Our Hotwives

A place to discuss the hotwife and cuckold lifestyles
It is currently Tue Jun 27, 2017 9:48 am

All times are UTC-04:00




Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 282 posts ]  Go to page Previous 1 2 3 4 512 Next
Author Message
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 6:34 am 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
Respectfully, You can't bring yourself to do it because your kink means more to you than your marriage at this point.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 9:29 am 
Experienced

Joined: Thu Jul 21, 2016 6:08 pm
Posts: 195
Ky_Da, my reading of your situation is that you're heading for trouble and heartbreak. Your instincts are screaming at you that you're going to far, too fast. But your foot is still on the gas pedal. And rather than appreciate the new freedom she has, she resents your feelings and wants to go even further, dismissing your concerns. You both seem more interested in seeing how far you can take this fetish, and how fast you can get there. Ask Bound how that works out in the end.


Last edited by JeffBingham on Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
   
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 12:13 pm 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
softcantfind wrote:
BigHotMess wrote:
Respectfully, You can't bring yourself to do it because your kink means more to you than your marriage at this point.



BigHotMess You are absolutely correct, what to heck is going on I thought a cuckold marriage is suppose to still be a marriage Aren't both parties suppose to be able to press the stop button. They can't and they won't because your kink means more to you than your marriage at this point. As you said.


That is correct. I have helped save two relationships on this board which would not have gotten to the point if both participants:

1. said STOP when they sensed something was wrong
2. set a 1 month no contact rule with anyone outside the marriage. The purpose of this is to focus on priorities, VERY MUCH SO re-establish terra firma for the marriage and frankly to let emotions settle a bit. Bad decisions are made when emotions are involved and by bring the marriage back into focus and giving some breathing room, it gives all participants a chance to step back, research in places such as here, therapists, long conversations, etc. Trust me, Derrick is just a parasite to the marriage at this point, he'll be waiting when a month is over.

I've been a bull. I know even though things work on way that a bull's ego will always want to "win". If given too much leash it will give him a chance to really do some work on your relationship. It's called "wedging". If you're boring you can see he's overcompensating by doing very exciting things. It's all a sales pitch. It's nice that she has these opportunities to do things, but just make sure that you're calling a duck a duck and realizing it for what it is what he's trying to accomplish here. It's not like he's even probably some Machiavellian evil person, he's just some red blooded dude who wants to win out.

Even if he doesn't, it can still cause cataclysmic damage to the marriage. Just remember the old adage that this kink amplifies any emotion, so if it started with her doing it for revenge, then that is still out there. Her perspective has changed, but that wound will not heal until YOU heal it. You need focus, energy and passion to do so... and you can't have a third party there abstracting you away by one degree and, worse, potentially trying to undermine it.

You're an engineer so you understand the Scientific Method. Isolate the issue. Corral those variables which have not changed. Identify and fix the issue, then it's time to move onto the next step of design.

Again - bring the marriage back to terra firma. Then once you're then, and given your experiences over the past few months will allow you to create a template for whatever type of marriage two determined and committed individuals want to design. You know this is true deep down, I can tell by your relief of having her "to yourself" while on vacation. If that includes being part of a polyamorous triad as you now are then good. Or maybe it'll be something else. Who knows? That's the fun part, figuring out and doing all of that stuff... and you should be having fun with your partner as a TEAM figuring this out, and right now you are not.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 1:18 pm 
Pervert
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 1:36 pm
Posts: 565
Some excellent insight and advice from BigHotMess.

A hiatus from Derrick, (if at this point, you can get JR to commit to it) to focus on your marriage is very good counsel.

Learning to improve in bed, as suggested by another follower of your string is also excellent advice. Reading JR's and your own comments, there appears to be opportunity here. Some of Lis' playmates are considerably bigger, more potent, and vigorous than I, and it has pushed me to learn and become more creative in the sack. Now that JR has experienced the genie out of his bottle, she wont be satisfied with boring sex. You don't have to pound her like Derrick does, to make things interesting.

Good luck in your journey, particularly during this rough and confusing stretch.

_________________
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42113


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:01 pm 
Virgin
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 12:18 pm
Posts: 33
I am so glad I found this thread today! It's been a year since my wife did anything outside of our relationship, and like everyone else with this kink, I've been pushing her to open up. She finally did yesterday and she's completely enthralled by the NRE and captivated by the intensity of a new lover. We've been all over each other with the details and the energy of it all, but if my arousal levels goes down (just as Ky_Da indicated), the whole thing is far less sexy and I have trouble concentrating on anything else.

