A Couples guide - How to have a successful HW Relationship

[kphub]

Great insight and info Truckstar. So what's your view or take on a long term HW relationship? The wife& I have been in the lifestyle for over 15 years, swinging, MFM, FMF, but have now settled on strictly HW'ing. She have been seeing one bull, on and off for almost 10 years. He's a nice guy and they have a great time, I join in their play from time to time. We all know she needs to see him and if she goes too long without him she gets a bit cranky. He is quite well endowed 9+ & I and average 6 & 1/2. It isn't love, but we all have a friendship as well as the added benefit.

WHat's the longest extramarital relationship Mrs. Truckstar has had?

It's a unique situation for us, but I think it works so far & don't see it changing; she has played with other men and want to continue and he has quite a few other fwb's (friends with benefits). They have gone to several parties together, but most of the play has been with each-other. They played with each-other at one party, with everyone watching; she loved that. Another party they brought a gent back to the room for MFM.

I occasionally have bouts of jealousy, but I think that is natural. We discuss our feelings and concerns often. The frequency of their encounters has increased, which I encourage, but I'd welcome your and the group's perspective.

Thanks,
Kphub

[JmDm81]

What a great read this thread was! Thank you.

[VikesWife]

This is all new to me, my husband brought it up only a few months ago as a fantasy during sex. Finding out about the lifestyle led to this site, and to your guide. There's a lot to it, and you've broken it down in a way that will help me dig through it easily.

I don't see anything here though on how this changes your relationship. I love my husband, we have a wonderful relationship, and while it's really hot to think about and learn about this lifestyle, I'm scared that I might lose what I have with him now, it might change. (he knows this, and is on here too so will see the answers with me)

So when you and MrsTruckstar were first moving to the HW lifestyle, did you lose anything precious to you? Were there only gains? I'm aware there are other threads on this forum that deal with this type of question, or maybe other ones to ask it in, but I want to know if my fear that I'm going to grieve for how things were before is warranted, and if so, how to grieve for it while still being okay with losing it. This is exciting but still terrifying to think about for me. (first step was joining here so we are definitely looking into this) I just want to make sure we go over everything first, your guide is a perfect starting place, I just want your input on that too please.

[XYAlpha]

This is all new to me, my husband brought it up only a few months ago as a fantasy during sex. Finding out about the lifestyle led to this site, and to your guide. There's a lot to it, and you've broken it down in a way that will help me dig through it easily.

I don't see anything here though on how this changes your relationship. I love my husband, we have a wonderful relationship, and while it's really hot to think about and learn about this lifestyle, I'm scared that I might lose what I have with him now, it might change. (he knows this, and is on here too so will see the answers with me)

So when you and MrsTruckstar were first moving to the HW lifestyle, did you lose anything precious to you? Were there only gains? I'm aware there are other threads on this forum that deal with this type of question, or maybe other ones to ask it in, but I want to know if my fear that I'm going to grieve for how things were before is warranted, and if so, how to grieve for it while still being okay with losing it. This is exciting but still terrifying to think about for me. (first step was joining here so we are definitely looking into this) I just want to make sure we go over everything first, your guide is a perfect starting place, I just want your input on that too please.

VikesWife,

I hope you receive replies both good and bad!
The majority of the stories and advice here is based on what the poster has had sucess with. Not many people post their failures here or they just disappear from the forum altogether.
I have been married three times. The first two became HW scenarios (before I knew it was a "thing). The first two ended badly for all concerned.
Before people pile on with the suggestion that I - the husband - screwed it up I accept responsibility for half of the problem. Could be more or less - how do you derive a proportion of failure?

I have ideas of why things happened and maybe in hindsight how they could have been avoided.

Perhaps like many here, talking about failure is not as much fun as the hot steamy success of the LS. I guess even I am trying to find ways to share without ripping my guts out all over again! There was plenty of hot steamy times - don't get me wrong. It's a lot to deal with.

I hope others can share their real life bumps, crashes, and fails. Maybe I'll get there also to share more!

