"I'm sure the (vast?) majority of the populace would think it is (equally) disturbing that there are people out there who would actively push their wife to sleep with their stepdad."
"And the rah-rah crowd here might take a glance in the mirror as well…"
"Way to go cheerleaders. Another one bites the dust."
I have described myself to Dave as his biggest cheerleader. I supported his desires and his quest in the same non judgmental way I do everyone on here. With that said, I believe the majority of the population will think we are all crazy on here. Step dad or the pool boy. It is all basically the same thing.
Where do you two get off with this kind of attitude on THIS site? Like the rah-rah crowd and the cheerleaders had anything to do with Dave's situation. Who knows how the situation would have evolved without Dave's physical misfortune?
Wife and my Dad
Re: Wife and my Dad
LOVE MY WIFE!
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mopacpower
- Experienced
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- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:13 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
Dave, what did Jenna say to you? Have you talked to John about it? Do you think you could work out your problems, by talking to a professional? Do you need to give up this lifestyle, and become a couple only? What has her family said about getting a divorce, and her moving in with your dad?
Do you have anybody else in your life you can stay with, a uncle or aunt or cousin? Someone you can talk to other than Jenna or John?
Do you still love her? Are you going to fight to keep her?
Do you have anybody else in your life you can stay with, a uncle or aunt or cousin? Someone you can talk to other than Jenna or John?
Do you still love her? Are you going to fight to keep her?
Re: Wife and my Dad
Dave, your story has enthralled me and had me hooked for many many months. Not just the story but the empathetic and heart felt way you have described it. I have been lurking here reading the posts and am so moved by what has happened to you that I have actually registered so i can throw in my 2 cents worth. I am sorry that it has come to this. i think there are some very good posts in the last few days giving you some perspective that there may be some hope.
Having said that i can only be honest and say that relationships are organic and not mechanical. They are not like cars where you can take the back seat out, and its still a car that goes. If I had a rabbit and removed its kidneys, its going to die real quick and won't be a cute fluffy rabbit any more.
A loving relationship survives on a number of things. For the vast majority of women sexual desire, attraction and sex are inextricably bound up with love and romance and wanting to be with someone. It was clear from the outset that Jenna was not the sort of woman who can or would even want to separate sex from love. Once you removed the sexual attraction, the sex with you and the romance, and replaced it with sex and romance with your father, it was as if you'd done a nephrectomy on your rabbit. Like the rabbit your relationship was going to die.
Another thing I didn't get was that your writing suggests you are astute in understanding the subtleties of human relationships. Your writing is warm and empathetic. It suggests you are a socially capable guy with insight. On the other hand your relationship with your father seems to be lacking any warmth or communication. like most men you left it to your wife tend to the relationship with you father. how often did you pick up the phone and chat to him, text him. the scene that you describe near the end where you are watching t.v while Jenna is out of the room
I get that being a cuckold is a sexual fetish. It can however a self destructive thing and is rooted in low self esteem, sometimes self loathing and is a psychological response to cope with the psychic anxst that these feelings bring about. I get the impression that an inferiority complex regarding your fathers often mentioned virility, manliness etc is at the root of this. It doesn't have to be that way
Anyway I hope you sort out your issues and good luck
Having said that i can only be honest and say that relationships are organic and not mechanical. They are not like cars where you can take the back seat out, and its still a car that goes. If I had a rabbit and removed its kidneys, its going to die real quick and won't be a cute fluffy rabbit any more.
A loving relationship survives on a number of things. For the vast majority of women sexual desire, attraction and sex are inextricably bound up with love and romance and wanting to be with someone. It was clear from the outset that Jenna was not the sort of woman who can or would even want to separate sex from love. Once you removed the sexual attraction, the sex with you and the romance, and replaced it with sex and romance with your father, it was as if you'd done a nephrectomy on your rabbit. Like the rabbit your relationship was going to die.
Another thing I didn't get was that your writing suggests you are astute in understanding the subtleties of human relationships. Your writing is warm and empathetic. It suggests you are a socially capable guy with insight. On the other hand your relationship with your father seems to be lacking any warmth or communication. like most men you left it to your wife tend to the relationship with you father. how often did you pick up the phone and chat to him, text him. the scene that you describe near the end where you are watching t.v while Jenna is out of the room
I think that little scene speaks volumes about your lack of a relationship with your fatherWhile she was gone Dad and I acted normally and just watched the end of the game that was on. We chatted a little but not too much really.
I get that being a cuckold is a sexual fetish. It can however a self destructive thing and is rooted in low self esteem, sometimes self loathing and is a psychological response to cope with the psychic anxst that these feelings bring about. I get the impression that an inferiority complex regarding your fathers often mentioned virility, manliness etc is at the root of this. It doesn't have to be that way
Anyway I hope you sort out your issues and good luck
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out_of_ideas
- Experienced
- Posts: 121
- Joined: Mon Dec 26, 2011 6:32 am
- Location: NE Indiana
Re: Wife and my Dad
I say worry about your personal health/wealth. Get a lawyer and prepare for what ever comes. Assuming no children are involved it could be an easy split. I personally would not attempt to win her back. If it happens so be it but I personally have an issue with the power it gives them. I have seen to many people play games when they are being pursued by current and past lovers. Humans crave closure so give it to her. I would break off all communication except through a lawyer. As far as telling people about your cuckold side that is your choice. It will be incredibly hard for any of the parties to create a story that does not promote some blame on all and will probably put most blame on Jenna and your dad. Once again this is only my opinion and what my actions would be. You will do as you see fit. Good Luck.
