Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

Update--so it happened again and my lengthy post was deleted before I posted it--very annoying.

So it's now 9:30 a.m. and my wife texted me when she arrived at his place at 8:45 a.m. Her plan was to stay no later than 11 a.m., but it'll depend on how many rounds he wants to go, so it could be much sooner. I'm locked in my cage and the key is around her neck.

Yesterday my wife sensed things were still a bit heavy for me and she reached out to F to try to spice things up in advance of their date this morning. She practically begged for him to cum down her throat, so that's very likely happened already.

They also discussed logistics for their next meet--but with my wife's period cuming and their complicated work schedules, next week seems unlikely, which my wife prefers. We have both sweetheart dances coming up--this weekend my wife is taking my son to the dance where R and her son will be and next weekend I'm taking my daughter to the dance where F and his daughter will be. I have no idea how F or I will react to seeing each other, but my wife is understandably nervous and doesn't want to make things more complicated by seeing him in the days leading up to the dance.

The text exchange did lighten the mood and we went to bed early. Typically my wife refrains from initiating anything on the eve of seeing him, but she hadn't cum since early Sunday morning and was very horny. We began caressing each other, my hand down her PJ pants working her clit while my other hand toyed with her nipples. She refused to even touch my cock, telling me I'd have to wait. I spent nearly an hour gently humping her leg while I played with her.

She was lovingly whispering to me the entire time--how she plans to take things slow so I can adapt to this better. She doesn't want to break me again, so she's been giving me more sex and is now going to ween me off it, just like this week. She told me she knows I desperately want to be her little cuck, but she can see me struggling with it. But she told me very soon I'd be used to the routine of her seeing F at least once a week and me rarely getting sex. She was saying all this in such a sweet, loving way that I just melted from it. And she was right; it is what I want, she just needs to keep moving slowly.

I was begging for her to at least let me hump her butt, but she refused, until about an hour of this when she slipped off her pants and rotated her tight ass into my dick. She told me if I wanted to cum tonight, this was the only way. So I happily dry humped her ass until I came (1-2 minutes). She didn't cum, but was super turned on and we both fell asleep.

We woke up at 5 a.m. and things resumed where they left off--me playing her nipples and her caressing my body, but barely touching my dick. It went on and off for two hours; her telling me she'd never been so pent up and couldn't wait to fuck F all morning. She told me she was so horny that she'd literally let him do anything he wanted to her and knew she'd cum for the first time as soon as he slipped his cock in.

After nearly two hours, she begged me to let her use her vibrator to cum once, but I refused, saying only if she took care of me too, but she refused. So we both lied next to each other, cuddled and horny as hell, but neither got release.

Lastly, we also agreed last night that she'd wear the Valentine's Day lingerie today (what I shared in my last post) as we couldn't be sure she'd see him again before VDay. I suggested she just tell him she got the lingerie as a gift and wanted to test it out before VDay and she thought it was a fun idea.

So she showered and put it on, but I was dealing with the kids and didn't see her wearing it--she told me I'd have to wait until VDay to see it because she was just going to shove it in her purse when she comes home (it's annoying to tie). She did her hair and makeup, covered up with jeans and a sheer, black, see-through top, so you could see the red bra underneath. She looked fucking phenomenal.

So that about covers it--right now I'm a bit worried because I forgot to pack the condoms for her, so I'm hoping she remembered. I know she laid the groundwork to stop using them, but I'm still nervous. She's so impulsive, I could see her letting him cum inside her with her period coming, but I feel like she won't risk causing a blow up between us lol.

And I have no idea what they've been up to--the topics of swallowing his load, filming, anal and handcuffs have been most discussed between them, so I assume at least some of those are going down right now.

I'm just waiting for the text to know she's on her way home--I'll try to give another update this afternoon.

[scarfolamew]

Update--so it happened again and my lengthy post was deleted before I posted it--very annoying.

Write your posts out in a text editor like notepad and then copy + paste them into the website!

[drstrangelove]

So this post will have to be a bit different than previous recaps—instead I’m going to take you through my perspective rather than purely chronological.

Shortly after my last post, my wife texted that she was on her way home—around 10 a.m. As routine, I stripped naked and got into bed to wait for her return.

I could tell she was a bit off—acting overly positive and happy as she stripped down naked and got into bed. I felt like I was being setup for something coming lol.

She unlocked me, and while doing so I asked her if she remembered condoms because I had been worried.

