Seeking advice

[mooncucky]

Hi

I'm seeking some advice. My wife (35F) and I (36M) are married for about 10 years and we're 8 years in the lifestyle. A long time ago I documented our story on here but once she got pregnant from her boyfriend (6 years ago) people started to be very negative and disrespectful towards my wife so I stopped posting because of it.

Now 6 years later she's still seeing him. Some periods more intense and others almost no contact between them but they always ended up together again. The fact is that they're in love, what's not really surprising after 8 years and 1 child together, and sometimes it created some friction between me and my wife for obvious reasons but in the end she always chose for me and if it got to intense between them she took some distance.

Just before the summer her boyfriend started to have some issues with our 'arrangement'. He's 7 years older than her and feels it's time to have again (he has been married before) a more serious relationship and he preferred to have my wife to be his significant other but if not he would have to move on.

Kind of understandable from his perspective but of course not really what we wanted. She didn't want to leave me but also didn't want to lose him. So we had some long talks and she got back to him with a proposal, some kind of poly relationship. He would get equal 'romantic rights' over her, which means he could fully date her, introduce her to whom ever he wants as his girlfriend and so on. A full blown relationship with the exception she also has another relationship with me, her husband. While her primary residence would be at our home, she would try to stay as often as possible at his house and he would get the exclusive 'sexual rights'. We thought that was a pretty sweet deal and my wife said it was the only deal he would get if he wanted to continue with her. Although he was a bit hesitant he also wanted to give it a try.

So far, so good. But after a month or so he said it wasn't working for him. She kept seeing him with the idea of convincing him to change his mind and this is already the case for about two months. I started to be a bit suspicious because he said he didn't want it like that anymore but they keep seeing each other and my wife was a bit vague about the whole thing. So when I got the chance a had a quick peek in to her phone, not proud of this, and I saw some very disturbing things.

She had told him we broke up, she was thinking of moving out, she told her parents already, etc. But I know for a fact we didn't break up and her parents definitely don't know anything about that. We're talking about buying a new house so the moving out doesn't really makes senses either. I haven't confronted her with this information yet because I don't want to tell her I looked in her phone. And also I don't know what to thinking of it. Why is she lying to him? Is it to prolong the sex with him as long as possible. Is it to see how he react? But what if he says that he wants her to live with him, how will she explain she first lied to him? It all makes no real sense. I'm afraid that, in case she's just prolonging their sex life, by confronting her I'll show I doesn't trust her. On the other hand if she's hoping to move in with him, I would appreciate if she could honestly talk about that like we did in the past. There has been a moment she said she wanted to be all his and they tried to build on a relationship but it didn't work out at that moment because of circumstances. So I don't get why she wouldn't be honest this time.

It's all confusing and I don't know what I should do. Should I stay quiet and hope for the best or confront her with the big chance she feels as I broke our trust in each other? I welcome all advise but please stay respectful towards my wife, she's a good person and although she might be doing something sketchy she's not in an easy position in between two men she loves. But at a certain moment she will have to come clean to both of us.

[ResponsibullCummings]

It could be that she is planning to leave you for him and is not wanting to tell you until the last minute or she is lying to him. If you feel confronting her about the phone could push her to him you might be better off not. You should have a discussion with her about your situation. You could ask her why she is continuing to see him when the arrangement is not working for him. You could also tell her that it's not working for you anymore and see where that goes. What is most troubling about what you found is his plan to buy a house with her. If she had no plans to leave for him I would think she wouldn't let it get to that point. Maybe she's still on the fence and a conversation sooner than later might bring her back to your side of the fence.

[QueenHedone]

Hi there. Wow, that’s a lot. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, but thank you for trusting us with your story.
I’m newish here, so I don’t have a lot of experience in the LS, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I do however have a lot of experience with mistrust in relationships.
My opinion is that you should confront your wife and share that you peeked at her phone. It’s not going to be easy, because you did violate her trust, but honestly, it seems that she has also violated yours. You do no one any favors by keeping back part of the information. You both need to be able to lay out everything so that you can work on a solution that will work for everyone. Holding back information because you are ashamed (and you should be, but also we’re all human) creates a distortion of the truth that will only snowball and create a bigger mess eventually.
So, the short version of my advice is go ahead and come clean. That’s the only way you can explain how you know what you know so you both can talk freely about all of your feelings. Much love to you both. None of this is easy.

