Our Hotwives

Reading through these threads on Craigslist Boston's Missed Connections, I miss the stickied thread on the old forum.

http://boston.craigslist.org/search/mis?query=advice&minAsk=min&maxAsk=max

The gist of the threads is that a woman posted asking for advice about her husband's fantasy to see her with another man. The responses range from "he's not normal" to "he's gay."

Does anybody have anything even resembling that old thread? It would be like a beacon of light in this ocean of ignorance.

I second that. I would be good to have the content of that thread reproduced.

I agree. I think the thread went a long ways in helping my wife and I get a grip on what we were thinking about doing. We discovered that at least we were in good company. Even though the thread eventually became repititious, it was of immense value. I guess that's why it was a 'sticky'.

Yeah, that was a good thread with replies as varied as the galaxy. In the Old School of foolin around, void of internet play, you heard that a lot, the "normal" and "gay" remark. Sometimes it was a genuine inquiry and other times a put down, making a guy look superior in her eyes. Usually they would whisper it in a wifes ear, if nothing else for laughs.

If a wife is uncertain of exactly why her husband is standing down, guys can make compelling arguments about the pinkness of the hobby. It's a lifestyle similar to Capital Punishment, you can take either side and make a good case. I like that comparison, the gallows and hotwifing.

Boofer

I would love to see that thread too. Scanning the net off and on for years about this lifestyle I too have encountered every opinion from mentally disturbed to evolutionary normal.

I look at it as swinging with a twist. Most swingers are educated, balanced, family people with stronger than normal marriages. Sounded like home to me. Only the politics changed with another couple, where it felt better for both of us with her playing, I found it more satisfying, and she did not feel her marriage to me was threatened.

SO I addressed all the arguments against this life style.

I am latently homosexual:
No our erotic thoughts are of women, and watching a woman and man go at it is not gay, guys watch live porn all the time. The focus is the woman and her sexuality. Yes we discuss the guys equipment and body, but that is in the context of how he will look with her, no different than picking out a favorite porn movie. Do you think people watched Mandingo for the wallpaper color? Beside the porn show stars the most favorite woman in the world, the wife.

I am not "manly"
Seems many porn sites refer to this life as the husband is a shmuck. Well I do understand the mate poaching fantasy, and it is ok for the boyfriend/bull to experience it, but within the comfort of the couple. Well look at all the Hollywood studs who are rich and good looking, their marriage disintegrate in short order. Their wives are out sneaking in no time because the marriage is not what they hoped for. We HWHubs/Cucks do not need to put on airs, we can watch him do her, and know who she loves and is coming home to. We allow wifey to live free, and thus pursue her happiness, not be tied to my macho wanna be ideas. So we live in the real world more than the John Wayne hopefuls.

The wife must not be satisfied with her husband:
What nobody ever ate some dessert after being full of a good dinner? Do we eat only at one restaurant? Variety is the spice of life. Sex between spouses of most HW couples is excellent on it's own, now put hot sex in turbo. How many typical guys complain their wives are frigid and boring. Most HW's are ready, willing, and able to take her husband to the next level. Why? Because her marriage is a happy home full of love, communication and respect. Those are the elements of a satisfying marriage, which leads to sex the vanillas only dream of.

I am looking to get rid of or I don't love my wife:
This one ticks me off. If I wanted to leave her the door works just fine. Sickos who want to tape her just to show the judge are not life stylers, they are something else. What if the other guy fucks her so good she leaves me for him? Well I am glad to have this information about her sooner than later. Odds are she was looking to leave and this gave her the excuse she was looking for. (Hardcore Cucks might look for this, but again choice) Again these are not issues of the lifestyle, they are other issues before the other ever man arrived. Loving someone so much that you would risk another lover for her? Love with out freedom is slavery, and false, we love of free will. If I wanted a cheap slut to watch fuck, I could hire a call girl. No, we want the intimate meaning this life brings for us. We love her so much we trust her to go get fucked, scream with ecstasy, and try things she did not think to try with husband. And welcome her home hotter for her than the first time you had her. Yeah we do not love our wives, enough said.

