Newbie having problems flirting

[Happyjohnson]

XRG congratulations on getting verified and I'm sure the ladies in the LL will be of great help to you in making the lifestyle everything you are wishing for.
They are a fantastic group of very knowledgeable ladies in the LL who, from what I have read, have a lot of common sense and will give you good, grounded advice.
Welcome on board.

[Suchagoodgirl]

Seekingmore raises some good points. Maybe I can add that I, too, have had the experience of having a solo date and not remembering to send enough texts and pics. It was unintentional, but did hurt my husband's feelings a bit. I understand how both of you are feeling.

In our case, we discussed it and eventually got to a place where he was ok with me being in the moment and having fun without worrying about him. If I sent nothing, he'd know it was because I was too busy having an amazing time and he'd be OK with that.

At the same time, I always try to check in and send the occasional update because I know he loves them. Seekingmore helps with that (as he mentioned). The key was talking it through and acknowledging how we felt.

In the same vein, I might suggest spending some time talking before your first threesome. We've had great ones and less great ones. Having some clear expectations and a code word for "let's check in for a second" can help.

I found it really hard at first to let go and enjoy myself because I was worried about making sure everyone else was having a good time. I wanted to be fair with my time, not ignore anyone, respond to both their cues, etc. It was exhausting.

Talking it through with each other helped me let go of that and trust him to be honest with me if he needed to be.

Keep having fun. I look forward to your next update.

I have to say that me not updating him as much as I should have was definitely unintentional, I admit I got caught up in the moment. My hope is we can move on from this and figure out what works for us. I’m coming from no experience and really appreciate any advice it makes me feel better knowing other people went thru the same thing as I am.

Thank you for sharing your adventure with us. There are so many parts of your story that I can related to having gone through it all with my wife in the early stages of our hotwife journey. Please know that my wife also gets caught up in the moment and it's something I have learned over time means that it is a good thing. It means the sex is hot and she's having a great time and that she is going to bring that sexual energy home and share it with me as well. It took time for me to accept that when she is having hot sex with another guy, she's really not going to be thinking about me. I had to learn to give her the freedom to explore sexually with the guy she is with. We have gotten to the point now where she mostly just checks in to let me know she is safe. The longer I live the more I think happiness is a result of being present in your current moment, and nowhere is this more true than with sex.

It took my wife a while to get comfortable ignoring me while enjoying sex with other men. She felt guilty. It didn't feel right having all these enjoyable sexual experiences without me. But over time she learned to enjoy the sex in the moment. And she felt better about it when it helped spice up the sex in our marriage.

My wife also felt weird flirting with guys at first...until she just met a guy she really clicked with. Before you know it they were sexting all the time and she was very sexual. So for us it's just really been about conversation and chemistry more than her flirting the right way. Sometimes she's in the mood to mingle and sometimes she's not. And it's all ok. My favorite connections she has are the guys where neither of them can keep their hands off each other. There was one guy that she literally could not be alone in a room together without them just going at it. The most natural intense sexual connection. I miss that guy. I'm rambling. Best of luck on your journey. The roller coaster of emotions will continue for a while but the highs and lows get less intense.

[Suchagoodgirl]

Obviously this thread has evolved past the flirting stage but one thing I didn't see mentioned among the flirting suggestions was wearing skirts. They are natural men attractors and more fun for my wife once she is sexually active with a guy. My wife wears almost exclusively mini skirts or mini dresses on dates or out on the town.

[Breakerhymen]

My husband and I are very new to the hotwife lifestyle. We have been together for over 20 years and married for 17. He was my first sexual experience. I have only had one other that was, to be blunt, horrible. I am finding myself struggling with flirting with other men. I haven’t had to do that in multiple years and I feel like I don’t know where to start. My husband and I were friends first so flirting with him came very easy. I’m curious, are there other women out there that struggled with this in the beginning? How did you get better?

The part I’m struggling the most with is messaging. My husband says I should message what feels natural, but that’s the issue. I feel out of my element. I would love to know how people’s conversations start and progress; at this point any input would be helpful. We have met with a couple of men and feel I do much better in person.

