How do you deal with being cucked while out of town?

[Wanderlustcuck]

Hi Guys,
Long time lurker here… I’m in the process of writing up our backstory and current events. Quick question for discussion though. For those of you who travel out of town for work frequently, how do you handle the wife playing while you’re gone?

For us, she’s about to start cucking me with a guy that she’s really smitten by. It sounds like he may be a regular long term bf/bull with some definite poly overtones. I’m out of town for work 3-4 days/week and she wants/demands to be able to play even if I’m gone.

I’ve found I need to be there with her to reconnect immediately after, while all the feelings are still fresh for both of us. I don’t want to top from the bottom and dictate when she can have sex with her bf, but I feel like they’ll chose to mostly have sex when I’m gone because it’s more convenient not having me around. That leads me to feeling shutout, neglected, suspicious, etc.

She’s sensitive to my concerns, but also doesn’t wants to feel free to fuck her boyfriend spontaneously, whenever works for their schedules and libidos.

I’d love to hear how other couples have navigated and communicated around similar issues.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Just my thoughts. Take it or leave it. But, if she’s fucking a guy with your support and you’re out of town 3-4 days a week, it’s inevitable that she’s going to fuck him sometime when you’re not around. There’s just too much opportunity. It’s going to happen. The question is, do you want her to feel bad about it, lie to you and hide it from you?

I would say give her your blessing. Negotiate ways you can stay involved, or at least stay in the loop. Try to spend less time away from home, and when you are home make the very best of it. Remind her through words and actions why she fell in love with you in the first place. Create new rituals that you can use to demonstrate your mutual love and commitment.

[Wanderlustcuck]

Thanks Maddie. I know it’s inevitable. I guess my big fear is that it will become the preferred norm for it to be while I’m gone. I’m ok with it happening sometimes, as long as I’m around a roughly equal amount of time to balance it out. I guess I need the reassurance from her in the moment some of the time and for her to see how intense the experience is for me… so I don’t feel like my feelings are taken for granted. The trick is asking her to ask her bull to be on board with that. Was just curious to see if anyone else had struggled with or navigated a similar dynamic.

I’m working on trying to let go and let her control things. It’s definitely tough though. Reality is definitely more difficult than the fantasy. I feel like this will be great for both of us if I can avoid avoid screwing it up. It’s scary going into it though.

[Jujube]

I think hearing your backstory and how you got to this point will give us perspective on your situation

[PlzFuckMyHotwife]

For those of you who travel out of town for work frequently, how do you handle the wife playing while you’re gone?

I handle it the same way as when I'm in town. There is absolutely no difference.

I should qualify my answer by clarifying that I'm not a cuckold in the traditional sense, although we certainly engage in "cuckold style" play from time to time and I enjoy it immensely.

My hot cutie with a booty is free to sleep with whoever she wants (full autonomy in selecting her playmates without any input from me or even a need to let me know), wherever she wants (our place, his place, hotel, sex club, beach, etc.), whenever she wants (truly whenever she wants without a need to let me know in advance, often times I find out by noticing an entry in our shared calendar). She'll do it whether I'm home or out of town / country. When I'm out of town on business she'll often go on dates and fuck other guys to fill her time. Not all the time, but more likely than when I'm home. I expect and enjoy that very much! Naturally, I enjoy the same privileges and can fuck whoever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want. When I'm away on business I will never turn down an opportunity to fuck a local hotwife if the opportunity presents itself.

Neither of us needs to let the other know in advance. We won't spoil the spontaneity of it all by feeling obligated to communicate first. I will let her know as soon as practical though (could be as simple as "Hey, just finished having sex with someone, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Love you!"), she likes to know sooner than later. Her, on the other hand, may keep it a "secret" by up to 30 days and she'll time the disclosure for maximum effect. That... is my preference, so she does it for me, because I find it hot never quite knowing what she's up to. So... sometimes I know when she's fucking someone as it happens, sometimes in advance, and sometimes days or weeks later. It's all part of the fun!

