Pillow talk vs regular discussion

[RHotwife1981]

My wife is painfully shy about this topic. Until now all of our talk about hotwife sex has been limited dirty pillow talk during sex. How important is it to have an open discussion , not during sex, about the idea of her being a hotwife?

[2inUPMichigan]

Extremely important!
Until you have a discussion out of the bedroom fully clothed and sober then it can all be dismissed as just foreplay or roleplay.

She could respond physically to an idea but still not be interested in pursuing it in real life. Her body's responses do not tell you if her mind is on board.

[Threeisacharm]

Pillow talk is good if you are laying there to talk and not having sex. Give a backrub while you talk so she is sitting facing away from you.

Say " I know we talk about adding another male in our bedroom and wanted to hear how you want this to go down". Stop talking and start listening. If you have questions make them short or rather say that is hot, you are so hot.

[AZPainter]

Both answers are okay, but personally from my experience I think 2inUPMichigan is the better of the two when the wife is very shy about this subject. The chat over coffee or anything other than alcohol. The clothed and breakfast table chat is better for the reasons given. There is no ambiguity or misunderstanding what is said when it could be just going along as it is pure foreplay fantasy. My situation was different when mine admitted to me she was playing around as I had begun to suspect. That said we still had a non physically sexual conversation and eventually came to an agreement to allow her to continue with my permission and included me in various ways. those could be telling me about her time in bed with another guy and how it was for them to actually in the room watching. We actually talked over a cup of coffee at the breakfast table even though it wasn't breakfast time. It worked for quite a few years. We divorced over other serious issues, like her getting into drugs which I was totally against for obvious reasons.

[skoot1958]

When chatting maybe in the car, Just say something like “you know what we talked about the other day, I would love that to happen” and see what she says, that’s your entry point

Or try Majorupgrade sex question game as an ice breaker in normal time, see if it is a match talk about your other matches

[RHotwife1981]

We are talking now, but she still tries to dismiss it as “ the heat of the moment” or that “that was just foreplay”. Actually, she didn’t have any words for it. She just said,”that is not what that was” while she was simultaneously coming on my fingers as I told her she had a big fat cock inside her. She has done this a lot.

[Long Lurker 34]

We are talking now, but she still tries to dismiss it as “ the heat of the moment” or that “that was just foreplay”. Actually, she didn’t have any words for it. She just said,”that is not what that was” while she was simultaneously coming on my fingers as I told her she had a big fat cock inside her. She has done this a lot.

RHW81 - Completely agree regarding a serious non-alcoholic, fully dressed conversation about this.
- Thou with your repeated bedroom play and her reaction, give reason to believe, at least, a seed has been planted. Patience is required for it to hopefully take hold, so don't over water it.

[dinoo]

Must it be a pillow talk?
Regularly we "talked" via a mail exchange.
It turned out that shyness gradually disappeared and even turned into unprecedented expressions.

[SCBlknNsty]

I will take that a step further; not only should you have the conversation out of bed and sober, move the conversation out of the home! I highly recommend grabbing your favorite take out food and making a picnic out of it. You'll have more privacy than any restaurant or bar and I'm sure you'll pick a park or beach that of itself is a calming scenario.

You'd be surprised how great an icebreaker at the beginning is enlisting her help just in case you have to hide erections when you leave. In reality, putting the 'pressure' on yourself.

[Tank Turner]

Extremely important!
Until you have a discussion out of the bedroom fully clothed and sober then it can all be dismissed as just foreplay or roleplay.

She could respond physically to an idea but still not be interested in pursuing it in real life. Her body's responses do not tell you if her mind is on board.

^^^The right answer^^^

Since the first time we had sex which was on the evening of our first date, my wife and I have always been able to engage in open, honest, and nonjudgmental sex talk. It was one of the aspects of her adorable personality that I admired. My wife thinks its ludicrous for husbands and wives to not engage in open, honest, and nonjudgmental sexual communication.

[Tank Turner]

BTW, based on my experience, if a woman trusts a man and is comfortable with him, she'll discuss sex with him. Women talk about sex as often as men. Sadly, too often women discuss sex with other women and not their husbands.

[funfortwo]

A glass or two of wine, without intoxication, always helps. My wife and I had wine the other night and she had a questionnaire that we took together. It's called YES, NO or MAYBE. She heard about it on a Podcast on with Sex with Emily. It was an easy way to compare and thoughts and fantasies. We laughed out loud when she said "cuckolding, yes/no or maybe" We already knew the answer...

[RetiredSnowbird]

I wish there was a simple answer to this. Some wives just need time to consider all of the factors involved. Have you considered attending a swingers’ party but not actually or necessarily participating…just observing? Seeing someone else doing the ‘dirty deed’ can accomplish what thousands of words and bedroom fantasies cannot do. As I see it, if your wife knows in advance that she will NOT be expected to get fucked then and there, perhaps what she sees may help her to eventually say yes to spreading her legs for someone else.

Most of all she needs to be re-assured that you have seriously, I mean SERIOUSLY, thought this out and that you won’t change your mind after the fact and let it ruin your marriage. If you can do that, your chances of success will be much greater. Lastly, why not get her to visit the OHW Forum to learn more from some of the hotwives themselves? There’s a huge amount of both knowledge and experience here that have helped many couples to open up their sexuality.

[SammySigns]

My wife is painfully shy about this topic. Until now all of our talk about hotwife sex has been limited dirty pillow talk during sex. How important is it to have an open discussion , not during sex, about the idea of her being a hotwife?

Important, though you don't have to talk endlessly about it. One time, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday while we were driving somewhere. I said a porno with her in it. Don't feel bad about asking for what you want.

[Statein88]

I think you have to 100% be able to discuss it openly and while you’re outside the bedroom. If she’s interested, it will come up during a non-sexual moment. Trust me.

It’s a big decision in my opinion and should be treated as such. Discuss it with a level head (the one on your shoulders) when hormones and emotions aren’t guiding your thinking.

Keep in mind it’s probably not something she was ever considering and while it may turn her on physically in the moment, her upbringing and prior thinking not to mention a potentially lifelong attitude about monogamy is going to come in to play. If you’re having fun role playing in the bedroom and she’s not against that, just enjoy it. Really. Enjoy this part of it. Many guys can’t even get that.

[zorro]

Yes. Don't push. And don't be ashamed to reveal your sexual desires even if they are initially not welcome. If you can't be without shame, how can she?