Feel free to reach out and text with me. Glad to simply chat, flirt, or discuss lifestyle with you……

[Xraygirl_4832]

So last night TGH and I went to a swinger club that about 90 miles from us. B that I’ve been with before asked if we wanted to go with him. What an experience!
Our night started off meeting B for dinner, the club we were going to didn’t open til 9 so we thought we would meet him to kill time. We had a couple of drinks and discussed the club a little bit with B as he had been there before.
When we got there I was surprised, the place was kinda small with not many places to sit, just an open room with some tables and chairs which were all taken. We ended up standing in the corner and kinda got stuck there because the place got super packed. I wore a short black dress which B seemed to like, he had his hands under it the whole time we were standing there. B started to kiss me, so I started to kiss him and then kiss TGH. I’ve never made out in public, it was out of my normal but it definitely turned me on. After just being there for maybe a half an hour or so B went and found a room to play in.
The room was very small, with just a bed that was the width of the room and a small table with towels. We instantly got undressed and started making out. Mind you this was my first time doing this with my husband watching and I was anxious to see how he liked it. At times B would be going down on me and my husband would be kissing me, or they would switch but mostly it was TGH watching us. While B was fucking me hubby said it was hard to see because the room was so small and you couldn’t go around the bed for a better view. I wish that the rooms were bigger at this place. After finishing we cleaned up and went back out. Again we got stuck in the corner and B went back to having his hands under my dress. At this point I started looking at the other guys in the club. We drove 90 miles to go to this club and I didn’t just want to have sex with B. I could tell B started to notice and then stood in front of me blocking my view and then started to make comments about leaving. At this point it was only 11 and I wasn’t ready to leave. By now TGH was starting to get over how much B had his hands on me. I could tell it was starting to annoy him and he started to chat up a guy that was standing next to him. I started to talk with him some too, especially when TGH went to refill our drinks. I think it was making B jealous because he started feeling me up more. I am bouncing around in my head today if I was wrong in doing so, but I’ve never told B I’m exclusive with him and we actually talk about other people he is seeing. After about an hour my husband turned to me and asked me if I wanted to fuck the guy next to him. I told him I wanted too so they went to see if a room was available. Once a room was available TGH took my hand and guided me a room where the guy was waiting. I had good hopes for this new guy but he wasn’t a very good kisser and didn’t really fuck that great. I could tell that TGH was definitely enjoying watching us a lot more than when he watched me with B though so I was determined to at least try. He later said that he was more turned on because he doesn’t like that B is so clingy and that it was my 4th meeting with him. I think he likes the idea more of me being with a total stranger. When we finished and got cleaned up we walk went back out to the club area and B was gone.
By 2 am, people were walking around naked and giving blowjobs by the stripper pole they have there. We didn’t stay much longer after that and went back to the hotel we were staying at.

[isinlarsa]

As I understand it, B suggested you go to the sex club. What did he expect? If he had only wanted you, the three of you could have gone to a hotel, and he could have had you to himself in front of your husband. I will be interested in reading TGH's reaction to seeing you fucked for the first time, not only by one man, but by two!

[The good hub]

I have a lot of thoughts on this past weekend but will split it up so it’s not so long.

First and foremost, my XRG was a total rockstar about the whole thing!! Could not have been happier with how she handled the whole situation!! To review a little, I was not super impressed with our experience this far. I have not felt included and really questioning if this was something I wanted to continue. To be clear, I went into this to SHARE my wife NOT to loan her out or be replaced in any way; we were adding to our fun not substituting. So when B messaged us the middle of last eeek asking if we were interested in going to our first ls club, both of us had mixed emotions. After several discussions, we decided it was a good opportunity to check it out decided to go for it.