For us, she’s about to start cucking me with a guy that she’s really smitten by. It sounds like he may be a regular long term bf/bull with some definite poly overtones. I’m out of town for work 3-4 days/week and she wants/demands to be able to play even if I’m gone.

The poly aspect may be a bit concerning, but only you can be the judge of that. My hot cutie with a booty has never been "smitten" with anyone and neither have I, for us this is purely NSA fun. But some may find that aspect an integral part of the cuckolding experience. I guess it's up to you to decide how close to the flame you want to get and where your comfort zone is.

I’ve found I need to be there with her to reconnect immediately after, while all the feelings are still fresh for both of us. I don’t want to top from the bottom and dictate when she can have sex with her bf, but I feel like they’ll chose to mostly have sex when I’m gone because it’s more convenient not having me around. That leads me to feeling shutout, neglected, suspicious, etc.

This speaks to your level of trust in your relationship. Maybe you aren't 100% secure in your relationship? The need to reconnect right after is usually stronger when you're just starting in this lifestyle.

My hot cutie with a booty and I had a strong preference for doing things together and reconnecting right after in the beginning. These days I don't have a preference anymore. I enjoy the experience just as much whether I'm in the same room watching her getting fucked or from 10,000 km and several timezones away just knowing she is or has been fucked by someone I may or may not know. Or sometimes just wondering if she's getting fucked at that very moment and finding myself chuckling at the thought.

She’s sensitive to my concerns, but also doesn’t wants to feel free to fuck her boyfriend spontaneously, whenever works for their schedules and libidos.

I’d love to hear how other couples have navigated and communicated around similar issues.

I can understand the need to be spontaneous. That's how it should be in a trusting, secure relationship. I love that my wife has that freedom and I feel 100% secure in our relationship. I also love having that freedom myself.

[Cdncuck]

I’ve found I need to be there with her to reconnect immediately after, while all the feelings are still fresh for both of us. I don’t want to top from the bottom and dictate when she can have sex with her bf, but I feel like they’ll chose to mostly have sex when I’m gone because it’s more convenient not having me around. That leads me to feeling shutout, neglected, suspicious,

I’d love to hear how other couples have navigated and communicated around similar issues.

Well, if you really don't want to top from the bottom the answer is simple. Stop.

You describe your needs and what you want but you don't seem to be taking your wife's needs and feelings into account. You have to ask yourself what you want.

Do you want to play the role of director in a porn movie? She can do whatever she wants as long as it's what you want? And she can't even do that if you're not there?

If you want this to work, you have to take her feelings and her needs into account. Our wives are the single most important part of the equation. If you micromanage her encounters you will eventually piss her off and possibly turn her off to playing altogether.

As far as them wanting to play without you, you're inventing problems that don't exist. If you're not in town you have to accept you aren't there. That shouldn't mean she shouldn't be able to play. Perhaps she could compromise and record some of her adventures with pics or video and send them to you later.

If you really feel you can't deal with them playing while you're not there then talk to her. She might go along with what you want or she might just shut down and say fine. We're done with that game. Could you live with that?

Over the course of our marriage there have been periods where I've been on the road and other times she's been on the road. Sometimes she would phone me after and give me a play by play as I jerked off. The odd time if the guy agreed, she would call me and leave the phone open on the bedside table and let me listen. There are many compromises you could make that will still allow her to play while allowing you to feel like you're part of it.

There were also times when I'd just watch cuck porn and jerk off. There are many possible solutions you just have to get creative and figure it out. Explain to your wife you don't want her to miss her fun but you don't want to miss out entirely. Ask her if she has any suggestions.

If you don't consider her needs and overpower her with your needs you will likely wind up with a lot less than you have now.

[iloanmywife]

For those of you who travel out of town for work frequently, how do you handle the wife playing while you’re gone?