[mooncucky]

The buying a new house is something me and my wife or looking for not my wife and boyfriend.

But I think you’re right when you say she’s in doubt of what she wants and she’s probably keeping both options open. But if that’s the case I’m a bit disappointed she’s not open towards me about it, she knows I never judged her for her feelings towards him even in times she was crushing on him big time.

I already tried to open the conversation but she said she had no interest in being together with him. Of course I could not keep pushing the subject without telling her I saw their conversation. She wouldn’t be happy if she knows I checked her phone.

So I probably need to look for another angel to restart the conversation on how it’s going between them and what her expectations are.

[mooncucky]

Hi there. Wow, that’s a lot. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, but thank you for trusting us with your story.
I’m newish here, so I don’t have a lot of experience in the LS, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I do however have a lot of experience with mistrust in relationships.
My opinion is that you should confront your wife and share that you peeked at her phone. It’s not going to be easy, because you did violate her trust, but honestly, it seems that she has also violated yours. You do no one any favors by keeping back part of the information. You both need to be able to lay out everything so that you can work on a solution that will work for everyone. Holding back information because you are ashamed (and you should be, but also we’re all human) creates a distortion of the truth that will only snowball and create a bigger mess eventually.
So, the short version of my advice is go ahead and come clean. That’s the only way you can explain how you know what you know so you both can talk freely about all of your feelings. Much love to you both. None of this is easy.

Thank you very much for your advice! It’s always very helpful to hear a female perspective.

I get what you’re saying and you’re probably right. I need to grow some balls and step-up to clarify this situation.

Maybe a strange question and hard to answer but what if she says she should be happier living with him. Should I be supportive because pushing her into something she’s not willing is not good for her happiness? Or should I fight for her by all means so she wouldn’t leave her family? I ask this question because sometimes I wonder if it’s fair from me to ask her to hold back on her relationship with him because of our family or is it just selfish from me?

[mrdnrm]

I can only give you a prospective from my experience in my relationship with me wife. We both had a lot of relationships before we were married. We have been married for 35 plus years now. Before my wife I had several woman hind and also cheat on me. I cheated on many women also. Yet when I met my wife and we started dating she had sex with two guys at the beginning of our relationship during the dating stage. Once we were married she had sex with two guys in an all girls weekend to New York but that's a different story.

Just before we got married we both agreed no secrets. Each of us would disclose each others past to one another. I was both jealous and turned on. At that time I had only been with 16 women and she had been with 32 men. Currently I am at 17 women (she's #17) and she is now well past 50 plus men. We found we do best by open total pure honesty, meaning she always has access to my phone and I to hers. Complete access always to my wallet and I her pocket book. I to her computer and her to mine. We have a list of each others past words and everythings Always and Always. See we are Married! The marriage of us comes first and always first. Boys, men, toys, and play always comes third, kids are second.

So my advice is eventually you are going to get older and will need to absolutely trust each other, to care for one another, to count 100% on each other, while all others are gone. So whatever decisions you make today, make it based on building a secure marriage, because in the end you will either be alone or with each other. The choices you make today will have an impact on your tomorrow.

[Cdncuck]

If I was you I would be moving out and contacting a lawyer. Your relationship has obviously been strained for a long time. Your wife seems to be unwilling to make a choice between you or her boyfriend.
You have a problem whatever you do. My opinion is the relationship isn't mentally healthy for either of you and it's time to do some self care and move on.

[Cdncuck]

If I was you I would be moving out and contacting a lawyer. Your relationship has obviously been strained for a long time. Your wife seems to be unwilling to make a choice between you or her boyfriend.
You have a problem whatever you do. My opinion is the relationship isn't mentally healthy for either of you and it's time to do some self care and move on.

[mooncucky]

If I was you I would be moving out and contacting a lawyer. Your relationship has obviously been strained for a long time. Your wife seems to be unwilling to make a choice between you or her boyfriend.
You have a problem whatever you do. My opinion is the relationship isn't mentally healthy for either of you and it's time to do some self care and move on.

I wonder why you would say that? Our relationship might not be conventional but it has always be strong and even now I pretty sure we want the same things. The problem is her boyfriend doesn’t want the same things. And he puts pressure on her but I’m 100% sure if it wasn’t for his unwillingness and pressure she wouldn’t want to change anything about our situation with me as her loving husband and him as her crazy hot boyfriend. He’s forcing her to make a decision she doesn’t want to make. I can imagine being in her situation it’s not easy to handle. So lawyers and me leaving her is definitely not something I will do.

