Newbie having problems flirting

[The good hub]

MartasBoy, that is some great advice!!

So while I was chatting up the new guy who shows promise and checks all the boxes, XRG found herself a new boy-toy!! He’s younger than her normal preference and not exactly her physical type but she says there is just something about him she likes……


I was just happy she made the contact herself and was engaging. I think Babe is finding her groove, lol!!

[snoogaloo82]

MartasBoy, that is some great advice!!

So while I was chatting up the new guy who shows promise and checks all the boxes, XRG found herself a new boy-toy!! He’s younger than her normal preference and not exactly her physical type but she says there is just something about him she likes……


I was just happy she made the contact herself and was engaging. I think Babe is finding her groove, lol!!

awesome to hear that things are going so well!!

[The good hub]

Well, that went poorly…..

First guy did actually show up but we didn’t recognize him because he looked NOTHING like his pics!! Way older looking and way shorter than advertised. He was a weird combination of quiet/shy but in an almost creepy way. Conversation was awkward and we had initiate all of it. After an hour of trying, we got out of there. So that was a fail for me cause I had found that guy.


Guy 2 that Mrs. XRG had lined up “had to work”. We actually believe that cause he was apologetic and has messaged us several times since.


So, the night was a bust. Back to the drawing board

[snoogaloo82]

Well, that went poorly…..

First guy did actually show up but we didn’t recognize him because he looked NOTHING like his pics!! Way older looking and way shorter than advertised. He was a weird combination of quiet/shy but in an almost creepy way. Conversation was awkward and we had initiate all of it. After an hour of trying, we got out of there. So that was a fail for me cause I had found that guy.


Guy 2 that Mrs. XRG had lined up “had to work”. We actually believe that cause he was apologetic and has messaged us several times since.


So, the night was a bust. Back to the drawing board

Better luck next time

[The good hub]

Went from bad to worse

Guy 2 messages us on our way home and wanted to meet up for lunch. Ok, we figure he’s making up for standing us up the night before. So we extend the babysitter, drive the hour and 15mins home, get dressed up, and drive the hour back to where he wanted to meet.


You guessed it, got a message he was “still hunting “ a half hour before meeting time then went total ghost ever since. Never dreamed this would be this difficult

[Xraygirl_4832]

So we messaged B last night and made plans for next Sunday. It’s his first day back in town… unfortunately the good hub is going to a Christmas party and isn’t available but he has decided to let me go meet B by myself again. B goes back and forth between where he lives and here where we live; 2 weeks here, 2 weeks back to his home. This means he lives out of a hotel when he is here. We are planning on lunch and then I’ll help him check into the hotel. The excitement is already building! I just wish we could find more guys like B that live around here.

[snoogaloo82]

So we messaged B last night and made plans for next Sunday. It’s his first day back in town… unfortunately the good hub is going to a Christmas party and isn’t available but he has decided to let me go meet B by myself again. B goes back and forth between where he lives and here where we live; 2 weeks here, 2 weeks back to his home. This means he lives out of a hotel when he is here. We are planning on lunch and then I’ll help him check into the hotel. The excitement is already building! I just wish we could find more guys like B that live around here.

Best wishes with B!!

[Whenwillshe]

Looks like the 4th will be a good day

[The good hub]

Looks like the 4th will be a good day

Actually, it’s the 10th.

B seems like a great guy, don’t get me wrong. If I had any doubts about his character, no way I would have suggested she meet him alone. Yes, it was my idea….. with the holidays and his schedule, it wasn’t going to be possible that they meet for another month. However, that doesn’t mean it is/will be easy for me. A few of what we had identified as “rules” have already been done away with and we haven’t even gotten officially started. Obviously, this is causing what everyone on here refers to as “rollercoaster of emotions “. Not something I am used to as I am the steadfast anchor for all other aspects of my life.


To clarity, I’m not complaining or having second thoughts; just dealing with things that are out of the ordinary for me. The changing of the rules makes the rollercoaster a little more daunting. Kinda like you think your standing in line for the kiddie coaster but when you get to the loading platform, it’s the giant triple looper

[snoogaloo82]

Looks like the 4th will be a good day

Actually, it’s the 10th.

