Samantha Getting Started

[Samanthasman]

I added a picture of my wife to the Hotties area. It's posted as "Also Newbie - picture!"

[Samanthasman]

UPDATE: Today my wife's in a good mood... Yesterday she went on a hot date with Sid, although no sex. I'm still confused about many things. Yes, she is still "head over heels" over the new guy, Bill. However, she is completely open and honest about everything telling me about her phone calls and showing me her text messages. She's making a real effort to make me feel at ease. I ask her things like "are you starting to fall for this guy" and she says "I really really like him a lot and can't stop thinking about him, but I don't love him and I don't see falling in love with him". I ask "you can't honestly forecast falling in love with someone, can you??", to which she says "look, I love you and I love my family. I really like this guy a lot and can imagine spending time with him and we will all enjoy that... I don't know exactly how this will all roll out, but I'm not going to allow anything to come between us and our family". I ask things like "what if you do fall in love", to which she says "I'd have to cut it off, and will if you ask me to... I would hate that and it would be hard, but I will never let anything come between you and us and our family". At the same time this is going on I ask her "do you want to sleep with Sid?" to which she says "yes, although he's going to be out of town for a few weeks, but yes, definitely, he's hot and seems nice and I'm very attracted to him". I have no idea how it's possible for a woman to have so many simultaneous feelings: She loves me... she loves her family... she's "head over heels and infatuated with Bill" and can't wait to talk to him every day and/or see him again, and she's hot for Sid, and wants to fuck him.

[Samanthasman]

I really like the feature on this that allows people to create surveys. My wife and I are talking about "Rules", etc. including frequency, etc. I think my wife would like to date (and fuck) 1-2 times a week, and that sounds very exciting to me, as long as we can make everyone comfortable (see rest of thread).

Question: How often does your Hotwife fuck another man???

[mrfunone]

It doesn't sound to me that she is falling for this guy, it sounds more like she is falling for this lifestyle! My wife has a BF that she really likes and misses when he travels for work, but it never seems like it moving into love territory. I think you both will be fine as long as you keep open communication between the 2 of you.

when Im not sure I want my wife to screw just any guy without any emotional attachment at all, sex is better for me when there is emotion involved, why wouldn't it be better for her, and that's what this is all about...having the greatest sex possible...right?

[Samanthasman]

Update: sex date #2 scheduled for tonite. Here is the sexy plan... Bill is not available until midnight, so Samantha is going to put on her hottest lingerie and go to sleep in the guest bedroom alone. She's instructed her lover to let himself in the house and walk up to the guest bedroom and wake her by entering her!! When she's done with her fun, he leaves and she climbs back into our bed for round 2...

We're both pretty excited! She's also playing around with the idea of having me tie her up so her FB finds this smoking hot chick in lingerie and simply has his way with her... Wowser... Probably hold off on that one, but wow...

[Samanthasman]

UPDATE: Turns out Bill has been drinking a little and although not drunk, Samantha does not want him driving 20miles to come over, so she asked me if she could meet him half way at a hotel. I was a bit disappointed, but agreed. She really wants it

On the way to her date we talked on the phone about her next plans. She told me she's having a blast. Said she'd like to see Bill every Tuesday. I ask her how often she would like to have sex, and she said "as often as you want me to...".. I asked if she'd be interested in Tuesday
And Thursday? She said "yes!"... I asked if she wanted it everyday and she said "I'd fuck bill for everyday for a month if you wanted me to". I said "would you fuck bill once a week and Sid once a week, and she said "yes, I would consider that"...

[sharemine2]

I would not worry all that much about her eagerness , it will probably settle down a bit in the near term , far better for long term hotwifing than having to reconvince her time after time. I would say you are a very very lucky man -- your wife is a fantastic beauty and she loves fucking other men for both your enjoyment. Because she makes sure that her dates know you are aware of her trysts it will be easy for there to be a MMF that involves you or at least you can watch her in action. I just looked at the picture you have up of her ----- MAN --she would be exquisite to watch being fucked!!

[Samanthasman]

I would love to watch her. The guy she is fucking has done some swinging and says he's be ok making a video... Not quite a hot as live I suppose, but sounds like a hot start...

[Samanthasman]

Update: wife came home from her 2nd HW romp and was barely able to walk. She basically said "I'm in pain... I want to give you an orgasm, but please be gentle" it was so obvious she was in pain I had to stop... It's not the end of the world, I know she'll make it up to me tomorrow I basically told her "tell your lover he's free to fuck you all he wants but leave a little left for me "

Do other husbands have the problem of their wives becoming sexually exhausted from their lovers to the extent that sometimes they have nothing left?

