It might actually happen after years of telling me no.

[Coolcalm]

W…???????
All these guys wanting you to either “wait and see” or dig Into this with Adam. NOPE!
You both have a child now! A family! This shit can really harm your family. Trust your gut. Adam is bad news. You KNOW it. She doesn’t seem to care. And I firmly believe that she can stop if she values her family. Nobody but nobody simply can’t make serious decisions when their child and their family is at stake. This isn’t a porno.
Confront her (not in a maniacal way of course) but tell her what you know and that you know she AGAIN has lied to you. She is deceiving you and it needs to stop. The sex may be good but so what. There are many things in life that we would all love to happen but don’t because we are rational and thoughtful human beings with regard for our loved ones.
Bring this shit to light. Stop this now, if she loves him ( a real possibility) then she won’t care. If she loves you and your family then it has to stop with him.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

W…???????
All these guys wanting you to either “wait and see” or dig Into this with Adam. NOPE!
You both have a child now! A family! This shit can really harm your family. Trust your gut. Adam is bad news. You KNOW it. She doesn’t seem to care. And I firmly believe that she can stop if she values her family. Nobody but nobody simply can’t make serious decisions when their child and their family is at stake. This isn’t a porno.
Confront her (not in a maniacal way of course) but tell her what you know and that you know she AGAIN has lied to you. She is deceiving you and it needs to stop. The sex may be good but so what. There are many things in life that we would all love to happen but don’t because we are rational and thoughtful human beings with regard for our loved ones.
Bring this shit to light. Stop this now, if she loves him ( a real possibility) then she won’t care. If she loves you and your family then it has to stop with him.

I hear what you're saying here, even if I am in the "wait and see" camp.

If we took the cuckold dynamic completely out of play, how would most people assess this situation with Lana and Adam?

However, from memory the only reason play with Adam stopped was because our intrepid heroes were looking to start a family. Lots of people on this thread were sounding the alarms at Adam's behaviour and w770 acknowledged the concerns but was happy to let it all play out. I don't think, at least I don't remember, any conversation that w770 shared with us, that he and Lana discussed stopping play with Adam specifically because of his hold over Lana nor because of any direct threat to their marriage.

For that reason alone, I would be willing to give the benefit of the doubt to my wife in this situation. Had that specific conversation happened it might be a different story.

w770, I do agree that you are probably best placed to remove the cuckolding mindset and look at this from an objective point of view. From what little I know of you, you're either a 'numbers' guy or a 'letter of the law' guy, so frame the situation in whichever makes the most sense to you. I feel that possibly you are using the cuckolding dynamic to shield yourself from the brunt of the pain that Lana being in a real affair could cause you at this sensitive time. That is probably only natural considering the context of the forums within which we frame this discussion, however there are also hundreds of threads over the last 15 years that have ended in disaster because of men doing the same thing and deluding themselves to the dangers that they either didn't see or refused to acknowledge. This thread in particular is a stark warning.

For me personally, I am still a "wait-and-see" kind of guy. But I am also a "give people enough rope to hang themselves with," kind of guy. The way I see it is a balancing act between, how much you trust Lana to sincerely end it with Adam and come back in line. And how ready/willing are you to follow through on any consequences to Lana and/or your marriage, should she fully engage in an affair with him.

Therein lies the rub.

While I do not believe Lana would consciously seek to harm your newly established family, I do not extend the same courtesy to Adam.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Lana has been engaging with Adam for her own selfish, lustful reasons, NOT because she wants to share any of it with W. And she’s done nothing to protect W, herself or her young family. She only stopped because she had to deliver her baby. Don’t kid yourself, she WILL go right back to her nonsense with Adam, and most likely take it even further. Confront now. Confront firmly. Make sure she understands that if she fucks this up that you WILL move on, you will find another wife, and that other wife will be helping you raise this child. There’s no reason to expect you wouldn’t be able to get 50/50 custody, given the damaging evidence you have.

