Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[drstrangelove]

Why not sit her down and talk about it outside the bedroom?

Not sure if you’ve followed the entire thread, but there have been a few of those conversations over the last year.

[SutterKane]

I have, but from the tone of what you wrote, it sounds like there is more that needs said and explored between you two.

[drstrangelove]

I have, but from the tone of what you wrote, it sounds like there is more that needs said and explored between you two.

What do you have in mind? I feel like I’ve shared everything with her and I’m just not sure what more I can to add. The conversations are just me talking.

And it seems like she has responded in a dominant manner lately, so it might just be her reluctance to commit to anything verbally.

[SutterKane]

Is she interested in your happiness?
Our is this type of behavior just sexual?
Is she engaged with you emotionally or distant?
Have you asked her to tell you what she wants without judgment from you?
Have you been clear about your wants and needs?

[drstrangelove]

Is she interested in your happiness?
Our is this type of behavior just sexual?
Is she engaged with you emotionally or distant?
Have you asked her to tell you what she wants without judgment from you?
Have you been clear about your wants and needs?

- I think she cares about my happiness. I also think she often feels on uncertain ground sometimes. Keep in mind, I have certainly given off mixed signals over the years. My disappointment in our sex life has led to a lot of frustration on my end. Only in the last few years have I tapped into the sexual enjoyment of being denied.

- our life outside the bedroom hasn’t changed much at all. I do find she lets her dominant side extend passed play sessions to the time immediately afterward though, and I will sometimes give her a hard time about that.

- she really doesn’t seem to want anything. Other than the obvious, which is that she greatly enjoys oral sex more than anything else. Her ideal scenario is just getting head and me cumming on my own.

[drstrangelove]

Update:

After getting into bed the other night, I asked her if she wanted to play. She told me it was late, but said we could if I wanted to. I said it was fine not to and that we could just go to sleep.

About thirty seconds later she took her pants off (and had no panties). Needless to say lying next her her bare pussy got my attention and I really wanted to fuck her (it’s been a few months since our last fuck I think).

So I asked if she wanted to have sex, so she just said no. I responded, largely sincere, that most husbands lying next to their naked wives get to have sex with them.

She just said: “oh, I know they do,” and then gently caressed my head and arm.

It felt like she was trying to get me to ask her if I could go down on her instead and I wasn’t sure I wanted to cave.

She wrapped her hand around my dick and waited. I instinctively began to hump her hand for a bit. Eventually I was getting closer to cuming, so I asked again if I could fuck her. She just said no again.

A minute later I caved and asked if I could please at least fuck her with my tongue. She softly replied: “mmhmm,” with a smug satisfaction.

So that was that. I ate her out to what she later called an epic orgasm. After she came I sat up a bit into missionary with my cock pointed at her wide open pussy. She just gently shook her head and grabbed my dick with both hands and waited.

I humped her hands missionary position, just an inch above her pussy. She really got into it, possibly faking it, but it sounded like she was about to cum again as I humped away. I came in about 30 seconds.

She was glowing afterwards with satisfaction.

Nothing we did was really new, but it did feel a bit different. At the least, another step forward in showing her dominant side.

I’m not sure I should comment on it or not. I’m still just going along for the ride. There is certainly a feeling of my loss of control though. I used to always think I could fuck her anytime I wanted if I pushed for it. Over the last few months, it’s felt like that is no longer the case.

[SutterKane]

After she came I sat up a bit into Mussorgsky with my cock pointed at her wide open pussy.

Mussorgsky the composer? That one has me more than a bit lost.
Have you given any thought to finding a "Kink Friendly" therapist? Would she be willing to go? An outside person that help you two work this out? Because I don't think you're very happy with the way things are.

[drstrangelove]

After she came I sat up a bit into Mussorgsky with my cock pointed at her wide open pussy.

Mussorgsky the composer? That one has me more than a bit lost.
Have you given any thought to finding a "Kink Friendly" therapist? Would she be willing to go? An outside person that help you two work this out? Because I don't think you're very happy with the way things are.

LOL. I wrote that from my phone, so there were a few typos I just corrected. That was supposed to be "missionary."

