Cucked By My Pregnant Girlfriend

[Jimmycuck]

Oh and as far as the other people on this thread that are commenting on this and telling socksoff how great the story is and how you can't wait to hear more, I would say shame on you. Absolutely shame on every one of you. Are you so desperate to get your rocks off on a story that you need to come here daily to masterbate to these things and you could care less about the consequences? Are you going to tell me you are so blind you don't see what this girl is doing to socks? I can understand him being blind but nobody else can possibly be. There are plenty of quality stories here by real and honest people that you can get your rocks off on that you don't need to encourage a poor pathetic man who is about to be taken to the cleaners. It shows you don't really care about him you just need a fantasy story fix so you can stroke your tiny dicks. Do not encourage socks. Help in warning him that his life is going to take an ugly turn if he does not snap out of this. For goodness sakes have a heart his well being is at stake.

[Mrfixitforyou]

@ Jimmycuck

jc: You can not be more right. I tried to advise socks and Im sure some others have as well. Socks has his eyes wide shut. Blinded by his hormones and emotional immaturity. First of all there is no reason why socks should not be able to throw her ass out. He needs a friend to help him through this ordeal. A physical real time non digital person who will act in his best interest regardless of socks.
Most of us go through this type emotional roller coaster when we are younger. We get our hearts broken and move on.

Socks believes that because someone has discovered a " Kink " of his he should be cowtied to that person. No there are many more who can share kinks. With or without a price associated. So socks if you are reading this and I hope you are.
Start with the boyfriend tell him that he cant come and go as he pleases. In fact he is not welcome anymore and if he comes back on your property you will get a restraining order. If she wants to walk with him. Hold the door for the bitch then "let the door knob hitcha where the good lord splitcha." I beieve thats the saying. IMHO

[socksoff]

@Jimmycuck - I do appreciate your concern but while I may be acting reckless, I'm not crazy. As I write this, I'm sitting at my office, and I have the Spinners "It's A Shame" playing which seems quite appropriate. Is anyone old enough to remember that song? Growing up, my family loved music, particularly 70s pop, so although "It's A Shame" was before my time, I heard it a million times in my life. Anyway, it's a perfect song to listen to while thinking about all this stuff. Check the lyrics out some time - very fitting.

She'll sign a prenup, but, even if she didn't, there's not much she can get from me. My house, which is pretty nice and expensive was purchased by me 12 years ago (on a 15 year note) and I paid off most off it a few years ago after settling a rather sizeable personal injury case. It's paid off and so would qualify as a pre-marital asset of which Amanda would be entitled to nothing. In my state, she couldn't get spousal support until we were married at least 7 years and if we make it that far, well, then, I guess we'd probably end up staying together. About all she would get if we married, absent a prenup, is half the marital assets accumulated during the course of the marriage (which won't be much, trust me). I have no intention of signing the birth certificate, however, I will take care of her daughter (once born). Again, this does not place me under any legal obligation should we split. About all I do now is provide Mandy food and shelter and I do buy her many, many clothes and I pay for her car and what few bills she has (credit cards, phone).

I have not fallen in love 15,000 times which is what makes this all the more interesting to me. I have loved in my life but it I can honestly say it's been 2 or 3 times (and each time, I was genuinely in love). I've been with many, many women. Nothing prepared me for this. It's not even that she's young and hot. Shortly before I started with Mandy, I was fucking around with a gorgeous blond who was just a year older than Amanda. Still, she just didn't grab me like Amanda does. Sure, I'm thinking with my little head but it feels good to let that head do the thinking (or not thinking as it were). But I'm not blinded or a "poor, pathetic man." In fact, my life is really interesting, fun and, as I've said, very arousing. Getting women has never been a problem for me but, apparently, getting one that knows how to scratch my itch (or "kink" as mrfixit would say) has been something totally different. I don't want Amanda to leave, she gives me something that I can't quite explain. Excitement, arousal, a sense of living on the edge, a sense of not being in control .... pick a term of your choice, they all fit.

I'm sorry Jimmycuck that you don't think this belongs on a hotwife site, but, it's hardly extortion. I could boot Amanda any time that I want. As for Justin, even at my age, I could probably beat the crap out of him. He's well built but hardly a tough guy. Anyway, as I said above, I don't really understand the main stream cuck mentality about "I love my wife but I want her to fuck around on me and I'll snuggle with her after." It's not me. Not that I think there's anything wrong with that, if that floats your boat, more power to you. I didn't realize there were rules to how I have to conduct my cuck relationship. Seems to me that I am a true cuckold, Amanda fucked around behind my back and, in my mind, that makes me a cuck. This Forum does say that it's a place to discuss "cuckold lifestyles."

As to the friends, I have many friends but this is hardly the thing that I would talk to them about. I guess that's why I'm on this Forum, who else can I tell my story to? How else can I vent? I don't know about the rest of you, but, I can't really imagine sitting in a bar, having drinks, watching Thursday Night Football with my friends and telling them about Amanda fucking another guy in my house. No one and I mean no one that I know would understand this. Obviously, somewhere in my past, I've thought about this stuff. I guess the idea of having a woman who fucks around me settled into my consciousness at some point. But those deep thoughts are for a different time. I don't feel like analyzing why I'm living this, I just want to enjoy it for what it is.

@jc6morw, no I didn't feel guilty after having sex with Rebecca. In fact, I have had sex with her one time since. The problem is that Amanda figured out what I was doing. I stayed out all night and, well, she's not stupid. I never bothered to delete text messages, voicemails, etc., because I never figured that Amanda would care. In that I was wrong. She went crazy. It was almost comical. She tried to lay down the law, so to speak, by telling me that I was hers and absolutely was not allowed to "fuck around." Not sure if she understood why I found the whole situation so funny but I did. Imagine, she fucks Justin at will but wanted to put rules down on me? Hilarious. Nevertheless, for the sake of harmony, I agreed to let my extracurricular activities go. I'll write about that fight sometime later. If I brought Rebecca around the house, I wouldn't worry about Justin having sex with her, I'd be more worried about Amanda trying to seduce her. Mandy has a definite bi side to her and has been with other women. Now that would be hilarious, seeing those 2 hook up. I would be cucked twice! Haha.

As to that night that I saw Justin take her while she was in that skirt. That was an interesting night as I was home while they were out. They came home and made no effort to hide anything that night. I came downstairs while they were drinking and talking and making out and I'm sure they knew I was there but made no effort to hide anything. And if I didn't say it before, let me make this clear, I was turned on by the sight of watching her get fucked by Justin. While I wasn't in the room watching, seeing what I did, hearing what I did, it turned me on.

That was also an interesting night in that when it was finally my turn to be with her late that evening, we did something we hadn't done before. She laid flat on the bed, on her back, and I strode on top of her. She told me to imagine that I was having sex with her and I ground my hard cock into her panty covered pussy. She still wore the skirt, but, it was pulled up. We kissed, passionately, while I dry fucked her (or whatever you would call what I was doing). My tongue in her mouth, hers darting in and out of mine. She had her arms around my shoulders, she kissed my neck and I pushed up and down, back and forth. We flipped positions and she straddled on top of me, grinding hard (very hard) onto my cock. She leaned over, moaning and whispered to me something like "Wouldn't you love to fuck me?" With that, she came. An incredible orgasm. She was panting, breathing heavy, and fell onto the bed, next to me. I really wanted to have sex with her but, instead, she just took her hand and started to jack me off. At one point, she took her panties off and wrapped them around my erect cock. They were wet-soaking wet and, it wasn't until later, that I realized that some of that wetness was his cum. Cum that had been inside her and spilled out onto her panties. Even if I had known that then, I wouldn't have cared. Those satiny panties felt so good around me as she stroked and told me to think about what it would feel like to fuck her. I came everywhere-on her panties, on her hands, on my stomach, on my legs. It was amazing. An amazing orgasm. I've never felt these kind of orgasms before. And, so, while many of you may think I'm out of it, I'm really not. There are moments where I feel things that I've never experienced before. For me, that makes this all worth it.

[socksoff]

Oh, and tonight, I'm going out from my office and watching the Cowboys and Bears tonight at my favorite local bar. Mandy is home alone. Justin hasn't been around much (she's getting farther along and her sex drive seems to fluctuate wildly). Anyway, I said that I wouldn't have sex with Rebecca anymore but it doesn't mean that I can't have a few drinks with her. I'm not that crazy. Don't tell Mandy

[lannontom]

LOl this is my favorite thread ever.

Dude you may be completely batshit insane but nobody can ever call you boring!

Seriously, you may be completely grounded but I think you should seek a professional to funnel some of your decisions through.

[socksoff]

Ha! Thanks Lannontom. If and when things spin out of control, I'll talk to someone, until then, I'm just going to ride the waves.

I have, however, thought better of getting married while she's pregnant. I'm leaning against it simply because of the mess it would cause should the marriage have to be terminated. I mean, from a legal standpoint, if I have to get divorced and a child was born during the marriage, I then have to show proof that I'm not the biological father. Wouldn't be hard to do (with DNA or if Justin signs the birth certificate) but it would cause a lot of aggravation. I told Amanda and she's not thrilled, but, we'll get to that.

