Re: intro and going deeper into situation
Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2024 8:14 am
A little over 2 years now - slowly building, and some down periods. Now mostly quite on.
A place to discuss the hotwife lifestyle and all of it's ins and outs
https://ourhotwives.org/forum/
Yes - it varies - in the past few months it's been maybe 1-2 times a month - hard to say.
thank you! I appreciate this comment a lot.thepen wrote: ↑Thu Jan 18, 2024 5:18 pmI just wanted to add to the chorus opining that your intelligence and emotional insight in recounting all of this has made the thread riveting to read. I especially appreciated the recent post describing the paradox of how the cuckolding, and your embrace of it, has in a way laid bare a deeper masculinity in you. (Not your words exactly but my take on yours.) A great husband indeed.
And just from a point of view of poetic romance, I loved this bit:
"It’s like Emily wears my surrendered pride and dominant masculine identity like a little trophy jewel on a necklace."
So spot-on. And what a thrill it sounds like to surrender in that way to the woman you love!
Thank you!!
The first people I told were two different "best-friend-level" female friends who are both very sexually experienced, open-minded, queer, etc. And it made perfect sense to them, they just thought it was great. I think connecting to sex-positive people is key!JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmI have a few questions, if you have time to answer.
First of all you said that you'd confided in a couple of your friends about your cuckold status, and that some of them were at the Birthday party and chatted with you and Josh there. How did you come to tell your friends, what was your reason for doing so? What were those conversations like? And can you say more about how it was for you to be in 'public' with Josh and the friends that knew who he was to you and Emily? I ask partly because I can't imagine ever sharing that kind of information with my friends; I think it would be intensely humiliating in a way that was too extreme to eroticize.
Yeah - good question -- those sessions are really fun for her. There are things in sex that are nearly equal in pleasure for both partners at the same time, but most of the time, there is some asymmetry, and one person might be getting more physical pleasure while another gets more of another kind of pleasure, like the pleasure of giving pleasure. And good sex is about being okay with moving around in those asymmetries. Emily knows that this kind of play really turns me on, and that turns her on. She also *genuinely* likes exercising her power and playing with it. It's fun and fascinating to her. As far as how 'serious' or genuine the intention of "retraining" -- well, like a lot of things in all of this, it's that difficult-to-describe blend between playful and serious. And yeah, there is so much intimacy even just in sharing that space together and playing with it. And that's serious! ha ha. I think the idea of "retraining" is a really hot idea, and that it's an open question/mystery whether or not those things seriously 'retrain' me in the sense of having the power to take a guy and completely change what they like and want. I think it's more about scratching away some barriers to letting go into what a guy (me) actually already wants or is open to, but is afraid of openly wanting or surrendering to. And inviting me to settle into it more. And for that, it works great!JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmSecondly, although you've written a lot and very eloquently about your 'cuckold training' sessions I'm still curious. What do you think those sessions mean to Emily? It's obviously very hot that you are coaxed to accept your status and teased about her lover's prowess while you masturbate/are masturbated by her, and I can see that it would be intimate. But beyond that it sounds like you really gain a measure of acceptance or comfort about your situation from this practice. How much do you think, for Emily, that these sessions are kinky/intimate play and how much a real attempt to 'retrain' you?
Yeah, that's another really good question (it seems you think about lots of the same things that I do!) --JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmAnd finally, I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on Emily's 'transformation'. From what you describe she is petite, loving and gentle with submissive tendencies. But it seems she is now quite at ease with teasing and dominating you in quite humiliating ways. Are you surprised at how she manages this? Do you think that taking control over you in this way is a real turn-on for her, or is it more that she loves the sex with Josh and that 'forcing' you to accept it is a way for her to enjoy that? i.e. is it a means to an end for her?
It's both / and.JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmI suppose what's behind all these questions is that it seems that you are finding a way to reconcile your kinky desires with Emily's needs, even though you are maybe starting from slightly different places, if that makes sense? For instance, you started off (this time at least) more as swingers or having opened your relationship, but you are now most definitely a cuckold. And what I wonder is, how much of that transition is because you both felt and kept feeling like this dynamic was working for you, or - the slightly different position where you and Emily are getting your needs met but in a way that is about your individual satisfaction rather than as a couple?