Does everyone go through this emotional roller coaster? I alternate between being high and hard to being anxious and worried about 20 times a day. I used to object to the theory, but it does make me wonder if guys with this kink don't have a little tendency towards the psychological aspects of BDSM, you know? It's exquisitely uncomfortable in a way that nothing else ever has been.

Anyway, what does everyone else do to tolerate the emotional roller coaster?

_________________
Cuckold Relationship: Information, Advice, and Coaching in Cuckold Relationships
[url]
http://www.cuckoldrelationship.com
[/url]


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2017 4:31 pm 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
It really depends on your situation. There are situations (of people specifically looking for this aspect of the kink) where the wife can be completely onboard with the husband and they can mutually enjoy the ride in a controlled environment, or atleast an environment of their own definition.

That why, as part of this process, the "breather" is necessary. There are multiple things that can contribute to someone feeling uneasy. Unfortunately the strong advice that I have is that you always need to listen to the little guy inside of your head, not the one controlling your little head. You need distance from the kink in order to do so. For some people that could mean 15 minutes, for others it could mean more. In this case of this OP, the wife has already given enough (significant) red flags that the only real prescription is to dial it back for atleast a month (complete no contact). Other people require different things - if you tell your story in as complete detail as this gentleman has then you will get some good information.

My other recommendation is to tell your story on a number of sites, and with a number of people (therapists, confidants, etc). Niche sites can be counterproductive at times, so getting opinions on generaly purposes forums (perhaps masking the kink a little since that might not go over well) is really the best way someone really interested in pulling in information will operate.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:42 am 
Virgin

Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 1:48 pm
Posts: 42
Where to begin...

I've done a lot of soul searching after everything that's been written to me, including more than a few PMs, and I have to say, it's easily apparent that I'm headed down the wrong path. I've felt it for a while now and have been trying to come to terms with it--and I finally have. I'm not saying that this kink is right or wrong, but my wife and I have gone the wrong direction with it. I guess I've finally found my tipping point and I can't go any further. I'm getting off of the rollercoaster for now--who knows--maybe for good, we'll make that decision once we've had some separation from Derrick and the whole hotwife/cuckold thing.

J and I have had very little sleep as we've done nothing but talk things out. I realize now just how on the edge my marriage was (and is). I did a lot of apologizing for pushing my wife into something that she was very hesitant to do in the first place, and that really put a wedge between us. I really was only seeing what I wanted to see, but my eyes are open now. I asked J to stop seeing Derrick, and at first that went over like a lead balloon, but after hours of pleading with her and telling her how much I love her, how much of an idiot I was, her resolve started to soften. I even went so far as to say that if she broke it off with Derrick, I'd be willing to move to the UK and find a new job there. She laughed but then asked me if I was serious. I hadn't planned on saying that. I really just threw it out there when the idea popped into my head, but I would move there in a heartbeat if it meant having J back.

The idea of my wife having sex with other men still gets me off, but I have to agree with what's been said on this forum, we need to work on us for a while. J is breaking up with Derrick this weekend. She's shed a few tears at the idea since we discussed it the other night, that really surprised both of us just how much Derrick and her have bonded. She's miserable at the idea of breaking up, but she said something last night that heartened me, she said, "I didn't get married to get divorced." I know I'm committed to her, so we're gong to pull out of this nose dive now. J has had some experiences that neither one of us will soon forget, so I'm sure there will be something of further excitement in the future, but who knows, we'll see what happens.

I thank all of you who took the time to write me and give me some solid advice. I might not have responded, but I took it to heart. I'll be around, lol, maybe in the UK someday, so best of luck to all of you. Ky_Da


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 1:45 am 
Player

Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:20 pm
Posts: 407
Location: Australia
I am very glad you received the correct advice here on this forum and that you are a member to be able to save your marriage. :up:
I hope your resolve holds up and that if you do eventually get back into the lifestyle you will go into it with your eyes wide open and not wide shut! ;)
Good luck and best wishes for your married future. :up:


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:13 am 
$2 Ho

Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:29 am
Posts: 913
Location: The Netherlands
I am happy to hear things are slowly going in a better direction. However you do still have a long road ahead.
I am wishing you and your wife all the best!


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:29 am 
2 Bit Whore

Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:25 am
Posts: 1116
Quote:
Where to begin...