As for a therapist, no chance she'd want that and I genuinely don't think it would help. And I don't know that I'm unhappy, it's just that I'm more open to exploring sexual kinks than her.

[trdd]

That was a great post yesterday Dr Strangelove. That experience could be straight out of an erotic denial story! Very sexy.

You and I have talked about this before but the one thing continues to be .... is she doing this on purpose and with clear intention or is it just instinctive to get more of what she wants and less of what she doesn't?

It's a bloody fascinating case in my opinion. You have written about many of these interactions and they are all erotic if you like submission and denial. But this last episode seems to be the most clear example that she is doing this deliberately and is potentially getting off on the dynamic of denying you. Am I interpreting that correctly?

It really sounds like she had an epic orgasm not just because of your oral skills but because you asked for sex and she denied it. How do we get this woman to confess she likes controlling and denying you LOL ?!!

[drstrangelove]

That was a great post yesterday Dr Strangelove. That experience could be straight out of an erotic denial story! Very sexy.

You and I have talked about this before but the one thing continues to be .... is she doing this on purpose and with clear intention or is it just instinctive to get more of what she wants and less of what she doesn't?

It's a bloody fascinating case in my opinion. You have written about many of these interactions and they are all erotic if you like submission and denial. But this last episode seems to be the most clear example that she is doing this deliberately and is potentially getting off on the dynamic of denying you. Am I interpreting that correctly?

It really sounds like she had an epic orgasm not just because of your oral skills but because you asked for sex and she denied it. How do we get this woman to confess she likes controlling and denying you LOL ?!!

Yea, it definetely felt more deliberate. And if I ask her that ("do you like being in control/denying sex, etc,), she'll just say "yea, i guess." But it's largely a non-answer. It's just impossible for me to read what is really going on in her head and she refuses to verbalize it.

As for the scenario, looking at it objectively, I agree with you. If I read about someone else having that situation, I'd probably be jealous, lol. But it just doesn't feel entirely real yet. Regardless, my approach of just going with her lead seems to have led to progression. So whether she can verbalize it or not yet, the reality is what it is. My assumption is if I continue down this path, it'll get her closer to a point of opening up further. I just think she needs to feel more empowered in the bedroom, and the balance has certainly shifted well into her court already.

[severin]

Dr S, your description on Aug 18 of your last encounter did sound pretty damn hot. But the lack of communication and feedback from your wife must be incredibly frustrating, and not in a good way. If she were actively denying you sex, and teasing you with the prospect, that would be different.

I don't read a lot on this site, but I've been following this thread since the beginning. It's my favorite unresolved story.

Personally, I'm a pretty closed-off person, and I've communicated my desires to my wife most explicitly in the early morning after we'd been fucking and talking for a couple of hours. I've told her all sorts of things I never thought I'd say out loud. But these moments tend to arise organically, and it's hard to force them.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[drstrangelove]

Dr S, your description on Aug 18 of your last encounter did sound pretty damn hot. But the lack of communication and feedback from your wife must be incredibly frustrating, and not in a good way. If she were actively denying you sex, and teasing you with the prospect, that would be different.

I don't read a lot on this site, but I've been following this thread since the beginning. It's my favorite unresolved story.

Personally, I'm a pretty closed-off person, and I've communicated my desires to my wife most explicitly in the early morning after we'd been fucking and talking for a couple of hours. I've told her all sorts of things I never thought I'd say out loud. But these moments tend to arise organically, and it's hard to force them.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thanks for following along!

It’s hard for me to diagnose this because I’m so close to it and it must be even harder for anyone reading this thread without all the additional nuance and context that’s likely missing.

It’s likely an Occum’s Razor situation, in which the simplest explanation is it. My wife loves me and wants to make me happy, but she is also unable to vocalize her role in the situation. I think she’s taking the lead I’ve offered in her own way. It’s impossible for me to know if that’s true right now, but if it is, and I’m willing to ride this out, it could lead to a lot more fun.

My concern, of course, is that I’m not actually progressing forward at all and I’m going about it all wrong. There’s no way to know that either, so I’m resolved to just commit to this path for now.

