would be difficult for both of us to travel with family commitments.

[harmankard]

Thank you LFA, quite helpful!! Very similar to my thoughts but your suggestion to find someone in the middle may be the best advice of all. Had not thought of that

Wanted to chime in here a little to support LFA’s comments and xraygirl.

Finding, vetting and creating a connection with the “ 3rd ‘ and then finding a grove that works for everyone is difficult and also very rewarding at the same time.

For me as a “3rd”, I am not by any means a human dildo, I value a true connection not only between the wife and me, also the husband.

This being said, it’s only one example and yes I have hit the jackpot, and I believe lfa and adventurer would say similar things about us.

A middle ground, sounds to me what you are after, someone who knows what he is doing, values your marriage, treats you all with respect. A slightly older guy maybe a better choice, better odds of him understanding the situation vs the younger ones.

A tall order when you think about it, take your time, good things happen to good people

Best wishes
G

Thank you G, those are the kind of insights we are looking for. I enjoy reading the ongoing post the 3 of you contribute to; both entertaining and educational!! We think something similar to what you all share is our ultimate goal.

At this time, our situation seems to be working itself out. Further text communication with the pro revealed some undesirable personality qualities that have turned XRG off. So that leaves B with his in and out of town work schedule. XRG does not seem interested in meeting anyone else at this point so we will have to figure out a way to make it work.

As they say “patience is a virtue”….. is just not a virtue I possess, lol

lol. Remember, some guys have been “patient” for 10 to 20 years to get what you’ve gotten in a few months. I think once she gets her “sea legs” back and flirts and what not you won’t have a problem.

[The good hub]

She seems to be pretty focused on B right now. She has canceled 2 other meet ups since her first solo meeting with him. Definitely some NRE and I totally understand with him being her first. So, we will what happens when he gets his new work schedule

[fireman]

I guess first off would be her comfort level with B vs a new guy she hasn’t met. We went through a few meet up’s with guys before she found one that she really liked. At first I was not part of the bedroom activities. Had the same feelings as you. Pics or videos are hard to get when she was in the heat of the moment. Her guy eventually evolved into a still on going 15 year thing. I can be present and watch, join, or just let her do her her thing when she wants. So if it were me, hindsight being 20/20, let her make her choice, if B makes her comfortable and she is into him, I would imagine you will get a pretty good experience as well. Took me a few years to figure out that although it was my crazy idea, I have more fun when I am along for the ride, not doing the driving. If that makes sense.

[2inUPMichigan]

Please congratulate our newest VHW, Xraygirl_4832!
Welcome to the VHW community and your beautiful new bright blue name

We are all looking forward to getting to know you better.
See you in the LL - it is open to you now.
What happens in the LL stays in the LL

[Xraygirl_4832]

Please congratulate our newest VHW, Xraygirl_4832!
Welcome to the VHW community and your beautiful new bright blue name

We are all looking forward to getting to know you better.
See you in the LL - it is open to you now.
What happens in the LL stays in the LL

Thanks! Excited to finally be verified

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now with the holiday over we can get back to looking for someone new to meet…

[whosbeensleeping]

That's so awesome! Warmest welcome to you, XRayGirl!

[TomG]

Please congratulate our newest VHW, Xraygirl_4832!
Welcome to the VHW community and your beautiful new bright blue name

We are all looking forward to getting to know you better.
See you in the LL - it is open to you now.
What happens in the LL stays in the LL

Thanks! Excited to finally be verified

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now with the holiday over we can get back to looking for someone new to meet…

Congratulations, Xraygirl! Another verified hotwife!

[Long Lurker 34]

Please congratulate our newest VHW, Xraygirl_4832!
Welcome to the VHW community and your beautiful new bright blue name

We are all looking forward to getting to know you better.
See you in the LL - it is open to you now.
What happens in the LL stays in the LL

Thanks! Excited to finally be verified

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now with the holiday over we can get back to looking for someone new to meet…

XRG - Congratulations on being verified!!
- No grass for you.