Last edited by out_of_ideas on Mon Jan 14, 2013 7:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
P & M
Re: Wife and my Dad
"Forum" does not equal "unwavering support". From the beginning this was an extreme kink that developed into a fetish. The purpose of my comment(s) was that unwavering support without balancing cautionary insight can lead to people pursuing rash outcomes without having a thorough vetting. Forum posters should keep that in mind when contemplating picking up their pom-poms.Niblick wrote:I have described myself to Dave as his biggest cheerleader. I supported his desires and his quest...
IMO. the overwhelming voices of support ABSOLUTELY did have something to do with Dave's situation.Niblick wrote:...Like the rah-rah crowd and the cheerleaders had anything to do with Dave's situation...
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Dream Weaver
- Experienced
- Posts: 207
- Joined: Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:06 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
I have my doubts about the whole thing in an "Eric" kind of way, but I find it amusing how a couple people are suddenly so certain after the fact about what a bad idea it was. Where were they before? Hmmm.
Re: Wife and my Dad
I think a lot of people had their doubts about the success of this (myself included). For better or worse, in a way Dave got what he wanted. Unfortunately, that his wife didnt share his fantasy, exactly, was his Achilles heel. The emotional side of it all for her is something we won't be reading about, and that to me was something that got too little attention (along with his father's reaction to everything). Anyway, the pursuit of forbidden fruit will always be an alluring thing, with the power to titillate even the calmest people.
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curiousdave
- Player
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Re: Wife and my Dad
Hi guys. Listen I just got home from work and don't really have the time to go into everything right now. Hopefully later tonight or tomorrow I can but I just had to jump in and say, There is No One here responsible for any of my misfortune. The so called "cheerleaders" did not influence me or my decisions. Yes it was nice hearing and feeling support but what happened happened and nothing anyone said or did here had anything to do with it. I am a big boy who made decisions based on my own desires and now I have to live with it. That being said and having had some time to think about it all, look back and go over everything over and over again, and having talked in depth with Jen about it, all this was just a matter of time type thing anyway. I may have nudged and enjoyed things along the way but truthfully with or without my support this was going to happen anyway. Well it did happen and when I explain everything better you will understand what I mean. This is life and it's not always perfect. Shit happens as they say.
Thanks for all the concern and well wishes. I will be writing more later. Not sure exactly when, could be tonight, could be a week. Whenever I feel up to it I guess. But please folks, no need to argue and place blame on anyone here. I promise no one is at fault at all. With or without this forum I would have done the same things. All the forum did was give me a place to record it and share it.
Thanks for all the concern and well wishes. I will be writing more later. Not sure exactly when, could be tonight, could be a week. Whenever I feel up to it I guess. But please folks, no need to argue and place blame on anyone here. I promise no one is at fault at all. With or without this forum I would have done the same things. All the forum did was give me a place to record it and share it.
Re: Wife and my Dad
Looking forward to the next update.
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Wistful
Re: Wife and my Dad
Thanks for continuing with your story, despite your pain. Many of us have become very invested with you, and will appreciate the closure. All the best.
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mopacpower
- Experienced
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- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:13 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
We will be waiting, for the update. Take your time, and hurry.
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Clever Fool
- Prepubescent
- Posts: 2
- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:21 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
I discovered this forum/thread a week ago and have since read it from the beginning. As has been noted, this is smokin' hot stuff, interspersed with rare brilliance.
There is wisdom in any number of perspectives/posts. But we all need to recognize that curiousdave gets to live with the situation. He is [obviously] closer to it than anyone. And the decisions as to how to proceed must lie with him.
As soon as curiousdave began describing his condition, I became very concerned. I’ve had nerve damage myself. The physical pain is excruciating beyond description and or comprehension. It controls [quite literally] your existence. To keep some level of sanity, you must drive the pain to a place in your mind where you can control it so that it does not control you. This requires all the concentration that is humanly possible, every raking hour.
At the onset of my 3-4 month ordeal, I was offered morphine. I did this once to no effect whatsoever. I was not tempted to suicide; but [and this was disturbing] it did occur to me why people might consider it. Pain wears you down over months. You lose ground. How many years can you fight it? I don’t know. Curiousdave’s physical pain is crippling and paralyzing far beyond what he has told you. That said, give him as much time as he needs to continue.
Curiousdave, a personal word. For me, the McKenzie system worked. You have to research/find your own path, but I’m sold on McKenzie-qualified therapists. I’ll never go anywhere else. And everyone else?