I feel as though I'm bopping all over the place with this story and I'm going to try to go back to those first few weeks. The wedding reception story was followed a few days later by her getting fucked by Justin while she wore the skirt. It was an odd time in that Amanda and I didn't really talk about these things. It was like she would fuck him and then the next day, it was just normal-we were normal. I really didn't know what to say to her, I didn't know how to approach things. We talked a little about ground rules - I needed to know when she would be having him over to the house, she told me Justin didn't really want me present when they fucked (in the general area, but it was OK for me to be upstairs if they were fucking downstairs). Our sex life (if you could call it that) was great. I got at least one hand job or foot job a day. I indulged daily in my foot and leg fetish.

Somewhere in this time frame, I recall being out at a bar not from my house, with Mandy. We were having a great time, laughing, drinking, listening to a band. Then Justin showed up. Now this was delicate in that the place was close to my house and who knew who was in the bar. They couldn't do anything out in the open. But, he came over to our table and sat next to her. I ordered another round of drinks. He mostly ignored me and it was incredibly uncomfortable. But, then, the band started playing again (after a break) and I could focus on the band. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her arm was over his lap and I could see her arm moving. She was clearly rubbing his cock with her hand but I couldn't see beneath the table. She had on an expensive pair of flip flops/sandals that I had bought for her (seriously, they were like $250). She must have kicked them off because I felt her foot sliding up and down my leg. I looked at her and she winked at me. All the while she rubbed his cock (I could see her arm moving in that motion, anyway).

Finally, he whispered something in her ear. He got up and headed out the door. She slid over to my side of the booth and told me that she needed me to come outside and make sure they didn't get caught. I said, "What? What are you talking about?" She said she wanted to give him a blow job. I told her to have him take her home and have fun, I'd stay at the bar. She told me she wanted to stay out and he had to meet his friends so they were going to be quick (she actually told me that he was rock hard and would cum quickly). She told me she'd make me happy if I'd just do what she asked. So, I got up and followed her outside. She wore a short little plaid skirt and a cute little strappy like shirt. We got outside and it was warm. It had been a warm day. We passed the smoker's outside area and rounded the corner to the back of the building.

There, in a little alcove, was Justin. It was dark where he was but no more than 100 feet from where people were standing and smoking (but around the corner). "Just make sure no one catches us," she said and I saw her go into the alcove area and drop to her knees. In one thrust she pulled his shorts and underwear down and she started sucking his dick. I could see that his hands were on the back of her head and I could even hear her gulping/slurping noises. Her knees were on pavement and I remember thinking that it must be hurting her like hell to have to be on cement. True to her word, the whole thing lasted maybe 3 minutes but it seemed like an eternity as I stood there. No one walked by. I could hear her swallowing his cum and saw him pull his shorts back up and she got up and came and took my hand and walked me back into the bar. Inside, we went to another booth and this time, she sat next to me, gently stroking my pants covered cock. She rub her feet onto my legs and whisper things like, "You want my feet, tonight, or my hand, or both?" I told her I wanted to have sex. She'd giggle and say, "Not tonight. Let's see how long you can last tonight if I play with you here the rest of the night." It was crazy.

On the way home, 2 hours later, she thrust her hands into my pants and stroked my cock, telling me to stay strong, she wanted to have fun with me all night. As soon as we walked into the house, she pushed me onto the couch, slid her panties off and started to rub her pussy onto my pants covered cock. After a minutes, she slid my pants and underwear off and let my cock rub her bare pussy. She ground so hard into me, it actually hurt a little bit. But, it didn't take her long to start moaning and to cum. I was in agony. I wanted to explode and I had felt her pussy lips with my bare cock. I wanted to slip it in so badly but before I could do anything, she got off me, leaned back on the armrest, thrust her feet into my mouth and started stroking me. I exploded.....just exploded and while I don't normally make much noise, I screamed out. It was amazing. She was amazing. And, that's one of the reasons why, a short time later, when I found out she was pregnant, I couldn't let her leave. I just couldn't let go of all that sexual energy and all that sexual arousal. I didn't care if he fucked her and I didn't. I didn't care if she sucked him off and not me. She made me feel experience sexual release that I had never felt before. The rest of that night, we lay in bed, making out. Making out got me hard again and she jacked me off a second time. I was like putty in her hands and we both knew it.

[socksoff]

One other thing - Lannontom, you might be right about talking to someone as my reason, common sense and practical thoughts seem to be completely absent from my mind lately. Last night, for example, with Rebecca. Everything was nice, fun - she's a wonderful woman. We never seem to run out of things to talk about. Anyway, the game ended (an awful, awful game) and on we drank. I never had the best judgment while I drink but, since Mandy, I really make bad choices. The bar had Sirius or some music service playing and I've told you about my family's love (and mine) of pop music, but, at some point as our conversation was particularly intense, I could hear Smokey Robinson and the Miracles "Ooo Baby Baby" playing over the speakers. All about a guy who lost his love because he cheated but it's such a beautiful pop song (although way, way before my time). I don't know why the hell the song moves me so much but it does. That line where he says "I'm just about at the end of my rope..." (is anyone here old enough to know this song?), it just overwhelmed me and I reached over and started to kiss Rebecca right in the bar. She kissed me right back. If it was a bar with a dance floor, I could have seen me getting her up and slow dancing, slow and close, with her. I like her, really like her and in my sober mind, I now wonder what the hell I was thinking. Forget that people could see us, but, I'm leading her on, I know that. Making her believe there may be a future when there's not (not that I can see). She says she doesn't want a relationship (hell her marriage isn't even over) but I don't believe her. I honestly think it's the craziness of Amanda and the lack of any real emotional and sexual outlet that is moving me in this Rebecca thing, but, I don't know.

No sex last night. We just made out, like high school kids, in the car for an hour. When I got home, Mandy was asleep, which was great because I could smell Rebecca's perfume (or whatever she wore) all over me. I washed my hands, my face, brushed my teeth, gargled 6 times. At some point, in the middle of the night, Amanda rolled over and kissed me. I felt guilty - terribly guilty, like I had cheated on her (which I guess I had but given our situation, that's crazy). Today, Amanda seemed distracted-she's not felt well the last few days. Very tired. I dutifully and lovingly took care of her today but I'm now starting to wonder where all these impulses are leading me. I don't want to fly completely out of control but there seem to be no rules in life right now. Sorry to end on such a down note, but, I really don't have any other forum to get this stuff out. Maybe I am a little batshit insane right now

[jc6morw]

I'm glad that you have a handle the legal stuff. Enjoy your ride cuz I wish I was in your shoes. Mandy sounds like an amazing find. Do you continue to beg her for intercourse so she can deny you?

So you're leaning toward marrying her after the baby is born? Who accompanies Mandy on the prenatal doctor visits?

Carrying on with Rebecca can be really playing with fire given what's going on with Mandy. Ever wonder what would happen if Rebecca figured out your kink and started to toy with you. Would that turn you on? Or can you not really have that submissive investment in 2 women at the same time? Thank you for sharing, even though I can't provide much help and enjoy reading about your situation.

[socksoff]

Strange as it may sound, I have no submissive feelings with Rebecca. I think one of those relationships is enough.

I take Mandy to the OB GYN. I have since the beginning. I've sat with her through the tests, the ulatrasounds, you name it. There are times I wish Justin would (last appointment we waited 3 hours - 3 hours! he was delivering a child and everything was late. I'd get killed if I made a client wait 3 hours).

Still begging for intercourse and still not getting it. Ha! However, it seems I am not the only one. Among my many failings happens to be that I love to snoop around through her cell phone. Hate to admit it, but Mandy and Justin's sexting turns me on to no end. I mean, he'd text her stuff like, "I want to lick that asshole, now." Or, she'd text, "I want that big dick in me, hurry over." But, even that has changed.

Today's texts (I've cleaned up punctuation and such for this post):

JUSTIN: You don't want me anymore. Used to always want to fuck and suck and now you won't even touch it.

AMANDA; I'm sorry, always tired. I'm pregnant, ya know.

JUSTIN: Sill, you used to always want to fuck, now nothing. We're like an old married couple. Don't turn you on anymore, I guess.

AMANDA: You still turn me on, hun, I'm just really tired. Hard carrying around 30 extra pounds, ya know. I feel so fat.

JUSTIN: You still get your Sugar Daddy off.

AMANDA: He's not my Sugar Daddy. Leave him out of this.

JUSTIN: That's right, cuz you love him, right?

AMANDA: You know I do, and he takes care of me. The only one. Ugh, I'm too tired to fight with you.

JUSTIN: And too tired to suck me or fuck me?

AMANDA: You made me this way, remember?

JUSTIN: Suck me, at least, today. I need to bust a nut. Seriously. Let me bust my nut all over that pretty face.

JUSTIN: Mandy, cmon. You can still suck me.

JUSTIN: Mandy .....

AMANDA: Fine. Will that make you happy?

JUSTIN: It'll make you happy.