[mooncucky]

I can only give you a prospective from my experience in my relationship with me wife. We both had a lot of relationships before we were married. We have been married for 35 plus years now. Before my wife I had several woman hind and also cheat on me. I cheated on many women also. Yet when I met my wife and we started dating she had sex with two guys at the beginning of our relationship during the dating stage. Once we were married she had sex with two guys in an all girls weekend to New York but that's a different story.

Just before we got married we both agreed no secrets. Each of us would disclose each others past to one another. I was both jealous and turned on. At that time I had only been with 16 women and she had been with 32 men. Currently I am at 17 women (she's #17) and she is now well past 50 plus men. We found we do best by open total pure honesty, meaning she always has access to my phone and I to hers. Complete access always to my wallet and I her pocket book. I to her computer and her to mine. We have a list of each others past words and everythings Always and Always. See we are Married! The marriage of us comes first and always first. Boys, men, toys, and play always comes third, kids are second.

So my advice is eventually you are going to get older and will need to absolutely trust each other, to care for one another, to count 100% on each other, while all others are gone. So whatever decisions you make today, make it based on building a secure marriage, because in the end you will either be alone or with each other. The choices you make today will have an impact on your tomorrow.

Thank you for sharing your experience! Especially that last paragraph is very true

[2inUPMichigan]

It sounds like she is in a bad situation. She doesn't want to lose either of you and possibly feels torn between the two of you. One relationship is over 10 years and the other is at least 6 years. These are not short relationships and if she lost either of you it would create a hole in her life.

Has she ever taken a moment and just thought about what the ideal situation would be for her? Or is she trying so desperately to hold onto both of you that she has lost sight of what she actually wants?

It would be difficult for her to lose either of you but she can't be happy in the middle of a tug of war. She will mourn the loss of either of you, it may not be exactly the same but the feeling of loss will be there.

A sit down is in order. This time my advice would be to ask her not what he wants but what she would want to see happen if she could plan things out her way between the three of you. (She will deflect to what the 2 of you agreed on. Ask her for her version)

Placating him sounds like a desperate attempt to keep him in her life. Her not telling you sounds like she knows her behavior is not healthy for her and will only be hurtful to everyone in the end.

It is difficult to say goodbye
Good luck to both of you.
She will need your support now more than ever if she knows she will have to say goodbye but can't bear to do it.

[Cdncuck]

If I was you I would be moving out and contacting a lawyer. Your relationship has obviously been strained for a long time. Your wife seems to be unwilling to make a choice between you or her boyfriend.
You have a problem whatever you do. My opinion is the relationship isn't mentally healthy for either of you and it's time to do some self care and move on.

I wonder why you would say that? Our relationship might not be conventional but it has always be strong and even now I pretty sure we want the same things. The problem is her boyfriend doesn’t want the same things. And he puts pressure on her but I’m 100% sure if it wasn’t for his unwillingness and pressure she wouldn’t want to change anything about our situation with me as her loving husband and him as her crazy hot boyfriend. He’s forcing her to make a decision she doesn’t want to make. I can imagine being in her situation it’s not easy to handle. So lawyers and me leaving her is definitely not something I will do.

The reason I said what I did is from your post, your relationship has been unhappy and unhealthy for a long time. My response is just my opinion. You of course are free to do as you wish.
I meant no offense but please remember you did ask. The title of your post is: Seeking Advice.

[mooncucky]

If I was you I would be moving out and contacting a lawyer. Your relationship has obviously been strained for a long time. Your wife seems to be unwilling to make a choice between you or her boyfriend.
You have a problem whatever you do. My opinion is the relationship isn't mentally healthy for either of you and it's time to do some self care and move on.

I wonder why you would say that? Our relationship might not be conventional but it has always be strong and even now I pretty sure we want the same things. The problem is her boyfriend doesn’t want the same things. And he puts pressure on her but I’m 100% sure if it wasn’t for his unwillingness and pressure she wouldn’t want to change anything about our situation with me as her loving husband and him as her crazy hot boyfriend. He’s forcing her to make a decision she doesn’t want to make. I can imagine being in her situation it’s not easy to handle. So lawyers and me leaving her is definitely not something I will do.