As I read it, however much prefixed by earlier experience, this development with Jenna came at a time when curiousdave was in no position to take an active role in shaping it. He was not able to continue the relationship with Jenna on the basis of what it had become. He had to fight for his own sanity.
My mind is unclear where Jenna is concerned. Clearly, she picked the worst possible time to do this. Of course she doesn’t know what CD was facing. By the same token, Jenna is still young and inexperienced in life. It isn’t clear to me that Jenna is where she thinks she is, and I’m not the first to say that this may not be permanent. But that will take time. And CD will need to know his own mind on these things.
While this is presumptuous on my part, CD’s dad and Jenna strike me as shallow and self-absorbed if for no other reason that making this move at this time.
Now I have a question for the community and CD [as he is able/willing to reply]. Has anyone wondered if she was getting coaching from girl friends or CD’s dad, ideas/things to say/do with CD along the lines of what contributors here have suggested to CD? Jenna took up the cuckoldrix role seemingly seamlessly and flawlessly. I’ve got this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just won’t quit – she might have been receiving additional guidance of which she did not speak. Was it CD leading Jenna, or did Jenna lead CD every step of the way, allowing CD to THINK that he was getting his way …
Clever Fool
There is wisdom in any number of perspectives/posts. But we all need to recognize that curiousdave gets to live with the situation. He is [obviously] closer to it than anyone. And the decisions as to how to proceed must lie with him.
As soon as curiousdave began describing his condition, I became very concerned. I’ve had nerve damage myself. The physical pain is excruciating beyond description and or comprehension. It controls [quite literally] your existence. To keep some level of sanity, you must drive the pain to a place in your mind where you can control it so that it does not control you. This requires all the concentration that is humanly possible, every raking hour.
At the onset of my 3-4 month ordeal, I was offered morphine. I did this once to no effect whatsoever. I was not tempted to suicide; but [and this was disturbing] it did occur to me why people might consider it. Pain wears you down over months. You lose ground. How many years can you fight it? I don’t know. Curiousdave’s physical pain is crippling and paralyzing far beyond what he has told you. That said, give him as much time as he needs to continue.
Curiousdave, a personal word. For me, the McKenzie system worked. You have to research/find your own path, but I’m sold on McKenzie-qualified therapists. I’ll never go anywhere else. And everyone else?
As I read it, however much prefixed by earlier experience, this development with Jenna came at a time when curiousdave was in no position to take an active role in shaping it. He was not able to continue the relationship with Jenna on the basis of what it had become. He had to fight for his own sanity.
My mind is unclear where Jenna is concerned. Clearly, she picked the worst possible time to do this. Of course she doesn’t know what CD was facing. By the same token, Jenna is still young and inexperienced in life. It isn’t clear to me that Jenna is where she thinks she is, and I’m not the first to say that this may not be permanent. But that will take time. And CD will need to know his own mind on these things.
While this is presumptuous on my part, CD’s dad and Jenna strike me as shallow and self-absorbed if for no other reason that making this move at this time.
Now I have a question for the community and CD [as he is able/willing to reply]. Has anyone wondered if she was getting coaching from girl friends or CD’s dad, ideas/things to say/do with CD along the lines of what contributors here have suggested to CD? Jenna took up the cuckoldrix role seemingly seamlessly and flawlessly. I’ve got this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just won’t quit – she might have been receiving additional guidance of which she did not speak. Was it CD leading Jenna, or did Jenna lead CD every step of the way, allowing CD to THINK that he was getting his way …
Clever Fool
Re: Wife and my Dad
Dave thanks for clearing that up and welcome back to the forum in your new guise, if of course that is you Dave. For your first post straight after reading the full 46 pages of "Wife and Dad", it is no wonder you have picked up some of the author's style of writing. Sorry CF, I am one the world's cynics and I loved this story at the beginning and eventually it made my blood boil. You however seem very generous and helpful. Good on you.Clever Fool wrote:My mind is unclear where Jenna is concerned. Clearly, she picked the worst possible time to do this. Of course she doesn’t know what CD was facing. By the same token, Jenna is still young and inexperienced in life. It isn’t clear to me that Jenna is where she thinks she is, and I’m not the first to say that this may not be permanent. But that will take time. And CD will need to know his own mind on these things.
While this is presumptuous on my part, CD’s dad and Jenna strike me as shallow and self-absorbed if for no other reason that making this move at this time.
Now I have a question for the community and CD [as he is able/willing to reply]. Has anyone wondered if she was getting coaching from girl friends or CD’s dad, ideas/things to say/do with CD along the lines of what contributors here have suggested to CD? Jenna took up the cuckoldrix role seemingly seamlessly and flawlessly. I’ve got this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just won’t quit – she might have been receiving additional guidance of which she did not speak. Was it CD leading Jenna, or did Jenna lead CD every step of the way, allowing CD to THINK that he was getting his way …
Clever Fool
If this story is true, I have no evidence to prove it otherwise. Dave would be mad to take her back under any circumstance, including stepfather's death. As for the Step Dad and Jenna for that matter, I would make sure the whole family knew what they were doing before your, I mean Dave's mother's body was cold.