Finally, I must be insane:
So many times you hear women/men act all offended and say "leave him now, only a sicko would want you to sleep around like some slut." I bet most of them are out screwing behind someones back, they just have a power trip to be on TV trying to look important. Of course many of these negative people also say that when a woman dresses provocative she deserved to be raped and other silly statements. Some are not into the life, and that is fine. We all have the right to choose our values, not shove them down other peoples throats. Some couples use sex toys, or erotic aids to set a mood. We just go for the aid of a living person. Besides there is good evidence that we are not really hardwired to be monogamous. Women are designed to show, men are designed to watch, women can receive multi partners easier than most men. What consenting adults do that harm no one is fine. What happened to personal freedom? Yeah a happy marriage how insane is that?

Why would a sane, rational man want his wife to fuck another man?

The above question is a commonly asked question to those who've just heard of this lifestyle. The uninitiated think the answers are simple. The husband is a latent homosexual. The husband doesn't love his wife and is hoping to "bait" her into a divorce by dumping her off on another man. Or maybe the husband wants to fuck other woman and this is the lever he will use to get his wife to allow that. These are the big three themes but in any event the primary assumption is that the husband is being anything but honest and merely using his wife's promiscuity as a deception-based tool for him to achieve some unstated goal that the wife would normally not be agreeable too.

The truth is that the above stated assumption is rarely the case. Is it sometimes? I've no doubt. If the internet tells us one thing it's that there are very few limits to the human experience. But again, those are the exceptions. The truth? Well, it's a bit more complicated than that....but is much less Machiavellian.

So what is the truth?

Well, the truth is that usually the husband really does want to see his wife fuck others. The truth is that the husband rarely has any significant interest in other women. As for that latent homosexuality thing? Eh, sometimes, but that's generally not a real motivator but rather a fringe benefit for those so inclined.

So what are the motivations? They are as varied as the people who enter into the lifestyle but there are common themes. Will I address these themes? Not directly. Rather than profess to speak for all what I endeavor to do here is express MY motivations (and they are both numerous and dependent upon my mood). Beyond that, I would invite other individuals in the lifestyle to present their observations and motivations with the thought that a more complete and meaningful consensus may be formed.

Why I encourage my wife to fuck other men... Sheesh! Typing that gives me flashbacks to 7th Grade English and assignments like "What I did on my summer vacation!" In any event, I'm going to give you, the reader, several thoughts of mine on this topic. My appologies if they are sometimes contradictory and/or not always organized. We're dealing with the human mind and emotions; contradictions and chaos go with the territory.

I like to see my wife fuck other men because I am voyeuristic in nature. The most common expression of my voyeuristic nature is watching porn. I like porn. Most guys do! But what's better than watching porn? Watching real life sex, of course. Why settle for crappy video with a terrible sound track if you can get real live people to have sex in front of you? Now what's even better than a live sex show? A live sex show with the most beautiful woman in the world, of course! And yes, I consider my wife the most beautiful woman in the world. Sure, I'm biased but it doesn't change the allure of watching that magnificent woman get off. What's that, you say? Why don't I just watch her while I have sex with her? It just doesn't work well for me. For starters, there are "camera angles" that a participant can never see. Too, the sensations running through my own body make it difficult (have you ever tried to watch and appreciate somebody else while YOU were having an orgasm?). OK, enough discussion of that angle.

It makes my wife feel beautiful/sexy. Let's face it, men, making your wife feel beautiful/sexy isn't easy after years of marriage. You may tell her that she's beautiful but does she really believe you? If you're me, you're biased and she knows it so hearing "you're beautiful" from me doesn't exactly convince her. What absolutely, positively convinces her that she's beautiful/sexy is some quasi-random guy pursuing her and fucking her brains out. Then she knows that other guys find her beautiful and sexy and that does great things for both her self esteem and her libido. Short version? She ends up feeling better about herself and I get laid a lot more. No losers there!