Written by KY_DA: I've done a lot of soul searching after everything that's been written to me, including more than a few PMs, and I have to say, it's easily apparent that I'm headed down the wrong path. I've felt it for a while now and have been trying to come to terms with it--and I finally have. I'm not saying that this kink is right or wrong, but my wife and I have gone the wrong direction with it. I guess I've finally found my tipping point and I can't go any further. I'm getting off of the rollercoaster for now--who knows--maybe for good, we'll make that decision once we've had some separation from Derrick and the whole hotwife/cuckold thing.

J and I have had very little sleep as we've done nothing but talk things out. I realize now just how on the edge my marriage was (and is). I did a lot of apologizing for pushing my wife into something that she was very hesitant to do in the first place, and that really put a wedge between us. I really was only seeing what I wanted to see, but my eyes are open now. I asked J to stop seeing Derrick, and at first that went over like a lead balloon, but after hours of pleading with her and telling her how much I love her, how much of an idiot I was, her resolve started to soften. I even went so far as to say that if she broke it off with Derrick, I'd be willing to move to the UK and find a new job there. She laughed but then asked me if I was serious. I hadn't planned on saying that. I really just threw it out there when the idea popped into my head, but I would move there in a heartbeat if it meant having J back.

The idea of my wife having sex with other men still gets me off, but I have to agree with what's been said on this forum, we need to work on us for a while. J is breaking up with Derrick this weekend. She's shed a few tears at the idea since we discussed it the other night, that really surprised both of us just how much Derrick and her have bonded. She's miserable at the idea of breaking up, but she said something last night that heartened me, she said, "I didn't get married to get divorced."
I know I'm committed to her, so we're gong to pull out of this nose dive now. J has had some experiences that neither one of us will soon forget, so I'm sure there will be something of further excitement in the future, but who knows, we'll see what happens.

I thank all of you who took the time to write me and give me some solid advice. I might not have responded, but I took it to heart. I'll be around, lol, maybe in the UK someday, so best of luck to all of you. Ky_Da

Quote:
Written by softcantfind: Best moves you could have made . You are also so right that there are so many turn ons that are totally destructive to marriages. I am so glad you and J are getting off a sinking ship.

Quote:
Written by Happy Johnson: I am very glad you received the correct advice here on this forum and that you are a member to be able to save your marriage.
I hope your resolve holds up and that if you do eventually get back into the lifestyle you will go into it with your eyes wide open and not wide shut!
Good luck and best wishes for your married future.

Quote:
Written by leander99: I am happy to hear things are slowly going in a better direction. However you do still have a long road ahead.
I am wishing you and your wife all the best!

I am so happy that you and JamieeRyn have decided together to do this. You started this in exactly the wrong way by bludgeoning her into doing it to the point that she started it to teach you a lesson and because she thought you did not love her as much as she thought you did. Then she escalated it and escalated--with your enthusiastic encouragement--to the point that she started to transfer her love from you to Derrick. It was a continuing downward spiral that was out of control. That you snatched utter disaster away in the nick of time is a credit to both of you.

By all means if it requires you to move to the UK or anywhere else for that matter, that is a small price to pay to prove to JamieeRyn that you do, indeed love her as much as she originally thought you did.

She is losing someone she loves--that is proven by her tears over giving up Derrick. Now it is up to you to take her love back into your heart. Shower her with love and affection and consideration. You owe it to her. This is all YOUR fault. Prove it to her.

If sometime in the future you decide again to Hotwife, do it in the right way. Fuckbuddies. NO boyfriends. ABOLUTELY NO boyfriends. JamieeRyn has already demonstrated that she cannot differentiate between the two.

Now go read Truckstar's advice. It is contained in several stickies in the Library. Take them to heart. Learn from them. Follow them to the letter. If anyone has earned his wings in this adventure it is Truckstar.

_________________
One-man crusader to bring back the bush.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:31 am 
2 Bit Whore

Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:25 am
Posts: 1116
I didn't applaud BigHotMess, as I should have. I think it was probably his advice more than anyone else who finally made you see the oncoming cliff looming right in front of your face.

Shambler's advice too--being the voice of experience--was also very helpful, along with the unnamed people who posted and PM'd you that you rererred to, if only obliquely.

Peope CARE about you two. That is abundantly clear.

_________________
One-man crusader to bring back the bush.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:37 am 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
See how she cried and it went over like a lead balloon? The reason was was that those bad feelings were being amplified over time. She was also in the process of falling in love with another man and due to her resentment the tethers that kept her in the marriage were not at full force to pull her back into it. With a strong hotwife marriage that almost doesn't have to happen - those tethers never get pulled in the first place. If you guys remember SamanthasMan that is exactly what happened to him.