B seems like a great guy, don’t get me wrong. If I had any doubts about his character, no way I would have suggested she meet him alone. Yes, it was my idea….. with the holidays and his schedule, it wasn’t going to be possible that they meet for another month. However, that doesn’t mean it is/will be easy for me. A few of what we had identified as “rules” have already been done away with and we haven’t even gotten officially started. Obviously, this is causing what everyone on here refers to as “rollercoaster of emotions “. Not something I am used to as I am the steadfast anchor for all other aspects of my life.


To clarity, I’m not complaining or having second thoughts; just dealing with things that are out of the ordinary for me. The changing of the rules makes the rollercoaster a little more daunting. Kinda like you think your standing in line for the kiddie coaster but when you get to the loading platform, it’s the giant triple looper

What a rollercoaster ride it can be, too! I hope that you are able to find just the right track on that rollercoaster that we call hotwife life!

[trecital]

Yeah, a rollercoaster!

[Xraygirl_4832]

Time for my update on my Sunday met up with B.

I ended up meeting B at a bar near the hotel that he is staying in this week. After a couple of beers and some catching up we headed to his hotel. It didn’t take long for my clothes to be on the floor and the fun to start… after 2 1/2 hours he had come 6 times and I was exhausted! I only came once for him but I think my nerves had gotten in my head. The sex was amazing and very different for me. I had never had anyone else but my husband give me oral sex and it felt new and exciting to have B going down on me.

The only bad part was not having my husband there with me. I do feel guilty that I had so much fun and he wasn’t there to be apart of it. I had tried to video but there wasn’t a lot of options to place my phone and it didn’t come out well. It made me self conscious knowing I was videotaping myself. I guess in this journey there is a lot to learn and I need to learn better how to involve him more in the fun.

[snoogaloo82]

Time for my update on my Sunday met up with B.

I ended up meeting B at a bar near the hotel that he is staying in this week. After a couple of beers and some catching up we headed to his hotel. It didn’t take long for my clothes to be on the floor and the fun to start… after 2 1/2 hours he had come 6 times and I was exhausted! I only came once for him but I think my nerves had gotten in my head. The sex was amazing and very different for me. I had never had anyone else but my husband give me oral sex and it felt new and exciting to have B going down on me.

The only bad part was not having my husband there with me. I do feel guilty that I had so much fun and he wasn’t there to be apart of it. I had tried to video but there wasn’t a lot of options to place my phone and it didn’t come out well. It made me self conscious knowing I was videotaping myself. I guess in this journey there is a lot to learn and I need to learn better how to involve him more in the fun.

But at least you tried. That's what counts most!!
Know that you had a good time and maybe you can tell him about what it was all like?

[Seekingmore12]

Time for my update on my Sunday met up with B.

I ended up meeting B at a bar near the hotel that he is staying in this week. After a couple of beers and some catching up we headed to his hotel. It didn’t take long for my clothes to be on the floor and the fun to start… after 2 1/2 hours he had come 6 times and I was exhausted! I only came once for him but I think my nerves had gotten in my head. The sex was amazing and very different for me. I had never had anyone else but my husband give me oral sex and it felt new and exciting to have B going down on me.

The only bad part was not having my husband there with me. I do feel guilty that I had so much fun and he wasn’t there to be apart of it. I had tried to video but there wasn’t a lot of options to place my phone and it didn’t come out well. It made me self conscious knowing I was videotaping myself. I guess in this journey there is a lot to learn and I need to learn better how to involve him more in the fun.

Congratulations first off….happy for you.

As for involving hubby more, in my humble opinion B should assist with that, like hold the phone etc, make it part of the fun and it may feel less awkward.

Oh, and perhaps you should get verified and join the ladies lounge,lots of friendly women who get it.

Enjoy the journey you are on !

G

[william70]

Could you go into more depth as how your husband reactions were?

[The good hub]

Could you go into more depth as how your husband reactions were?

I will attempt to from my perspective. XRG will have a different version I’m sure. Honestly, I have been struggling with it. Basically, my reactions have been all over the spectrum and I am having a hard time figuring them out. As previously stated, this is all new to us. As exciting as the whole idea was, the reality is different for me. Even as I’m trying to write this, so many thoughts are going through my head that it’s hard to be coherent.

