Non-Fiction: The erotic and potent effect of competiton

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TriangleTangle
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Non-Fiction: The erotic and potent effect of competiton

Unread post by TriangleTangle » Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:24 am

What follows is something I’ve been trying to understand about what drives me most in this lifestyle, and I think I’ve finally gained greater clarity about it – the erotic arousal of competition is one of the major components for me. Please forgive my usual verbose explanation that follows; it dovetails with other articles I've written on the subject of Compersion. I hope some reading this find it thought provoking and useful – it has for me which is why I share such thoughts with others.

It is often written that one of the major motivators (among many) behind hotwifing and cuckolding, is competition. Some of you might have read about the theory of male sperm competition where in ancient tribal times it would be the norm that multiple tribal members would attempt to breed the same female to propagate the tribe. In ancient tribal times there wasn't exclusive ownership of woman as wives or property of individual men. The notion of monogamy is said to be relatively recent over 10's of thousands of years, and became the norm only after the start of the agricultural age, which is when property ownership also emerged. Prior to that, tribes were generally nomadic.

Stay with me now.

When a woman came of age, she’d be inseminated by multiple men in the tribe; it was likely a ceremonial practice. It is said that men’s penises are shaped the way they are to push the sperm of other men out; the man with the fastest and strongest seed would impregnate the woman and prevail over the others.

Today many like to refer to this and other theories to rationalize why we men are sexually aroused when our women fuck other men. I personally buy into competition as one of those powerful motivators having read so much material over the years on the subject; the book Sex at Dawn is a popular and amazing read on that very topic.

When I was cheated on in the past by other women (pre-lifestyle), I experienced all the usual negative emotional responses one would expect in a male. Looking back, I firmly believe male-male competition played a large role in evoking those responses. Of course, it was ego crushing, but if it resulted in having to compete with the other male for the girl, the competitive aspects would be a major underlying catalyst if it became a fight (for her) versus a flight response. And it happened regardless of whether she even ever had sex with the opposing suitor.

When males compete for a woman outside of this lifestyle, she is typically in the middle, and the competing males might or might not have direct confrontation with one another. Typically, one male must win and the other must lose. Competition in this lifestyle is very different - actual male-male confrontation rarely exists, although she still remains in the middle. Of course, real competition can result in direct conflict between males in the lifestyle (I’ve been there too on at least one occasion), but that is extremely rare in the lifestyle.

When competition occurs, it often results in a high degree of emotional drama. Testosterone generates large amounts of adrenaline, and I found that I became sexually hyper-aroused when that happened. Put simply: just the threat of another male generated massive and sustained erections for me. I didn’t recognize that at the time, but I do now in retrospect. I’ll wager this is more the norm, else the male takes flight. The fight reaction is also consistent with millions of years of evolutionary programming baked into the male DNA, and aligns perfectly with the theory of male sperm competition.

I’ve known all of this for quite some time, but I was still perplexed over one thing. If my desire for male-male competition is a primary motivator in wanting to have a hotwife and experience this lifestyle, then why don’t I ever hold the kind of negative feelings against the other male like I would outside of the lifestyle? I realized that there wasn't actual male-male competition, but there is a strong desire for such competition. Many of us men thrive on competition and risk - and that is a key point to remember. Actually, I hardly ever think about the other male; he is only a means to stoke that desired competition while I focus almost entirely on her.

And then wow, it hit me.

In this lifestyle, a major transference seems to occur - at least for me. The desire for that competition becomes virtual between the males. The males feel no actual competition between them, and in fact, the men are often silently complicit. The male-male competition manifests itself in the interaction with her. When silent and unspoken it is considered pure hotwifing, not cuckolding. If that competition becomes overt through and by the words and deeds of the woman, how that competition is externalized and stoked by the wife can push it into cuckold territory.

A hotwife fucks another man, but neither he nor she overtly expresses any verbal or non-verbal cues about her pending or post-sexual interaction with the other male. That approach is clearly void of explicit cuckolding kinks and lands it mostly in the hotwifing realm. But when the wife begins to overtly stoke the competition with her husband, and uses it to provoke and sexually arouse him, it moves that activity across the continuum into the cuckolding realm. The intensity of that provocation, and the male response to it, determines where it falls on that continuum between plain hotwifing and cuckolding.