It's also vital that she doesn't break up with him in person and if she does you are with her. He was doing what is called 'wedging' and he's going to put on a clinic this weekend if you allow it to happen. If you allow contact to continue then it will just turn into a cheating thing, and allow them to conspire against you behind your back. Then it not only what it is today, but something 'exciting'. Again, SM is a good case study here. I wish threads didn't disappear here so that you could see how similar your threads were.

I realize that your wife will probably not want to be babysat or that you think you owe it to her, but marriages are two people and sometimes you need to lean on each other.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 6:41 am 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
I'd also like to second zona's great comment that this is your fault. It is - you pushed for it and made some mistakes along the way (as did she, but that's in a different bucket for now). That doesn't mean you're a bad guy or you love her less, it just means your need to not just show her that where all of that resentment came from is understood but that you are changing. The guy that pushed her into a situation founded on resentment wil address that and then give it time to prove to her in actions that he doesn't exist.

That is where trust is built, and trust is the foundation of any good marriage, hot or not


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:35 pm 
Pervert

Joined: Wed Jul 23, 2014 8:29 pm
Posts: 670
Kudos to you and your wife for coming to an agreement on the breather from Derrick and hotwifing. I hope the breakup isn't too painful and actually "takes". Your offer to move to the UK was a grand gesture and step in the right direction, but you also need to find ways in the short term to demonstrate to her that ending things with the guy she was falling for was the right choice. Best of luck!


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 2:48 pm 
Pervert
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 1:36 pm
Posts: 565
Zona wrote:
Quote:

If sometime in the future you decide again to Hotwife, do it in the right way. Fuckbuddies. NO boyfriends. ABOLUTELY NO boyfriends. JamieeRyn has already demonstrated that she cannot differentiate between the two.
.


Zona hit that one on the head. JR is unable to differentiate, and YOU do not appear to be cut from cuck cloth - I can say that because I am not either. Knowing or seeing that Lis is having good times with others is a huge turn on, but the idea of an emotional bond between her and a fb would drive me insane - as it has you.

Your story here has been unique in it's opening and fascinating to follow, and we are delighted that your ship is slowly righting! Lis and I did truly ache for you both when you were at the tipping point.

All our best,

M & L

_________________
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42113


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:22 pm 
Player

Joined: Mon Jul 11, 2016 9:20 pm
Posts: 407
Location: Australia
Glad things seem to be heading in the right direction for you! :up:
My advice, for what its worth, is for you to now take up the reigns and re woo your wife as you did when you first started courting her. :)
Develop interests and activities that keep you together and involved as much as you can, without suffocating her!
Keep her mind off the good times she had with Derek, but on what you are doing together and create new memories for you both to over shadow those J and Derek created.

Good luck on your reclamation journey. :whip:


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:41 pm 
Virgin

Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2016 1:48 pm
Posts: 42
shambler wrote:
Zona wrote:
Quote:

If sometime in the future you decide again to Hotwife, do it in the right way. Fuckbuddies. NO boyfriends. ABOLUTELY NO boyfriends. JamieeRyn has already demonstrated that she cannot differentiate between the two.
.


Zona hit that one on the head. JR is unable to differentiate, and YOU do not appear to be cut from cuck cloth - I can say that because I am not either. Knowing or seeing that Lis is having good times with others is a huge turn on, but the idea of an emotional bond between her and a fb would drive me insane - as it has you.

Your story here has been unique in it's opening and fascinating to follow, and we are delighted that your ship is slowly righting! Lis and I did truly ache for you both when you were at the tipping point.

All our best,

M & L



The day may come when we decide to play again, but candidly, I'm not thinking about that at all right now. I'm focused on fixing the fucking mess I've made, and I have a lot of work to do. You made a few points here that are true to the extreme. First, J is completely unable to differentiate between a fuckbuddy and a boyfriend--you, and others that have said this, are exactly right. Maybe that's something you're better able to do when you're older, or maybe some people are just wired that way, I don't know. But to J, sex is love, and there is no distinction between the two. As I've had some clarity on this recently, this issue alone may keep us from ever trying it again.

You're also right that I'm not cuckold material. It's one thing to read about it and fantasize about it, but the real life roller coaster is way more than I can handle right now. I have every intention of making sure J is satisfied sexually, I'll study and learn everything I can, and I mean everything. I still have that desire to see my wife fucked by a bigger cock, I want to see that look of pleasure on her face, but for a time, I'm off the roller coaster. I don't know how you guys can stand it that do it year after year.