I feel the most important part of this is to discuss the discussion XRG and I had. We discussed, at great length, how she could make me feel involved. She asked what specifically I wanted her to do and honestly I had no idea. First thing I said was there was no sense in making a 4hr round trip with a hotel stay and paying club fee to just fuck B. If we were going to do the club, she needed to have other plans. It was kinda unfair to her but the future of our adventures was put on her without any guidance.

Skip ahead to our arrival at the club just to finish of my thoughts on this part. First person we saw walking in was B. By the time I checked our coats and drinks, he was already all over XRG. This was the first time I had seen her have any kind of romantic contact with anyone….. more on that later. B seemed to be taking possession a little bit to me but they had not seen each other in a month so I was ok with it. We made our way to an empty spot, that was barely large enough for all of us to stand, and were joined by B’s friend couple. At this point, I was really feeling like a 5th wheel cause B had his hands and mouth all over my wife in between brief conversations with his friends but here was where XRG turned into my hero. She turned to me, asked if I was ok, put her arm around me, and started kissing me. Lots more happened and I will get into that eventually but at that moment I felt included. She had done what even I didnt know how to do and to me that was some rock star shit!!

[Seekingmore12]

Wow….from trouble flirting to sex club adventures…amazing !

I am a bit surprised that B left.

Story reminds me a little about sex club adventures, thanks for the mind movie !

G

[Lookingforadventure]

Story reminds me a little about sex club adventures, thanks for the mind movie !

G

I hope I appeared in the mind movie

[Lookingforadventure]

I have a lot of thoughts on this past weekend but will split it up so it’s not so long.

First and foremost, my XRG was a total rockstar about the whole thing!! Could not have been happier with how she handled the whole situation!! To review a little, I was not super impressed with our experience this far. I have not felt included and really questioning if this was something I wanted to continue. To be clear, I went into this to SHARE my wife NOT to loan her out or be replaced in any way; we were adding to our fun not substituting. So when B messaged us the middle of last eeek asking if we were interested in going to our first ls club, both of us had mixed emotions. After several discussions, we decided it was a good opportunity to check it out decided to go for it.

I feel the most important part of this is to discuss the discussion XRG and I had. We discussed, at great length, how she could make me feel involved. She asked what specifically I wanted her to do and honestly I had no idea. First thing I said was there was no sense in making a 4hr round trip with a hotel stay and paying club fee to just fuck B. If we were going to do the club, she needed to have other plans. It was kinda unfair to her but the future of our adventures was put on her without any guidance.

Skip ahead to our arrival at the club just to finish of my thoughts on this part. First person we saw walking in was B. By the time I checked our coats and drinks, he was already all over XRG. This was the first time I had seen her have any kind of romantic contact with anyone….. more on that later. B seemed to be taking possession a little bit to me but they had not seen each other in a month so I was ok with it. We made our way to an empty spot, that was barely large enough for all of us to stand, and were joined by B’s friend couple. At this point, I was really feeling like a 5th wheel cause B had his hands and mouth all over my wife in between brief conversations with his friends but here was where XRG turned into my hero. She turned to me, asked if I was ok, put her arm around me, and started kissing me. Lots more happened and I will get into that eventually but at that moment I felt included. She had done what even I didnt know how to do and to me that was some rock star shit!!

Sounds like this ended up being a good experience all around, even if it had difficult moments for both of you.

I'm not a husband of a hot wife, so I can't speak with true authority, but I can say that what you are feeling (a bit left out, a bit jealous, a bit of angst about if this was the right decision for you as a couple) seems pretty common. I don't have good advice for helping you move past it, but I do know you are in good company. I think the key is to keep discussing it with XrayGirl and being honest about your feelings. Then the two of you can figure out your next steps.

While I'm not a husband of a hot wife, I am a hot wife, so I can speak to her point of view. She mentions feeling anxious having sex with B in front of you. She also seems hyper aware of your actions and reactions. I can relate. Some of my early experiences in this lifestyle were very stressful because I felt it was my responsibility to keep all the men happy, to put on some sort of show for my husband, make sure he was comfortable and included, and also keep the extra guy sexually satisfied. It can be exhausting. (In my case, we got to a point where my husband told me to not worry about him. He'd speak up if he needed something else from me, and I had to trust that to be the case. Being able to let go and be in the moment was a game changer for me).