Allow me to illustrate with my ideal scenario:

I crave the intense provocation my wife uses about her and her lover to make me jealous. In fact I want her to amplify her provocation with even more intense taunting; it's even better if she becomes relentless while doing so. I don't ever yield to her attempts to dominant me - quite the opposite. The harder she tries, the more I resist, verbally and non-verbally – in an erotic sense that is, to maintain my dominance. For example, when I'm fucking her when trying to reclaim her, she'll taunt me by telling me how her lover makes her orgasm like I can't, and I'll respond by telling her what a cheating little bitch she is and fuck her even harder. In fact, the heavier she lays it on, the more I resist, and the greater my sexual arousal as I attempt to reclaim her. Her intense taunting and my intense effort to reclaim her clash; it becomes an extremely erotic war of the wills between the two of us, and only ends, for while anyway, when we both orgasm.

Maybe some of you already knew all of this (and if so, I wish you would have shared it with me before now!), but my erotic arousal response is a product of the virtual male-to-male conflict that surfaces between me and my wife. She becomes the competitive surrogate for the other male. If he participates with her in this endeavor, it ratchets it up exponentially.

This finally explained (for me at least) why I love it when she texts her lover. She not only has my permission, but my full encouragement. I want her to stoke that relationship with the other male. I want the two of them to truly desire each other – intensely in fact; it makes the competition and threat that much more real, though not to my exclusion since I still have her as well.

The erotic competition can manifest itself in may subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Her texting with him is a subtle one. When she does, I get chills and a hard-on, instantly. When she makes a date, and is mentally and physically preparing in anticipation of a date with the other male, that stokes the erotic competition further; the competition is on!

But those are just the subtle things. What I really want are the not-so-subtle queues - and I want them only from her. It turns me off if it comes from the other male as I could never be submissive to him. If anything, I prefer my interaction with the other male to remain as equals – neither one is dominant nor submissive between the males. That said, I do crave that he be dominant with her. That stokes the competitive aspects intensely – especially so if she willing submits to him, even if just to push my buttons.

Now her submitting to him does not mean I submit to her either – not in the least, although I strongly desire for her to attempt to make me submit to her by flaunting her desire for the other male in overt and unmistakable verbal and non-verbal ways. Again, that doesn’t somehow make her dominant, nor does it make me submissive. Outside of the lifestyle she and I are pretty much equals; she leans slightly on the submissive side while I lean generally on the dominant side, but not to any extreme for either she nor I.

So, what do I seek from my wife? First and foremost, I desperately want her to develop and enjoy genuine powerful sexual and emotional desire for the other male. This must be genuine to be great. Yes, there are major risks involved for anyone new to the lifestyle that doesn’t understand the dangers of New Relationship Exuberance (NRE), and an even greater risk for couples that don’t have a rock-solid marriage, have total trust, are self-secure, and have an unbreakable commitment to the primary relationship. My wife and I have all of those having experienced the ups and downs of this lifestyle over the years.

There are things I want her to do to stoke the erotic competition even further. I mentioned one of them – she shares her texts with me. But I crave much more than that – I want her to amp it up even more. For example, if he texts something passionate to her and says “I can’t wait to fuck you!” she’d excite me a thousand times more if she turns to me after reading it and blurts out, provocatively, “He’s going to fuck me alright – soon he’s going to own this pussy!”. Own is the operative word. She is intentionally provoking the male-male competitive aspect for me by emphasizing it with such declarative - even forceful statements like that. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to fuck her too; I always get to fuck her – her provocation is simply symbolic and evokes a powerful and positive sexual arousal from me. Often, women are hesitant to say things like that out of fear their husband might have a negative reaction, but for those of us who enjoy the compersive effects, it couldn’t be more positive or desired.

There are other things a wife can do and say to raise the stakes and keep the enjoyment going. When she is preparing for her date, she can ask for help when getting ready. If she asks me to rub some lotion on her back, I ache to hear her say provocative and explicit things, such as “Mummm, I’m going to get fucked!” with real excitement in her voice and emphasis on 'fucked'. She can bring me to my knees if she adds "I can’t wait to feel his large, hard cock in my tight, wet pussy!” I want her focus to be on mostly she and him in her words to me; it stokes the competitive arousal in a powerful and potent way.

