A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

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Truckstar
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A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Sun Jan 11, 2015 6:11 am

I have to make assumptions here, this is a guide, so.

You are pretty new to this lifestyle and so is she and she has decided with your encouragement or insistence that she will be having a solo sex date with another man (or couple but we will stick with man).

Preamble -
You are cool with it, it is new to you and you are her back up guy, 'wing person' for want of a better word.

HWing myths. HWing will be a very unlikely cure to a dying marriage. Do not push her there as an excuse for you to get some pussy. That is swinging not HWing. There is a book that goes into deep depths by Cody on this site, if you need some depth.

HWing as a compromise to cheating can work but she will have to work hard to regain your trust. So honesty is the best platform.

You will be the one wanting this under normal circumstances, however once her toe touches that forbidden pond, be aware for a sea change in her sexuality and personality. She will very soon become the leader of this. That often hurts the alpha male. Often she gets into this for the love of you. Please remember that.

Other points
It is best if she chooses her FBs and not you, because she is the one that is likely to want to fuck them. You are not going to be the best one to find suitable people for her, you will often choose guys that are the total opposite of you or a clone of you. Leave it to her. People are complex, and every person will have his or her own ideas and desires and needs in a relationship. Trying to force a wife to choose a guy she does not fancy is a route to doom in a box—for example, trying to say. Instead, treat your wife's adventures in a way that respects what they are. Give each FB the space they need; she is having sex with them not a full life relationship, she not looking for a replacement hubby!

Always listen to what she is telling you she wants out of a FB, instead of trying to force it to be something specific. Focus on the end goal, you and her want her to fuck another guy and come home to you.

You will go through many emotions doing the early days and sometimes during the one date.
In no particular order
Euphoria,
Envy and jealousy
Feeling left out
Excitement
Pride
Love
Anger
Anxiety
Bewilderment
And many more

This is quite natural. She knows though and so that you that in the 'shop standard' version of HWing there must be something in it for her and you. If there is not, then you are doing it wrong. Do understand that your needs have nothing directly to do with your partner’s other partner. It can be helpful to ask yourself “what do I want from this?” rather than “Am I getting the same things as my wife and her FB, am I getting as much?” It is bad to keep score. If it were a competition which it certainly is not. Women will beat men on score every time, they are built for sex and do not require erections to have it. OK other peoples erections not their own.

Not everyone has the same needs, and happiness is found more easily in having your needs met than in having the same things as the people around you. I think the goal of a HWing for the hubby should be in seeking to have your relationship needs met in a way that’s fulfilling, not in achieving parity with her.

Consider the things you need, rather than what you think your Wife's FBs are getting. Being happy is not a competition! Going back to the idea of keeping score, rather than saying “He took you to dinner three times last month and I only got to take you once,” it’s often more productive to say “I would like to take you to dinner more often.”

Do ask for what you need. It may seem obvious, but if you don’t ask for what you need, you can’t expect to get the things you need. If you have a need that you feel is not being met by your wife, say so. Don’t assume that she knows; don’t start with the idea that if she “really” loved you, she would just be able to tell without you saying anything; and don’t assume that if she really loved you, she would already know what you need.

If you discover that your needs aren’t being met, talk to her about it! Straight away, do not allow it to fester.
Your needs are important, and even if you both initially believe they are irrational, they are still a part of who you are. Of course, you can’t automatically assume that you will have all your needs met at all times but it’s far easier for your wife to meet a need if she knows what the fuck it is.

So Preparation
What do you do whilst she is getting ready for her date?
Be supportive and complimentary. We are talking in the hours before. Don't bombard her with lots of demands for pictures and texts to be sent every ten minutes. She is shitting a brick too. Some guys like to help her get ready, others go for a run or do something to clear their mind. If you are driving her and being her 'waiting in the lobby man' do not drink or do drugs and try to stay out of sight during her initial hook up.

Next tip.
She sets off for a date that is M&G non sexual.

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Truckstar
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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Tue Jan 13, 2015 5:00 am

340 views so far I never thought it would be so popular.

She sets off for a date that is M&G non sexual.

What do you do?

Reality is you are not always available so you are going to need to know some stuff and hopefully she will have laid it all out for you. We will assume in this first scenario, you are not travelling with her, she has had many emails and phone chats (at least one with him). She has told you that you are her wing man even though it is 15 to 30 minutes drive from you.

You will need to know.
Who she is meeting and where it is, you will need to know what time he is expected and what time she will leave. If she is a good HW she will leave on time.

Do not hassle her she will be nervous, compliment her on how she looks and wish her luck. Once she is out the door, you must not pester her.
She will text you that she has arrived, they never forget that. She should text you that he has arrived, they sometimes forget that. If you have not heard for 15 minutes after his due time, then text her. "Hi hun, everything alright?" she will spark, don't chastise her, it is a public place and she just probably forgot.