AMANDA: Come over now.

JUSTIN: Before Sugar Daddy comes home?

AMANDA: Say it one more time and you can bust your own nut. X(

[jc6morw]

Interesting text exchange. What if Mandy tries to calm down Justin by cutting down on hand jobs and foot jobs for you? It looks like Mandy has Justin in check anyway, enough to keep him happy...and sometime begging.

Anyway, you have a great situation and have me begging for more details.

[socksoff]

Seems to me that I'm always begging But, I have hope that one day things will change with us. She has to be tiring of the hand jobs. I keep telling her that she's going to end up with carpal tunnel syndrome and she just tells me that she'll either just use her feet or, maybe, she'll just let me get myself off. She can be quite the bitch when she wants.

She really seems to have finally reached a point where the pregnancy has made her really tired. I really don't have much to go on because I've never had children or been around someone that's pregnant on a daily basis. She's less than 3 months away from her delivery date and I know what the books say about her energy and I listen to what the doctor says. Her iron levels are fine and he says fatigue is normal around this time. Outside my reading her text messages, I haven't heard her mention Justin for awhile (and he hasn't been around). I can only hope that means things are flickering out, but, I doubt it. All I know is that means I don't have to see him or do his damn laundry.

I know she loves Justin. She told me that he was her first true love. I know he was around when she really had no one else to turn to. I know there is an incredible sexual attraction between them and, yet, she doesn't seem to take things too seriously with him. It's confusing to me in a lot of ways. If I ever told her that I wanted to cum all over her face, she'd start crying and tell me that she couldn't believe I could say something like that to her. He tells her (in the last text messages, for example) he wants to bust a nut on her face and she says, "OK, come over and I'll suck you." I'm constantly watching what I say to her and how I say it. I realize she's pregnant and her hormones are raging but it's almost as if she expects me to be this perfect gentleman who worships her and makes her feel safe and loved. Justin gets to stick his cock in every orifice she has. I am usually the one that makes her orgasm, she seems happy just making him cum.

She's tried to explain that she loves us both and in different ways. She also claims to be sexually attracted to me. I actually believe that as numerous times I've started to kiss her and she becomes instantly aroused and wet. She's odd, too, in the way she sometimes treats me. Take Monday night, for example. I had a long, long day. I didn't get home until close to 9:00 p.m. She was watching TV (and eating Ding Dongs). I sat across the room from her, on the loveseat, and slid my shoes off. She said that I looked so tired and came over and started massaging my feet. I admit, it felt nice and it was nice to have her worry about me. After a couple minutes, she undid my belt and unzipped my pants. She slid my pants off, kissed my cock through my underwear, took them off, and started to stroke me. "I'll make you feel better," she said, and stroked me until I came. She wanted nothing in return. I told her I was going to take a quick shower and she then asked if I wanted her to give me a bath. For a minute, I thought she was crazy. I told her to rest, that a shower was fine.

As I showered, I thought about a time shortly after she gave Justin a blow job outside the bar. She and Justin had been out. They came home and I saw her looking so hot. She had short, short jean shorts on, a t shirt kind of shirt and sandals. It was a hot day and the air was on in the house. She and Justin looked hot when they came in, they both seemed to be sweating. Amanda said, "it feels so nice in here. It's so hot out." Justin said something about making it hot inside and pushed her down to her knees so she could start sucking him. Mind you, this all took place in the foyer. I was trapped downstairs. I couldn't go upstairs without passing them and that just felt too weird. They went upstairs to her room. I hurried up the stairs to get into my bedroom. You can see her room clearly as you walk up the stairs (the foyer is wide open and the stairs go up halfway before coming to a small landing and then go back the other way). My bedroom is at the top of the stairs and there's a long open hallway down to the other bedrooms. I could see into her room as I went up the steps. She was on her bed, sort of doggie style, with her face buried into the mattress and her legs open. He was standing at the bed, taking her from behind. Why they left the door open, I don't know, but he was really fucking her. As usual, she moaned out loud. I saw her sandals and shorts and panties in a line in the hall, next to his clothes, as if they couldn't strip fast enough to fuck. His back and ass were facing me, so they couldn't see me. I really don't think they would have cared. This was intense fucking.

It went on for about 10 minutes and I heard him moaning, so I knew he was coming. Within a minute, she came into my room, wearing only her panties and her sandals. "Hey," she said, looking .... coy. She told me that I needed to make her cum, now. She laid on the bed and slid her panties off, leaving her sandals on. I asked her why and she said because she knew how much I liked them and then she said, "Eat me." His cum was everywhere. Everywhere. She said, "I know I'm all sweaty and gross, just take care of me." I did as she told. There was so much cum that it sort of gagged me. She kept saying things like, "You'll get used to the taste, just fucking eat me." It was wild. I brought her to climax. For once, she had no interest in pleasing me. She told me that she and Justin were going to take a shower and clean up.

I heard the shower running forever. About 2 hours later, she came in my room and told me that she had sucked him off while in the shower (how the hell he had enough cum to blow his load again, is beyond me). She asked if I wanted a hand job for doing my duty and (yes, I'm embarrassed to admit), I said that I did. So, she gave me a hand job and went back to her room. Justin was staying that night, so she slept with him. And now, months later, here we are - she rubbing my feet, she wanting to please me.

And I think I mentioned this before, many, many nights, in the middle of the night, she'll wake up (now, especially, because she has to go the bathroom) and when she comes back to bed, she'll kiss me and put her arms around me and snuggle against me. Some nights, I fake like I'm sleeping, but, she does it just the same. Yet, still, we have not had sex. I can't understand her, sometimes.

[socksoff]

Thanksgiving was just a couple weeks ago and it is a perfect example of how confusing things can get with Amanda and me. I don't want to get terribly deep into my life or background but I am the youngest of 4 children. My oldest brother was born in 1959, followed by another brother born in 1961 and a sister born in 1965. I was born in December 1971 (soon I'll be 43 - uggghhh). My parents were together since high school. My father died when I was 5 years old. My oldest brother sort of became the man of the house and the father figure in my life. He couldn't go to college because he had to help my mom and help take care of the family. He is a saint of a human being (as are all my siblings). My mother (who passed away a couple years ago) worked at a bank 5 days a week as a teller and on Friday and Saturday nights, worked at a small bakery, baking bread and cookies overnight. My oldest brother is a salesman/delivery truck driver and has been since the late 70s. My second oldest brother went to college but eschewed his college degree and worked for a record company and radio station for most of his adult life. My sister is a teacher. I owe her for my foot and sock fetish (which is a story for another day). I was probably the result of an accidental pregnancy but I was the baby of the family and there was a big difference in how my life was as compared to my siblings. In their eyes, of course, I could and can do no wrong. They are all immensely proud of me. They all live about an hour away. They all have children (my oldest brother's kids, my nephews are as old as Amanda).

Every Thanksgiving, I take the hour drive and spend Thanksgiving and the day after with them. Same at Christmas. My family is the salt of the earth. Truly. Just very good, loving people. They met Amanda at a cookout at my house on the 4th of July. She wasn't showing much then but clearly was pregnant. We made it clear, from the beginning, that we weren't really a couple, just sort of hanging out with one another.

Before Thanksgiving, Mandy started freaking out, saying she didn't want me to go visit for Thanksgiving and leave her alone. I told her I wasn't leaving her, that she was going to come with me. She said, "No, your family hates me." I told her that wasn't true and it's not. My family actually likes her (everyone I know likes her, she's got such a wonderful, relaxed, carefree and sweet personality). My family just doesn't want me to get "serious" with her and get married. It's the age difference, it's the fact that she's pregnant with someone else's child and, truthfully, I could bring home Mother Theresa and my family would urge me not to get too serious. I'm sure they think that no woman will ever be good enough for me (although they continually harp on me to get married and start a family). Amanda's family is dysfunctional (to put it nicely) and she has little to do with them. Anyway, I told her that she needed to come with me. She shouldn't spend the holiday alone and I wanted her to be with me.

She made homemade apple pies to bring (she's a remarkable cook and baker when she wants to be) and the entire ride there, she was very clingy (I don't know how else to describe it). Constantly holding my hand as I drove, telling me how much she loved me, just very clingy. Once there, she was incredibly bubbly and affectionate. As I said, even pregnant, she is fantastic looking and my nephews just fawn over her. We still pass ourselves off as "just hanging out" but to listen to her tell stories and talk to my family, we were modern day F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

Late on Thanksgiving night, my siblings and their spouses were sitting around drinking wine and my second oldest brother (we were at his house this year) decided to put in a Midnight Special DVD. I said my family had a love of 70s pop music. It was very fitting because when I was growing up in the 70s, my mom worked at the bakery overnight on Fridays. I used to beg my brothers to let me stay up late and watch The Midnight Special with them. It came on late (after Johnny Carson) and seeing it always reminds me of that time in my life. I always felt so safe with my brothers and had so much fun with them. We told stories of our childhood as the music of our lives played on the DVD player. Amanda snuggled me, kept caressing me and kissing me. She must have told me 100 times how much she loved me. One funny note is that one of the performers was Stephen Bishop singing "On and On." Now, this is a song about broken relationships and broken hearts (Ol' Jimmy sits alone in the moonlight, He saw his woman kiss another man, So he takes a ladder, steals the stars from the sky, Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry..."). I must admit, the song made me smile and laugh a bit. Great song but pretty fitting. That night, in bed, Amanda asked why I seemed to like that song so much. She knew it from the music they played at her restaurant but probably never actually listened to the lyrics. I told her it was just one of my favorite songs. In the middle of the night, she woke me up and said something like "That's terrible, that song, it's not funny." She had Googled the lyrics. Lol.