I had clearly beaten her to the punch as she was working up to tell me, but she told me she wanted to be transparent and that this time he did not use a condom. She said it just happened in the moment.

In my head, it was an avalanche—all her gaslighting about how the dirty talk was nothing more than talk and that we would make decisions together went out the window. But I didn’t know how I felt or how I wanted to react. Before I said anything, she asked if I wanted a BJ while she told me what happened, and I agreed.

So she arrived at his place around 8:45 a.m.; as usual, he was in bed naked waiting for her and she told him about trying the lingerie with him first—he loved it and was thankful I bought it for her. While still wearing it, she gave him a long BJ—10-20 minutes, she wasn’t sure.

Then he flipped her onto her back and unwrapped her lingerie, moving his head down to give her oral for a bit. She came almost immediately because she was so worked up (as noted in my previous post).

He then moved his head up and kissed her body and tits, lying on top of her. At that point, he just slipped his raw cock inside her.

She jolted, recognizing it could be a problem with me, but in the moment tried to calm herself down and just go with it. He fucked her hard, with her legs up on his shoulders.

He then flipped her over doggystyle and worked the tip of his cock into her ass, but she let out a loud yelp as he didn’t do any prep or use any lube, so she told him he had to stop.

He then went back into her pussy, grabbed her roughly by her pony tail, and fucked her hard doggy. After a bit, he pulled out and said, “turn around.”

A bit ditsy, she turned around confused and doe-eyed (her words) and he jammed his cock into her mouth and unloaded his cum down her throat. She swallowed every drop, licking her ass and pussy juices off his dick.

It was around 9:45 a.m. now and they collapsed back onto the bed and my wife quickly moved to put his cock back in her mouth. She sucked it for a bit, but this time there was no life to it. Instead he pulled her up and she straddled him and she chatted a bit.

They discussed that both he and R would be attending their respective sweetheart dances and my wife talked a bit about her job.

Realizing he wasn’t going to be up for round two, she got up and got dressed, texting me when she was back in her car.

So she told me the whole story as she sucked my cock and then moved to mount me cowgirl. I was still in a daze processing the unprotected sex and wasn’t trying to cum (I can often hold out if I want). She was also really tense and worried about my reaction—she didn’t even cum with him during sex because she was stressed about the condom and thrown for a loop with how much the anal hurt.

So she asked me to please fuck her doggy so she could cum again. I did, pulling her hair back tightly, grabbing her waist, and going hard and deep. She came hard and I told her to turn around—she complied and I let loose a massive load down her throat (it had been building through all her teasing from 5 a.m.).

She swallowed every drop and commented that his cum tastes better (more neutral) and there’s also always less of it lol.

So then we lied there for a bit and debriefed. Then we showered together and talked more.

Ultimately, I knew unprotected sex was coming; my issue is that again she couldn’t be upfront with me before it happened. It’s a big trust issue where I genuinely don’t know what to expect.

Also, it’s robbing me of fully enjoying a lot of these moments—I end up reeling, trying to catch up with what’s happening instead of living in these moments, which have been fantasies of mine for decades. I mean she let another man fuck her raw and then dump his load down her throat and I couldn’t fully enjoy it.

And being upset with her is a waste of time—she is who she is. She’s always going to fall into people pleasing and avoiding conflict and I need to stop expecting anything else. She was very sweet about it all and I could tell she feels worse about it than I do and she’s just trying to make everything be ok now.

But I did tell her she needs to be more careful with her body—it’s one thing if she wants to do something with him, but it’s not ok for him to just treat her like a fuck doll (unless she wants that). He decided not to use protection on his own and then he decided to swap his dick around all her holes not worrying about cleanliness.

And on that topic, I’d never in a million years put my dick in a girl’s ass and not wash it before putting it in her vagina or mouth. He clearly has no respect for her and I admit that bothers me because I can tell she doesn’t feel she has a voice with him. It’s exactly how the dozens of guys she fucked in college treated her.

Overall, I think I’ll be fine. Even now, I’m looking forward to the next visit because this one was so short. I’m just hoping we get to a point where there is less nonsense distractions.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoyed this one! And yes, she is going to expedite going on BC now that condoms are out the window, so a creampie is coming.

