Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

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Minnhotwife

Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by Minnhotwife » Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:03 am

Hi everyone and thanks for this awesome website.

Happy New Year’s greetings to all of you and thank you for all of the stories and advice I have read so far. I was recommended to join this group by a friend from a swinger’s website. It turns out we are not swingers at all after looking at the posts and replies to our threads on the other website. We definitely belong here. But, before we tell you all our story, I want to spend this initial post telling you how we, meaning me, didn’t get it right in the past, separated, and almost divorced. I’m sure many stories here have happy endings but there are also ones which end in separation or divorce. My initial post will hopefully help some of you avoid the mistakes I made in opening up our marriage, a 17 year process!! Then, part two will provide you with the results of all the hard work both of us put into not just our relationship but also opening up our marriage.

So, here’s how it all began. I’ve always wanted my wife to have sex with other men but like many of you, she wasn’t interested or outright said no. We were also having our own marital problems which had nothing to do with swinging or opening up our marriage. Like some of you, I thought if I could leave some magazines or a book around as Patti Thomas suggested in her book, it might trigger a conversation or at least interest my wife. So, per her advice, I left her book in one of my drawers just before leaving town. In hindsight, we would have probably divorced had we gone down that path earlier in our relationship. After I left for my trip, my wife found the book and instead of thinking it was about her finding another guy, she thought it was because I wanted to bring another woman into our marriage. Before I could explain it properly, she said we were separating. Needless to say, it was a difficult work trip with many difficult conversations. Upon my return, we worked things out and started going to a marriage counselor. We went a few times and thought things were better. I didn’t bring it up again for another few years and in the meantime we had another child. While our sex life was a little better, it was still nowhere near where either of us wanted due to some issues I had with ED and childhood trauma. But as many of you know, these urges to have a hot wife never really go away.

While surfing the web one day, I came across a website called swinglifestyle. Creating a log in, I started looking at the ads for men and couples seeking women along with the stories. Pretending to be my wife, I would IM and email with many guys trying to get them to meet my wife. Yes, very dumb and stupid I know. I even met a few of them in person pretending to vet them before them having sex with my wife. Normally, it wasn’t a problem and I even met one nice guy who was more interested in helping me get my wife to swing even if it wasn’t with him and his partner. Then, when this was no longer enough, I started looking in other places and found craigslist had a category called casual encounters. They had plenty of sub categories and one was MFMW. I thought I hit the jackpot seeing how many men in our area were looking for hotwives, either with or without their husbands’ approval or knowledge. Doing the same thing I did on the swinger’s website, I would contact guys to see if they were interested in having sex with my wife. I would even send them blacked out pictures of her. Again, really, really stupid and wrong in hindsight. I also met a few of them to see if they were both real and not creepy.

One of the guys I met from craigslist was a real possibility but looking back, he was just a really good manipulator. Kind of serves me right for going behind my wife’s back. We met and he was really excited to help have sex with my wife after we talked and he seemed pretty nice. He was willing to send her an email to break the ice and use his persuasion to get her into bed. This should have been a red flag because even after I told him not to send my wife an email, he did anyway and included not just a letter but a cock shot. Yes, a cock shot! Why do guys think women want to see their junk in the first email or craigslist ad? So, not only didn’t it impress my wife, she was just about ready to divorce me and get out of the marriage. Only the kids kept her around. It was the roughest time in our marriage and I thought we were finished since we went almost a year without having sex or even connecting on an emotional level. Our conversations were painful and my wife was really on the verge of just giving up and separating permanently.

We returned to marriage counseling and made some progress on our marriage but we didn’t even bring up swinging or open marriage for her. Then, I continued going to therapy and finally started to unpack and deal with some of the long-term issues affecting me which in turn affected my wife and our marriage. Then last spring, a breakthrough finally occurred and some of the serious problems started to recede and no longer bother me. Our sex life increased a little but it was our emotional connection which started to thrive after many years of issues. It was right around this time my wife was getting ready to leave for an overseas trip with her siblings and biological father where he was going for some work and invited them along.

So, I took the kids and let my wife have a two-week adventure with her siblings and father. It was this trip which changed things for both of us and upon her return, our sex life would never be the same again. Before I move on, please use our story so far as a HUGE red flag on how not to start opening up a marriage or encouraging a hot wife situation. I did so many things wrong, as many of you can see, that to be honest I should be divorced. Thankfully, I have a fantastic wife who stuck by me even when I didn’t deserve it or worked hard enough on changing self-destructive behaviors. :o

But, thankfully this story isn't over and so I will move on to our experiences last summer and fall in another post. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy reading our next chapter.

Sunseekers2003
Prepubescent
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:10 pm

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by Sunseekers2003 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 6:06 pm

Looking forward to hearing more

wantinghusband
Virgin
Posts: 34
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2016 3:35 am

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by wantinghusband » Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:39 pm

Interesting start to your story. Your wife must really love you.

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Saccharomyces
Virgin
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Jan 17, 2018 11:26 am

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by Saccharomyces » Thu Jan 18, 2018 7:12 am

Very interesting indeed, can we know more?
I've discover this lifestyle through a couple I meet online.
I'm still discovering the wonders of satisfying hotwives but it's great to chat and understand the needs of your wonderful wives.
Maybe someday we will meet for real :-)

tampajym
Trainable
Posts: 58
Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:16 pm

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by tampajym » Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:40 pm

Great start. You have my interest.

dickhurtz472
Experienced
Posts: 218
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2018 11:42 am
Location: NC, USA

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by dickhurtz472 » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:25 am

tampajym wrote:
Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:40 pm
Great start. You have my interest.
me too.
disclaimer; The "Wife", to whom i refer is my x-wife. we reconnected a year after hubby 2 died in '16. We rekindled & view ourselves as still married. she passed on 2/1/21
Questions or comments;
dickhurtz472@proton.com

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SamWarrens
2 Bit Whore
Posts: 1249
Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2016 3:07 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Learning from my mistakes and our long journey to opening up part 1

Unread post by SamWarrens » Mon Nov 18, 2019 8:42 pm

So, where is part 2?
Great minds may think alike, but fools seldom differ.

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