On the way home the next night, Amanda talked incessantly about how we were going to have a holiday gathering at our house and have everyone stay the weekend. I said something stupid like, "Oh, and will Justin be there?" She started to cry-really cry, telling me that was a horrible thing to say. We actually had a fairly substantive conversation about our future and Justin. It made no sense to me, she wants this loving future with me but won't give up her boyfriend. It's all fucked up in my mind. At the end, all she could say is that she didn't know what the future held with Justin, she just knew that our future was going to be great.

We hadn't had a true heart to heart talk like that since the time she told me she was pregnant. She had missed her period. I didn't know that, but, she did. I don't think she put much thought into it, though. She was on the pill, after all. I missed a sign as well. One night, we were fooling around in bed and I went to touch and kiss her breasts. She told me they were very sore lately. I didn't have any idea that meant anything. It wasn't until the morning nausea started that both of us figured it out. I told her to get a home pregnancy test and, well, the results were the results. That was a terrible few days. I was so angry, so confused-I kept telling her to get out and she kept crying and asking me to please not leave her. I called her horrible names, I said cruel things. She begged me to forgive her. It was terrible. In the end, I decided to not end things. I beat myself up over that. I know the smart move would have been to send her packing. I just couldn't do it. I did love her. She seemed so lost, so helpless .... and I believed then (as I do now) that she loved me. I bitched about sex and I remember her saying that we were more intimate in not having sex than she had ever been with a guy in having sex. That's true, in some fucked up way. There is an intimacy that I can't quite describe.

She fucks Justin and Justin fucks her. It's raw sexuality but there is little intimacy between them. There's a lot of sexual contact between us (but no actual sex) but deep intimacy. I honestly believe orgasms are part emotional. Sure, you need to have the right tools and moves but so much of it is that intimacy that you share. I can dry fuck her and bring her to orgasm. Justin rarely brings her to orgasm and they fuck like wild animals. That having been said, I'd still like to have actual sex with her. Intimacy nice and all, but ....

It was after I decided to stick things out that I realized how much she controlled me. Once, right before the pregnancy, Justin was over the house. I'm telling a lot of stories about their sex when I'm around but the truth is, they usually do it when I'm at work or out. Anyway, this day happened to be his birthday. They were going out later that night but at some point while they were downstairs, I was watching TV in my bedroom. She came in, completely naked but she didn't appear to have had sex. I asked what she was doing. She got a pair of lacey white ankle socks from her "sex" drawer (I call it that, it's just where she keeps lingerie and stuff). She said that Justin wanted her to serve him birthday drinks while naked. I just shook my head and she asked if she looked "hot." I told her, of course. She asked (and I can't believe I did this) if I could please run to the store to get some more Sam Adams as "we" were almost out and Justin wanted another one before they went out. I initially scoffed at the idea but then she told me that I could have fun with her later while she wore the socks. It was an intriguing idea and one that made me get a little erect. So, I ran out and got the damn Sam Adams case. (I know, I know, I'm an ass). When I came back, she was on the floor in front of the couch, sucking him off. I dropped the beer on the table (she actually stopped and asked me to put it in the refrigerator) and I went back upstairs and she went back to giving him a blow job.

Late that night, they came back and he took her in her bedroom. I could hear the moans, groans and sex noises. He left when they were finished and she came into my bedroom, naked, except for those damn ankle socks. "My feet have been waiting all night for some love," she said as she thrust her socked feet into my face. I was like a sex craved addict, kissing her feet, kissing her legs, licking her pussy. She told me she wanted me to act like I was really making love to her, so I did. I got on top of her and rubbed my underwear covered cock onto her pussy. I lifted her legs up into the air and kissed her sock covered feet while I pushed and ground into her pussy. It didn't take long for her to grab my ass and push me cock onto the spot. She ground into me and had an orgasm. She slid my underwear off, wrapped her sock covered feet around my cock and started to stroke. I was so horny, I thrust my cock in and out of those feet and shot my load all over her stomach and legs. Then we took a shower, together, making out the whole time. Then we went to bed, in each other's arms.

Back to the present. She's still acting distracted and she's really tired. A new round of texts from yesterday are interesting.

[socksoff]

Yesterday's texts (cleaned up grammar and punctuation by the editor [me]):

JUSTIN: What are you doing?

JUSTIN: Are you done being a bitch?

JUSTIN: C'mon Babe.

JUSTIN: Do I need to come over there?

AMANDA: No. I'm tired. I'm not a bitch.

JUSTIN: You act like one lately.

AMANDA: Fuck off.

JUSTIN: Did you say fuck? OK, let's fuck.

JUSTIN: C'mon Babe. It's been awhile.

AMANDA: Justin, really?

JUSTIN: A quickie. I'll be gentle.

AMANDA: I'm not in the mood for that.

JUSTIN: Then I'll be rough

JUSTIN: You know you love this dick. C'mon.

JUSTIN: A blow job, at least.

AMANDA: Seriously?

JUSTIN: Yup.

AMANDA: Now? I haven't showered.

JUSTIN: So?

AMANDA: I'm really tired.

JUSTIN: Too tired to suck me, c'mon.

JUSTIN: You just need some protein.

JUSTIN: A quick bj, a big gulp.

AMANDA: So, I'm swallowing too?

JUSTIN: That's the point, isn't it?

AMANDA: Fine, come over now. If I get sick, you're cleaning it up.

JUSTIN: Way to kill the mood.

AMANDA: So, no?

JUSTIN: I'm on my way.

About an hour later, here were the following texts.

JUSTIN: Thx. A job well done.

AMANDA: Yw.

JUSTIN: Did you find out about Saturday?

AMANDA: No good. He said we have stuff to do.

Let me interject here, the "he" she's referring to is me and she didn't talk to me (in person or by phone) at any point near this time.

JUSTIN: Sugar Daddy makes the rules, now?

JUSTIN: Well?

JUSTIN: Seriously? Wtf?

JUSTIN: Fine, I'll just come over to talk about this.

AMANDA: I wouldn't. He's home and not in a good mood.

Let me interject, here. I am the "he" she's referring to and I wasn't home.

JUSTIN: Why? Did he lose a case? Not make enough money?

JUSTIN: Not get a hand job?

JUSTIN: Wtf?

AMANDA: Weekend's no good. Sorry. Didn't I do a good job today?

JUSTIN: Ya, but, I want more this weekend. It was a quick bj.

AMANDA: Sorry.

JUSTIN: Fine, I'll get it somewhere else.

JUSTIN: Gonna have a good weekend then without you.

JUSTIN: Have fun with Sugar Daddy.

JUSTIN: Now I see how it is.

AMANDA: Just stop. Fine. You have fun without me. I'll have fun without you.

JUSTIN: Wtf? What's that mean?

JUSTIN: You better not fuck him.

JUSTIN: You listening?

AMANDA: I don't want to fight. Quit threatening me.

JUSTIN: DO NOT FUCK HIM!

AMANDA: DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

JUSTIN: I've had it with your psycho ass.

AMANDA: Whatever.

JUSTIN: I'm coming over.

AMANDA: I wouldn't.

JUSTIN: Fuck you.

AMANDA: You wish.

JUSTIN: You're a bitch.

AMANDA: You've said that already. Stop now, he needs to talk to me about stuff. I have to go.

[cpeater]

Fascinating story. Any updates?

[quickbee]

Apologies for the long post and let me clarify as you read- I am not judging you or questioning your judgement in any way.

As one stranger to another- There are a couple of points that you mentioned in your post that gave me a cause for concern. Firstly, let me start by saying I do not judge how couple choose to enliven their sexual lives. I always saw cuckold/ hotwive lifestyle as being one which allows couples to facilitate their sexual desires, and whilst indulging in it they do push some boundaries however, they both have control of the situation and the third person that they introduce in the relationship is there just as a means to an end.

In the situation that you are in currently, I think you have the least to loose financially but will still loose emotionally. You also indicate that you are aware of that and can pretty much put an end to it all as and when you like.I suspect otherwise. My concern is also more about Amanda's relationship with Justin. The impression I get is , it is not healthy and is very much borderline exploitative/ abusive. He sees her as his personal cum dump (apologies for the language). According to you she comes from a dysfunctional family, and met him quite young and lived with him. He kicked her out and if it was not for you she would be on the streets which, is scary. After moving in with you she continued her relationship with Justin, you mention you were aware of it and did not stop it or maybe you did but she nevertheless continued, and got pregnant by him.

