You've made a good observation about cuckolding. When the fetish started to incubate in my mind, it was kind of pure. I wasn't into porn at all, the internet didn't even exist yet. I knew I wanted to see my sexy young wife getting laid and having affairs, but I also knew I wanted to stay married to her. At some point I realized my best friend turned her on. I figured he would be a perfect fuck buddy for her, as there was already a connection, she was very attracted to him, and he was a good friend of mine and I thought he would respect "the bro code". It turned out I was right. They had a great affair, he didn't betray my trust, and my wife had fantastic sex. She walked around with a glow on her face. I really can't tell you how good it can be for couple to have options. As a young couple with a young child, I was working long hours and wasn't always available for going out and having fun like we did before. As a young mother, my wife was spending a lot of time at home, and I kknew she needed to blow off some steam. It was a win-win for us. I'd come home tired from work, and she'd have dinner waiting for me while she got ready for a date. She really loved to get dolled up for an evening of dancing, and my buddy also liked looking good out on the town. Perhaps I was naive, but I reasoned he was in aperfect position. He got to go out with a fairly hot slut who would basically do anything for him, but at the end of the night he could fuck her and drop her off back at home. He didn't want to do any heavy lifting, like the responsibility of raising a kid. It's hard to imagine why any guy wouldn't want some of that. Why buy the cow when a quart of milk is free?
I don't think it's quite as simple when the bull is not in your circle of friends. He has no loyalty to you at all, in many cases he thinks she's cheating to begin with. He doesn'tknow or care about yourkids, he's just getting off on the fact he can steal your girl. And she's getting crazy with lust. The problem seems to come up when she's fucking another guy and saving herself for him. Her intimacy switches from her husband to her lover. She has been trained all her life that she shouldn't kiss and tell. So now her sex life is distinct from her life with her husband. She may not feel comfortable dishing about her lover's cock with her husband. The relationship with the lover starts to seem more normal than the complications with her husband, which has all kinds of twists and turns, fetishes and taboo. So it can easily turn into her primary relationship.
My first wife and I had been married six years. She'd been fucking other guys for four years. I thought we were both quite happy, although it wasn't easy. I was working full time and had a heavy course load at college. My wife was at home with our child and taking a few classes too. We were renting a few rooms to students, and she started fucking one of them. He was a super hot stud, fresh out of the marines, an architecture major, and the relationship got out of hand. I think it was a perfect situation for everyone involved. I'd work in the daytime, then go to class. When I got home I had to study and get ready to do it all over again the next day. Meanwhile my wife got to play musical bedrooms. I'd be eating dinner late and hear the bed squeeking. When I got into bed, she'd usually show up a little later, looking flushed. Somehow I'd get amazingly turned on and want to fuck, even though I was going to have to get up in a few hours. That guy must have had an amazingly thick cock, because she'd be all stretched out and sore from him. Anyway, one night she told me she that I could go down on her, but to take it easy, as she was sore and stretched out, and that I was going to have to start wearing a condom because he was skeeved out at the thought she might have my cum in her, and she wanted to be fresh for him. She'd done that before with me when dating other guys, and although I hated it, there was an element of it that turned me on, so I accepted it. I think now, that was a turning point where she was starting to transition to considering him her primary and me her secondary. I'm going to say that is a step towards total denial and maybe eventually the friend zone for me. It never got that far because I couldn't handle the way things were going, and my anxiety got the better of me. I pushed her away, and she seamlessly moved away from mme and moved him in. It was easy, he already had a bedroom in our house. She told me she wanted a divorce, that she was going to marry her FB and there was nothing I could do about it, she wanted to be with him. He left maybe two weeks after I did. I have a feeling that she wouldn't have gone there had it still been a personal friend of mine she was fucking, someone who would have told her straight up that he was only there for an easy lay. Of course it was the same with the other guy, but she thought he would be more available.
When you really get down to it, my motivation has been that cuckolding takes the sex to another level. The angst of the process and the ups and downs of the angst followed by reclamation is so exciting to a cuck we become addicted. I'd compare it to the thrill of skiing. You get to the top of mountain and looking down, your heart starts beating faster and it's hard to imagine you'll be able to do it safely. There's an adrenaline rush with every twist and turn. It can be fun or it can be harrowing. Sometimes both. If you make it down in one piece, the chances are that you'll want to do it again. Most of us willl even do it again if we crash and burn.