Last edited by Ky_Da on Thu Jan 12, 2017 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
   
Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2017 9:47 pm 
Pervert
User avatar

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 1:36 pm
Posts: 565
Ky_Da wrote:
shambler wrote:
Zona wrote:
Quote:

If sometime in the future you decide again to Hotwife, do it in the right way. Fuckbuddies. NO boyfriends. ABOLUTELY NO boyfriends. JamieeRyn has already demonstrated that she cannot differentiate between the two.
.


Zona hit that one on the head. JR is unable to differentiate, and YOU do not appear to be cut from cuck cloth - I can say that because I am not either. Knowing or seeing that Lis is having good times with others is a huge turn on, but the idea of an emotional bond between her and a fb would drive me insane - as it has you.

Your story here has been unique in it's opening and fascinating to follow, and we are delighted that your ship is slowly righting! Lis and I did truly ache for you both when you were at the tipping point.

All our best,

M & L



The day may come when we decide to play again, but candidly, I'm not thinking about that at all right now. I'm focused on fixing the fucking mess I've made, and I have a lot of work to do. You made a few points here that are true to the extreme. First, J is completely unable to differentiate between a buckboard and a boyfriend--you, and others that have said this, are exactly right. Maybe that's something you're better able to do when you're older, or maybe some people are just wired that way, I don't know. But to J, sex is love, and there is no distinction between the two. As I've had some clarity on this recently, this issue alone may keep us from ever trying it again.

You're also right that I'm not cuckold material. It's one thing to read about it and fantasize about it, but the real life roller coaster is way more than I can handle right now. I have every intention of making sure J is satisfied sexually, I'll study and learn everything I can, and I mean everything. I still have that desire to see my wife fucked by a bigger cock, I want to see that look of pleasure on her face, but for a time, I'm off the roller coaster. I don't know how you guys can stand it that do it year after year.


It's clear you have all of the best intentions and your commitment is obvious. There is not one thing 'wrong' with either of you. Whether you ever play again or not, you'll come away from this with an experience, some of it good, much of it terrifying.

If I were in your shoes, I'd feel regretful over what has happened, but I'd kick remorse to the curb right about now. You had / have a private kink, (we all do, of one sort or another) J picked up on it and delved into it here. You both have a hand in the aftermath. Bad things happen to good people, and good things still happen to good people that goof up.

It's obvious that you're in love with J, and she loves you in spite of this rocky patch. I'm going to assume you come out the other side in tact and delighted in one another. Lis and I, and everyone on the forum is pulling for you, I'm sure!

And if you care to remember one thing from this string: Bigger is always pretty good, but it's not always best! joy and creativity is ALWAYS awesome and most appreciated ;) :D

_________________
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=42113


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:15 am 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
k - with all due respect it's not over yet. You guys still need to handle the no contact request as a team.

I've been here becore - subsequent no contact is THE area filled with peril. I cannot stress this enough. You've done a great job being decisive and putting your marriage first, this is a looming last responsibility


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 6:17 am 
2 Bit Whore

Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 8:25 am
Posts: 1116
BigHotMess wrote:
k - with all due respect it's not over yet. You guys still need to handle the no contact request as a team.

I've been here becore - subsequent no contact is THE area filled with peril. I cannot stress this enough. You've done a great job being decisive and putting your marriage first, this is a looming last responsibility


BHM's advice is golden here.

As far as her love of Derrick had advanced (if not, why is she crying copious tears about breaking up with him), this is an ever-present danger.

It is very, VERY common in cases like this for them to simply take it underground.

Shower her with love and concern so that she KNOWS you love her like she wants you to. And be very suspicious about anything that looks like they have broken the no contact rule.

_________________
One-man crusader to bring back the bush.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:24 pm 
Experienced

Joined: Sun May 01, 2016 8:03 pm
Posts: 133
Right, Derrick's wedging is textbook underminding of the marriage. He's not going to simply say "ok" when you BOTH send him an email letting him know that the fun is over. He's going to try to go around you at every turn.

Right now all you can do is expect this. I can give you a number of references of people that I have worked through, privately, on situations like this and all of them will tell you that I was SPOT DEAD ON about this. I've worked in-depth with 3 couples and all 3 were PLAGUED by this.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:34 pm 
Player

Joined: Sun Nov 30, 2014 7:01 pm
Posts: 429
BigHotMess wrote:
See how she cried and it went over like a lead balloon? The reason was was that those bad feelings were being amplified over time. She was also in the process of falling in love with another man and due to her resentment the tethers that kept her in the marriage were not at full force to pull her back into it. With a strong hotwife marriage that almost doesn't have to happen - those tethers never get pulled in the first place. If you guys remember SamanthasMan that is exactly what happened to him.