I'm all for a happy cuck relationship, but this, with this ending no.
I do understand that I could be totally barking up the wrong tree here and CF you are a total newbie, please accept my deepest apologies if I am wrong about your identity. Oh and welcome to OHW.
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Clever Fool
- Prepubescent
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- Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:21 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
Truckstar:
New member here! Just wanted that understood before the idea gained acceptance. No apology needed. I can't help it that curiousdave writes with precision. Not that I mind ...
Clever Fool
New member here! Just wanted that understood before the idea gained acceptance. No apology needed. I can't help it that curiousdave writes with precision. Not that I mind ...
Clever Fool
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Stargeezer
- Trainable
- Posts: 90
- Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:52 pm
- Location: Colorado
Re: Wife and my Dad
Dave,
So sorry it's fallen to bits, I had hoped it would work out for all three of you. There are so many possible reasons, but unless she spilled it, only she knows why. Maybe she was okay with the sharing but couldn't hold up to the caretaker gig? I've seen many a spouse in seemingly perfect matches hit the road saying they didn't sign up to be a nurse. Whatever the reason, it's too bad, Jenna could have had the best of both worlds. Now there's your back plus this to recover from. Many of us have walked the road you are now on, it will take some time. I hope it's not insurmountable, just remember, there are some sympathetic ears around here when it gets really down.
Best wishes,
Stargeezer
So sorry it's fallen to bits, I had hoped it would work out for all three of you. There are so many possible reasons, but unless she spilled it, only she knows why. Maybe she was okay with the sharing but couldn't hold up to the caretaker gig? I've seen many a spouse in seemingly perfect matches hit the road saying they didn't sign up to be a nurse. Whatever the reason, it's too bad, Jenna could have had the best of both worlds. Now there's your back plus this to recover from. Many of us have walked the road you are now on, it will take some time. I hope it's not insurmountable, just remember, there are some sympathetic ears around here when it gets really down.
Best wishes,
Stargeezer
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henny Youngman
Re: Wife and my Dad
Such sad news! I'm sorry to read it.
I hope that we get a bit more information in the next few days.
Anyhow, thanks for the update, unfortunate though it is.
I hope that we get a bit more information in the next few days.
Anyhow, thanks for the update, unfortunate though it is.
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mopacpower
- Experienced
- Posts: 138
- Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:13 pm
Re: Wife and my Dad
Dave, has Jen moved out? Is she living with John now? Wonder how your mom would feel about what has happen?
I'm not calling him Dad, because a father wants his son to be happy and have a successful life. He isn't thinking like that.
I hope she realizes you have loved her for 10 yrs vs his 9 mo. And changes her mind, and comes back to you! Well that is my hope. Keep us posted,
I'm not calling him Dad, because a father wants his son to be happy and have a successful life. He isn't thinking like that.
I hope she realizes you have loved her for 10 yrs vs his 9 mo. And changes her mind, and comes back to you! Well that is my hope. Keep us posted,
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CuckedIn67
- Pervert
- Posts: 570
- Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2007 11:13 am
Re: Wife and my Dad
I agree with your take on changing how everyone refers to his former Step-Dad. Only his first name should be used from now on because he does not deserve the title.mopacpower wrote:Dave, has Jen moved out? Is she living with John now? Wonder how your mom would feel about what has happen?
I'm not calling him Dad, because a father wants his son to be happy and have a successful life. He isn't thinking like that.
I hope she realizes you have loved her for 10 yrs vs his 9 mo. And changes her mind, and comes back to you! Well that is my hope. Keep us posted,
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diggernagget
- Prepubescent
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- Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:28 am
Re: Wife and my Dad
I've been reading this since the beginning and I must say reading the new development hurt me.
We Really Do Care, Dave
I have been reading this thread from the beginning and now I am crushed by the latest development. Please feel free to update us when you can.
Another Dave
Another Dave
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curiousdave
- Player
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- Joined: Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:06 am
Re: Wife and my Dad
Well here it goes I guess. I'll attempt to write everything down for you guys but I kind of expect it to be a jumbled mess more than anything. I've gone over everything I think I want to tell but it's so scrambled up in my mind I just can't put it down right I don't think. But I'll try.
First let me say one thing. I know a lot of what I'm gonna say is going to make me sound pathetic to many of you. If that's the case feel free to express that. It won't bother me much because I already think that way about myself anyway. But I have to admit that the bashing (deserved or not) of Jenna and my dad does bother me. I know it probably shouldn't and I should maybe be feeling the same way but I don't. I love them both. More than I can express with words so when I read the harsh judgements it does hurt me some. It's ok if you want to say this or that but please if you can, try and tone down the hate a tad for me if nothing else. For whatever reason it does hurt to read such things. Thank you.