You mention that it probably unfair to her to say that you needed to feel more involved but you couldn't express how. I'm glad you mentioned it. I think that the more you get comfortable expressing yourself and knowing what you need, the better this will be for you both going forward.

Lastly, I liked your gratitude for her and that you call her a rockstar for the way she was in tune with you and what you need. I think that bodes well for you both. You clearly want what's best for each other and your marriage. Congratulation on this exciting adventure and best wishes for many more

[Seekingmore12]

Story reminds me a little about sex club adventures, thanks for the mind movie !

G

I hope I appeared in the mind movie

You were the lead actress !

[The good hub]

Wow….from trouble flirting to sex club adventures…amazing !

I am a bit surprised that B left.

Story reminds me a little about sex club adventures, thanks for the mind movie !

G

I was surprised B left also. Our first reaction was he got miffed cause we hooked up with another guy but his friends had already left so maybe he had enough? Their were a bunch of girls there that were what he calls “his type” so maybe while we were playing, he found someone else? Who knows but I wasn’t too upset about it, lol!! I mean I like B don’t get me wrong but he was very demanding of XRG’s attention…… overly I felt.

[The good hub]

LFA, I thank you for your comments. You are one of the opinions on here that we truly value. About all I can say is that you are spot on in all your comments.

Someone asked how I felt about watching XRG have sex for the first time? I’ll talk about that next

Backing up to our pre club dinner conversation with B, we asked how things typically progress at this club. B said everyone hangs out, has some drinks, maybe dance for the first few hours then things turn more sexual. So that was how I prepared myself mentality. As we both described, almost immediately upon our arrival, B wanted to go to fuck in a room. That kinda threw me off and within a half hour of our arrival, the 3 of us were headed to a private room. The room was tiny. It had a full size bed that touched 3 of the rooms 4 walls. A small corner shelf had necessities on it but there was nothing else. I don’t know if it was coincidence or planned but B positioned XRG diagonally on her back and started fucking her missionary. While it was pretty hot to watch from the little I could see, I couldn’t get into it completely. There was no room for me on the bed so I just stood there watching. Between the suddenness of going to the room, lack of space, and the newness of it all, it kept me from enjoying it as much as I would have otherwise. It was pretty hot watching for a few minutes tho cause I know XRG likes fucking B and while I couldn’t see much, I heard her excitement!!


After that was done, we all went back to the main area (one room about the size college classroom) and XRG and I discussed other potential candidates. As she said, by this time I was tiring of B mauling her, although she was doing an excellent job of also paying attention to me, so I started chatting up the guy next to me; call him BG. Seemed like a cool guy. We had a few drinks and joked about various things going on around us. Miraculously, B unhanded XRG for a few minutes to go to the bathroom or something so I took that opportunity to ask if she was interested in the guy. Long story short; she was, he was, and a roomed opened up so we went for it. Now, this room was a lot more comfortable. I had a few drinks and time to adjust to the surroundings. I was happy that she wasn’t just focusing on B and giving someone else a chance (as we had discussed many times prior to arrival). As XRG said, the guy was good looking and cool but didn’t have much in the skills department. Guess that’s a chance you take with a stranger but again, she stepped up and made it the best it could be. It was still hot and yes, I did enjoy it more than the first time for the reasons stated above.

[harmankard]

While the night wasn’t a resounding success I’d call it a win. I think B was aggressive and it was probably nice to have someone guide you the first time. I’d recommend going back without B. More fun will be had I bet!

[The good hub]

While the night wasn’t a resounding success I’d call it a win. I think B was aggressive and it was probably nice to have someone guide you the first time. I’d recommend going back without B. More fun will be had I bet!

Already talking about it and think your right, no B next time. Oh, and a different club also

[Xraygirl_4832]

I agree, at first I was glad B was there because we knew absolutely no one, but as the night went on it was a little much. We want to go to a bigger club next time too. This one was way too small!