I love all the feedback though!

[SutterKane]

Dr S, your description on Aug 18 of your last encounter did sound pretty damn hot. But the lack of communication and feedback from your wife must be incredibly frustrating, and not in a good way. If she were actively denying you sex, and teasing you with the prospect, that would be different.

I don't read a lot on this site, but I've been following this thread since the beginning. It's my favorite unresolved story.

Personally, I'm a pretty closed-off person, and I've communicated my desires to my wife most explicitly in the early morning after we'd been fucking and talking for a couple of hours. I've told her all sorts of things I never thought I'd say out loud. But these moments tend to arise organically, and it's hard to force them.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thanks for following along!

It’s hard for me to diagnose this because I’m so close to it and it must be even harder for anyone reading this thread without all the additional nuance and context that’s likely missing.

It’s likely an Occum’s Razor situation, in which the simplest explanation is it. My wife loves me and wants to make me happy, but she is also unable to vocalize her role in the situation. I think she’s taking the lead I’ve offered in her own way. It’s impossible for me to know if that’s true right now, but if it is, and I’m willing to ride this out, it could lead to a lot more fun.

My concern, of course, is that I’m not actually progressing forward at all and I’m going about it all wrong. There’s no way to know that either, so I’m resolved to just commit to this path for now.

I love all the feedback though!

Always remember that Occum's Razor say that the simplest explanation is usually the best, not necessarily the RIGHT one! The facts should lead to the conclusion, not the other way around. Plus, 100 extra points for using Occum's Razor in a OHW post!

[sub husband]

To me it seems you’re getting what you want,her to be more dominant. She’s doing it her way not the way some other woman would do it. Your attempts to fit her into your preconceived box come across as topping from the bottom. You want her to be dominant? Sounds to me like you’ve got what you want. I suggest you go withit. You want to her to be dominant? She is being a crazy sexy, denying domme it seems to me. P.S. The way she wants sex to be sounds totally hot to me (as someone who has been sexually sub in multiple relationships).

[SutterKane]

To me it seems you’re getting what you want,her to be more dominant. She’s doing it her way not the way some other woman would do it. Your attempts to fit her into your preconceived box come across as topping from the bottom. You want her to be dominant? Sounds to me like you’ve got what you want. I suggest you go withit. You want to her to be dominant? She is being a crazy sexy, denying domme it seems to me. P.S. The way she wants sex to be sounds totally hot to me (as someone who has been sexually sub in multiple relationships).

Yes, hello sub husband! Good post and insight!

[jratt85]

So last night was a bit interesting from the social dynamic of it all. I was incredibly horny since our last session and we were downstairs watching TV and she was on her phone and I got the sense she might be heading up to bed soon, so I asked if she wanted to go upstairs and play and she immediately snapped back, "Not right now!" But really mean and vicious kind of, which took me off guard because she's almost never like that. So I got kind of pissed TBH and just ignored it.
Then a few minutes later she said: "Ok, now I'm heading up if you want to come."

I'm sorry, I may be new to the site, this thread, and have no relationship experience... but I've been reading stuff like this for over 16 years now.. this is a HUGE red flag! She was fully engrossed in whatever she was doing on her phone, got pissed at you for wanting to fool around, and then was fully in the mood a minute later? UH NO!! Dude she definitely was either talking to someone she's into, or watching/reading porn.. You disturbed her time with whatever/whoever was on the other end and that/they had her wet and ready.

She might not be cheating on you physically, but there's definitely something going on online already.. or at least she's definitely fitting that pattern perfectly.

Think about it, if it was something mundane she was doing on her phone, she wouldn't have snapped like that, you yourself said it was completely out of character for her.. Pay attention to the signs. It'd also explain why sometimes she's desperate for dick (the person on the other end is talking about fucking her and she's dying for it) while most of the time she just wants you to eat her out/clean her up. And btw the vast MAJORITY of women that are pregnant find themselves FAR more horny not far less.. Afraid of a UTI? BULLSHIT! If that was the case then condoms would suffice.. I'm pretty sure she was getting it on the side during her pregnancy... especially with how you said she was such a slut before meeting you.. It doesn't just turn off so easily.