It's also vital that she doesn't break up with him in person and if she does you are with her. He was doing what is called 'wedging' and he's going to put on a clinic this weekend if you allow it to happen. If you allow contact to continue then it will just turn into a cheating thing, and allow them to conspire against you behind your back. Then it not only what it is today, but something 'exciting'. Again, SM is a good case study here. I wish threads didn't disappear here so that you could see how similar your threads were.

I realize that your wife will probably not want to be babysat or that you think you owe it to her, but marriages are two people and sometimes you need to lean on each other.


Samanthasman's threads are in the library section


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:53 pm 
2 Bit Whore
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:15 pm
Posts: 1002
Location: desert southwest
Ky_Da wrote:
J is completely unable to differentiate between a fuckbuddy and a boyfriend--you, and others that have said this, are exactly right. Maybe that's something you're better able to do when you're older, or maybe some people are just wired that way, I don't know. But to J, sex is love, and there is no distinction between the two.


This is exactly why my wife stopped cuckolding me the first time around. She started having strong feelings for one particular guy and he was starting to push her to leave me. I was unaware of this until much later, as she said she wanted to stop because the kids were getting older and it was hard to juggle going out and raising kids. I'm a very lucky man in that my wife reasoned the whole thing out in her head (she may have had help by confiding in a girlfriend) and realized that she was actually just infatuated with the other guy and was truly in love with me.

She started back cuckolding me a few years ago but it is a totally different dynamic now. The first time around I was never present when she was with other guys but now she always wants me there to watch. We have a wife led marriage and she says it's because she wants me to see how good other guys fuck her, but I feel that she may also feel more stability by having me there. The other thing that is different is that she never see's another guy for very long. As others have said, they are there for sex, not companionship! If a FB starts to get a little clingy she ends the relationship. She has set these rules herself with no encouragement from me.

It has been our experience that when younger, we tend to have a hard time differentiating love and sex and tend to fall in love with someone when we have sex with them. As we get older we learn to separate the two and are much more able to have sex with someone without attaching emotions to it.

I think you two are on the right track now and as time goes by J may be able to go back to hotwifing and enjoy it for what it is without the worry of emotions becoming an issue. My wife did, and is enjoying the variety of sex with other guys and at the same time enjoying making my fetishes a reality.

_________________
My story so far; viewtopic.php?f=8&t=28959


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 1:12 pm 
Trainable

Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:26 am
Posts: 89
Well said, Desert. These are the guys my wife would avoid - such men don't understand the nuances of our special relationships with our wives. They are mature enough. We've run into some of these, and although my wife really enjoyed sex with them, she quickly tired of their constant badgering her to leave me and ditched them. The funny thing is, the guys can never figure out why she won't see them again! She's told them point blank and they still can't internalize it!

********

She started having strong feelings for one particular guy and he was starting to push her to leave me.


Top
   
Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 5:45 pm 
Experienced
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 02, 2007 6:20 pm
Posts: 118
Location: Atlanta, GA
Just my thoughts, and it is because I have enough years on the planet to gain a greater perspective, I think maybe you two jumped in way too young. You just hadn't had enough time to really cement your own relationship, grow together as true partners in life, to be able to bring those experiences in. I'm sure there are plenty exceptions here on this board but, I imagine the great majority first had a long and healthy relationship with their wives first, truly becoming soul mates, before exploring. Yes, "soul mates" isn't something thatis built in that you discover in each other with the first glance passing each other on the street, it's something that grows with time. From there you are both stable, and experienced enough in life, to explore together.

As for the type of guy, I think most here will tell you that is quite a hunt for the right one. I know that "big cock" fantasy is front and center in your mind but, from all the women I've ever talked with, those guys are usually the ones that are full of themselves and selfish lovers. You have to look under the hood to get the best ride, they have to be a whole person that fits your desires and is in tune with the lifestyle. Ok, pretty rare but, the best things in life don't come easy, you gotta dig through a lot of dirt to find a diamond.


Top
   
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic  Reply to topic  [ 282 posts ]  Go to page Previous 1 2 3 4 512 Next

All times are UTC-04:00


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: envelope


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Limited
American English Language Pack © Maël Soucaze