My impression is even though it appears she can tell him no, and at times refuse him sex, he has some hold over her. She acquiesces more to him than to you even though she is your fiancé and is looking forward to a happy married life with you. She may see that hold as type of love ( you wrote) but I suspect, considering her family history and impressionable age when starting her relation with Justin, it has turned to something more disquieting.

You may have unknowing (again apologies as I rightly do not know the whole picture and hence am largely generalizing and speculating from the information shred by you) facilitated that. I say that because:

Even though you are engaged to her you have not consummated your relationship with her. Kissing and penetrative sex are critical to any relationship from both a scientific point of view, as well as, emotional. It signifies culmination/ acceptance of a variety of complex emotions between one person ranging from physical representation of love, desire, trust, need, security, submissiveness, dominance to the other person. She is getting some of her needs being satisfied by Justin when it could easily be you. According to you she argued that has contributed to building a greater emotional bond with you, how true that is debatable, but nevertheless it still an incomplete relation. Also how much of that is a valid reason and how much under influence of Justin- Again not sure, but from the text you shared, I suspect it to be more of him being a significant influencing factor.

He got her pregnant while you financially take care of her , comes and goes as he likes and knows he can have sex with her under your roof as and when he likes, and even get you to stand guard while he get blown by her publicly . He clearly does not respect you, and you know that as well ,and he has even proven it to her how little he thinks of you by acting that way. Simply put he has shown his dominance over both of you even if you feel you can put a stop to it as and when you like.

She may love you more and care for you, and even see a happy future life with you, as she appreciates how you have stood by her. But by allowing him to act that way you may also have influenced (to some level) her impression of you. While you may be more financially strong, she sees him as more dominant and powerful and is inclined to do and follow more what he says. By refusing you full sex for whatever reason she is further enfeebling you. She can tell him off for calling you names and even try and fob him off by saying you are present there, but the longer the three way relationship continues the more hold he will have on her and by extension on you and the influence may even creep into your daily future family life from the sexual one where it is currently at. The current situation is not allowing you to grow as a couple and build a strong foundation for the future. You may think that is not influencing you relations development, if so - fair enough.

IMHO If you want a healthy long term relationship with her, you need to stop Justin from being in your life. If you continue in the same way, while it may be sexually exciting and electrifying it may come back to haunt you, and impact your relationship and family life with Amanda. You may choose to enter the lifestyle in the future and have the FB/ Bull do the same, but it will be under rules that you both would have agreed on and control. If Amanda refuses to break up sexually with Justin then I think you know what that means- Don't you?

A simple question you need to ask unbiased without the sexual component - Is Amanda relationship with Justin right and healthy? If so, then why does she need you ? Is it just emotional and financial security. Then are you satisfied with that for the future.What happens if you break up for some reason and she is alone with the kid. Are you confident that she can manage herself independently and not fall back on Justin who can mistreat her.
If not then as her fiancé , isn't it you responsibility to ensure she is emotionally secure and safe, and not under anyone's undue sway ?

You mention she is young and comes from a dysfunctional family. As an impressionable adult, with no close friends do you see it as your responsibility as friend/partner to ensure she continues to grows up as a person able to make difficult decision however emotional, as you are able to do both personally and professionally . By letting her continue, are you assisting her positively in any way ?

Also have you both considered once the baby is born how much Justin will be involved in that and how you see the relationship progressing. Do you want the child to grow with his presence and influencing decision being made about child's well-being ?

The way I see it is- while it may be sexually exciting to be in the place you find yourself in... But things can spin out of control quite significantly. I think deep down even you are aware of this .....

[socksoff]

Quickbee, you raise some issues that are difficult for me to answer and some points you made have kind of opened my eyes to certain things that I never really thought about or saw before.

The hardest question is the easiest one to answer as we have talked about it. My hope has always been that Justin will exit the picture when Amanda's daughter is born. I have no interest or desire to stop him from being a father to his daughter, but, Amanda and I both recognize how difficult things would be if she and Justin continue together while being married to me. Not difficult for us but difficult and confusing for her child. Justin doesn't go to the ObGyn visits due to his work schedule. I can rearrange much of my schedule to accompany her, he cannot. Truthfully, I'm not sure how much he would do if he was able. I don't think he is even remotely ready for fatherhood and the sacrifices that it brings. Still, I cannot keep a man from his daughter or a daughter from her father. Amanda doesn't like to address difficult issues that are in the future. She says things like "everything will work out," but that's almost youthful optimism, on her part. I have made it abundantly clear that once her daughter reaches a certain age (6 months), he is not welcome in the house for sexual visits. That is non-negotiable. My obvious hope is that after the child is born, Amanda will be in no physical shape to want to have sex at the level they had in the past. Amanda will be exhausted taking care of a baby and I can't see Justin sticking it out.

Which is not to say that he's a bad guy. He works hard, he's not really a mean guy, at all. Amanda claims that much of the split between them was her fault. She says she was moody, unhappy a lot (they fought over a lot of things). According to her, Justin called her a "psycho bitch" and was right to do so. Sexually, though, it is clear that he relishes being in control of her and her body. He loves dirty talk. Loves to dominate her, sexually. I think, as I've said before, that she likes to be submissive, sexually, with him. One thing that I know is that she loves sucking his cock. She's told me as much (without actually saying it in those words). For whatever reason, she loves being between his legs and loves servicing his cock.

He doesn't respect me, I know. He goes out of his way to show that he is actually in control. I've thought a lot about why I let that happen. I mentioned the old bi-curious experiments and I wonder if some part of me doesn't actually like Justin. I'm not sure how else to put it. Maybe, through her, I get to experience him. Believe me, it's not as if I fantasize about being with him-I don't. But, there is some power he has over me. He's a little arrogant and I like that. Washing and folding his clothes-I hate it and yet a part of me, I don't know how to describe it, respects his audacity to get me to do it. I have often thought as I fold his underwear that the cock that fucks my woman is housed in those underwear. I truly did not like jacking off into his sock, but, a part of me may have enjoyed him putting me in that position. I have had fantasies where he refuses to allow her to touch me and I am left to satisfy myself, while he laughs at the idea. I don't fantasize about this stuff, often, but, I have thought about it. I did not enjoy, per se, my limited bi-curious experiences-at least not in a sexual sense. I did, however, like the idea of another man controlling me. Those old experiments, I realize now, they were with a certain kind of guy-very arrogant, very dominant. Also, though, I have had many fantasies of being submissive to Amanda (and some other women along the way). I truly get aroused at the idea of submitting to a woman who so willfully submits to another man. Yet, there are days where the idea of her being with another guy truly disgusts me. I sometimes wonder if this all is some giant experiment for me. I've had so many sexual experiences in my life-maybe this is just the latest one. I've tired of all the rest and I wonder if I will tire of this one. I've been mostly the dominant partner, maybe this is my way of experiencing my submissive side.

But, I guess that I can see that I am failing to offer any real guidance to Amanda. Maybe she is waiting for me to put my foot down. Maybe she needs me to say "enough is enough." I do think a very significant part of her wants to have a normal, healthy relationship with me. I do wonder about those recent text messages and her recent behavior. There are a number of possibilities for her behavior but one of those is that she genuinely does love me and wants a normal relationship and marriage. Am I protecting her? I guess that I am not. Could she take care of herself if I kicked her out? Probably not. You are right, I am her fiance. I guess I should be thinking of her well being in the long run and her emotional stability. It's just been like playing at an amusement park. I guess I haven't really thought about the long term future.

I honestly want Justin to go away. Mostly that's for selfish reasons. I do want to have sex with Amanda. Believe it or not, I do get jealous, at times. Once, over the summer, they were on the back deck at my house. I watched from the window (inside). It was a hot day and they were both laying on chaise lounge chairs. She looked remarkable in a bikini bathing suit. At one point, she handed him a beer and some ice/water dripped off onto his chest. He sort of jumped and I could see them laughing. She knelt down next to him and started to kiss his sweaty chest where the ice/water had dropped. She was open mouth kissing his chest, licking up the water/ice. Slowly, of course, she kissed down toward his stomach and then, she slid his cock out of his shorts and started to suck it. He just laid there, slightly bending his knees and using his hands to touch her head and hair. I was both aroused and angry watching it. I wanted to tell her to stop, someone might see but I was powerless. I was a dick to her that night, really mean. She was angry right back. When I finally told her why I was mad, she showed no remorse. In fact, she told me how good his sweat, skin and dick tasted (all salty). To prove to me that I had no right to be angry, she had him over the next day and did it again. Worse, they came inside the house, and she fucked him, reverse cowgirl style, right on the living room floor. He came in her, she slid her bikini bottom back on, grabbed my hand, marched me upstairs and told me that I was going to satisfy her. I used my tongue, licking and kissing her body and pussy and she repeatedly asked if I liked the salty taste (of his and her sweat and his cum). Later, she told me that I should never be angry or jealous again. She was in control and I had to accept that. This was right before we found out she was pregnant and she's never been quite like that again.