Jenna moved out this past Sunday and moved in with my Dad. This was not done in a mean spirited "I'm outta here" sort of way. There were a lot of tears and apologies and promises to always care and love one another. She stayed on for several days after letting me know. In part to help me come to terms with things and also to not make me feel totally abandoned. I have also talked with my Dad on the phone and in person. It's was extremely awkward for both of us obviously but I can honestly tell you he feels horrible about the whole thing. I know I know, he should and he's not going to win any father of the year awards (he knows this too). But he does feel bad and it showed to me. He teared up also and that is about as rare as anything in the world. It's just not in him to be overly emotional but he was when we talked face to face. The bottom line with that meeting was it's just one of those things that happens , happened and as bad as it is nothing can be done about it now. We all have to lie in this bed and things can't be undone. I believe he is as sorry as a man can be about a situation like this. I know none of that changes the facts that he technically stole his son's wife, but for what it's worth I forgive him and still love him. Many will say I'm insane and there is no way on earth he could love me, but I feel he does. He's just a man who got caught up in a very unusual and complex situation. I am positive he never would have chosen this path and probably regrets many of his decisions. The facts are he fell in love with a woman he wasn't supposed to. But it happened and now life must go on.
In Jenna's own words if someone is to blame here it would be her more than anyone else. She confessed/admitted she was the pursuer in all this, not dad. Obviously that really doesn't matter but that's what she thinks and said. She didn't just pounce on me with all the gory details. I had to beg and plead to get it all out but in the end she admitted everything (I think). She was somewhat guarded in the beginning but as we talked she relaxed more and more and let it all out. She admitted that is was much more than lust, even way back in the beginning. She pretty much had a crush on my dad the first time they ever met. It obviously wasn't love at that point but it came rather quickly she thinks. She claimed she never intended to do anything about this but she was aware she had impure thoughts regarding him years and years ago. She loved and respected my mom and never thought of doing anything to betray her or me but after her death and their ( dad and Jen) growing closeness things just snow balled out of control for her. She got swept up in her own fantasies and emotions (before I ever came clean about my fantasies). I know this will sound horrible to most but she admitted that my Dad was her dream man and he fulfilled everything she could ever want in a man. She was overcome with the "what if" and how being with the man she longed for so badly could actually become reality. This admission came after hours and hours of me tearing it out of her. She tried sugar coating everything initially. But as much as it hurt me I didn't want sugar coating. I wanted the reality, all of it. Here's where many will think me pathetic I'm sure. I learned a lot about myself in this long heart felt conversation. As sick as most of this info made me to hear I found myself turned on as well. Not right at the start but as I dug deeper and deeper into everything I felt it. Knowing what was happening to me only made me feel worse and more sick. I threw up actually when I realized what was happening to me. I sat there alone in the bathroom, clutching the toilet, thinking what a miserable pervert I've become. Jen stayed behind in the bed room still crying and upset and left me alone. She didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't come clean about that till later.
I think looking back as I have constantly since this all happened, I always had this in me. I guess some already showed in my early postings about dreams and fantasies but it didn't sink in with me till this point. I guess I am a complete masochist or something. I mean I must be to find any kind of pleasure or sexual thrill in all this. I think it's incredibly disgusting that I can feel this way but I do. I will admit I've been masturbating constantly over all this. I am ashamed of this and only admit it here because no one here really knows me in real life. I don't think I'll ever admit this to someone who knows me personally (other than Jenna ) who already knows now. I was hesitant to admit it to her but the pull was too strong, I felt like I had too. I'll tell more about this later.
One important part of this whole thing is my Dad doesn't know the full story. He has no idea Jen and I were playing this (cuckold) game. He just thought they were cheating lovers in a bad mess. She never intended to tell him the truth because she knew he wouldn't be down with it. And also as much as she says she did enjoy our fun it wasn't what she was truly wanting and hoping for. Now I know all this just makes her sound so selfish and horrible. Anyone would think that I'm sure. But the fact is she was so in love with him and so happy to finally be able to be with him she just went with the flow and hoped for the best in everything. She knew from the start that if he ever started loving her back she would have to make this decision. She didn't relish having to hurt me in this way but she knew she couldn't resist being with him full time, as his woman, his lover and someday his wife. She says she loves me and always will but as she was with him more and more she knew it was a very different kind of love. She's extremely passionate and loving and could probably love enough for two men but it's just not what her heart longed for. She wants to be his, body and soul. This does hurt me to write even with the sick stuff I admitted too. But she is his now and she doesn't love me in the same way she does him. She doesn't love me as a soul mate (even though she thought she did once). She doesn't love me as "Her" man, her husband, her lover. She loves me deeply as a friend. A friend who will always share a seriously strong intimacy and bond with her but still a friend. She grew more and more aware of this as time went on.