[Aureus]

Looks like he is either an asshole or really uneducated about anal sex (using no lube, no prep, not washing). Should she consider of doing it again with him she should a) educate him (e.g. tell him to forget the shit he seen in porn) and b) prepare herself. Bring condoms, bring lube, bring a plug (maybe inserted already

Having unprotected sex is not that easily excusable if it was agreed upon in my humble opinion. She should get tested now that it happend. Especially if he seems to be uneducated about proper hygiene when having anal. Also keeping your health in mind as well.

[Bomerang43]

Thanks for update!

[drstrangelove]

Looks like he is either an asshole or really uneducated about anal sex (using no lube, no prep, not washing). Should she consider of doing it again with him she should a) educate him (e.g. tell him to forget the shit he seen in porn) and b) prepare herself. Bring condoms, bring lube, bring a plug (maybe inserted already

Having unprotected sex is not that easily excusable if it was agreed upon in my humble opinion. She should get tested now that it happend. Especially if he seems to be uneducated about proper hygiene when having anal. Also keeping your health in mind as well.

Yea, both points I agree with.

On the first, she will discuss over text softly that if he wants to do anal, he has to put in more work to make her comfortable.

As for protection, I’m less hurt about her not using it than I am about her deciding on her own. Essentially, I gave her clearance to forgo condoms; I just asked that we discuss it and decide on it first.

Ultimately, they went unprotected during affair and we all got tested afterward and were clean, so sure he could have contracted something after, but she trusted he hadn’t (for whatever that’s worth). We also had already discussed her going on BC and doing creampies, so that was coming. Now it’s more urgent because trying to go back to condoms now I know won’t happen.

I’m doing ok now—writing the post helped. I also asked my wife if she was willing to do it all over again with me tonight—tell me the story and let us both lean into it as fun. I don’t like how the session went with us because I was shell shocked entire time. She eagerly agreed and thought it was a great idea, so we can do that tonight and have fun with it.

[scarfolamew]

Dr. S, I think this is progress, at least on your end in terms of being able to process less-than-desirable emotions and outcomes without spiralling.

Super unfortunate that F doesn't seem to know how to treat a lady. A2P.. come ON bro. And she's already struggling with a UTI. I'm like, actually kinda worked up over it.

I also have a wife who, regardless of what she knows to be the responsible thing to do, will never ever demand that a partner uses protection in the heat of the moment, and will invariably beg to be nutted in once unprotected sex is happening. No matter how firmly she knows this to be an irresponsible decision, it just goes out the window. Every fucking time. It's kinda hot, but if I ever do talk her into cucking me it's going to be a fuckin problem.

[drstrangelove]

Dr. S, I think this is progress, at least on your end in terms of being able to process less-than-desirable emotions and outcomes without spiralling.

Super unfortunate that F doesn't seem to know how to treat a lady. A2P.. come ON bro. And she's already struggling with a UTI. I'm like, actually kinda worked up over it.

I also have a wife who, regardless of what she knows to be the responsible thing to do, will never ever demand that a partner uses protection in the heat of the moment, and will invariably beg to be nutted in once unprotected sex is happening. No matter how firmly she knows this to be an irresponsible decision, it just goes out the window. Every fucking time. It's kinda hot, but if I ever do talk her into cucking me it's going to be a fuckin problem.

Hah! I feel you.

The funny part is you and I are worked up and my wife doesn’t care. To her it was just the tip inside for a second and no big deal. We are such polar opposites on dealing with stuff.

I feel like there’s a whole other breed of people that don’t stress about any of the stuff I do lol.

But yea, I’m doing well. Ultimately, my wife’s supportive handling didn’t escalate this into a spiral. As long as she’s calm, I’m calm.

[drstrangelove]

So I thought I’d provide another update after last night.

As promised, my wife tried to redo the experience we had earlier in the day, which was marred by her fucking without protection.

Before going upstairs we had a chat and my wife innocently revealed an important detail. I asked her if she at least had fun with him and she said she did—she told me she came in a few seconds while he was eating her out and she had to grab him and yell at him to hurry up and just fuck her.

I paused, noting that she said that just because he fucked her without a condom…

And it hit her that she basically asked her to fuck him without a condom lol—she was texting him about it for weeks and then practically demanded it in the moment without ever trying to stop him.

She felt like an idiot, but I just had to laugh. Again, she is who she is and it’s not going to change.

I also made the point that she needs to address his poor anal etiquette and she agreed and plans to next time they chat.

Then we went upstairs and she changed back into the VDay wrapping lingerie she wore with him. She came into the bedroom and walked me through exactly how her date had begun, doing the same to me as she had done to him. Pulling down my pants, licking my stomach and balls, arching her back so her thong-covered ass was in the air, and then sucking my dick.