There are some things one guy simply can not do! I'm a considerate lover and I want my wife to have the most fun and the most powerful orgasms she can have. Most men do, right? But what if it turns out that what really gets her motor running is a guy eating her out while another guy sucks her nipples? One guy simply can not do that; anatomy forbid it (baring siamese twins!). If your wife is such a woman (and mine is), then the only way to really rock her world is to accept help from an outside source. Not every man is confident/comfortable doing so, but I am. Thus another guy allows me to give her sexual experiences that she could otherwise never have.

But most of all, I encourage my wife having sex with others because it is fun.




And with that, I turn the podium over to others who may wish to add to my thoughts.

My wife fucks other men because that is exactly what she wanted to do.

It ain't got a damn thing to do with what I wanted. If it was something I wanted, I can tell you it would be another screwed up piece of male bullshit we read here everyday,,, or in the morning newspaper... You choose ...

I found a way to go along with it so that I would never be without her. She could have what she needed, and we could still have a family.

That is hotwifing... There is very, very, little of that here..... Yet ...

Recently,, the last real pro on this board who knew what the hell was going on said;;;; "Forget It"

Bill

I've always wanted this for a lifestyle. Early - in adolescence, I 'knew' I had to deal with the 'jealousy devil' and the early intuitive feelings I had would just drive me up the wall. Likewise, I've always been a voyeur..to have the privilege of seeing one whom you love in an ecstatic moment with another lover is simply...breathtaking.
Then too, I'm not the man I was 30 years ago (more or less) and the idea of 'cooperative' lovers for my dear woman feels very real and good. When I was 12 or 13, I began drawing figures in 3sums. My mother once found my drawings..and instead of reacting, said 'these are very good drawings..keep drawing everything you want'. I so loved her for that although we never discussed it any more. Now, I live with this extraordinary woman and truly feel that I am 'at home' with her and what we do..

We both married young, and I was her first. I think part of it, was her curiousity over what she might have missed out on, and my facination with the idea. One she placed the idea in my head, it just grew, until I really wanted it to happen. Not sure why, or why I didn't feel jealous or threatened (though some jealousy came later).

We just saw this post on BC which I guess was reposted from somewhere else, but these are the reasons why men love to watch their wives fucked by other guys. I'm gonna have to agree with about 95% of it. I'm also curious of people adding their own stuff much like the poster. Here's the link for those who are not members:

http://www.baycouples.com/swingers-forum/sf/post-4226

We've just posted to another very similiar thread. People should meet there for that topic :-)

I remember reading all the reasons on the original thread and exclaiming "yeah, this is why we do this!" Now suddenly as my fingers hover above the keyboard, my mind is pretty much blank. Others have said it so much better than I can. The reasons are numerous and are swirling around in my mind...pretty much in a jumbled up mess right now, but they ARE there.
What started out as my fantasy has become a very intense, hot reality for the both of us. At this time all I can do is to point out is the benefits we have reaped. She has become a very sexual woman who is filled with self confidence, and I have a rejuvinated sex drive that I figured was gone forever. We have established a level of communication that most couples would find bewildering and an excitement with each other that is pretty much unheard of after so many years of marriage. I have given up on trying to really understand exactly why I love seeing her with other men and am just basking in the fact that it is really happening to us.

I merged the two threads since they were talking about the same thing. Less double posting.

Sorry if it causes any confusion.

I noticed the expression "moods" above. That probably is the best way to describe the lifestyle for Boofer. The problem is matching my mood with her mood. My wife would say, "are you getting kinky?" Yes, at times I felt kinky. I never viewed it as a lifestyle, rather a momentary thrill seeking experience. Our lifestyle was about "family" and good times together. Disneyland, Knotts, the beach, Lake Irvine, and a tight outfit in our little house wherever that might be. I always felt I could reel my wife in at my pleasure, and play monopoly by the fire.