The reason I said what I did is from your post, your relationship has been unhappy and unhealthy for a long time. My response is just my opinion. You of course are free to do as you wish.
I meant no offense but please remember you did ask. The title of your post is: Seeking Advice.

No worries, I do appreciate the time you took to react! To me it just doesn’t feel as an unhappy marriage so I wondered why you thought it was.

[mooncucky]

It sounds like she is in a bad situation. She doesn't want to lose either of you and possibly feels torn between the two of you. One relationship is over 10 years and the other is at least 6 years. These are not short relationships and if she lost either of you it would create a hole in her life.

Has she ever taken a moment and just thought about what the ideal situation would be for her? Or is she trying so desperately to hold onto both of you that she has lost sight of what she actually wants?

It would be difficult for her to lose either of you but she can't be happy in the middle of a tug of war. She will mourn the loss of either of you, it may not be exactly the same but the feeling of loss will be there.

A sit down is in order. This time my advice would be to ask her not what he wants but what she would want to see happen if she could plan things out her way between the three of you. (She will deflect to what the 2 of you agreed on. Ask her for her version)

Placating him sounds like a desperate attempt to keep him in her life. Her not telling you sounds like she knows her behavior is not healthy for her and will only be hurtful to everyone in the end.

It is difficult to say goodbye
Good luck to both of you.
She will need your support now more than ever if she knows she will have to say goodbye but can't bear to do it.

Thank you for the advice! I believe you’re very close to the truth. I think that at the moment she’s desperately holding on to both of us. But like you said it’s an untenable(if this word is correct, English is not my first language) situation and she’ll have to make a very hard decision.

Whatever happens she will always be able to count on my support. We’re actually about 20 years together, highschool sweethearts. We were each others first and until this day she’s my only one.

[QueenHedone]

Hi there. Wow, that’s a lot. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, but thank you for trusting us with your story.
I’m newish here, so I don’t have a lot of experience in the LS, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I do however have a lot of experience with mistrust in relationships.
My opinion is that you should confront your wife and share that you peeked at her phone. It’s not going to be easy, because you did violate her trust, but honestly, it seems that she has also violated yours. You do no one any favors by keeping back part of the information. You both need to be able to lay out everything so that you can work on a solution that will work for everyone. Holding back information because you are ashamed (and you should be, but also we’re all human) creates a distortion of the truth that will only snowball and create a bigger mess eventually.
So, the short version of my advice is go ahead and come clean. That’s the only way you can explain how you know what you know so you both can talk freely about all of your feelings. Much love to you both. None of this is easy.

Thank you very much for your advice! It’s always very helpful to hear a female perspective.

I get what you’re saying and you’re probably right. I need to grow some balls and step-up to clarify this situation.

Maybe a strange question and hard to answer but what if she says she should be happier living with him. Should I be supportive because pushing her into something she’s not willing is not good for her happiness? Or should I fight for her by all means so she wouldn’t leave her family? I ask this question because sometimes I wonder if it’s fair from me to ask her to hold back on her relationship with him because of our family or is it just selfish from me?

I think you ought to ask yourself what YOU want. If she chooses him over you, do you WANT to fight for her? Will you ever really feel like first place? Will you ever really be able to trust her?
Maybe you will. All relationships have to decide for themselves what they are willing and able to accept. I’m just saying, that YOUR feelings matter just as much as hers. And from your perspective, they ought to matter more. That’s not being selfish; that’s being true to yourself. YOU are the one that has to live with your choices the rest of your life.

[parklife]

Clearly you need to talk and make sure things are getting out in the open. Only thru communication can things become more clear. I understand the desire not to admit you looked at her phone. That was bad on your part and speaks to the issues currently in your relationship. Maybe you don’t need to outright admit you did so (though asking for her honesty, should illicit the same honesty from you regardless of how difficult it is). You could suggest you’re feeling the stress in your arraignment, you can admit to wanting to look in her phone because you’re feeling like there is a wall that you’re not able to see over.

I think 2Up is on to something with the her being torn right now. She doesn’t want to pose either of you but the reality is that he seems ready for a different arraignment in his life and has been pretty clear with her what it’s t working. Also sounds like he gave it a go, but it’s still not what he wants. The situation may seem perfect for the two of you but that’s why involving three people is so hard in the first place.

Ultimately, it think you both need to let him go and find what he is looking for in life. It will be hard on her because it’s something like a divorce…. He is the father of her child and it has been a long term relationship albeit a different form than your marriage.