[Frontrange]

I have been with many a new hotwife. Some get the hang of it right away and enjoy the fun and the sex. Other new hotwives need a little bit or even a lot more than that and require a strong emotional connection that skirts around falling in love. That can be dangerous. There is always infatuation with a new lover...it's human nature and it's exciting. But a hotwife falling in love can be detrimental if her cuckold is not able to handle that or manage the consequences. I would always distance myself a bit as a Bull when I could sense a hotwife was getting too attached, not to be hurtful or a jerk, but to be conservatively cautious. A hotwife head over heals in love can be tempted to abandon reason if overcome by emotion. Then she becomes a girlfriend rather than a hotwife. There is a difference. Communication is the key. Keep the dialogue open with your wife in a way that does not bombard or pester her in a nagging way. This is a journey for the two of you together.

[sharemine2]

Update: wife came home from her 2nd HW romp and was barely able to walk. She basically said "I'm in pain... I want to give you an orgasm, but please be gentle" it was so obvious she was in pain I had to stop... It's not the end of the world, I know she'll make it up to me tomorrow I basically told her "tell your lover he's free to fuck you all he wants but leave a little left for me "

Do other husbands have the problem of their wives becoming sexually exhausted from their lovers to the extent that sometimes they have nothing left?

Most of my wifes lovers had a lot bigger cock than I do and she at times would be so sore that it would be a day or two before I could fuck her. One guy especially made her sore because he was so long lasting and slow to cum , but I did not mind having to wait because I usually got to watch him fucking her and saw how much she liked it and it was hot to see her cum over and over for him. It actually is a turn on to have your wife say she is too sore to fuck and KNOW it was ANOTHER GUY that made her that way!

[zorro]

I have to join in because I think I hear too much emotional elaboration over what is happening.

I hear at least two fears being voiced: one, that Samantha will fall for a FB and leave her husband; two, that Samantha will want to have sex with too many men.

Sounds to me as though Samantha is doing exactly what the HW movement is about: allowing a woman to reclaim her nature as a female sexual animal and to be respected for it. She expresses urges to have sex with multiple men, and if Samanthasman can let go enough, she should have her fill. After all, it is her body and her desires to feel fulfilled that are at stake. And I agree very strongly with the thought that the more men Samantha fucks, the fewer she will feel emotionally pulled to attach to. She sounds like a high libido woman, and I love women with high libido, especially those who are not so burdened with shame that they cannot satisfy their desires. You are seeing the amazing sexual power of a woman, and it scares you.

The emotional issue: It is naive to expect a woman to have sex with another man and not develop some feelings of attachment. Scientifically, it is known that orgasm releases oxytocin, a pituitary hormone believed to generate strong feelings of attachment to the source of those orgasms. Some hopeful theorists have regarded it as a "monogamy" hormone due to early studies of voles seeming to be sexually exclusive with their partners in proportion to oxytocin levels. The matter is much more complex than this and not very generalizable to other species, but the observed link between sexual activity and attachment for women can be real. Plus, there are cultural factors: In the vanilla conventional formulation, people have sex with others when they are preparing to leave their relationship. So, sometimes having sex with other partners becomes misinterpreted as a desire to end the relationship.

To cut to the cut, I think that Samanthasman may be overly fearful about what is happening. Bubbajack's comments about NRE are spot on. And there is nothing wrong about NRE -- in fact, it is one of the most enjoyable aspects of hotwifing -- but like any potentially disruptive emotion such as jealousy, it has to be expected and managed. My partner and I are open to NRE and at least some fondness to appear with partners. At the least, it makes the sex better. And it does have a limited life span, because it is rooted usually in romantic fantasy, something that erodes with exposure to reality. Hotwifing can break up marriages, but I think it is because those were already cracked marriages, waiting to be broken open. As we all know, about half of all marriages break up even without sexual openness. If a marriage is already failing, HW can accelerate the process. If a marriage is solid, what we experience is that HW makes it stronger and closer.

So, dear Samanthasman, expect much of what Samantha is going through. Yes, once awakened, she finds the sexual lionness inside wants out to devour yummies. Expect some NRE -- it is physiologically normal. Do not let her emergent feelings of attachment frighten you so much. If your marriage is solid (and everything you have written says it is), this is but one of the expectable phases. Remain loving and concerned for your wife's happiness and fulfillment, and she will love you for it more. Frighten her with mistrust and doubts about her commitment to you, and she will pull back from you.

Frankly, if I were you, I'd just sit back, enjoy the ride, keep the communication lines wide open, and don't try to "do" anything. It sounds to me as though things are going well within the range of what HW couples experience here. So be present, and be a full witness to her personal growth. Use the resources here to try to manage your own anxiety, because that is the only issue I hear.