My wife and I once moved to this quaint community in a nice big house, snow on the pines, and we had each other to ourselves. I felt like I was dressing her in a Barka, hiding her away, and I wanted man to see what a beautiful woman Boofer had in his possession. That was a mistake, but I couldn't help myself.

While riding me on top, or lounging around the pool, vacuuming the floor, or dressing for work, I wanted validation from other men. She never strived for this, but if a wife walks the catwalk enough, she's gonna realize her potential. At some point, I became a man in bib overalls, smelling like a coal oil lantern, married to a debutante or catwalk model. That said, I'll never forget her dancing to Brickhouse and watching other men applaud her from the back of the club in my overalls.

Moods, Boofer

The bar is reset. She comes back a new woman. I must fuck her again to call her mine. Each time she is with another my balls build to explosion and when she comes home I reclaim her as my new wife.

Do not want to sound like a chauvinists but yes there is that too, well put.

Why? Because she enjoys it.

One reason I like the HW brand of marriage is that it helps cure me of thinking possessively, of thinking that she's "my woman." I like R best when I view her as an independent person, who lives her own life largely on her own terms and yet, miraculously, has committed herself to going through life with me.

I think of my computer as MINE, ditto my car and my house and my career...

But when it comes to the one I love, ownership doesn't work. Before we tried HWing, I admit that there were months, even years, when I took R for granted, when I viewed her as "my wife" in the possessive, non-romantic sense of that phrase.

However, that rarely happens when she has another relationship. And now, even when she doesn't, knowing that it's possible reminds me to view R not as an object but rather as the free spirit that she truly is.

IH

Thanks for merging the threads. I somehow missed the original when I opened a new one.

243 wrote:


I'm exactly the same here, have always wanted 3somes and was always a voyeur. I split up with my first wife due to her not wanting to share that lifestyle.

If you enjoy watching people enjoy sex, (and I think most people do) and you like looking at your wife (and I certainly do) then it isn't a huge leap to want to see your wife enjoying sex.
I just wish my wife would see it as such and not as my "Problem". Reading through this thread it seems there are a great many who not only enjoy the lifestyle but are completely at ease with it. Good on you all, I hope to join you one day.

Shytalk:

I appreciate your clear and persuasive explanation of why people might engage in 3-somes. Although I've been married to a hotwife for many years, we've never had a 3-some. It's almost always been when my wife was traveling for business or, occasionally, when I was gone. This approach has worked for us, but we have missed the exciting experience that you seek for yourself.

I hope that if the situation is right for you and your wife, someday your fantasy will become a reality. Strangers things have happened.

IH

I am a fortunate guy who has a very attractive and well built wife; she loves sex, loves giving oral and so there is plenty to go around.

I kind of feel like a guy who won the lottery some 20+ years ago and sooooo, I do enjoy sharing my good fortune with the guy of her choice. She chose one special guy and that is where it stays for now. If that relationship goes south, I sure do hope she will choose another guy again, as this has been so good for all of us!

Sonny

I personally think, from reading around and a bit from personal experience, that hotwifing with only one other lover, or one who's overwhelmingly who she does or wants to see most, is one of the most or perhaps the most dangerous ways to pursue the various forms of this lifestyle.

See my most recent comment in "when the hotwife and bull fall or each other" thread of mark123 on the cuckold form. It along with the two other earlier threads of mark on the same subject, started in the hotwife forum, but was moved over by mods ass his and his wife's experiences developed. She's now divorcing him to marry her lover.

What are others thoughts?

odyexplorer,

We follow "THE TEN RULES OF AN OPEN MARRAIGE" and that has been a very good decision. Each knows his ir her position and the extra guy realizes he only enjoys my wife at my pleasure and to which she readlily agrees.

Sonny