[Magellanic29]

Wow, this sure took a turn. Didn't think Lana was secretly messaging Adam of all things. He would be a perfect bull for you two. Saying you even get back into the lifestyle.

[edgedndenied]

With these developements you wonder if Lana has physicaly seen Adam in the last few months. It makes you wonder if all her communications with Adam have been on her phone or has she bought a burner phone that W does nor know about. Has she communicated using her computer or another type of device. With what she has done you can not assume anything is to far fetched for Lana to do. The longer you wait to confront Lana the more emotional toll this is going to take on your relationship

[GuruTravelMonkey]

It’s SO hard to be calm with SO much emotion, desire, shame, and guilt.

But, you must be, though you shake and quake.

A) connect. Not sexually, but emotionally. Walk with her somewhere, watch a sunset. Have a talk about your live’s together and your family. Love her.

B) After that nice connection, when you get back, Tell her it’s time to talk about Adam. Thank her for the honesty of the open phone policy. Tell her YOU haven’t been HONEST. Because, you haven’t. You need to come clean. Tell her you’ve seem the texts AND that he’s contacted you.

C) Clarify what you want, and that it’s hard for you too because you also have fears.

D) Ask: What can I do? How can I be a good husband to you?

Remember, YOU got off on the ‘cheating’ aspect, gave her permission to do so a while back…it was part of the ‘game’ you made your reality. There was even a time you considered whether you’d be okay with her getting pregnant by someone else.

So, you’ve turned your fantasies into reality my friend. That’s taken amazing strength. And you’ve unleashed her…that too is incredible.
It sounds actually, like she’s left the breadcrumbs for you. Now, the extent to which this blows up or holds together is as much in your hands as it ever was.

[GuruTravelMonkey]

It’s SO hard to be calm with SO much emotion, desire, shame, and guilt.

But, you must be, though you shake and quake.

A) connect. Not sexually, but emotionally. Walk with her somewhere, watch a sunset. Have a talk about your live’s together and your family. Love her.

B) After that nice connection, when you get back, Tell her it’s time to talk about Adam. Thank her for the honesty of the open phone policy. Tell her YOU haven’t been HONEST. Because, you haven’t. You need to come clean. Tell her you’ve seem the texts AND that he’s contacted you.

C) Clarify what you want, and that it’s hard for you too because you also have fears.

D) Ask: What can I do? How can I be a good husband to you?

Remember, YOU got off on the ‘cheating’ aspect, gave her permission to do so a while back…it was part of the ‘game’ you made your reality. There was even a time you considered whether you’d be okay with her getting pregnant by someone else.

So, you’ve turned your fantasies into reality my friend. That’s taken amazing strength. And you’ve unleashed her…that too is incredible.
It sounds actually, like she’s left the breadcrumbs for you. Now, the extent to which this blows up or holds together is as much in your hands as it ever was.

[readyy2009]

I agree with A B and C above but D will make it look like you are taking the blame for this and that will just lead to the same thing happening with Adam or the next Adam that comes along...Be more firm on how much this hurts you and your young family and you are not OK with it

[leander99]

Sounds like everyone is deceiving everyone.

Might have been a fun game at on time, but it is now an unhealthy pattern that could be indicating future trouble.
It is time for all concerned to either come clean or move on.

[shawnm]

IMHO, this is highest level of deceit and deception.
- This is no longer cuckolding as W is nowhere involved since a couple of months.
- This is pure and brazen cheating without a slightest bit of regard for W, with the attitude that even if you find the chats in her phone (due to open mobile policy), she knows she can get around as well, as she always does, as W tends to think with his dick.
- If it were role-playing or cucking, Lana would have told W at some point, probably after a week or two, but as I understand, she has gone on doing all this since months, without W not even having a slightest idea of the same. How can this be cuckolding then? It's cheating between 2 consenting adults, with the cuck in a closed closet.
- W, perhaps your past behavior of accepting everything as per her whims as well as Adam's control over her has led to this. Since you are a parent now, you need to think where you want to lead this on.
- Any of her words and actions can never ever be trusted, as she has a history of lying and cheating without a care or worry and will lead to trickle truth only when caught or prooded.
- Her knowing that Adam is a dangerous guy for your relationship and still cheating with him behind your back is definitely not a good sign.
- it's time to man up and take control. Cuckolding has its place, but your family comes first and it's time to sit down and form new rules between both of you, considering what is acceptable to both of you.
Best wishes.