Yeah, control and 'involuntariness' are interesting and complicated -- what I want, and I think what most people want, is to be plunged into the feeling of lack of control and involuntariness, but when and *because* it leads to deeper connection, not less.JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmI thought what you wrote about the eroticim of 'involuntariness' was really insightful, and it really resonated with me; with both chastity and cuckolding, the involuntariness or total loss of control is what makes it so hot. But I guess for me (and maybe a lot of cuckolds or wannabes) the tension is between our wives/partners enjoying something that takes them out of our 'control' (or takes events out of our control) but them doing so partly because they want to bring something back into the relationship; and a different situation where they enjoy that same thing (sex with others) and humour or accept our cuckold desires because it enables them to continue with something they need for other reasons. That's not a judgement on either situation; people come to all sorts of compromises in relationships and everyone has to do what works for them.
Chastity is like that -- it's not likely to be fun if you're just locked up and literally no one even cares. It doesn't take much, though, to infuse the entire experience with a lot of turn-on, because it feels like someone is consciously and intentionally holding the key, aware of your predicament, and that there is meaning to it all, to them and to you. That kind of goes for a lot of this stuff.JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmBut I suppose for me the potentially problematic thing about that 'involuntariness' is that it means that it automatically fulfills my fantasy without the need for my partner to do more. Or to put it another way, it might satisfy my kink (need to be controlled/out of control) without her having to intentionally do anything to, or with me. And while maybe the acts performed are the same, I feel like it's healthier for our relationship (or at least, I would rather) if they are something she is doing where a significant part of her motivation is to turn me on. The one scenario is something we are definitely doing together, whilst the other is a thing we are doing separately, though it happens to bring us both pleasure.
Yeah - well, I think it can be "both/and", like it is for me/us. And that it kind of has to be 'both/and'. It's not realistic for someone to have amazing sex with someone else and not really enjoy that and have it be something that exists outside the 'box' of your relationship and your kink dynamic together. It is its own thing, a very real pleasure and a real connection between your partner and another person. AND it can be brought back into your connection and fire it up even more, and bring you closer together. Or not -- it could just literally be a totally separate thing and you maintain and build your connection around other, unrelated things.JackCUK wrote: ↑Fri Jan 19, 2024 2:08 pmI'm mainly interested because your posts are so insightful and it has inspired me to reflect on my own situation and desires, and as you are really living it, I'm curious to know more how these issues have been resolved in your relationship. For me, I am still a wannabe and though we have come very close and constantly flirt with the possibility, I think neither of us quite trust that if she did take the plunge and find a lover, that it would end up being something we did 'together'; for her part, because she doesn't naturally have a desire to dominate me or play with the cuckold dynamic; and for mine, because I fear that I would (and do) push her deeper because the 'involuntariness' satisfies my kink, even though she is not doing it 'for' or even 'with' me. So it would become more like masturbation for me (in not just the physical sense but the real sense of a solo, selfish activity), while she satisfied a need for intimacy only outside the relationship.
Yes... just haven't written about it yet... but I will at some point soon!venus-can99 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 7:43 amThanks for the brand "spanking" new update Jeremie . Have you and Emily experimented with pegging at all yet ?
Thanks look forward to reading about it....Jeremie11231 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 9:34 am
Yes... just haven't written about it yet... but I will at some point soon!
I want it / don't want it!
No - that has never happened (apparently has never happened with *anyone*, not just Emily) -- would be physically very difficult, probably require months of practice just to make it even possible. It's been discussed.scarfolamew wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 8:52 amSorry to be gutterminded, but is the lube so Josh can dominate her anally?
Brother you don't know how much I am anticipating this update. This thread and your retelling of it all is just chef kiss.Jeremie11231 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 9:34 amYes... just haven't written about it yet... but I will at some point soon!venus-can99 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 7:43 amThanks for the brand "spanking" new update Jeremie . Have you and Emily experimented with pegging at all yet ?
You're preparing the bedroom for them and being pegged. Have you guys approached the idea of you servicing their sexual needs, cleaning up her pussy, fluffing, etc?Jeremie11231 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 9:34 amYes... just haven't written about it yet... but I will at some point soon!venus-can99 wrote: ↑Tue Jan 23, 2024 7:43 amThanks for the brand "spanking" new update Jeremie . Have you and Emily experimented with pegging at all yet ?