She eventually moved up to queen me for a bit, riding my face and telling me more details from the date. Then she swapped around for 69.

It was a long time—easily 30-40 minutes of her just focused on making me feel good, unwrapping herself, sucking me, etc.

She wasn’t going to cum from my tongue, so she swapped to her vibrator and had me work on her nipples. We had a lot of dirty talk and this went on for another 30-40 minutes as she gave me a gentle HJ and built up her orgasm.

She reiterated that she had lots of ideas she wanted to do with F and expected on average she’ll be seeing him weekly for the foreseeable future. She also has plans to call her doctor today to get on BC as she’s excited to have him start fuming inside her.

After she came from her toy, we swapped to missionary and I fucked her another five minutes or so before coming all over her.

It was an awesome night and exactly the type of thing this lifestyle has created. My wife is so sexually empowered and confident now that these marathon sex seasons have become regular events for us. She’s insatiable and it’s awesome.

As for F, as noted in my last post, she likely won’t see him for at least a week, but we’ll see. We discussed it a bit and she would like to change it up from the morning visits—she likes them, but has felt rushed and anxious because it’s during a workday. She’d like the next meet to be on a weekend or in the evening, so we’ll see how it goes.

[leander99]

He goes from her ass to her pussy, and she says she may have a UTI. Yeah, I can see how that could happen

[Bomerang43]

Does F know you know she visits him in mornings? Or she plays cheating wife role?

[drstrangelove]

He goes from her ass to her pussy, and she says she may have a UTI. Yeah, I can see how that could happen

Those are unrelated. I likely caused the UTI due to all the sex we had Sat/Sun. It also apparently wasn’t a full fledged UTI and whatever it was had cleared up entirely before she saw him on Thursday.

[drstrangelove]

Does F know you know she visits him in mornings? Or she plays cheating wife role?

F has no idea that I know. He thinks she is cheating on me again.

I discussed this back in Dec., but my preference was for my wife to come clean with him, but she preferred to maintain the cheating angle as it turned her on.

Next weekend I will have to see F again for the first time since fall 2021, prior to the affair. We will both be bringing our young daughters to the town Valentine’s Day dance, which is being hosted at a local restaurant.

It’s going to be odd for me for sure as we will be in the same room for 2-3 hours. My assumption is that he will avoid me entirely as he doesn’t want any drama, so hopefully I’m not uncomfortable.

But in my head I know I’ll be thinking that all he’s thinking about is how he just fucked my wife in the lingerie I bought her and then came down her throat. I’m just hoping I don’t have a bad emotional reaction to it all.

[Rogueuser1]

Glad it mostly went well --- he does need to take better care of her but that is for the two of them to work out. If my cock even comes close to my wife's butthole I get sent to wash it off with soap and water - she hates UTIs! Hopefully your wife doesn't develop one from his quick slip in and back.

[drstrangelove]

So it’s been a few days and I thought I’d give a small update.

I had a good weekend—spending a lot of time with the wife, cuddling with TV, and I made her a nice meal for a date night on Saturday.

She’s expecting her period at any moment, so she tends to lose her sex drive in the few days leading up as her boobs get sore and she feels really tired. I haven’t pushed for anything sexual as I’m trying to get comfortable in the role of emotional support and let her lead our sex life.

She hasn’t had any contact with F since she visited him on Thursday—she’s a bit annoyed about how rough he was with the anal attempt and decided to let it sit for a bit.

She did let me know she called her doctor and setup an appointment for next Thursday to explore BC options. And her thinking is until she gets on BC, she will ask F to go back to using condoms just to be extra safe regarding the pregnancy risk.

It’s hard to explain, but the brief conversation still feels weird—just how casual she is about it all. She said going raw made her too nervous last time and messed with her having fun, so she’d rather be safe until on BC. I guess just hearing her talk about it so practically hits home for me. It’s the stuff like that where I really *feel* like a cuckold.

Like this is all very real—it’s now a lifestyle I’m living—and I think that catches up to me sometimes as things continue to settle in.

This morning she cuddled into me and I had a raging morning boner. She brushed past it with her arm, so I know she felt it, but didn’t act on it. It was noteworthy only because in the past I think she may have felt an obligation to offer a charitable HJ and I may have been annoyed if she didn’t. But neither seemingly happened—we both just enjoyed the cuddle session.