Let me start with the good. I am very proud of my wife for having the courage to go through with it. She struggles with self confidence and when combined with her sexual inexperience, it was hard for her. She said she almost turned around several times on her way. For his part, B seemed great. Made her feel comfortable and desired as he has the other 2 times they met up. She was very happy with the sex. Way happier than she describes above and I will just leave it as that!! There was a short BJ video and a few pics along with a few minutes of poor quality video of the sex XRG spoke of. It was something and I was grateful for that.

Now the bad. It took countless hours and conversations between us to finally figure it out….. i am jealous. Not that she had sex with someone else but that she had such an amazing experience and I did not. When we started, we agreed to play together. Yes, I gave her permission to go alone thinking I could handle it. Before leaving, she assured me she would keep me involved with texts, calls, and videos. Here is the exact communications I received of their time together

130: just got here. He’s here
257: going to hotel
323: pic of her naked sucking B’s dick
502: having a great time. Made him cum 5 times
600: on my way home

That was it. Now, I did not give her any requirements. I trusted that when she said she would keep me involved, she would. I didn’t feel she did and she admits she didn’t either. She also admitted she got caught up in the moment and basically forgot. Obviously, that makes me feel worse. WhenI asked her if the roles were reversed how would she feel, she said she would have been pissed. Then she said something that really hit home; she said she “could never do what I did” meaning let me go have sex with someone else. So from that point on, it felt like she could not understand my feelings and I started feeling foolish for being ok with her doing what was unimaginable to her. As much as I want to see her happy, it was just so much for her and so little for me.


Told you it was complicated. But I suspect none of what i I am feeling is out of the ordinary to those involved with hotwifing. I know there will be ppl who say I am lucky and i should be grateful for what I got. Sorry, not like that for me. Her and I are equals and neither of us places the other on a pedestal. Has to be completely mutual or it’s not going to work. Yes, we are still happy with one another and are talking the whole thing out without any anger. We figure it is just something we will have to find a solution for or find another hobby.

How’s that for reactions??

[william70]

Thank you for your honesty. Good luck. Keep posting.

[leggysman]

I can relate to all of this (to varying degrees) so I think this is all totally natural.

But I think you will also encounter many of us on here saying "it gets easier". It does. The best thing I learned to do was relax about all of it. Her getting caught up in the moment? Totally understandable. So, you should try to feel that way about it: no big deal.

By the time she's going out for her 3rd or 4th solo date, the edge will come off a lot of the things you felt this first time.

[The good hub]

I can relate to all of this (to varying degrees) so I think this is all totally natural.

But I think you will also encounter many of us on here saying "it gets easier". It does. The best thing I learned to do was relax about all of it. Her getting caught up in the moment? Totally understandable. So, you should try to feel that way about it: no big deal.

By the time she's going out for her 3rd or 4th solo date, the edge will come off a lot of the things you felt this first time.

Thanks and from reading the beginning of your story, I see some of what I am feeling in your experience. Ironic that you say “relax about it” because ordinarily I am the most relaxed person most people have ever met, lol!! It is getting easier in my mind so there is hope.

I will turn this back over to XRG now for her thoughts

[Xraygirl_4832]

TGH and I have been doing a lot of talking about last week’s experience and I feel we are in a better place with some of the issues he was having. We are talking a lot about the next experience we want to have with B. I brought up that I would love to try a threesome with them both and TGH seems very excited about that. I still want him to watch us in the beginning because I would love to see how much it turns him on… I definitely want him there the next time and the thought of him involved turns me on.

Also, we are continuing to look for another guy to meet with because of B’s limited availability. I hope we can find another guy that I jive with as much as B.

[Seekingmore12]

TGH and I have been doing a lot of talking about last week’s experience and I feel we are in a better place with some of the issues he was having. We are talking a lot about the next experience we want to have with B. I brought up that I would love to try a threesome with them both and TGH seems very excited about that. I still want him to watch us in the beginning because I would love to see how much it turns him on… I definitely want him there the next time and the thought of him involved turns me on.

Also, we are continuing to look for another guy to meet with because of B’s limited availability. I hope we can find another guy that I jive with as much as B.

I certainly hope you do find someone you jive with !