You are just a lucky dog to have such as hot HW. Enjoy her true nature as it emerges.

Z

[b1uestar1ight]

Hey,

About to have first experience, but I have to say...especially when you are new at this...there is a certain amount of "connection" you have to have with the person you are going to be with. I am not saying that down the road, there might be different scenarios. I remember my husband and me debating about something in the beginning of this.... I got angry and said..."what?? Do you want me to to just go Fuck some guy I don't know and be done with it?".....Then he looked taken aback...and said..."well....I guess not...." The fantasy was one thing...but reality is another....

Anyways... to make a long story short, we are all wired differently and have different needs/wants. There is not wrong/right or ONE WAY. Each to his own. You basically have BOTH have to do what's right for BOTH of you. Comfort in both of you is the key.

Good Luck! About to have our first experience........=0)

[b1uestar1ight]

BTW...good post Zorro! I meant to say that..Very well put.

B1uestar1ight

[SmilingHusband]

Zorro's post is for the risky and reckless, IMO. With all due respect.

I think you and your wife are going to find this to be a rough start. I hope not.

Best of luck to you both.

SH

[Samanthasman]

Zorro - thank you for your extensive comments. A few responses - Yes, there is a lot of emotional elaboration. I'm sort of using this thread to document my feelings through this process. The interaction is very helpful and gives me many perspectives as we explore this unconventional lifestyle. Driving down a dark and uncharted highway can be scary without directions form those that have traveled before. At the same time, those other travelers have had very diverse experiences, and have very diverse advice. (For example Zorro says enjoy the ride while SmilingHusband says hit the breaks - I appreciate you both, by the way)

I'm not at all concerned with Samantha sleeping with too many men. On the contrary, I'm more concerned with her sleeping with only one man. I guess that could change...

Of course I'm worried about her "falling in love", but it's a very frank, open, and on-going discussion, which keeps the concerns at bay. I've told Samantha that the truth is I'd like two things from this: I want her to fuck a lot, and I don't want her to screw up our marriage. She says she wants the same thing I guess the devil is in the details...


Update: after round 2 of sex with Bill, the infatuation has shot up again. Samantha spent time on and off all day texting back And forth with her FB (we work together, so I can see what's she's doing). At dinner I asked her about it, and she was mildly defensive. She basically said "I'm just having fun with all of this... If you want me to quit, just say so and we'll put Bill and this entire fantasy behind us... In fact why don't we just go ahead and do that!". Obviously she was becoming a little frustrated. I can tell she's trying very hard to communicate and keep everyone happy and I gave her credit for that. Part of the challenge with all of this is that I encouraged her to get a new toy, and it's a super cool toy that she really loves to play with, and I'm sure she'd like the freedom to do whatever she wants (emotionally and sexually) without the risk of having the toy taken away, but at the same time, she's smart enough to realize that if her hubby is not kept happy and comfortable, things will go bad. I can see how this is not so easy for her and she can see how this is not so easy for me.

At the same time... As more personal details about Bill drip out... It looks like he still does not even know Samantha's real name (she used different name on Ashley Madison for privacy) and she does not even know what he does for a living... What his politics are, etc. Not that i really care or want to care, but those are examples of things I think are important to her in a love based relationship.

I Asked her "what do you like so much about this guy??"... And she says "I love how his skin looks... And he has great game and great banter...". I actually don't get how she can be so infatuated with a guy based on so little. In some ways this sort of comforts me. I mean as far as I can tell I'm richer, more powerful, taller, bigger dick, just as charming, just as intelligent, just as good looking... But on the con side older and more familiar. New dick vs. Old dick. New toy vs. old. Which leads me to sort of conclude that this infatuation is mostly that, and I should just stand back and enjoy the ride.

Interestingly, the other guy, Sid, that she has dated (but not slept with) seems like a more substantial guy. Tall. Powerful, successful, model good looking, Etc. More to be jealous of, although I like the idea of her having diversity so that she's not so focused on one guy.

She still says she wants to sleep with Sid. She definitely wants to keep seeing Bill and wants to schedule a regular play date for every Tuesday nite... She's even talking about turning a building on our estate into a "sex lair" and wants me to help shop for beds that are "just the right height".

I'm trying to get her to set up an account on here and pound out her entire side of the story. I think she'll consider it, but so far it's not as interesting to her as it is to me.

And the journey continues...

[zorro]

Samanthasman -- It all sounds very exciting. In our relationship, there has never been such a thing as too many other men, and infatuation -- let alone falling in love -- has been no issue. So, yes, my advice is very much colored by my very positive experiences.