And I’m ok with it. If it means I have to wait for her to see him next week—or even if it means I just get one chance at release this week from her—that’s ok with me. I really want to commit to her not feeling pressure from me to be my porn star every day. So this week she’s recharging and dealing with her pending period and I’m just going to leave her be.

As for the upcoming dance on Saturday, I’m less anxious. I feel like once it starts and F and I settle in on opposite sides of the room, it’ll all be fine.

[Rogueuser1]

Glad to hear you guys had a good weekend and things are going well. Hopefully when she is on bc she will let you cum in her more often too. Or maybe not... maybe it would be hot if only he gets to cum in her once she is protected from pregnancy. Tough call

[Bomerang43]

It would be so hot if F only cum inside her. It would make him feel more cucky and go deep into it.

[drstrangelove]

Update:

So first I’ll address topic of condoms. Earlier this week I entirely deferred to my wife on how she wants to go about it—I don’t want her to tell me or agree to anything. If she wants to go without a condom before she is on BC, cool with me.

As for F, the latest is he reached out to my wife last night and they sexted on and off all night. Also went over scheduling and they have nothing that works until two weeks from today—planning another Friday morning meet. Things will get easier next month as this is F’s busiest two months of the year.

The sexting was hot and covered a lot of the usual topics. My wife requested to be handcuffed and for F to cum down her throat again. He noted how he still really wants to cum in her ass.

Id transcribe it, but haven’t had an opportunity to be solo with all the texts today.

Overall, things are good!

[Jujube]

I guess the Daughter Dance is tomorrow? Can’t wait to see how that goes…

[drstrangelove]

I guess the Daughter Dance is tomorrow? Can’t wait to see how that goes…

On the whole, there were some complicated emotions from this week that culminated in a Friday couples therapy session—with the dance and F being the elephant in the room that I never discussed.

I almost bailed on going to the dance in large part because I was down and didn’t want to socialize with other parents all day, but I decided to go. I had a good time with my daughter.

I first noticed F about an hour in and he didn’t see me (I saw him from behind). But then after that I saw him twice more, the last time with us almost bumping into each other—so he was certainly aware of me and I suspect he had his own emotional mess to juggle with.

I’m not sure how it made me feel still—perhaps I’m still a bit too raw—but I wish things were a bit lighter with my wife so we could have had fun with it rather than feel so isolated and heavy about it. The therapy session the day before didn’t do me any favors and I’m once again thinking of cutting the cord on attending those.

Bottom-line, the dance was largely a non-event in regard to the cuckold dynamic stuff.

[Dream Weaver]

Let it go…trust your wife; stop looking at her phone and enjoy whatever she shares.

I wish I could, but my trust level for her isn’t there yet. That’s the inherent problem with entering a cuckold dynamic following an affair with the same AP. I expect her to be honest or none of this works.

Edit: I read and re-read and yeah, maybe it's not written perfectly, but it's good enough, I hope.

I barely post, but I've lurked since my wife cucked me way back in 2008.

I'm going to be a bit critical, so don't take it the wrong way.

I find it hilarious at this point that you have trust issues with her. Hilarious. You tried to get her to cheat, she did. Hello? McFly? I'm not saying she's a saint, obviously not. But you aren't either, and your ego is WAY too large. You have money, a nice life, a great job, you go on these cool travels around the world, but you built that by controlling things. I notice you write down every thought. That's a sign right there. Now why do I say it? Because you are topping from the bottom.

That might be okay, but you have another personality quirk. You love drama. Oh my every little thing needs to be hashed and rehashed over and over. The emotions, the misery. You mentioned a month or so ago the pain of the "two year affair anniversary". Dude. Of the guy you want her to fuck again. Hello? Anybody home? Man, I found out my wife gave some guy a handjob at a work event 10 years after the fact and I was grateful to find out. I didn't demand subjugation and apologies. I didn't demand every last detail. I'm a cuck. I love it, don't reject it, don't make demands when the woman I love does stuff I want her to do.

So why do I mention these three things, what I classify as a "phony" trust complex, controlling over-analysis, and drama attention seeking.

Because THAT is where you need your therapy. You don't even need you wife for one minute. She has nothing to do with it. You need to relax. You need to learn how to live, and not be a worry-wart.