My wife’s first FWB ended because he wanted her more than he could have her. Thankfully, in hindsight, he exited when he realized he couldn’t get what he wanted from the relationship. Or perhaps he couldn’t express what he wanted clear enough but either way, he left and my wife was crushed. She didn’t want to lose him but he wanted more than she could give at the time. We worked thru that breakup and frankly it was one of the oddest times of my life helping to console and support my wife because of someone breaking up with her. She never lied or said the same things yours did but she did present an arraignment that could work for us, he decided it couldn’t work for him and they split. Hard and painful but ultimately the best for all of us.

Sometimes the best decisions are the ones that hurt. I can’t imagine how it would be if there was a child and 8 years invested.

[wrknman66]

I do not think you should share you looked at her phone. Use that inside information to watch things with the knowledge you gained in mind. You can poke and prod and ask questions from a position of strength rather than what might have been a blindside. I'm with you I think she's more just stringing him along .

[mooncucky]

I want to thank everybody for the thought through advice. I’ll try to have a talk with her as soon as possible and hope for the best.

[Dontjudge]

Hi

I'm seeking some advice. My wife (35F) and I (36M) are married for about 10 years and we're 8 years in the lifestyle. A long time ago I documented our story on here but once she got pregnant from her boyfriend (6 years ago) people started to be very negative and disrespectful towards my wife so I stopped posting because of it.

Now 6 years later she's still seeing him. Some periods more intense and others almost no contact between them but they always ended up together again. The fact is that they're in love, what's not really surprising after 8 years and 1 child together, and sometimes it created some friction between me and my wife for obvious reasons but in the end she always chose for me and if it got to intense between them she took some distance.

Just before the summer her boyfriend started to have some issues with our 'arrangement'. He's 7 years older than her and feels it's time to have again (he has been married before) a more serious relationship and he preferred to have my wife to be his significant other but if not he would have to move on.

Kind of understandable from his perspective but of course not really what we wanted. She didn't want to leave me but also didn't want to lose him. So we had some long talks and she got back to him with a proposal, some kind of poly relationship. He would get equal 'romantic rights' over her, which means he could fully date her, introduce her to whom ever he wants as his girlfriend and so on. A full blown relationship with the exception she also has another relationship with me, her husband. While her primary residence would be at our home, she would try to stay as often as possible at his house and he would get the exclusive 'sexual rights'. We thought that was a pretty sweet deal and my wife said it was the only deal he would get if he wanted to continue with her. Although he was a bit hesitant he also wanted to give it a try.

So far, so good. But after a month or so he said it wasn't working for him. She kept seeing him with the idea of convincing him to change his mind and this is already the case for about two months. I started to be a bit suspicious because he said he didn't want it like that anymore but they keep seeing each other and my wife was a bit vague about the whole thing. So when I got the chance a had a quick peek in to her phone, not proud of this, and I saw some very disturbing things.

She had told him we broke up, she was thinking of moving out, she told her parents already, etc. But I know for a fact we didn't break up and her parents definitely don't know anything about that. We're talking about buying a new house so the moving out doesn't really makes senses either. I haven't confronted her with this information yet because I don't want to tell her I looked in her phone. And also I don't know what to thinking of it. Why is she lying to him? Is it to prolong the sex with him as long as possible. Is it to see how he react? But what if he says that he wants her to live with him, how will she explain she first lied to him? It all makes no real sense. I'm afraid that, in case she's just prolonging their sex life, by confronting her I'll show I doesn't trust her. On the other hand if she's hoping to move in with him, I would appreciate if she could honestly talk about that like we did in the past. There has been a moment she said she wanted to be all his and they tried to build on a relationship but it didn't work out at that moment because of circumstances. So I don't get why she wouldn't be honest this time.

It's all confusing and I don't know what I should do. Should I stay quiet and hope for the best or confront her with the big chance she feels as I broke our trust in each other? I welcome all advise but please stay respectful towards my wife, she's a good person and although she might be doing something sketchy she's not in an easy position in between two men she loves. But at a certain moment she will have to come clean to both of us.

Wanna be here, so take this with a handful of salt.

You've illustrated why my insistence for her paramour be significantly younger than she, half her age
Maybe a 3rd of her age.

The vagueness of her answers is concerning. The information more so.