Now besides all this there were two major factors in everything happening the way it did. The timing, the way, all of it. First when they split up and he went out with the other woman. That really sank it home for her what her feelings truly were. She then knew it was real love that couldn't be put off or ignored. She just could not lose him. He wasn't comfortable with the hiding the running around, the deception, the wickedness of it all. He loved her too but he didn't want to destroy everything carrying on in that way. He tried doing the right thing but as she told me she went to him and convinced him for right or wrong they had to be together. They were both in love and as bad as they were for doing it they couldn't shove their love aside for one another. Finally, somewhat reluctantly he agreed. At this point she knew she had to make a decision regarding me. How, and when were the things she had to decide. I was partially crippled so she had to wait. I understand this now and appreciate her waiting the way she did. She told him she would talk with me and tell me everything and make it right. She had led him to believe we were not sexual with each other anymore ( actually true at the time due to my injury). Then she went back to him and told him she told me and I was sad but understood. During this time I didn't see or hear from him for a little while as he felt so bad and ashamed of everything. Later as he got more used to the thought of me knowing he started coming around again (not too often). Finally after much coaxing from her they came in that night and sat together like I wrote about before. He was totally uncomfortable about doing that she said (even though I couldn't tell) but he ended up doing it for her because she said I needed to get used to seeing them together and I was already ok with knowing they were together. She said she honestly believed what she told him but she also did it for me knowing I would get a thrill out of it and I had been through so much, she thought I could use the turn on, the little thrill of it all. Like I said, she didn't let him know that at all. He knows nothing about any of my/our kinky stuff we did .
The 2nd thing that forced the issue is her mother found out. Well Jenna admitted everything to her but her mother had become suspicious and actually confronted her about it. Jenna lied at first but later admitted she was having an affair and was in love with him. Her mom was and is very disappointed and embarrassed about it all. Jenna says she made her feel about an inch tall the way she scolded and talked down to her about it. But in the end, her mom wants Jenna's ultimate happiness and told her if this is what she feels then she must pursue it. But she did insist that she stop playing around behind my back (once again she obviously didn't tell the whole truth) and come clean about everything. She hates that Jenna hurt me in this way (Jen's mom loves me like a son) but you know how loving parents are, they will support their children through worse stuff than this. She wants Jenna's happiness and even though she probably lost a lot of respect for her or her decisions she loves her as much as ever and always will. I haven't seen her mom in person yet but she has called me twice and begged me to always call her if I need to talk or need anything at all. She told me I'll always be a son to her and she will always love me and wants me to be a part of her family's life. I promised I would even though I'm not sure if this feeling will last or how it would work in the future. I hope it can work because I love all of them, her sister too. During our conversations she told me how sad all this makes her and how she's very blown away by it and she's not sure how she will tell everyone. But we didn't really talk over details and stuff because it made me feel so embarrassed and uneasy and I shied away from all of that stuff. She knows as much as she needs to anyway. She doesn't need to lose any more respect for Jenna than she already has I guess. She'll forgive and forget over time I'm sure...it's her daughter afterall. So these two things, added with what was already going on in her head were the big reasons for the change. I understand and accept it for what it is.
I don't love it at all. Yes I am turned on by it in a very sick and disturbing way but I still wouldn't have had it play out this way, not at all. I will always love and adore and be turned on by my Jen (not anymore I know) but I like thinking of her as mine. Well if I am going to be completely honest I like thinking of her as mine in a way but I get off on thinking of her as his. Strange I know and I probably should go get myself some therapy (and probably will someday) but it is what it is. I get off on thinking about her leaving me for the better man. The better looking, more successful, better endowed, smarter, more wealthy, everything man. I love and adore her so much I want the very best for her. It turns me on to think of her being with him, mind, body and soul. Yes I would choose to have her stay my wife if I had the choice and her to stay his lover. But that's not what is going to happen so I must accept it and I guess find a way to deal with it in my own way. So far that's been to try and erotize it for myself. Actually as bad as that makes me sound it's been working. I have had some long sleepless nights but still I seem to be coping relatively well . I feel shame and self loathing but I am getting up everyday and going to work and still feel thankful and happy to be pain free back wise (mostly). That's been a big part of my coping too. Being in a better way physically makes me feel so thankful and happy because compared to where I was a couple months back this is awesome for me. I had nights where I felt like dying and wondered if I would be that way forever. So no matter what, as humiliating and embarrassing as this has been for me I still have my health back for the most part and that really is the most important thing you can have.
Need to go have some dinner. I'll write back later.
First let me say one thing. I know a lot of what I'm gonna say is going to make me sound pathetic to many of you. If that's the case feel free to express that. It won't bother me much because I already think that way about myself anyway. But I have to admit that the bashing (deserved or not) of Jenna and my dad does bother me. I know it probably shouldn't and I should maybe be feeling the same way but I don't. I love them both. More than I can express with words so when I read the harsh judgements it does hurt me some. It's ok if you want to say this or that but please if you can, try and tone down the hate a tad for me if nothing else. For whatever reason it does hurt to read such things. Thank you.