Dude, you survived a major infidelity issue with the woman you IDOLIZE and ADORE. Bravo, and I mean that. You kept her. You turned it around. You saved your family. But man, every time she goes to do something, you have a problem with it. WHY? You need to forgive yourself and LET GO.

I also noticed something paradoxical. Your best sex came after everything blew up and there was emotional drama. I think maybe you associate good sex with crazy town. Try to move past that.

Just my two cents. Been following off and on this story and it took 4 fricking years of hard hard work, but you are finally getting cucked properly. Enjoy it! Don't worry about being in control and getting every last detail. In the real world that NEVER lasts, the wife usually gives up because it's a hell of a task to keep up.

I actually wrote this with some twisted view that maybe it will help you focus on you, not your wife, I think that whole thing is secondary to your real problems.

[drstrangelove]

Let it go…trust your wife; stop looking at her phone and enjoy whatever she shares.

I wish I could, but my trust level for her isn’t there yet. That’s the inherent problem with entering a cuckold dynamic following an affair with the same AP. I expect her to be honest or none of this works.

Edit: I read and re-read and yeah, maybe it's not written perfectly, but it's good enough, I hope.

I barely post, but I've lurked since my wife cucked me way back in 2008.

I'm going to be a bit critical, so don't take it the wrong way.

I find it hilarious at this point that you have trust issues with her. Hilarious. You tried to get her to cheat, she did. Hello? McFly? I'm not saying she's a saint, obviously not. But you aren't either, and your ego is WAY too large. You have money, a nice life, a great job, you go on these cool travels around the world, but you built that by controlling things. I notice you write down every thought. That's a sign right there. Now why do I say it? Because you are topping from the bottom.

That might be okay, but you have another personality quirk. You love drama. Oh my every little thing needs to be hashed and rehashed over and over. The emotions, the misery. You mentioned a month or so ago the pain of the "two year affair anniversary". Dude. Of the guy you want her to fuck again. Hello? Anybody home? Man, I found out my wife gave some guy a handjob at a work event 10 years after the fact and I was grateful to find out. I didn't demand subjugation and apologies. I didn't demand every last detail. I'm a cuck. I love it, don't reject it, don't make demands when the woman I love does stuff I want her to do.

So why do I mention these three things, what I classify as a "phony" trust complex, controlling over-analysis, and drama attention seeking.

Because THAT is where you need your therapy. You don't even need you wife for one minute. She has nothing to do with it. You need to relax. You need to learn how to live, and not be a worry-wart.

Dude, you survived a major infidelity issue with the woman you IDOLIZE and ADORE. Bravo, and I mean that. You kept her. You turned it around. You saved your family. But man, every time she goes to do something, you have a problem with it. WHY? You need to forgive yourself and LET GO.

I also noticed something paradoxical. Your best sex came after everything blew up and there was emotional drama. I think maybe you associate good sex with crazy town. Try to move past that.

Just my two cents. Been following off and on this story and it took 4 fricking years of hard hard work, but you are finally getting cucked properly. Enjoy it! Don't worry about being in control and getting every last detail. In the real world that NEVER lasts, the wife usually gives up because it's a hell of a task to keep up.

I actually wrote this with some twisted view that maybe it will help you focus on you, not your wife, I think that whole thing is secondary to your real problems.

There’s a lot of truth in there. And I very much appreciate the post. I came to the conclusion following our couples therapy yesterday that we need to stop with all the agreements and structure. She keeps breaking them and none of them really matter much anyway—they’re all just illusions of control for me.

As for drama leading to great sex—I don’t think so—I think the great sex comes from when my wife is really turned on and into it. And that happens if she’s trying to make up for something or if she’s engaging in some dynamic with F.

As for my ego, you’re spot on. My ego is my primary issue for sure. Hard to let that go because anytime I’m working through it, my wife tends to have an angry, negative spiral. I can’t do anything about how I feel or how she responds to it, so I’m a bit stuck. All I can do is keep working to let go of my ego issues. And ultimately, I’m just using F for my fantasy; so I recognize I shouldn’t be hung up with all the dramatic minutia as I’m getting what I want from this.

[Dream Weaver]

There’s a lot of truth in there. And I very much appreciate the post. I came to the conclusion following our couples therapy yesterday that we need to stop with all the agreements and structure. She keeps breaking them and none of them really matter much anyway—they’re all just illusions of control for me.

As for drama leading to great sex—I don’t think so—I think the great sex comes from when my wife is really turned on and into it. And that happens if she’s trying to make up for something or if she’s engaging in some dynamic with F.