As for this aftermath, want to share a couple of thoughts,what TGH was feeling is completely normal, for example if you read the thread “ figuring it out” by looking for adventure, you will see bits of this as well, the role of the 3rd here should include ensuring TGH is involved in whatever form. Often I stop and take a pic solely for adventurer and we make it all part of our play.

3 people are involved here and a good 3rd will support you and TGH in this journey!

G

[Lookingforadventure]

Seekingmore raises some good points. Maybe I can add that I, too, have had the experience of having a solo date and not remembering to send enough texts and pics. It was unintentional, but did hurt my husband's feelings a bit. I understand how both of you are feeling.

In our case, we discussed it and eventually got to a place where he was ok with me being in the moment and having fun without worrying about him. If I sent nothing, he'd know it was because I was too busy having an amazing time and he'd be OK with that.

At the same time, I always try to check in and send the occasional update because I know he loves them. Seekingmore helps with that (as he mentioned). The key was talking it through and acknowledging how we felt.

In the same vein, I might suggest spending some time talking before your first threesome. We've had great ones and less great ones. Having some clear expectations and a code word for "let's check in for a second" can help.

I found it really hard at first to let go and enjoy myself because I was worried about making sure everyone else was having a good time. I wanted to be fair with my time, not ignore anyone, respond to both their cues, etc. It was exhausting.

Talking it through with each other helped me let go of that and trust him to be honest with me if he needed to be.

Keep having fun. I look forward to your next update.

[Xraygirl_4832]

Seekingmore raises some good points. Maybe I can add that I, too, have had the experience of having a solo date and not remembering to send enough texts and pics. It was unintentional, but did hurt my husband's feelings a bit. I understand how both of you are feeling.

In our case, we discussed it and eventually got to a place where he was ok with me being in the moment and having fun without worrying about him. If I sent nothing, he'd know it was because I was too busy having an amazing time and he'd be OK with that.

At the same time, I always try to check in and send the occasional update because I know he loves them. Seekingmore helps with that (as he mentioned). The key was talking it through and acknowledging how we felt.

In the same vein, I might suggest spending some time talking before your first threesome. We've had great ones and less great ones. Having some clear expectations and a code word for "let's check in for a second" can help.

I found it really hard at first to let go and enjoy myself because I was worried about making sure everyone else was having a good time. I wanted to be fair with my time, not ignore anyone, respond to both their cues, etc. It was exhausting.

Talking it through with each other helped me let go of that and trust him to be honest with me if he needed to be.

Keep having fun. I look forward to your next update.

I have to say that me not updating him as much as I should have was definitely unintentional, I admit I got caught up in the moment. My hope is we can move on from this and figure out what works for us. I’m coming from no experience and really appreciate any advice it makes me feel better knowing other people went thru the same thing as I am.

[aztd]

Nice

[Long Lurker 34]

Seekingmore raises some good points. Maybe I can add that I, too, have had the experience of having a solo date and not remembering to send enough texts and pics. It was unintentional, but did hurt my husband's feelings a bit. I understand how both of you are feeling.

In our case, we discussed it and eventually got to a place where he was ok with me being in the moment and having fun without worrying about him. If I sent nothing, he'd know it was because I was too busy having an amazing time and he'd be OK with that.

At the same time, I always try to check in and send the occasional update because I know he loves them. Seekingmore helps with that (as he mentioned). The key was talking it through and acknowledging how we felt.

In the same vein, I might suggest spending some time talking before your first threesome. We've had great ones and less great ones. Having some clear expectations and a code word for "let's check in for a second" can help.

I found it really hard at first to let go and enjoy myself because I was worried about making sure everyone else was having a good time. I wanted to be fair with my time, not ignore anyone, respond to both their cues, etc. It was exhausting.

Talking it through with each other helped me let go of that and trust him to be honest with me if he needed to be.

Keep having fun. I look forward to your next update.

I have to say that me not updating him as much as I should have was definitely unintentional, I admit I got caught up in the moment. My hope is we can move on from this and figure out what works for us. I’m coming from no experience and really appreciate any advice it makes me feel better knowing other people went thru the same thing as I am.

XRG - As LFA mentions about SM, I would hazard that having your 'extra' guy knowing your hubby would like videos or stills is a huge part of this. If the guy doesn't want his image taken is one thing, but if he's cool with it then his participation is a great asset and he might even get a kick out of doing it. Win-win-win.