Jenna moved out this past Sunday and moved in with my Dad. This was not done in a mean spirited "I'm outta here" sort of way. There were a lot of tears and apologies and promises to always care and love one another. She stayed on for several days after letting me know. In part to help me come to terms with things and also to not make me feel totally abandoned. I have also talked with my Dad on the phone and in person. It's was extremely awkward for both of us obviously but I can honestly tell you he feels horrible about the whole thing. I know I know, he should and he's not going to win any father of the year awards (he knows this too). But he does feel bad and it showed to me. He teared up also and that is about as rare as anything in the world. It's just not in him to be overly emotional but he was when we talked face to face. The bottom line with that meeting was it's just one of those things that happens , happened and as bad as it is nothing can be done about it now. We all have to lie in this bed and things can't be undone. I believe he is as sorry as a man can be about a situation like this. I know none of that changes the facts that he technically stole his son's wife, but for what it's worth I forgive him and still love him. Many will say I'm insane and there is no way on earth he could love me, but I feel he does. He's just a man who got caught up in a very unusual and complex situation. I am positive he never would have chosen this path and probably regrets many of his decisions. The facts are he fell in love with a woman he wasn't supposed to. But it happened and now life must go on.
In Jenna's own words if someone is to blame here it would be her more than anyone else. She confessed/admitted she was the pursuer in all this, not dad. Obviously that really doesn't matter but that's what she thinks and said. She didn't just pounce on me with all the gory details. I had to beg and plead to get it all out but in the end she admitted everything (I think). She was somewhat guarded in the beginning but as we talked she relaxed more and more and let it all out. She admitted that is was much more than lust, even way back in the beginning. She pretty much had a crush on my dad the first time they ever met. It obviously wasn't love at that point but it came rather quickly she thinks. She claimed she never intended to do anything about this but she was aware she had impure thoughts regarding him years and years ago. She loved and respected my mom and never thought of doing anything to betray her or me but after her death and their ( dad and Jen) growing closeness things just snow balled out of control for her. She got swept up in her own fantasies and emotions (before I ever came clean about my fantasies). I know this will sound horrible to most but she admitted that my Dad was her dream man and he fulfilled everything she could ever want in a man. She was overcome with the "what if" and how being with the man she longed for so badly could actually become reality. This admission came after hours and hours of me tearing it out of her. She tried sugar coating everything initially. But as much as it hurt me I didn't want sugar coating. I wanted the reality, all of it. Here's where many will think me pathetic I'm sure. I learned a lot about myself in this long heart felt conversation. As sick as most of this info made me to hear I found myself turned on as well. Not right at the start but as I dug deeper and deeper into everything I felt it. Knowing what was happening to me only made me feel worse and more sick. I threw up actually when I realized what was happening to me. I sat there alone in the bathroom, clutching the toilet, thinking what a miserable pervert I've become. Jen stayed behind in the bed room still crying and upset and left me alone. She didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't come clean about that till later.
I think looking back as I have constantly since this all happened, I always had this in me. I guess some already showed in my early postings about dreams and fantasies but it didn't sink in with me till this point. I guess I am a complete masochist or something. I mean I must be to find any kind of pleasure or sexual thrill in all this. I think it's incredibly disgusting that I can feel this way but I do. I will admit I've been masturbating constantly over all this. I am ashamed of this and only admit it here because no one here really knows me in real life. I don't think I'll ever admit this to someone who knows me personally (other than Jenna ) who already knows now. I was hesitant to admit it to her but the pull was too strong, I felt like I had too. I'll tell more about this later.
One important part of this whole thing is my Dad doesn't know the full story. He has no idea Jen and I were playing this (cuckold) game. He just thought they were cheating lovers in a bad mess. She never intended to tell him the truth because she knew he wouldn't be down with it. And also as much as she says she did enjoy our fun it wasn't what she was truly wanting and hoping for. Now I know all this just makes her sound so selfish and horrible. Anyone would think that I'm sure. But the fact is she was so in love with him and so happy to finally be able to be with him she just went with the flow and hoped for the best in everything. She knew from the start that if he ever started loving her back she would have to make this decision. She didn't relish having to hurt me in this way but she knew she couldn't resist being with him full time, as his woman, his lover and someday his wife. She says she loves me and always will but as she was with him more and more she knew it was a very different kind of love. She's extremely passionate and loving and could probably love enough for two men but it's just not what her heart longed for. She wants to be his, body and soul. This does hurt me to write even with the sick stuff I admitted too. But she is his now and she doesn't love me in the same way she does him. She doesn't love me as a soul mate (even though she thought she did once). She doesn't love me as "Her" man, her husband, her lover. She loves me deeply as a friend. A friend who will always share a seriously strong intimacy and bond with her but still a friend. She grew more and more aware of this as time went on.