As for my ego, you’re spot on. My ego is my primary issue for sure. Hard to let that go because anytime I’m working through it, my wife tends to have an angry, negative spiral. I can’t do anything about how I feel or how she responds to it, so I’m a bit stuck. All I can do is keep working to let go of my ego issues. And ultimately, I’m just using F for my fantasy; so I recognize I shouldn’t be hung up with all the dramatic minutia as I’m getting what I want from this.

Hey, happy you see it that way and bothered to respond with the class you did (more than me in a way), also happy you're not too pissed at me.

Keep on keeping on!

[jratt85]

Your wife really reminds me of two songs.. Hinder's Get Stoned, and Buckcherry's Crazy Bitch. She definitely has issues beyond just anxiety and "survivor's guilt" there definitely sounds like at least bipolar if not even some dissociative personality disorder stuff going on. If your doctor is saying she has no signs of mental illness at all.. I'd be finding a new doctor.

Pandora's Box was definitely opened and you can't put the cat back in the bag. I just hope she somehow stumbles into a way better guy that isn't a total chode.. maybe some black dude that knows how to use her but still treat her like a living being at the same time.. like you see in so many amateur cuckold videos.

I can see how she feels like she's just a pornstar for you, on so many counts that's exactly what you wanted.. but for him, when he actually gets to fuck her? That's not a pornstar, that's called being a slut or his own personal whore.

Sorry that I can't give better insight tonight.. despite my staying away for a while. Your whole story is kind of overwhelming at times, yet also sometimes makes me jealous.. hence why I don't really interact with other people on here or read other threads. As someone that's never been out on a date, it's hard to read about people that share so easily. (though yours is coming at about the same cost I could see it taking for me) In many respects I feel really bad for you that she can be such a psycho, in others I feel bad for her that you weren't able to let it go. It's definitely complicated. The one plus that the complication of your relationship gives me is it reminds me that it's not just 38 year old guys that are autistic and have never been on a date that struggle with complications.. that normal people deal with them too.

[drstrangelove]

I know it’s been a bit since I’ve given an update, so I thought I’d share where things are today.

I spent the weekend playing video games and just zoning out—son has Covid/flu so it’s just been a few days to chill at home and reset. We are supposed to go skiing four four days with another family from Fri-Mon, but now that looks to be in doubt with my son not getting better.

My wife immediately joked that her fun with handcuffs might come sooner as she’ll now be free this Friday.

As timing would have it, F reached out to my wife later in the night with a text. He started off though with accusing me of deliberately trying to walk past him multiple times at the dance this past weekend, so it caught my wife off guard.

Not that the details matter, but we did cross paths because my daughter was leading me around looking for the ice cream bar and we walked passed him twice while he was in line for a different dessert station.

Quite obviously it wasn’t deliberate—I wouldn't have even known he was on that line lol—so I’m not sure what he was digging at.

Trying my best to empathize, I suspect he’s likely dealing with his own guilt still and seeing me was probably difficult for him. I really don’t care though and my wife navigated out of that topic and to a potential meet this Friday.

So if we don’t go skiing, which is likely, she’ll meet with him on Friday.

I’ll admit I’m less excited by it all now though. The last two weeks have been very non-sexual for my wife and I with the drama and her period, so it all feels a bit heavy still.

We fooled around last, with us masterbating each other. We dirty talked about me having to wait to fuck her until after F does it first. She also wasn’t able to get there with my fingers and had to pull out her vibrator, so that, as usual, was a bit humiliating.

All in all, it wasn’t too exciting and didn’t relight the spark for me. It’s hard to tell what’s going on with me, but it likely has to do with seeing him at the dance.

Prior to that, he was nothing more than an instrument in my fantasy—a prop in my sex life—but seeing him made it a bit more real. He’s also just such a tool that it doesn’t make it easier—objectively it blows my mind that my wife is into him, but that shouldn’t matter to me.

So I’m not sure where that leaves me—I recognize that I could put the brakes on things, but I’d just regret it the next time I’m horny. I’m in a weird spot now and trying to not do or say much of anything until I have more clarity on how I feel.

Lastly, my wife is still scheduled to meet with her doctor tomorrow morning still regarding BC, so there will be an update on that soon as well.

I apologize for the less than exciting update, but this is all a bit weird for me right now. Tonight is VDay, so we’ll likely be intimate again and hopefully that helps sort out my mind.