Advice. Have a deep conversation, with emphasis on your position. Good l luck

[Gulfcpl]

I’m my opinion, this is where the brakes need to be applied by both of you. There is clearly a concern and if you and her don’t share the same level of concern, you truly have a problem.

There are couples that prefer exclusivity and if it works for them, it’s great. There are also drawbacks to this arrangement as has been shared by many on here. As far as I’m concerned, this other fellow should have no part in this conversation. It’s yours and your wife’s marriage, not his. If he is honorable, he will understand the issue. It appears that he is in too deep to back out gracefully. I wish you the best moving forward but your marriage is the top priority.

[Dontjudge]

I’m my opinion, this is where the brakes need to be applied by both of you. There is clearly a concern and if you and her don’t share the same level of concern, you truly have a problem.

There are couples that prefer exclusivity and if it works for them, it’s great. There are also drawbacks to this arrangement as has been shared by many on here. As far as I’m concerned, this other fellow should have no part in this conversation. It’s yours and your wife’s marriage, not his. If he is honorable, he will understand the issue. It appears that he is in too deep to back out gracefully. I wish you the best moving forward but your marriage is the top priority.

I agree 100% I don't like using the phrase he doesn't count, but it's accurate. He doesn't get a voice. You and she do only. It sounds like, however, he feels entitled, and she at some level agrees he is.

[2inUPMichigan]

I want to thank everybody for the thought through advice. I’ll try to have a talk with her as soon as possible and hope for the best.

Good luck! I hope the two of you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you and a way forward for her to cope with the potential loss of the relationship with this other man. This may be a bump in the road but your journey is what the two of you make it. The choices are up to the two of you.

[FNQLivin]

I want to thank everybody for the thought through advice. I’ll try to have a talk with her as soon as possible and hope for the best.

Good luck! I hope the two of you can work together to find a solution that works for both of you and a way forward for her to cope with the potential loss of the relationship with this other man. This may be a bump in the road but your journey is what the two of you make it. The choices are up to the two of you.

Is that not the issue though? It isn't just the two of them. It's 3 people and a child (fathered by the third). It's a long term relationship involving 3 people. The only difference is that MC has a legal document that says that he is married to the woman in this relationship. This document in itself means little, other than formalising some legal rights each other has over assets etc...

Given that she has a child fathered by the 3rd, has a strong emotional and sexual connection with him, offered sexual exclusivity AND offered to spend considerable time cohabitating with the 3rd, I am not sure that this is a decision between 2 people, at least not the 2 we think of.

The test was, when the 3rd started to make specific demands and even when they were met, wanted more, she entertained those ideas. It should have been a hard no at that stage, not a 'let us see what we can do to keep this going....'

As a wannabe cuck, this is both exciting and terrifying.

Best of luck to all parties. Someone is going to be hurt.

[parklife]

I don’t see that he is making demands…. Nor feelings of entitlement. I read that the relationship was going forward but he wanted something different. They all agreed to try a new arraignment but it wasn’t working for him. That’s exactly what the poster said. He isn’t being a dick, what he is looking for has just changed and he let his desires be known. If anything she is the one that continued to pursue in the hopes of “convincing him to change his mind”.

I don’t see anything but honesty coming from the third and the opposite coming from couple (she lying to the 3rd and the poster being deceitful with his wife about searching her phone).

“So far, so good. But after a month or so he said it wasn't working for him. She kept seeing him with the idea of convincing him to change his mind and this is already the case for about two months. “

[FNQLivin]

Perhaps a poor choice of words on my part.

I took him saying he wants more and if she can't give it, that he will move on, as a demand, as in, I want you to marry me, be my wife and if you can't do that, then I will need to leave on move on with my life.

She doesn't want to lose him. She has a deep emotional and sexual connection with him, he has after all fathered a child with her. He entered the relationship as a third and must have been aware of what the situation was. After 8yrs he wants more. I can totally understand his needs and why he wants that. It's not that he's entitled, but he's put MC's wife in a situation where she has to chose and she doesn't want to.

The third is a real person, with real emotions and real needs. Being the 3rd to a couple, especially when you have a kid with them, must be incredibly hard. It's why fantasy should sometimes stay that way, or pick your partners very carefully.

My other point was how some are saying it's something that MC and his wife need to sort out, as though the 3rd doesn't have a say. My point is that MC's wife clearly is conflicted and that MC may not be the preferred long term partner and the decision being made might be being made by him and his wife and is instead something that his wife and the 3rd are making.