[socksoff]

I can also honestly say that things were much more exciting before recently. I think when I see her and see how much she is showing, see how tired she is, see the bedroom we've made into a nursery, it becomes apparent that it's not all fun and games. I often think that if Justin were gone, I would not want her to be with another man (even under agreed conditions). But, then, I wonder if we can ever have a normal relationship after all this. Maybe there is no way to get to a normal relationship.

But, something is happening that's different. Here are some old texts from this summer (this is how warped this all is-I've actually copied and saved everyone of their text chats. It started as a means of protection in case anything bad ever went down. Later on, I realized that I enjoyed their sexting and texting):

JUSTIN: I wanna lick that asshole.

AMANDA: Oooo baby, now?

JUSTIN: Right now.

AMANDA: Only if I get to lick your cock :$

JUSTIN: Lick and suck

AMANDA: And then

JUSTIN: What do you want?

AMANDA: Ya know :$

JUSTIN: I'm coming over and then I'm coming in you.

AMANDA: Hurry I'm wet.



Then, we look at Saturday's texts:

JUSTIN: AMANDA!!!! Pick up the goddamn phone.

JUSTIN: AMANDA.

20 minutes later

AMANDA: Justin, what now? I told you we can't hook up.

JUSTIN: You used to want to see me.

AMANDA: I still do-he has plans today. We have things to do.

JUSTIN: Like what?

AMANDA: Like none of your business. Things.

JUSTIN: How about Monday?

AMANDA: I'll let you know. Don't be mad.

JUSTIN: You don't want to be with me anymore, how am I supposed to feel?

AMANDA: Not true.

JUSTIN: Monday?

AMANDA: We'll see. Have a lot going on.

JUSTIN: Say you have to run to the store to shop. You can stop over here.

AMANDA: Sigh. I can't.

JUSTIN: Do you feel OK?

AMANDA: I'm tired.

JUSTIN: U R always tired.

AMANDA: I'm pregnant and am fat.

JUSTIN: Still, I bet he's getting some.

JUSTIN: Amanda

JUSTIN: Amanda

JUSTIN: I give. Enjoy your life.

AMANDA: Breaking up with me again?

JUSTIN: You'll be back-like last time.

AMANDA: Whatever.

AMANDA: You have to stop this. We're not in high school.

JUSTIN: Stop what?

AMANDA: This shit.

JUSTIN: It's because I love you.

AMANDA: It's childish.

JUSTIN: So I'm supposed to just wait for you and when you don't have plans.

AMANDA: Tell me what you want, please, this is getting frustrating.

JUSTIN: Want to be with you. Be inside you. Feel you.

AMANDA: I don't know what to say. It's just not a good time. And for sex too

JUSTIN: Why

AMANDA: I'm realllllllllyyyy pregnant.

JUSTIN: I know

AMANDA: Then?

JUSTIN: We can still be together

AMANDA: Have you ever carried a baby around? Do you know what it feels like? What it does to my body and strength?

JUSTIN: So I miss you that's all.

AMANDA: I know but things are different now.

JUSTIN: Why?

AMANDA: I'm tired of texting. I'll call you in 5 minutes. But I only have a little time to talk.

[socksoff]

Late, I know, but today's texts:

JUSTIN: It's Monday.

JUSTIN: M?

AMANDA: Hey

JUSTIN: Well? How was weekend?

AMANDA: Busy. Yours?

JUSTIN: Good. You free?

AMANDA: For?

JUSTIN: Hmmmmmm

AMANDA: Yes?

JUSTIN: You know

AMANDA: Lol. I do?

JUSTIN: You do.

JUSTIN: I'll be gentle.

AMANDA: U r never gentle. Lol.

JUSTIN:

AMANDA: Jk

JUSTIN: Let's make love.

AMANDA: Now?

JUSTIN: I'm off this afternoon.

AMANDA: Oh?

JUSTIN: Well?

AMANDA: What if I'm not in the mood?

JUSTIN: U r always in the mood

AMANDA: Not what you said this weekend n last week.

JUSTIN: Well?

AMANDA: Not in the mood

JUSTIN: Seriously?

AMANDA: Really tired. I'm eating like a pig today.

JUSTIN: I'll give you something to eat.

AMANDA: Like? Ice cream? Cake?

JUSTIN: Haha. Something more meaty.

AMANDA: I see. What if I'm not in the mood for meat?

JUSTIN: Since when aren't you in the mood for meat?

JUSTIN: Let's fuck .... in his bed!

AMANDA: Stop.

JUSTIN: He'll never know.

AMANDA: I will.

JUSTIN: So?

AMANDA: Stop.

JUSTIN: Well?

AMANDA: That's how you ask?

JUSTIN: Perty please

AMANDA: Perty?

JUSTIN: Pretty

AMANDA: Awww, you still think I'm pretty.

JUSTIN: I miss you.

AMANDA: Do you?

JUSTIN: You know I do.

AMANDA: Do I?

JUSTIN: We gonna do this?

AMANDA: You just want a bj?

JUSTIN: I want to make love but I'll settle.

AMANDA: I don't feel like driving.

JUSTIN: I'll come there. Can I shower first?

AMANDA: I wouldn't. My moods change quickly.

JUSTIN: On my way.


Now, here are the texts from later today.

JUSTIN: Hey?

AMANDA: Hey.

JUSTIN: Had fun. Love seeing you on your knees.

AMANDA: I'm sure you do. I like being there. :$

JUSTIN: You looked great today.

AMANDA: I'm so fat.

JUSTIN: No, beautiful.

AMANDA: Awwww

JUSTIN: Tomorrow? Lunch?

AMANDA: Aww, hun, I don't think.

JUSTIN: Why?

AMANDA: Today will have to last you for awhile.

JUSTIN: Awhile? Wtf? How long?

AMANDA: Dunno.

JUSTIN: You seemed distant today. You sure nothing's going on?

AMANDA: We already talked about that - no.

JUSTIN: You sure?

AMANDA: I don't want to fight.

JUSTIN: So something is going on.

JUSTIN: Amanda.

AMANDA: I don't want to fight.

JUSTIN: U r fucked up.

AMANDA: Yes, I know. Got any new lines?

JUSTIN: What is going on?

AMANDA: Now isn't the time.

JUSTIN: When will be?

AMANDA: Don't know.

JUSTIN: Is he the problem?

AMANDA: He is not a problem. He takes care of me and your baby. Leave him out of this.

JUSTIN: He doesn't want to marry you anymore. Get it through your crazy head.

AMANDA: Not your problem.

JUSTIN: He gonna marry u and let u fuck around?

AMANDA: Why? Again? You jealous?

JUSTIN: Come back to our place.

AMANDA: Not ours, yours, you threw me out remember?

JUSTIN: Why?

AMANDA: Because I'm psycho bitch.

JUSTIN: Yup.

AMANDA: Seriously, must we?

JUSTIN: Yes.

AMANDA: I'll just call you but no fighting.


Now, when I got home tonight, she told me that Justin had stopped over. She seemed really upset. I asked why and she said that things are changing too fast. I asked what's changing and she just started to tear up. I asked what they did and she said she didn't want to talk about it. Then, quickly, she said, "That's not fair. I didn't have sex, well, we didn't have sex. I gave him a blowjob." I told her I didn't understand what was wrong. She said that he came over and they talked, actually had a nice talk. She said that she didn't try to look sexy, she just had shorts and a tshirt on (the same thing she was wearing when I got home). I'll interject here and say she looked fantastic, even in her old shorts and T. He started to rub her with his hand but she didn't want that. She just wanted to please him and have him leave. I wasn't quite sure what to say. I asked a stupid question, I said, "So you didn't enjoy it?" She rolled her eyes. I apologized. She finally said, "I sat on the living room floor, our living room floor, and I felt like he was the wrong person to be there." I was confused. "Who was the right person?" I asked. She rolled her eyes again. "You sure you're an attorney?" She asked. That made me laugh. Then she said, "You look tired, long day?" I told her it was.

She said that I should sit down and relax. She took my shoes off and started massaging my feet. Then she started kissing my legs. She went right up to my pant covered cock and started to kiss it. She unzipped my pants, took them and my underwear off and started to kiss my cock. Then she licked my balls. "I love you," she said and promptly wrapped her mouth around my cock. For really the first time in our relationship, she gave me a blowjob. An honest to goodness blowjob. Lol. She even wanted me to cum in her mouth. I said, "No, really...." but she insisted. And, then, she swallowed. I cannot begin to tell you how incredible it felt. I am utterly speechless. I brought her up to the couch and started kissing her and trying to rub her with my hands. She said, "Just hold me, OK?" So, I did. Then I just held her and kissed her. She seemed ready to cry again. I asked what was wrong. All she said is, "Why do you love me?" I didn't know how to answer that. I said something like, "Because you make me laugh, you make me feel comfortable, you excite me, you move my every emotion. You're the brightest spot of my days and my life." Now, she really started to cry.