Now besides all this there were two major factors in everything happening the way it did. The timing, the way, all of it. First when they split up and he went out with the other woman. That really sank it home for her what her feelings truly were. She then knew it was real love that couldn't be put off or ignored. She just could not lose him. He wasn't comfortable with the hiding the running around, the deception, the wickedness of it all. He loved her too but he didn't want to destroy everything carrying on in that way. He tried doing the right thing but as she told me she went to him and convinced him for right or wrong they had to be together. They were both in love and as bad as they were for doing it they couldn't shove their love aside for one another. Finally, somewhat reluctantly he agreed. At this point she knew she had to make a decision regarding me. How, and when were the things she had to decide. I was partially crippled so she had to wait. I understand this now and appreciate her waiting the way she did. She told him she would talk with me and tell me everything and make it right. She had led him to believe we were not sexual with each other anymore ( actually true at the time due to my injury). Then she went back to him and told him she told me and I was sad but understood. During this time I didn't see or hear from him for a little while as he felt so bad and ashamed of everything. Later as he got more used to the thought of me knowing he started coming around again (not too often). Finally after much coaxing from her they came in that night and sat together like I wrote about before. He was totally uncomfortable about doing that she said (even though I couldn't tell) but he ended up doing it for her because she said I needed to get used to seeing them together and I was already ok with knowing they were together. She said she honestly believed what she told him but she also did it for me knowing I would get a thrill out of it and I had been through so much, she thought I could use the turn on, the little thrill of it all. Like I said, she didn't let him know that at all. He knows nothing about any of my/our kinky stuff we did .
The 2nd thing that forced the issue is her mother found out. Well Jenna admitted everything to her but her mother had become suspicious and actually confronted her about it. Jenna lied at first but later admitted she was having an affair and was in love with him. Her mom was and is very disappointed and embarrassed about it all. Jenna says she made her feel about an inch tall the way she scolded and talked down to her about it. But in the end, her mom wants Jenna's ultimate happiness and told her if this is what she feels then she must pursue it. But she did insist that she stop playing around behind my back (once again she obviously didn't tell the whole truth) and come clean about everything. She hates that Jenna hurt me in this way (Jen's mom loves me like a son) but you know how loving parents are, they will support their children through worse stuff than this. She wants Jenna's happiness and even though she probably lost a lot of respect for her or her decisions she loves her as much as ever and always will. I haven't seen her mom in person yet but she has called me twice and begged me to always call her if I need to talk or need anything at all. She told me I'll always be a son to her and she will always love me and wants me to be a part of her family's life. I promised I would even though I'm not sure if this feeling will last or how it would work in the future. I hope it can work because I love all of them, her sister too. During our conversations she told me how sad all this makes her and how she's very blown away by it and she's not sure how she will tell everyone. But we didn't really talk over details and stuff because it made me feel so embarrassed and uneasy and I shied away from all of that stuff. She knows as much as she needs to anyway. She doesn't need to lose any more respect for Jenna than she already has I guess. She'll forgive and forget over time I'm sure...it's her daughter afterall. So these two things, added with what was already going on in her head were the big reasons for the change. I understand and accept it for what it is.
I don't love it at all. Yes I am turned on by it in a very sick and disturbing way but I still wouldn't have had it play out this way, not at all. I will always love and adore and be turned on by my Jen (not anymore I know) but I like thinking of her as mine. Well if I am going to be completely honest I like thinking of her as mine in a way but I get off on thinking of her as his. Strange I know and I probably should go get myself some therapy (and probably will someday) but it is what it is. I get off on thinking about her leaving me for the better man. The better looking, more successful, better endowed, smarter, more wealthy, everything man. I love and adore her so much I want the very best for her. It turns me on to think of her being with him, mind, body and soul. Yes I would choose to have her stay my wife if I had the choice and her to stay his lover. But that's not what is going to happen so I must accept it and I guess find a way to deal with it in my own way. So far that's been to try and erotize it for myself. Actually as bad as that makes me sound it's been working. I have had some long sleepless nights but still I seem to be coping relatively well . I feel shame and self loathing but I am getting up everyday and going to work and still feel thankful and happy to be pain free back wise (mostly). That's been a big part of my coping too. Being in a better way physically makes me feel so thankful and happy because compared to where I was a couple months back this is awesome for me. I had nights where I felt like dying and wondered if I would be that way forever. So no matter what, as humiliating and embarrassing as this has been for me I still have my health back for the most part and that really is the most important thing you can have.
Need to go have some dinner. I'll write back later.
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sirenseeker
- Trainable
- Posts: 99
- Joined: Mon May 28, 2007 12:51 pm
- Location: Destin, FL
- Contact:
Re: Wife and my Dad
You have my support and the support of others here, Dave. We wish only the best for you.
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wishIcouldBeCucked
- Experienced
- Posts: 189
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:57 am
Re: Wife and my Dad
this is my first post on this thread, and I just want to say to you that I for one do not consider you "pathetic", or any other judgemental, derogatory label. It's life. Any adult has been through breakups, divorces, deaths, and life changing events that no one saw coming. You can "what if", "woulda/coulda/shoulda" all day long, but you have to deal with it in your own way. Sure some chuckleheads will throw some stones and any of you 3, but they don't know you, or them, and have no right to judge anyone. Especially based on a website for "hotwives". The condom police, as someone nicely but them, might give ya an I told ya so or something. You some to take the criticism well, but take it for what it's worth. Keyboard commandos are a dime a dozen. Well, I'll leave it at that, good luck, stay strong, it's another chapter in your book (and thiers). Just as you didn't see this coming, you don't know the next chapter either. Stay positive, or as positive as you can, and take care of the most important thing, your health.