One other thought I've been having about you two: aside from a hunger for sexual adventure (the core of HW), does Samantha also have some hunger for more romance? It is all too easy in a relationship to take things for granted, to get into routines, to try too little. You may wish to consider upping your romance game with Samantha. Not cutting her off from whatever romancing she is thrilling to, but adding to whatever she gets. Will she see you as competitive? You bet she will. Would that be a bad thing? I think not. Women love thoughtful notes, flowers, kisses, compliments, adoring looks, and maybe a luxury night out on the town or having a great time in a top notch hotel, feeling treated like a queen. If having another man give her some romance leads you to also give her more, I'd say everyone wins. So, I am altering my earlier advice about doing nothing so say, "Yes! Add in more romance from your side. And let her know that her sexual growth is deepening your love for her." Do whatever you can so she doesn't feel that her sexual blossoming makes you unhappy. And the best way to do that is to make the journey WITH her, admiring and thrilling to the fantastic woman she is revealing herself to be. The best -- and most romantic -- gift you can give her is YOU. Your admiration, your respect, and your treasuring what is emerging. Let her trust in your love for her, and she likely will give you maximum trustworthiness.

We find that there is no zero-sum game in sharing. When R is sexually active with other guys, I feel as I lose nothing. All that happens is that she gains more pleasure. And that has worked beautifully for us. Of course, we almost always are together during the play, and that keeps exclusion jealousy at bay. But there are numerous HW couples on this site who have made it a great success to allow the HW to play separately. So, there is no fixed formula.

My hunch is that you will grow enormously during this time as you come to know your own feelings and grow through the insecurities hotwifing reveals. Do use this forum as a place to talk safely about all this. We all have had our scares along the way, so we are sympathetic to where you are in the journey.

As for SmilingHusband's comments, I also respect his experience. All marriages are at risk of the worm inside all of them eating them up. Some men respond by trying to be controlling, which usually leaves resentment and sorrow behind. Some men respond by "vanishing" and abdicating any input about what they want the wife to do. You seem to be following the middle road: Permitting your wife to discover this yummy part of herself but all the way along sharing with her how her behavior is affecting how you feel. It's okay to tell her when you are frightened; most women love knowing the emotional truth from their man. And somehow in the telling, when one does not feel compelled to "do" or control the process, the emotions mute.

So do keep in touch!
BTW, Samantha is too sexy! lol Just leaves a guy wanting to eat her up!

[JackieSCToo]

Good luck to you and keep her talkign to you about hat she wants and expects. Have fun
jackie

[Samanthasman]

Zorro - good advice. I have become more attentive, including making her coffee in the morning and bringing her flowers. Yes, even more is a great idea...

UPDATE: Samantha is out tonite for round #3 with Bill. She said "I want to get fucked tonite... a lot... maybe multiple rounds..." Wowser! Turns out she will be meeting for drinks and bringing Bill back to our home for dessert (her). I'm not going to be participating... but I like that she's at least going to be in our home rather than a hotel this time, and does not have to drive home after her romp.

I did ask her to tell Bill to leave something for me. Meaning, the last two rounds have left her so sore that she was out of commission for at least a day each time - and certainly out for the night the last time. She said she would not let that happen again

Today we had a little argument in the morning. Nothing to do with HWing, just work stuff (we work together). In general, we get along great and probably only have an argument maybe once a month. Still, after a little spat, it's just a little harder seeing her run off to be in the arms of another man. However, I'm trying to be supportive and not controlling.

[sharemine2]

I hope you get to watch in as much as Samantha is bringing Bill home! Believe me it is super hot to watch your wife get fucked , even better if it is in your marriage bed!! MMMmmmmmmmm!

[Samanthasman]

Update: Samantha finished round 3... I saw blurry images from a distance, but that was it for now. As soon as he came all over her tummy, she walked into our bedroom and asked me for "a little more to top her off". She still had cum all over her. I did not last long, but she did want to hold me and cuddle for a long time after.

[sharemine2]

Looks like you have real good time hot wife on your hands,, WONDERFUL isn't it? I think you will soon see her get fucked up close and personal!!

[Morgan]

Zorro's last post was spot on.
Although none of us can know the future my guess is that it is your reactions that could screw this up.
From your telling Samantha has known quiet a few men. If her face is only half as pretty as her body is spectacular (and I'm sure it is) then she has had a lifetime of controlling guys who want to get at her. Now she is in a position to just let it go, and she wants to. If you can put your apprehension aside and let her drive the bus, with you as her co-pilot, then hold on.