Girls, this is important to remember, for the guy at home, each minute is like an hour sometimes and he is shitting hot conkers if he doesn't hear from you when you are away.

Once you get the OK that he has arrived. Do something that will take your mind off things. Knocking out a wank to HW porn won't last too long. Go for a run or go shopping. Watch an action film.

She should call or text you that the meeting is over on time (again crucial girls). If you haven't heard after 15 minutes text her, then 5 more whole measured minutes, then call her. if no answer call him, if no answer call the place where they are. You know what she was wearing, you can give a description, say you have an urgent message. You only do this if you get no reply.

If you accompany her, even as the third wheel.

Do be pleasant.
Do greet him with a handshake.
Do not judge him or compete with him.
Do not ridicule him.
Do disappear outside 'for a phone call' or to the gentleman's rest room, for a ten minute break' or just give them some time, by saying, I am going for a stroll for 15 minutes.

No need for a code word from her, if she is not enjoying it, she should just say "Hun, we need to be going." Don't question it, just do it.

Do not discuss lots of personal stuff,
Do not take over the meeting, it is her date.
Do get the drinks in.
Do laugh at his jokes

And for fuck sake be nice.

If this date is going to get kissy, kissy, or touchy feely in the car or outside, it should have been discussed beforehand, however if she asks for it and it wasn't discussed, go with it, if you feel comfortable.

If it wasn't declared as possibly going sexual, she and he should play the game and often do. The more experienced HWers, treat every date as it might go sexual, however they have their badges and can read the signs and require little interaction between the married couple to confirm.
Do not drink to much and become an arsehole

Next tip.
She sets off for a date that is planned to be sexual.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by satyrsmith » Tue Jan 13, 2015 11:46 am

Excellent and helpful advice, Truckstar. I don't remember school being this much fun! ;)

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by sutherngent » Tue Jan 13, 2015 1:09 pm

Excellent advice, Truckstar. Looking forward to the next installment.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by enjoyherlife313 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:14 am

I don't reply often but hubby agrees I can contribute to this one. I am certainly aware that everyone is different but I must sing the praises of going solo for at least the first or second time. I am of the belief that for most hot wifes the benefit of private intimate sessions with a lover are wonderful. Obviously some vetting will take place to get to that point but for "her" to fully realize the benefits of "sex with others" I highly recommend going solo and then the real exciting part begins with return to hubby with the "tell all". I always go solo and just love the intimacy with my lovers and love to share most and sometimes all of it upon my return to hubby.

Just sayin'........................

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:42 am

enjoyherlife313 wrote:I don't reply often but hubby agrees I can contribute to this one. I am certainly aware that everyone is different but I must sing the praises of going solo for at least the first or second time. I am of the belief that for most hot wifes the benefit of private intimate sessions with a lover are wonderful. Obviously some vetting will take place to get to that point but for "her" to fully realize the benefits of "sex with others" I highly recommend going solo and then the real exciting part begins with return to hubby with the "tell all". I always go solo and just love the intimacy with my lovers and love to share most and sometimes all of it upon my return to hubby.

Just sayin'........................
As you say, your situation is not everybody's and I could never do a catch all guide. Mine will continue soon.

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Truckstar
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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:26 am

She sets off for a date that is planned to be sexual.

Some of the stuff from a non sexual date will be the same -:

You will need to know.
Who she is meeting and where it is, you will need to know what time he is expected and what time she will leave. If she is a good HW she will leave on time. Yada, yada, don't hassle her. Remember this is going to turn sexual and your wife will be fucking another man with your knowledge. How cool is that?

Very cool - Not good, then excellent then anxiety, then OMG then Great. Point to note, you need to stay calm and organised. It has got this far because you both decided that. Now let it run. Occupy your thoughts, compliment her.

As she leaves, wish her luck. It is absolutely cool to remind her. "Hun, message me, it is important to me." Wive's please understand that your husband is going through a whole rollercoaster of emotions for the whole time you are out, he should not be pestering you, he loves you and if you have agreed on an arrival/meet/in the room and exit text, then make sure you do,

The average non sex date is 3 to 4 ours some are less. The average sex date is 4-6 hours. So you will have to manage that time. First dates for newbies are normal on Fridays and Saturdays and therefore mean you can catch up on sleep and stuff after she returns.

Do find something that will eat up the whole time.
Do put your phone on a shelf or table in another place but where you can here it.
Do believe that she is ok, likely she is 15 minutes to an hour away so help for her would be via phone.
Do praise her, hold her and cuddle her on return.
Do ask her "How did it go, did you enjoy yourself?" Accept her answer and don't pry. She may only say it was great and or different. That will come in time.