"Amanda, what's wrong, honey?" I asked. "Nothing," she said. She grabbed me and kissed me. Then she said, "I love when you're home. I love sitting here with you. I love our Christmas tree, I love our life, I love you." Then she laughed, a crying kind of laugh, and said, "Oh, just ignore me, it's these hormones." I stroked her hair and told her how beautiful she was. Then I said, "I love you and I love our life and ...." She kissed me again. Somehow, I knew that we had talked enough, said enough. She stayed close to me the rest of the night. I actually feel really guilty about checking her phone. Tonight, though, it was to try and figure out what had happened today. It wasn't to snoop or get me aroused, I just needed to know what was going on with her. She fell asleep really early. I had to run back to my office to pick up files and some stuff I had left. The whole way to the office, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I could smell her on me, her scent (her lotion, lol). I'm afraid to try and hope that she has real feelings for me, that she wants a life with me. I just don't know what else to think? Is there some other explanation? If so, isn't this what I always wanted? My heart is beating a mile a minute. I just don't know what's going to happen next.

[quickbee]

Oh Socks- You got it bad for her.

But the way I see it - you are still heading for trouble.

Justin and Amanda have clearly got a combustible relationship . Did you ask why does he say she is a psycho bitch ? Could it be when they were together despite the passionate relationship, and the sexual chemistry she wanted something more.Was she acting psycho bitch because she was looking for some reassurance about themselves and failing to receive it- acting out. It could just be normal stuff about couples knowing what the other is doing , where they are and making joint decisions. Or, was it, she was threatening him bodily harm after hearing voices etc . Do you know who broke with whom and why? They have a dysfunctional relationship. She is just a receptacle from him to fuck and get his nuts off when they are full.Honestly, I don't mind being in his place.

At this moment she is scared , hormonal and she "loves" you. You have provided her with security and only an idiot would not appreciate that. The question you need to ask and are asking is- Is this genuine. Truthfully, the path you are heading down- it will be a long time before you find out maybe never.

Going back to your previous post- you described how she acted with you- take the swimming pool incident. She is staying with you, and you are paying her bills. She has Justin over and he gets a public BJ again (lucky sod) and despite your objections- she goes and does it again and rubs it in your face next day. Consider this for a second- WHY WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT ? I see it as- She, at the point considers you as a middle-aged ninny ( )who is attracted to her. She tags you along,lets you ogle all you like and with an occasional hand job thrown in- considers that payment made for the boarding in a way. However, she still wants and is attracted to Justin and hanging out with him. She is enjoying the experience a lot more as well, as it comes without the hassles of living together.The added cherry on top is the experience of dominating/ humiliating you (a successful professional with a social standing) in some ways. You let it happen and that further reinforces her image of you- she can control you. It is a win- win for all.

Now, the circumstances have changed. She is in a vulnerable position and she has also experienced life in the ordinary lane with you.She, maybe, is thinking not a bad life . While her attitude may have changed but, she is still not letting Justin go. You have given her an ultimatum of 6 months after her daughter is born to break up. WHY? What is going to change in you and her emotional make up 9 months from now. You say she has a submissive streak and I fear if you don't step up and break your previous set image things are going to be in the same boat then.He will continue to influence your life and affect it. In fact, since you are emotionally invested in her and her pregnancy- with a child, who you would have cared for 6 months by then- How easy would you find to let them go ? She by then would be back to her old self- not hormonal or emotional and ready to get it on with Justin to use as he pleases. You get the baby and household stuff with occasional sexual relief, and they both get what they had previously. You will continue to be a sucker again.

If you want to marry her- I believe, you would like to do only after having complete trust/ faith in her that she wants you more, and above any one else. She is willingly to stand by you when the chips are down. You both have each other's back and you can trust her with your life. The path you are heading with polite negotiations - you can never get that surety.She needs to demonstrate that unequivocally. TRUST BUT CONFIRM.In the present situation it might still be difficult to get that.But, you still would want to try. You or Justin now is the best way forward.

You have shown her what you offer-You need to demonstrate that sexually as well. Take her and make her yours ! Fuck her the way she likes- HARD and also with Love. Step up, tell her and let her choose now. After that if she still wants Justin- You can start planning a respectful emotional retreat. My sincere advice would be, if you can, to set her up independently for a short while and gradually move away. With Justin continuing to be in your both lives, sorry, even being a stranger I just cannot see it working.You need to break his hold and stop letting him treat the women you love in the manner he is doing and you even need to make her see that. But- Hey- Its your life.

Remember, you want to experiment with being submissiveness and not a doormat. If she really loves you, and you both can build that trust. You can always explore this experience together in future and control it. It may be she would be good at it considering she got such good experience being a bitch in the first place. You, her and Justin together is just bad waiting to happen if you persist with your current relation dynamics.

[stellers26]

Pathetic

[socksoff]

Well, I must have really hit rock bottom if I have a Pittsburgh Squeelers fan calling me "pathetic." Nothing more pathetic, in my mind, than being a Steelers .... wait, let me pronounce it like someone from Western PA - a Stillers fan. Steelers Nation, give me a break. Go eat a Roethlisburger and spare me the comments.

[lannontom]

1. I agree that the Steelers are pieces of shit
2. You need to stop being a pussy and just put what you said out there to her. You're just afraid of her saying no, but in reality living with the unknown isn't a viable long-term solution. And what you're currently looking at (and wanting from the sounds of it) is long-term. Life ain't that complex, kimosabe.

[socksoff]

Who else deserves a nickname like Shittsburgh (although it's a great city) other than the "Stillers"? Most obnoxious fans in all of football.

I am a pussy, what else can I say? Lol. I'm not sure if it is that I'm afraid of her saying "no." Right about now, I think she'd say "yes" to just about anything I said. I'm just not sure she'd be saying it for the right reasons. She's closing in on a delivery date, has raging hormones, is anxious and nervous about the future and knows that I'll keep her warm and safe and dry ('tis the Season, after all). I don't want her to say "yes" because she needs me, I want her to say "yes" because she wants me. Don't know if that makes sense but it does to me.

For me, life is that complex. I could never have made it nearly 43 years and unmarried if I didn't have some commitment issues (among other issues). Let me be honest, I say that I've come close to marriage twice in the past but the truth is that I've never really come close to marriage. Those relationships failed because of me. Sure, I talked about marriage with each of them, even talked about possible dates, even bought engagement rings but I never really saw myself as being married (except somewhere in the future). I loved them both and I could even kind of see myself spending my life with them - but married? Scared the hell out of me. So, I ask myself, backing out of marriage with Amanda, is it because of the pregnancy or is it just my fear of commitment (or a little of both). I mean, while I talk about how much I love her and need her, let's face facts-I fucked around with another woman as recently as a couple of weeks ago (no sex that time but still....). I love reading books or watching movies where you can't trust the narrator because the narrator is telling the story through his eyes and what he sees and says isn't always the truth. As I think about what I've written here, maybe, I realize I'm not the most reliable narrator. I have doubts about committing to Amanda and I'm completely enamored with her. It skews your vision-she skews my vision and my thoughts.

Quickbee is right-I do have it bad for her. Really bad. She has made me feel differently than every woman that has come before her. I don't see clearly, sometimes. I have always known almost immediately upon meeting a woman whether I am attracted to her and want to spend a lot of time with her. No question, you just know when you meet someone that has that "it" factor. Not sure why that is. The woman I dated right before Amanda was almost the same age and equally as hot. But, whatever that "it" factor is, she didn't have it. Amanda does.

According to Amanda, the reason she was a "psycho bitch" was that she was never quite satisfied with the relationship with Justin. Never quite happy. She'd pick fights over anything, really, and argue like mad about those issues. Out of that came, I guess, this crazy, passionate sexual relationship that they have. She told me that she could be distant to him in the morning and then submissive as hell at night. She said that she drove him crazy. It's why he finally tossed her out. I just don't think Justin thought she would land with another guy. I think, reading between the lines, whatever Justin did, she never felt like he loved her quite enough or that the relationship was quite good enough. I think, in her own way, that's why she does to me what she does. It's almost her way of testing my devotion to her. Fucked up, I know, but she has a fucked up background-her Dad left her mother and her family for another woman. Not hard to see, therefore, why she is with me (nearly 20 years older) and why she seems to need reassurance that the men in her life love her. In my case, she does rub my face in things, almost daring me to call an end to it. For a long time she really seemed to push me, see how much I would or could take.

Not long after she found out she was pregnant, I came home and there was Justin's car. Now, I have told her that unless she wants to do things in the daytime when I'm not around, she is supposed to let me know when Justin will be over. There they were, on my couch, making out, watching a movie and both of them naked. She made no attempt to cover up, no attempt at even being a little ashamed. I was angry and I said something (from the kitchen of course). I told her that I didn't like coming home to my house and finding her with him. I told her it was time for them to say "good night." She glared at me and got up from the couch, naked, and followed me up the stairs. Upstairs, she told me that it was an unplanned visit and she didn't realize the time. Then she said that while Justin had planned on leaving soon, she was now going to have him stay over. It was that or she was going to spend the night at his place. She was very angry and my "punishment" that night was four-fold. I had to listen to them fuck and fuck hard and long. I had to eat her out after and taste his cum. She did not use her hand, feet or anything else to get me off. The fourth part-oh yeah, I had to get Chinese take out for her (and him). How fucked up is that? That I went and got her Moo Goo Gai Pan and his Kung Po Chicken was emasculating to say the least. At least his order was an afterthought. I originally just went to get her food and on the way there, she called me and told me she had ordered him food, too.