As she is getting dressed, the words I want to hear from her are all about the two of them. When she is looking all cute and sexy in her hot outfit, I crave to hear her say things like “Do you think he’ll like this? I picked it out just for him.” Or even more provocative, “I know these are your favorite panties, but I decided to wear them for him. Don't worry sweetheart, I'll bring them home; they'll be filled and dripping with his sperm.” And if she does, it shows me materially that he does in fact, own her pussy. It then becomes my charge to reclaim that pussy – and I do, but I don’t want her to make that reclamation easy; I want her to verbally resist all the way until she ultimately surrenders – if she surrenders at all. When we are fucking after she has been with him, there is nothing more cock-hardening than her declaring, smugly, “He fucked me - and I loved it!” while I am going down on her, or fucking her, or she exclaims “His cock is so big, he hits all the right spots.” She doesn’t have to belittle me to get the rise from me. In fact, I have a huge cock, but she can stoke the competition by emphasizing and doubling-down about how much better he is with his and how much more he makes her cum. One thing that makes me lose it instantly is when she insists, “This is his pussy, it isn’t your pussy anymore!” Now that pushes my buttons and keeps me on my toes for certain. I could provide a long list of provocations like this that I simply crave from her. But what does she get out of it in return? She gets to enjoy the powerful desire of two men. She gets to feel wanted, beautiful, and sexy. She gets off on my powerful response and becomes the ultimate goddess, the only one, for whom I worship and live; no other woman exists for me but her. It doesn’t get better than that – everyone wins.

The bottom line is that for me, powerful erotic male arousal lies in her amplification of the competition between the males, even if that competition doesn’t actually exist between the males, and we don’t want it to really exist. Her stoking the virtual competition, taunting me with me with it with her belligerent attitude, her provocative words and actions, the implicit and explicit threats she makes highlighting that I risk losing her to him, and her verbal resistance when I do attempt to reclaim her – all make for intense pleasure that never gets too old, or too much. In fact, I can never get enough – and never want to.

TriangleTangle

calicolombia69
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Posts: 934
Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2016 3:49 pm

Re: Non-Fiction: The erotic and potent effect of competiton

Unread post by calicolombia69 » Sun Sep 17, 2017 6:39 am

TriangleTangle wrote:What follows is something I’ve been trying to understand about what drives me most in this lifestyle, and I think I’ve finally gained greater clarity about it – the erotic arousal of competition is one of the major components for me. Please forgive my usual verbose explanation that follows; it dovetails with other articles I've written on the subject of Compersion. I hope some reading this find it thought provoking and useful – it has for me which is why I share such thoughts with others.

It is often written that one of the major motivators (among many) behind hotwifing and cuckolding, is competition. Some of you might have read about the theory of male sperm competition where in ancient tribal times it would be the norm that multiple tribal members would attempt to breed the same female to propagate the tribe. In ancient tribal times there wasn't exclusive ownership of woman as wives or property of individual men. The notion of monogamy is said to be relatively recent over 10's of thousands of years, and became the norm only after the start of the agricultural age, which is when property ownership also emerged. Prior to that, tribes were generally nomadic.

Stay with me now.

When a woman came of age, she’d be inseminated by multiple men in the tribe; it was likely a ceremonial practice. It is said that men’s penises are shaped the way they are to push the sperm of other men out; the man with the fastest and strongest seed would impregnate the woman and prevail over the others.

Today many like to refer to this and other theories to rationalize why we men are sexually aroused when our women fuck other men. I personally buy into competition as one of those powerful motivators having read so much material over the years on the subject; the book Sex at Dawn is a popular and amazing read on that very topic.

When I was cheated on in the past by other women (pre-lifestyle), I experienced all the usual negative emotional responses one would expect in a male. Looking back, I firmly believe male-male competition played a large role in evoking those responses. Of course, it was ego crushing, but if it resulted in having to compete with the other male for the girl, the competitive aspects would be a major underlying catalyst if it became a fight (for her) versus a flight response. And it happened regardless of whether she even ever had sex with the opposing suitor.

When males compete for a woman outside of this lifestyle, she is typically in the middle, and the competing males might or might not have direct confrontation with one another. Typically, one male must win and the other must lose. Competition in this lifestyle is very different - actual male-male confrontation rarely exists, although she still remains in the middle. Of course, real competition can result in direct conflict between males in the lifestyle (I’ve been there too on at least one occasion), but that is extremely rare in the lifestyle.

When competition occurs, it often results in a high degree of emotional drama. Testosterone generates large amounts of adrenaline, and I found that I became sexually hyper-aroused when that happened. Put simply: just the threat of another male generated massive and sustained erections for me. I didn’t recognize that at the time, but I do now in retrospect. I’ll wager this is more the norm, else the male takes flight. The fight reaction is also consistent with millions of years of evolutionary programming baked into the male DNA, and aligns perfectly with the theory of male sperm competition.