Honestly, it's the perfect situation for us. My wife and I prefer to play together, but my wife also plays alone. If I were keeping score, she plays alone more often than we play together, though logistics is a big reason. One big downside to her playing alone is that every night that she spends with another man is a night that she and I aren't together, either with someone else or just together. So when I'm out of town anyway, we prefer that she uses that time for her alone dates. Some weeks she tells me before I leave, other weeks I return home to a pleasant surprise, and most weeks I'm left to wonder. Did she? Probably not, but maybe...

Think of it as foreplay for your return home. There's "Welcome home" sex and then there's "Welcome home. I fucked another man in our bed this week" sex.

If you care to read a thread about it, I posted about one of our out-of-town experiences here:

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=70286

[jw_kk]

Prior to our current situation, my wife, KK was a serial cheater. Routinely, KK cheated on business travel, either her own, or while I was on the road.

I either suspected it, or in a few cases knew about it - never confronting her, because all the while I encouraged it - endless pillow-talk, whispered fantasies…

In the contemporary, since we’ve been doing the hot wife thing, sex during my absence, or when she’s on the road during business or other solo travel is still routine, but for the most part in the open, to one another.

In the now, we’re poly - it comforts me (most of the time) to know KK’s safe at home getting her brains fucked out by at least one, sometimes several more, horny, loving men.

[submissivedanny]

It sounds like maybe you're having second thoughts about being a cuckold. Whether you're there or not shouldn't make any difference. If you're gone and she's horny what do you expect. Maybe your wife likes to have time alone with her bull. My wife goes away on weekends with her BF a lot and they go away for a weeks vacation during the summer. My wife love her privacy when she's making love to her BF. I'm never allowed in the room while they are making love. So give your wife some space and have some alone time with her bull.

[Jeremie11231]

Hi Wanderlust -- I get what you're going through!
One thing I had to accept pretty quickly with my wife is that once she was having sex with a guy, they were going to have their own connection that went beyond the container we started out with. To me, that is just inevitable -- I dont really know how anyone could avoid that. My wife and her boyfriend get a lot out of seeing me and then retreating to the bedroom, knowing I cam hear them. But they also like to enjoy being together when I'm not here, including when I'm out of town. I do feel like I miss out when I'm out of town, but I like knowing that I don't know whether he is over there on a given night. She usually doesn't tell me their plans. She might just mention it afterwards. And I know she likes the feeling of power and autonomy to make plans and have him over without any discussion whatsoever. Only they will ever know exactly what happens between them on those nights. But only they will know lots of things about their sex together, whether I'm here or not. I think that's the way it should be (for us, and for her, at least). The fact that she fucks him when I'm out of town makes it really clear to me that she is not doing any of this because it turns me on. That makes it hotter for me. She does it because she wants him and because she wants to give him the sex he needs. I think if I were to express concern or resistance to her having sex with him while I was out of town, she would be sympathetic and would talk to me about it in bed, getting me hard and playing with me while explaining why she will be having sex while I'm away.

I do think you can probably come around to feeling arousal from the burn of your wife having sex when it's not about having you overhear them -- it's a different and very authentic way of being cucked hard. But maybe let her know that it helps you stay cooperative with it all for her to flaunt it in your presence when you are back home.

[Kaffircouple90]

And here I am wishing she’d find someone to completely take my place when I’m gone, ugh

[mattyg_2671]

There is a lot of good advice on here. I’m a very recent cuckold so I can give you my own feelings. I realised that I need to be “connected” to what they are doing. I recognise I’ll always be on the periphery but I don’t want to be totally excluded. This means I really want pics, video, a WhatsApp call, and to reconnect with her after her meetings even if she denies me PIV sex.


The emotional and physical reconnect part would be difficult if I am out of town.

We’ve talked about this calmly and rationally with a “set the boundaries and expectations” discussion which allowed us both to understand each other and agree. Who knows what will happen in the heat of the next passionate meet, but at least we have a good foundation of “rules” that both of us can be held accountable to.