I finally grew some balls by the next morning and told her that that was the last time that would be happening. If I found him at home again, without knowing about it, she could spend the night and the rest of her life at his place. It has not happened since.

Yesterday's texts:

AMANDA: Hey.

AMANDA: Hey, don't be mad.

AMANDA: C'mon, answer me.

AMANDA: I didn't want to hurt you.

JUSTIN: Fuck off. Psycho.

AMANDA: I thought you loved me.

JUSTIN: Fuck off. See you in court.

AMANDA: Stop with that threat. I live with a lawyer.

JUSTIN: Hope u r happy. Fuck off.

AMANDA: So we're going to just fight about everything.

JUSTIN: Do you even remember what you said?

AMANDA: Yeah.

AMANDA: I'm sorry it made you so mad.

JUSTIN: Fuck off.

Whatever the hell they fought about, whatever she said, I don't know. I suspect, of course, but I don't know. If she felt unhappy or sad, she sure didn't act like it last night. She was actually in a good mood. I came home last night singing a song. I had just heard it on the radio in the car. Now, I have absolutely no musical abilities, I can't sing, I can't play an instrument. Never could. But, like I said, my family loved music. My older brothers loved the group Grand Funk when I was little. Always seemed to be playing one of their albums. Of all their songs, it was "Bad Time" that I liked (and still like) best. That's the song that I heard on the radio and that's the song I was sort of singing/humming when I came in. Amanda wanted to know what it was and I told her but I made her promise not to Google the lyrics-it was just a song that I liked and had nothing to do with anything. Of course, she immediately Googled the lyrics. If you don't know the song, it's basically about a guy who is completely in love but the love comes at a bad time in his life and he may have to walk away from her. She didn't like the lyrics and asked if I felt that way. I told her I didn't, it was just a song I liked. I told her about my brothers and how they loved the group and how I would sneak into their bedroom and play the album (I still remember the album cover of "All The Girls In The World Beware" even though I haven't seen it in over 35 years) and song when they weren't home. She told me that she loved hearing stories about my childhood and couldn't wait to spend Christmas with me and my family (she's come a long way from Thanksgiving). She asked a lot of questions about when my brother was on the radio and when he worked in New York for a record label.

That conversation led to a long conversation about my childhood and what my family went through. She said that we all turned out to be such good people. She kissed me and told me, "You're such a good man. You're my prince, you know that? I don't ever want to hurt you. I don't ever want you to get sick of me. I'm so ...." She started to get quiet. Then she just said, "I love you. I really love you." I told her that I really loved her. Her response was something like "how can anyone love me, I'm so messed up." I said "Amanda, what's going on?"

Her response was "make love to me."

"Huh?" I said.

[lannontom]

Well, one could have a Freudian field day with that. Could the reason that you love her is because she's not yours and therefore immune to you fucking up the relationship?

Ultimately true love is going to involve some levels of trust and respect. Approaching her isn't going to be something that you're considering because you feel you must, but because you can't see how life can be run any other way.

Right now that doesn't exist and you're in this temporary holding place where you both feel safe, but for about the two most biologically different reasons possible! But with that said, she may be feeling safe because she's banking on certain things happening, some which may frankly be conceived in fantasy as well. What I'm getting at is that it's important coming to balance with yourself, but like it or not it's your responsibility to set expectations for her. Those expectations can really only be conveyed by laying the truth on her in whatever fashion you decide is best. (And whatever you determine truth to be)

It is really a very difficult thing to do, harder so considering all of the variables at play here. But the point remains that you're going to have to do something, and you're the only human in the world who can do it. So time to buck up, chap.

[socksoff]

Freud? Damn, I must really be messed up if we're bringing Freud into things. Too bad he isn't still around, maybe he could give Mandy and I a group discount for therapy Oh, and I did something all right. Night before last.

So, she wanted to have sex. My mind raced a million different directions. Was she doing this because I had called off the wedding and Justin was telling her that I'd never marry her? Was she doing this because of the hormones? Was she doing this because she really loved me and wanted a true relationship? Would I be putting myself in a position where I had to commit (marriage wise) if I had sex with her? Would this change the way I felt if she still was going to fuck around with Justin (still wasn't sure what the latest round of texts had meant)? Was this happening because she wanted me or because she needed me?

"Did you hear me?" she asked.

I didn't even answer-just grabbed her and started kissing her. The oddest shit was going through my mind. Thoughts, music - I really felt like the world was collapsing in and around me. Of all things, Todd Rundgren's "I Saw The Light" was in my head (sometimes, I really would like to scream at my brothers and sister for putting all this music in my head-I sometimes feel like a radio is playing at all times). I felt like I was drunk or high or both. I didn't want to risk taking the time to go up to the bedroom but I didn't want this momentous occasion to take place on the living room floor. I took her hand and led her up to my bedroom ... our bedroom .... and we laid in bed and just kissed. They were deep, open mouth kisses-our tongues thrusting deep into each other's mouths. I know this sounds completely mad but Todd kept playing on that radio in my head. Now, it was "Long Flowing Robe" (my sister, especially, was a Toddophile or whatever his fans are called).

We kissed and kissed and slowly took our clothes off. I was so hard and it suddenly dawned on me that I didn't know what position to have sex in. I didn't want to get on top-I mean, I had no idea if I would smash her belly. I cursed myself for not Googling this information at some earlier point. I figured laying sort of next to her and next to her back, I could enter that way. I raised her leg a little and found my way inside her. I still kissed her mouth and her neck and I tried to be gentle, as hard as that was. I had been waiting so long for this. She let out a moan and I asked if she was OK. She laughed a little and said, "I'm fine, you feel so good." I knew what she meant. I can't describe how good it felt. Candidly, I have never felt anything better in my life. All these emotions were running through me, I could smell the apple scented lotion she had used. I could smell the shampoo smell in her hair. I started to go a little faster and she moaned more and more. Eventually, she got on top and did the reverse cowgirl. It went on and on-how I didn't explode is absolutely beyond me. I rubbed her back and shoulders with my hands as she rode me. After what seemed like an hour (but was about 15 minutes), her moans got louder and she started to jerk up and down much more forcefully. She began to orgasm and I could hold mine no longer and did the same. It was the most incredible sex that I have ever had. I can't even call it sex, we made love. Beautiful, it was just beautiful.

We laid next to each other. I held her. More Todd played in my head ("Fade Away") and I tried to make sense of everything but for once I just let all my thinking end. I just wanted to enjoy the moment. "I love you so much," she said. I told her the same thing. I stroked her hair and just tried to take it all in. It was almost as if this was the first time that I had ever had sex. That's what it felt like to me. I have never had such a physical and emotional experience in all my years of sexual activity. Never.

I realized then, as I do now, how truly bad I do have it for Amanda. We just laid there in the dark. No one said anything. Nothing I could say would sum up how I felt. Eventually, reality crept in as she had to get up and go to the bathroom.

I would like to say that we had some long deep conversation about our relationship and where we were headed, but, we didn't. The time didn't seem right. The only thing she said was, "I hope you never leave my life." I told her I wouldn't. "Can't you see how much I love you?" I asked. She smiled (she has such a sweet smile), said she did and she added, "I don't know why, though."

So, that was 2 nights ago. I don't know if she's talked to Justin again and now I would feel it was wrong to read her text messages. Yet, a part of me really wants to know what's going on with him. Did she make a final split from him? Was it a temporary split? Has she split from him at all? I honestly don't know and almost don't want to find out. I'm not sure, now, that I could take learning that they were together again. Just don't honestly know.

If I'm reading you correctly, lannontom, you're saying that I have to find those things out. That I have to tell her how I truly feel. That if we are to succeed together and have a meaningful rewarding relationship, we can't just ignore those things. Can't just find that temporary place of bliss. Somewhere, you said that I am afraid of that conversation and of dealing with it. In that, you are correct. I have had to leave very early the last 2 mornings. She's been asleep, next to me, when I wake up, get ready, and leave. I look at her and realize that I do love this girl, I really do love her. It's not just her physical beauty, it's something much more than that. In some ways, I am afraid. I don't know that I could go back to our old life but I'm not sure I could walk away if that happens.

I feel so damned responsible for her. I just want to take care of her. Protect her. Love her. Show her the world isn't some dysfunctional place. Then, I get scared. Scared of being responsible. Scared that maybe I'm not the Prince she thinks I am. Scared that I'm getting involved in something that lasts forever-no turning back. Then, I think will I ever really trust her? Do I even trust myself?

In some ways, it was so much more mentally and emotionally easier over the summer than it is now. Maybe, that's what I liked so much about our relationship. I had to swallow my pride, my anger, but I didn't have to emotionally invest myself....and, yet, I did, anyway, to some degree. I don't know. I just don't know.

Life isn't easy but at least I saw the light....finally. Ha!