I’ve known all of this for quite some time, but I was still perplexed over one thing. If my desire for male-male competition is a primary motivator in wanting to have a hotwife and experience this lifestyle, then why don’t I ever hold the kind of negative feelings against the other male like I would outside of the lifestyle? I realized that there wasn't actual male-male competition, but there is a strong desire for such competition. Many of us men thrive on competition and risk - and that is a key point to remember. Actually, I hardly ever think about the other male; he is only a means to stoke that desired competition while I focus almost entirely on her.

And then wow, it hit me.

In this lifestyle, a major transference seems to occur - at least for me. The desire for that competition becomes virtual between the males. The males feel no actual competition between them, and in fact, the men are often silently complicit. The male-male competition manifests itself in the interaction with her. When silent and unspoken it is considered pure hotwifing, not cuckolding. If that competition becomes overt through and by the words and deeds of the woman, how that competition is externalized and stoked by the wife can push it into cuckold territory.

A hotwife fucks another man, but neither he nor she overtly expresses any verbal or non-verbal cues about her pending or post-sexual interaction with the other male. That approach is clearly void of explicit cuckolding kinks and lands it mostly in the hotwifing realm. But when the wife begins to overtly stoke the competition with her husband, and uses it to provoke and sexually arouse him, it moves that activity across the continuum into the cuckolding realm. The intensity of that provocation, and the male response to it, determines where it falls on that continuum between plain hotwifing and cuckolding.

Allow me to illustrate with my ideal scenario:

I crave the intense provocation my wife uses about her and her lover to make me jealous. In fact I want her to amplify her provocation with even more intense taunting; it's even better if she becomes relentless while doing so. I don't ever yield to her attempts to dominant me - quite the opposite. The harder she tries, the more I resist, verbally and non-verbally – in an erotic sense that is, to maintain my dominance. For example, when I'm fucking her when trying to reclaim her, she'll taunt me by telling me how her lover makes her orgasm like I can't, and I'll respond by telling her what a cheating little bitch she is and fuck her even harder. In fact, the heavier she lays it on, the more I resist, and the greater my sexual arousal as I attempt to reclaim her. Her intense taunting and my intense effort to reclaim her clash; it becomes an extremely erotic war of the wills between the two of us, and only ends, for while anyway, when we both orgasm.

Maybe some of you already knew all of this (and if so, I wish you would have shared it with me before now!), but my erotic arousal response is a product of the virtual male-to-male conflict that surfaces between me and my wife. She becomes the competitive surrogate for the other male. If he participates with her in this endeavor, it ratchets it up exponentially.

This finally explained (for me at least) why I love it when she texts her lover. She not only has my permission, but my full encouragement. I want her to stoke that relationship with the other male. I want the two of them to truly desire each other – intensely in fact; it makes the competition and threat that much more real, though not to my exclusion since I still have her as well.

The erotic competition can manifest itself in may subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Her texting with him is a subtle one. When she does, I get chills and a hard-on, instantly. When she makes a date, and is mentally and physically preparing in anticipation of a date with the other male, that stokes the erotic competition further; the competition is on!

But those are just the subtle things. What I really want are the not-so-subtle queues - and I want them only from her. It turns me off if it comes from the other male as I could never be submissive to him. If anything, I prefer my interaction with the other male to remain as equals – neither one is dominant nor submissive between the males. That said, I do crave that he be dominant with her. That stokes the competitive aspects intensely – especially so if she willing submits to him, even if just to push my buttons.

Now her submitting to him does not mean I submit to her either – not in the least, although I strongly desire for her to attempt to make me submit to her by flaunting her desire for the other male in overt and unmistakable verbal and non-verbal ways. Again, that doesn’t somehow make her dominant, nor does it make me submissive. Outside of the lifestyle she and I are pretty much equals; she leans slightly on the submissive side while I lean generally on the dominant side, but not to any extreme for either she nor I.

So, what do I seek from my wife? First and foremost, I desperately want her to develop and enjoy genuine powerful sexual and emotional desire for the other male. This must be genuine to be great. Yes, there are major risks involved for anyone new to the lifestyle that doesn’t understand the dangers of New Relationship Exuberance (NRE), and an even greater risk for couples that don’t have a rock-solid marriage, have total trust, are self-secure, and have an unbreakable commitment to the primary relationship. My wife and I have all of those having experienced the ups and downs of this lifestyle over the years.