[Blackjack4724]

I agree, at first I was glad B was there because we knew absolutely no one, but as the night went on it was a little much. We want to go to a bigger club next time too. This one was way too small!

Well to begin, from reading this post from beginning to end, you are certainly starting to get more comfortable in the lifestyle. The steps you’re taking are very admirable given your experience. Sounds like you’ve come a long way in a short time. That’s awesome.

I think you’ve found out yourself that B is a bit possessive and that certainly wasn’t a very good display of him in the swing club. As someone else said if he wanted you to himself, why take you to a swing club. My advice is to be very cautious with how jealous he seems to be. That’s great you at least tried having sex with that other guy. Although it didn’t turn out as well as you might have hoped, you at least took the leap and followed thru with what YOU wanted to do and not let B posses and control your actions.

I think you’re headed in the right direction and just keep in mind not all guys will be princes and some will be toads. But remember to stay true to yourself and go with your gut feeling as you move forward. Looking forward to hearing more of your adventures.
-Tammy

[The good hub]

Mrs. XRG seems to prefer the Ladies Lounge these days so guessing most updates here will be coming from me, lol!!

After some time off for illness and an injury (not serious funny story) we decided this weekend was an opportunity to play. She sent out 3 feelers and 1 seems to be available. Figuring out the details now but everything looks to be a go. If it all works out, it will check another thing of XRG’s bucket list. Actually, might be a few things

[isinlarsa]

Mrs. XRG seems to prefer the Ladies Lounge these days so guessing most updates here will be coming from me, lol!!

After some time off for illness and an injury (not serious funny story) we decided this weekend was an opportunity to play. She sent out 3 feelers and 1 seems to be available. Figuring out the details now but everything looks to be a go. If it all works out, it will check another thing of XRG’s bucket list. Actually, might be a few things

What's on her bucket list?

[The good hub]

And just like that, Aunt Flo decides to come for a visit and ruins all our plans…..

Her bucket list? If you have followed the whole thread, XRG had not had a lot of non vanilla sexual experiences prior to us deciding to pursue hotwifing. So basically most everything is on her bucket list. She has done great with her goals and I think it awesome that she keeps finding new things that she wants to try. The latest thing is she wants to try a big cock. Her limited experiences have all been with average sizes this far. Unfortunately, it will have to wait a little longer

[Xraygirl_4832]

I mean who doesn’t have a big cock on their “fucket” list? A girl has to have goals.

[leggysman]

Since becoming a hotwife, leggysandy's interest in the big fellas seems to have been piqued. Also possibly the black fellas, although nothing much has come of that, yet. Her first new lover was big and thick, and a couple of others have been notably long. An average size doesn't seem to be a deal-breaker for her, but I think big certainly sweetens the pot.

[Xraygirl_4832]

I agree, average size is great as long as you know how to use it
So, TGH and I are meeting up with a swinger couple tomorrow night for dinner. We are trying to just find friends that we can talk with as none of our friends know we swing. We told them we didn’t want to play tomorrow, we just want meet up to chat and they were down with it. Fingers crossed we make some friends that we can talk with in the future. They are a full swap couple though so not sure how that will go with us just being into hot wifing (at least for now).

[Long Lurker 34]

I mean who doesn’t have a big cock on their “fucket” list? A girl has to have goals.

XRG - Love it. Defined as - a list of sexual acts a person very much desires to experience.

[harmankard]

I agree, average size is great as long as you know how to use it
So, TGH and I are meeting up with a swinger couple tomorrow night for dinner. We are trying to just find friends that we can talk with as none of our friends know we swing. We told them we didn’t want to play tomorrow, we just want meet up to chat and they were down with it. Fingers crossed we make some friends that we can talk with in the future. They are a full swap couple though so not sure how that will go with us just being into hot wifing (at least for now).

There’s a lot of room between “meet up for dinner” and “don’t want to play”. feel free to go where the night takes you.