[ez456]

Also wonder if she has already cheated. If she hasn't then just get her socialising more because that will take care of itself...a straight woman needs dick.

[severin]

To me it seems you’re getting what you want, her to be more dominant. She’s doing it her way not the way some other woman would do it. Your attempts to fit her into your preconceived box come across as topping from the bottom. You want her to be dominant? Sounds to me like you’ve got what you want. I suggest you go withit. You want to her to be dominant? She is being a crazy sexy, denying domme it seems to me. P.S. The way she wants sex to be sounds totally hot to me (as someone who has been sexually sub in multiple relationships).

That's an interesting point. I think it misses the fact that she's been uncommunicative about her desires and motivations, and not particularly responsive to his. Communication is important in all relationships, but it's especially important in D/s relationships. Indifference can be exciting in the right context, but it can be maddening in a full-time relationship.

Also, as a submissive, I'm obsessed with pleasing my partner, and I'd want more information about what she wants from me.

[Guhunkadorn]

Hope all is well, please update when you can.

[trdd]

Dr S, your description on Aug 18 of your last encounter did sound pretty damn hot. But the lack of communication and feedback from your wife must be incredibly frustrating, and not in a good way. If she were actively denying you sex, and teasing you with the prospect, that would be different.

I don't read a lot on this site, but I've been following this thread since the beginning. It's my favorite unresolved story.

Personally, I'm a pretty closed-off person, and I've communicated my desires to my wife most explicitly in the early morning after we'd been fucking and talking for a couple of hours. I've told her all sorts of things I never thought I'd say out loud. But these moments tend to arise organically, and it's hard to force them.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Thanks for following along!

It’s hard for me to diagnose this because I’m so close to it and it must be even harder for anyone reading this thread without all the additional nuance and context that’s likely missing.

It’s likely an Occum’s Razor situation, in which the simplest explanation is it. My wife loves me and wants to make me happy, but she is also unable to vocalize her role in the situation. I think she’s taking the lead I’ve offered in her own way. It’s impossible for me to know if that’s true right now, but if it is, and I’m willing to ride this out, it could lead to a lot more fun.

My concern, of course, is that I’m not actually progressing forward at all and I’m going about it all wrong. There’s no way to know that either, so I’m resolved to just commit to this path for now.

I love all the feedback though!

How is it going Dr Strangelove?

[SutterKane]

Yes, how is it going?

[hasabrain2]

Well next time, just lay your dick on her pussy, assure her that you won't penetrate her.

Then after you cum on her pussy lick it up (without asking first).

Then tell her if she wants that again, you need to have intercourse next time.

[drstrangelove]

Sorry about the lack of updates, it just hasn't felt like anything has been update worthy in awhile and I don't want to just keep repeating the similar stories and situations.

Stepping back, I think the reality of what is happening is the huge focus on our children right now. Two small kids, two full-time jobs, and it's a tremendous amount of stress on both of us. We have a vacation coming up soon though, so I'm sure she'll let free then a bit. Overall, I just don't feel like there's any progress to report on.

[drstrangelove]

Well next time, just lay your dick on her pussy, assure her that you won't penetrate her.

Then after you cum on her pussy lick it up (without asking first).

Then tell her if she wants that again, you need to have intercourse next time.

I've thought about that, but the combination of feeling totally uninspired to do so after I cum and the certainty that she'll be disgusted, has prevented it...

[SutterKane]

Sorry about the lack of updates, it just hasn't felt like anything has been update worthy in awhile and I don't want to just keep repeating the similar stories and situations.

Stepping back, I think the reality of what is happening is the huge focus on our children right now. Two small kids, two full-time jobs, and it's a tremendous amount of stress on both of us. We have a vacation coming up soon though, so I'm sure she'll let free then a bit. Overall, I just don't feel like there's any progress to report on.

Post an update, even to say nothing of note has happened. Posting helps keep the thread alive and members reading. Plus, you never know what we might find interesting!