Don't be diving down for the mythical creampies, you hear about the minute she walks through the door.
Don't be ripping her very expensive Victoria's Secret underpants off if she still has them on, LOL. Give he a little space.
Don't be begging for what happened story, it will come and will be more accurate if you give her time.
Don't try to do a blow by blow account on OHW, it is really tough to do and can only be achieved by a certain few. It will play your anst buttons and four hours will seem like ten.
Don't get drunk, it is a depressant and will change your view.
Don't watvh HW porn, you will wear your knob out and then increase the angst.

________________

If you are her driver and you are going to the hotel.

All the above meet the guy, have just one drink max, then make yourself scarce. I normally take a book but I have been doing this a long time. If you are accompanying her it is likely to be meet, drink, go to room. She will be away from you for about 2 - 3 hours on a first one. That is a long time in some hotels to be doing nothing. If you are driving you can't drink booze. Order a light snack and read a non porn book.

Newbies - Girls it is best that FB does not come down to the lobby with you when you are done. Please believe this.

When she comes down, do not greet her like a freed hostage. Get up and greet her like she has just finished a work meeting, a quick peck and then off to the car (or your own suite, if you have booked there, bad idea BTW, but there may not be lots of choices).

Once you are at the car you can show your giddy side to your wife and describe the feeling you had in the hotel. Believe it or not, being in the hotel while your wife is fucking another man upstairs is a lot more angsty than being at home.

I hope this helps you all.

Do we need a guide for first threesomes? Hubby/Wife/FB

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by weplay304 » Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:44 am

I really think that this page should become sticky and should be required reading for every HW couple. Excellent posts.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by playfulTea » Thu Jan 15, 2015 4:05 pm

Had it not been for my husband weplay304, I would not have seen this post. I'm glad he found it and told me about it. Nicely done, Truckster! I agree it should be a sticky post.

This primer is good to use as a guide, not only for the newbie, but also as a refresher for the one's who've already started HWing.

I also liked enjoyherlife's post.
I am of the belief that for most hot wifes the benefit of private intimate sessions with a lover are wonderful. Obviously some vetting will take place to get to that point but for "her" to fully realize the benefits of "sex with others" I highly recommend going solo and then the real exciting part begins with return to hubby with the "tell all". I always go solo and just love the intimacy with my lovers and love to share most and sometimes all of it upon my return to hubby.
Enjoy is right on in my opinion. I like the intimacy with my lover. It's a more open experience. It gives us time to get to know each other and that exploration is essential for an enjoyable experience and hopefully leads to another meet. I'm don't like it when my dates become one-off's. I enjoy getting to know my lover.
~playfulTea

Soulfully Connected to weplay304
--I am on a journey without a destination--

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Truckstar
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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Fri Jan 16, 2015 10:30 am

Thanks for all the great feedback, I will do that threesome thing for you. I'll also write a guide about it.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by 54321 » Mon Jan 19, 2015 2:20 pm

Truckstar, you are a star!

Like your wonderful wife, you are a mine of experience and good sense. Thank you for these brilliant posts.
I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Best wishes,

54321

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by 4me » Thu Jul 16, 2015 5:55 pm

Thank you for posting this! I get hot just reading it! I am trying to plan our first hot wife date....there is so much unknown! To start with I'm really excited about having my husband get me ready....from putting lotion on my body to putting my makeup on, fixing my hair, and picking out my clothes.

Is it a good idea to go on a non-sexual date the first time? Or jump into a sex date right away? Both of them sound very hot!
____________
4me

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Truckstar
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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Truckstar » Fri Jul 17, 2015 4:37 am

Thank You, I appreciate your feedback.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by rs480 » Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:30 pm

Huh.
I have always thought that by this time (near 30 years) I'd be so nonchalant (read JADED) about it (IF IT EVER CAME ABOUT!) that I'd be just grand.
We're a ColdWife couple BTW!
Then again, what would I do while she is out? I've thought that's what she's been up to many times. Hmmmm.
Take the Model T for 20 drives? Get the Twin City running? Read OHW (with vigor)? Cut the grass with the 40 year old mower/tractor? Charge the battery on the International? Start the motor grader and go do the driveway? Do the laundry (if it needed)?
Truckstar, you started this in January!
I've some reading to do.......
4me, you brought this one to the top.
Thank you Truckstar for starting/responding.
I've some reading to do.
I'll post this babble
Yes, I believe I'm losing my mind.

Mrs E

Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Mrs E » Thu Jul 23, 2015 2:21 pm

I just read this, a nice refresher course, and made me remember my first solo M & G. I did actually fuck the wonderful man on the first date, and it was so much fun to send Mr E those precious little texts. Thanks!