[readyy2009]

Exactly Shawnm..."it's time to man up and take control" Let this go and your life could change quicly

[Archie457]

I think she will come through for you.

[GuruTravelMonkey]

There is some language in this chat that I do not think will serve you well.
Again, you showed her that doing some things “ Behind your back” Was OK and a turn on for you. It was part of your play.
These ideas people have of “ Demand” “lay down the law” “ Take control” “ Man up” are antithetical to this whole journey.
She chose you. She chooses you every day you are married. She chooses you to raise a child with to support her and her family.

The choice has always been hers throughout this whole journey. Husband, a cuckold in particular, doesn’t “Make” Their partner do anything. That’s not how any of this works.

Once You connect emotionally and Come clean to her with everything you’ve been hiding, The ball is in her court.

Perhaps you’ve discovered that the cheating / Keeping some secrets aspect of this is more than you can handle. Let her know that then, But I think issuing ultimatums could blow this whole thing up in a very negative way.

It seems to me you’ve always been very tender and understanding with her in a way that few men can be. If that’s true, lean into that, and into who you are. Difficult as it might be for her and for you, I think you’ll find an outcome that is better than if you were to issue ultimatums and call her a liar.

If I remember right, sometime ago, you did ask for this sort of thing.
One of the trickiest things free wife in these situations is when a husband does a 180. If you give her whiplash, I don’t suspect she’ll thank you for it.

[readyy2009]

No this is not what he asked for...They were to discuss everything and he was kept in the loop...This is not part of the game

[GuruTravelMonkey]

There was a period of time with Sean. I believe where he had encouraged her to be secretive. Have little rendezvous. Am I misremembering? And per requested, she set up a secret rendezvous or two without telling him. Even though he kind of knew.
And now, she’s keeping all the texts with an open phone policy… And this guy, Adam certainly isn’t keeping any secrets.

If I’m remembering right anyway.
And if I am, was there ever a specific conversation clarifying that The husband no longer wanted that kind of thing?
That sort of opens the door, Doesn’t it?

Genies and bottles.

Which is why I caution against suddenly changing your whole demeanor, Making demands and accusing her of lying. Especially since she is emotionally involved with these other folks.

It’s never only physical. At least not for a great many wives.

[readyy2009]

No I don't believe so...I think there was the original canfession from Lana that she had been talking with Shawn already...Lana knows this is wrong and W has boundries...There was the time when W saw Lana making love with Shawn and knew it had an effect on W so she left immediately and took an early flight home to comfort him...So she knows the difference of what is part of the game and what is not...All IMO of course

[Tryn]

It’s a fine line between wanting to pretend very convincingly that she’s cheating on you to satisfy your kink for it and her own, and actually cheating on you. I’m not excusing her actions, rather just saying it’s an entirely different scenario than what may more commonly leads to cheating. Understandable in a way, though difficult to excuse. So… I don’t see it as “traditional” “cheating”, though it could be. I see it as Lana starting out 1 way, getting a bit lost, and going with her enjoyment while convincing herself “this is my husband’s ultimate fantasy” even though it’s not. Don’t be too harsh or rush to judgment!