[Samanthasman]

Update: infatuation levels still running high. Wife wants yet another date with Bill tomorrow night. Will likely again be at out home, although solo.

Advice Needed: one of these days soon, I'm gonna meet Bill. What should I say to him???? My inclination is to say "I love my wife with all my heart, but I'm fine with her having all the fun she wants on top of that. In other words, I have no problems with you being friends and lovers, but her heart belongs to me. As long as we all stay on the same page, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful thing..."

Obviously, this sounds a little possessive. I don't want to sounds crazy... What's the script??

[zorro]

Update: infatuation levels still running high. Wife wants yet another date with Bill tomorrow night. Will likely again be at out home, although solo.

Advice Needed: one of these days soon, I'm gonna meet Bill. What should I say to him???? My inclination is to say "I love my wife with all my heart, but I'm fine with her having all the fun she wants on top of that. In other words, I have no problems with you being friends and lovers, but her heart belongs to me. As long as we all stay on the same page, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful thing..."

Obviously, this sounds a little possessive. I don't want to sounds crazy... What's the script??

How about saying, "Hello. Nice to meet you." Smile, be as calm as you can be, and let the conversation progress naturally. You might say something like, "I've heard a lot about you, Bill, and all good. It's a pleasure to meet you in person."

You don't have to thank him for fucking your wife. You don't have to lay claim to your wife (he already should know that by now). And you don't have to lead by putting your anxieties out on your sleeve for Bill to have to deal with. Instead, get to know Bill more as a person. The more you know him as a person, the less daunting he will feel because no competitor is as fearsome as what our imagination concocts. He's a guy with a cock. Your wife is enjoying his cock, and he is decent enough to keep coming back.

You might want to ask him, in your most sincere voice, "How is all this going for you?" He might feel a little freer to talk and pick up some of the silence. Or you or he might just wish to switch to less provocative topics than his sexual relationship with Samantha. Find out about his interests, what he does, what he did that afternoon. You might wish to ask him if he has any questions. Notice all these are open-ended questions to help Bill say more and express himself more, so you can get some feel for him. Don't worry. Sooner or later the discussion will come back again to sex and Samantha. You might take Samantha at some point by the arm, pull her close to her, kiss her and ask, "Isn't she wonderful?" Letting him talk even with some openness about what he likes about Samantha will make both you and him more comfortable.

Hopefully, Samantha and he will move close to each other and start kissing. Let them. Just keeping smiling and focus on Samantha's pleasure and excitement. Be a worthy observer to her emerging sexual blossoming, and you will most likely be allowed to share in it more. The most common fear in this setting for most women is that the husband can't take it. And this is the time for you to find out if you can take it. If you have trouble tolerating (or enjoying) Samantha's kissing him, you're going to have trouble with her fucking him in front of you. If Samantha sees that you not only tolerate her sexuality but enjoy it, she will let you in closer. And before you know it, you might all three wind up in the same bed, focusing your testo energy on lucky Samantha.

At some point, invite Bill to feel free to contact you if any issues come up. Tell him to enjoy her, and back away for a while. That will leave both Samantha and Bill feeling less threatened. The more you come across as the rule giver, the dominator, the dictator of how things are going to be, the more you will fuck up the relationship. If things are going wrong, that's another thing, but on first meeting your job is to be magnanimous, loving, generous, and warm. Even if you actually see Bill as a flesh-and-blood dildo, do your best to treat him as a fellow human being, with feelings. Let him walk away from the evening feeling you are really a cool guy, not a freakoid who is sweating right and left because your wife is fucking him. There will be plenty of time to see where their relationship goes. For the start, be gracious and remember the relationship has to do with what happens between Samantha and you, not between Samantha and Bill, aside from her getting some exciting sex. Do not confuse falling in lust with falling in love. So far, what I hear is her falling in lust, not in love. We have found that it is definitely possible for a woman to separate sexual pleasure and joy from love. That may well be the direction your relationship with Samantha takes. It is hard to speak to all this, because I do not know Samantha.

And, as this unfolds, focus on Samantha's pleasure and how pleased you are for her to feel so good. This is called 'compersion,' and it is one of the sweetest emotions I have ever felt. You will find, as you let yourself feel compersion, that your love for Samantha will grow. That breaks all the conventional vanilla rules, but it does seem to work that way. Not being clinging and controlling but wanting Samantha to grow and flourish will help your love for each other to grow. Stay focused on the love Samantha feels for you, why you love her, and why she loves you, and don't let the sex get you confused.

Well, if I go on, this will turn into a sermon, and that is the last thing I wish to do. I am very excited for both of you and wish enormous quantities of love in your life. Let love replace fear.