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by ChasteHusband62 » Mon Jul 27, 2015 7:51 am

As a former first-time cuckold husband (now four years ago), I am of two minds about remaining behind when my wife goes out "solo." Yet, if I want to be perfectly honest about it, I have to say that her going out on her own, while I remain behind, is more thrilling. I do enjoy being with my wife and the other guy, but, it's much more emotionally intense not being with them.!

And yes, time is a strange thing when I know she's with another guy! Minuets feel like hours! For me (and that's the only person I can speak about meaningfully), it's that difficult-to-put-into-words emotional dynamic that is the ultimate thrill!

I agree that you ought to find something to do while the wife is off with another guy. Very important. You need to distract yourself! Mow the lawn! Rake leaves! Go for a run! I go for a long, hard, strenuous, bike ride!! That's not to say I don't think about my wife and that other guy, because I can't help but think about that! I am a human being after all. But when I'm putting out all that physical effort, it's just a little bit easier to bear up under the variety of emotions I naturally feel.

Watching porn creates way too much sexual tension for me when my wife is on one of her dates. I also deliberately refrain from jacking-off! That is also just way too much stimulus! I'm already horny as hell without porn or masturbation! I'm the sort of guy who greatly enjoys trying to remain at the threshold of sexual excitation, but without coming. There is something remarkably intense in holding on to that level of sexual frustration; and sometimes choosing not to relieve myself at all, that brings with it it's own form of "pleasure!" It's not for every one, but it's my method of remaining "in waiting" until I can no longer continue on like that!

I may be the perfect cuckold husband; that's what my wife tells me, at least!

Ephraim

Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Ephraim » Tue Jul 28, 2015 6:26 pm

Truckstar wrote:When she comes down, do not greet her like a freed hostage.
We are still chuckling over this wonderful line.

elina

Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by elina » Sat Aug 15, 2015 3:12 am

Thanks Truckstar,
very useful for us wannabees

Sincerely
elina

Mrs E

Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Mrs E » Mon Aug 31, 2015 3:12 pm

Ephraim wrote:
Truckstar wrote:When she comes down, do not greet her like a freed hostage.
We are still chuckling over this wonderful line.
I usually drive myself to solo dates, but not this time. This past weekend, I was waiting for Mr E around 6am in a hotel lobby. I received the following text from him:

"Hostage extraction scheduled for. 6:17."

It's become part of our HW vocabulary, and we get to laugh every time!

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Softclay » Mon Aug 31, 2015 5:43 pm

Love it........extraction!!!!!!! You guys rock!

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by SCHotwife » Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:54 pm

love this!!

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by 3323b » Tue Apr 12, 2016 9:14 am

My wife and I just had her first fwb benefits experience. Actually 2 days away from her 4th time of having sex with him. I have posted my story in the hotties section. I see I have already gone against some of the wisdom here, but alas, I'm not sure I could have resisted even had I read this beforehand. However I am pleased to see I had the presence of mind to do most of the things a good hotwife husband should do. We are slowly figuring out what works for us and what doesn't. Thank you for your effort to help people like us out.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by kycuckold » Mon May 16, 2016 8:16 pm

My wife has finally decided to be a hot wife a cuckold me. She is now looking for the right man. She said I can't be there, but she will tell me all about it and all the details. I am hoping I can be involved in the future, but willing to take baby steps. I want to either watch, join in or prep his cock before he fucks her pussy.

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by Kupl » Wed Aug 31, 2016 6:34 pm

It's a good guide, but in our experience of meeting up with maybe 60 men and her fucking quite a few of those, I don't recommend a solo for novice couples at all.
The reason is, that most men cannot handle this situation and they have NRE very hard and get very hung up.

In our situation: All of the guys that were meeting, was us because of some kind of deficiency where they felt like they needed to pound an attached girl for some reason either because they needed to 1-up me, or because they wanted to cheat on their wives and didn't have the guts to take that risk with a single girl who could make a train-wreck in the marriage. These kinds in my opinion will do everything from trash-talking the hubby, to also offering thousands of dollars in gifts and expenses for the HW/HGF to come live with them because they get addicted to the female attention. I have seen it happen, and I have managed to defeat it.
Last edited by MrsTruckstar on Fri Dec 30, 2016 2:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removed off topic paragraph at OP's request

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Re: A guide for the New HW Husband - Her First Solo Date

Unread post by LongTermHubby » Sun Oct 30, 2016 4:46 am

Kupl wrote:It's a good guide, but in our experience of meeting up with maybe 60 men and her fucking quite a few of those, I don't recommend a solo for novice couples at all.
The reason is, that most men cannot handle this situation and they have NRE very hard and get very hung up.

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