[readyy2009]

The other thing with this is Adam was someone I believe that Lana and W were genuinly affraid of at one point...Not to mention the disrapect of their date nights where she was doing what Adam wanted...If it is a game then part of that game is to let W know after what she did...She never came clean about that

[TheHammer]

Exactly Shawnm..."it's time to man up and take control" Let this go and your life could change quicly

This right here, man up and take control whether you want this to end, have her continue to play online but let you know, or become a cuck and have Adam be the bull for the both of you. Of course, with a newborn, now may not be the time to address any of this with her, but figure out what you want and communicate it.

[KevDi69]

W, i’m sorry to hear that Lana was going behind your back to sex with Adam. I always thought he was a danger to your marriage by his aggressive antics towards you. But, like you, I believed that the danger was less because she wasn’t communicating with him anymore. With the latest development, he looks like more of a danger than you may want to believe.
I’m with the “wait and see“ crowd with a caveat. When the time Is right after his next message to you, you may want to let her know that he sent a message. See what her reaction is. Will she come clean or will she act like they’ve been out of communication? Either way you should let her know that you view him as a major threat to your marriage. Good luck.

[leander99]

Lana is being dishonest with W, but W is not telling Lana what he knows.

Adam is talking to both Lana and W, but also not telling either of them that he is tslking to the other.

And during all of this W and Lana are leaving Adam under the impression that Lana was cheating and W did not know from the beginning, if my memory serves me correctly.

I dont mean to attack anyone, the fantasy was hot when it started. But the dishonesty has gone to far, and it it causing chaos.

Some honesty is required, if not from Adam then from W and Lana.

[BallSpanking]

Why bring a live grenade home to your bedroom? That defies reason.
If you don't understand this, seek professional counsel immediately.
This is NOT, repeat NOT, a matter to be decided in consideration of ANY KINK.

YOU HAVE A SON!
If you are not thinking from that starting point ... No advice will help you.

[Dream Weaver]

With these developements you wonder if Lana has physicaly seen Adam in the last few months. It makes you wonder if all her communications with Adam have been on her phone or has she bought a burner phone that W does nor know about. Has she communicated using her computer or another type of device. With what she has done you can not assume anything is to far fetched for Lana to do. The longer you wait to confront Lana the more emotional toll this is going to take on your relationship

Mehhh.. I don't know. I think it's really all about what W can handle. He's definitely not too wrapped up in some made up "rules" that they have. He seems good at rolling with the punches and looking at the bright side. He's definitely isn't "play" cuckolding like it's some Disneyland ride. He likes this. He's barely ever truly complained. I think he enjoys the intellectual exercise of it all.

And I think in a huge percent of cases where we hear people brag/talk about their own relationships there is a HUGE portion who omit more embarrassing facts (be it wives who cheat more than they let on) or their own "sins" or they are simply clueless and ignorant to their S.O.'s "breaking the rules". Some people (I like to think I'm one), am willing to let my wife be a real person who fucks up or wants something for herself and would like her to be equally forgiving for me.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

With these developements you wonder if Lana has physicaly seen Adam in the last few months. It makes you wonder if all her communications with Adam have been on her phone or has she bought a burner phone that W does nor know about. Has she communicated using her computer or another type of device. With what she has done you can not assume anything is to far fetched for Lana to do. The longer you wait to confront Lana the more emotional toll this is going to take on your relationship

Mehhh.. I don't know. I think it's really all about what W can handle. He's definitely not too wrapped up in some made up "rules" that they have. He seems good at rolling with the punches and looking at the bright side. He's definitely isn't "play" cuckolding like it's some Disneyland ride. He likes this. He's barely ever truly complained. I think he enjoys the intellectual exercise of it all.

And I think in a huge percent of cases where we hear people brag/talk about their own relationships there is a HUGE portion who omit more embarrassing facts (be it wives who cheat more than they let on) or their own "sins" or they are simply clueless and ignorant to their S.O.'s "breaking the rules". Some people (I like to think I'm one), am willing to let my wife be a real person who fucks up or wants something for herself and would like her to be equally forgiving for me.

Wise words, great perspective

[mundyman]

If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck……………