There are things I want her to do to stoke the erotic competition even further. I mentioned one of them – she shares her texts with me. But I crave much more than that – I want her to amp it up even more. For example, if he texts something passionate to her and says “I can’t wait to fuck you!” she’d excite me a thousand times more if she turns to me after reading it and blurts out, provocatively, “He’s going to fuck me alright – soon he’s going to own this pussy!”. Own is the operative word. She is intentionally provoking the male-male competitive aspect for me by emphasizing it with such declarative - even forceful statements like that. That doesn’t mean I don’t get to fuck her too; I always get to fuck her – her provocation is simply symbolic and evokes a powerful and positive sexual arousal from me. Often, women are hesitant to say things like that out of fear their husband might have a negative reaction, but for those of us who enjoy the compersive effects, it couldn’t be more positive or desired.

There are other things a wife can do and say to raise the stakes and keep the enjoyment going. When she is preparing for her date, she can ask for help when getting ready. If she asks me to rub some lotion on her back, I ache to hear her say provocative and explicit things, such as “Mummm, I’m going to get fucked!” with real excitement in her voice and emphasis on 'fucked'. She can bring me to my knees if she adds "I can’t wait to feel his large, hard cock in my tight, wet pussy!” I want her focus to be on mostly she and him in her words to me; it stokes the competitive arousal in a powerful and potent way.

As she is getting dressed, the words I want to hear from her are all about the two of them. When she is looking all cute and sexy in her hot outfit, I crave to hear her say things like “Do you think he’ll like this? I picked it out just for him.” Or even more provocative, “I know these are your favorite panties, but I decided to wear them for him. Don't worry sweetheart, I'll bring them home; they'll be filled and dripping with his sperm.” And if she does, it shows me materially that he does in fact, own her pussy. It then becomes my charge to reclaim that pussy – and I do, but I don’t want her to make that reclamation easy; I want her to verbally resist all the way until she ultimately surrenders – if she surrenders at all. When we are fucking after she has been with him, there is nothing more cock-hardening than her declaring, smugly, “He fucked me - and I loved it!” while I am going down on her, or fucking her, or she exclaims “His cock is so big, he hits all the right spots.” She doesn’t have to belittle me to get the rise from me. In fact, I have a huge cock, but she can stoke the competition by emphasizing and doubling-down about how much better he is with his and how much more he makes her cum. One thing that makes me lose it instantly is when she insists, “This is his pussy, it isn’t your pussy anymore!” Now that pushes my buttons and keeps me on my toes for certain. I could provide a long list of provocations like this that I simply crave from her. But what does she get out of it in return? She gets to enjoy the powerful desire of two men. She gets to feel wanted, beautiful, and sexy. She gets off on my powerful response and becomes the ultimate goddess, the only one, for whom I worship and live; no other woman exists for me but her. It doesn’t get better than that – everyone wins.

The bottom line is that for me, powerful erotic male arousal lies in her amplification of the competition between the males, even if that competition doesn’t actually exist between the males, and we don’t want it to really exist. Her stoking the virtual competition, taunting me with me with it with her belligerent attitude, her provocative words and actions, the implicit and explicit threats she makes highlighting that I risk losing her to him, and her verbal resistance when I do attempt to reclaim her – all make for intense pleasure that never gets too old, or too much. In fact, I can never get enough – and never want to.

TriangleTangle
Nice reading albeit a bit long.

Mine has sometimes even complained that I only treat her nicely when there is a 2nd man involved. I took offense but realized she was right. I reflected on it and came to some conclusions:
- I was unconsciously pressuring her to take on a lover by treating her better when she had one
- I was also unconsciously treating her better out of the natural fear of losing her to him. Especially if she had felt mistreated or neglected by me in the preceding months
- I think she herself acted kinder to me when dating, so as to always have my tacit approval. Why fight or argue with me and risk me bringing up the moral or ethical issues of her cheating on me.

These days (years later) we are more mature and I have learned to act more stable. She will fight me with or without a lover at hand haha.
I will even support her in dumping one if she is expressing frustration about him. I now know that another one will always come along. Younger years, I was too obsessed that there may never be another 2nd cock if she lets this one go...
Today, I have instantly learned to interpret the kind of relationship she is having with each one of them. For ex with one, I know that within 72 hrs they will be having make up sex....

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