XY

[afagehi7]

This is all new to me, my husband brought it up only a few months ago as a fantasy during sex. Finding out about the lifestyle led to this site, and to your guide. There's a lot to it, and you've broken it down in a way that will help me dig through it easily.

I don't see anything here though on how this changes your relationship. I love my husband, we have a wonderful relationship, and while it's really hot to think about and learn about this lifestyle, I'm scared that I might lose what I have with him now, it might change. (he knows this, and is on here too so will see the answers with me)

So when you and MrsTruckstar were first moving to the HW lifestyle, did you lose anything precious to you? Were there only gains? I'm aware there are other threads on this forum that deal with this type of question, or maybe other ones to ask it in, but I want to know if my fear that I'm going to grieve for how things were before is warranted, and if so, how to grieve for it while still being okay with losing it. This is exciting but still terrifying to think about for me. (first step was joining here so we are definitely looking into this) I just want to make sure we go over everything first, your guide is a perfect starting place, I just want your input on that too please.

VikesWife,

I hope you receive replies both good and bad!
The majority of the stories and advice here is based on what the poster has had sucess with. Not many people post their failures here or they just disappear from the forum altogether.
I have been married three times. The first two became HW scenarios (before I knew it was a "thing). The first two ended badly for all concerned.
Before people pile on with the suggestion that I - the husband - screwed it up I accept responsibility for half of the problem. Could be more or less - how do you derive a proportion of failure?

I have ideas of why things happened and maybe in hindsight how they could have been avoided.

Perhaps like many here, talking about failure is not as much fun as the hot steamy success of the LS. I guess even I am trying to find ways to share without ripping my guts out all over again! There was plenty of hot steamy times - don't get me wrong. It's a lot to deal with.

I hope others can share their real life bumps, crashes, and fails. Maybe I'll get there also to share more!

XY

XY, we learn more from failures than success. You should start a thread and share. We'd much appreciate it.

[niftychunk]

Tip 4, when the fucking stops (first date her) Solo

So you have decided that your first date with a guy that fucks you will be solo or you have been in a group situation and you feel you want to do this solo.

1. Neutral Location if possible within 30 minutes of home - This allows you to leave. If budgets don't allow a hotel; then his place, again you can leave. If it is at your place and hubby is in the house it isn't the same as a real solo as you have that fact in your mind. Neutral locations give you the option to bolt if you have to.

2. Set a time frame and keep to it within reason. Tell hubby once you get to sex location it will be two (or however long) hours (give or take). This is easily managed with the Fuck Buddy. When you arrive at the location at say 10pm, a quick glance at your watch you say wow is that the time, I will have to leave at midnight, then kiss him, he will be cool and he will get into motion. Once the sex starts if it goes a little past Midnight don't worry finish that bout and then get up and go. Thank him for his attention but leave.

3. Do not stay for drinks and chit chat after, hubby can do all that. If FB finishes early, be polite but don't overstay. My wife goes within 5 minutes of fucking, which might be a bit to short. But have your fun, a little cuddling and then leave. it puts the relationship where it should be. If you want to leave, just grab your phone look at the screen and say, shit somethings come up, i gotta go. Then just rush about in a whirl and grab your stuff, talking the whole time, being pleasant and polite and go.

4. There is no problem with saying things like, I love my husband so much for letting me do this and how lovely hubby is, it reminds the FB of your relationship. Early days chat can include things like I would never leave my husband for a FB, if I hear the 'L' word I'm gone etc. They will be enjoying the uncomplicated pussy, and won't rock the boat.

5. Set your boundaries and limitations as per previous Tips, and stick to them

HWing is a non-monogamous activity of physical intimacy treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. It has a purely recreational perspective. You as a Hot Wife will indulge in intimate sex acts with someone other than your spouse/primary partner, with the full knowledge and consent of that person. A few days before you allow that cock in your pussy think about 'the afterwards', think about what you want from it and why you want to do it. Once that cock enters you, that very second your marriage/relationship has changed forever. You cannot unfuck somebody they stayed fucked for all time. You will be a HW to some and a cheat, slut, whore to others - so know in your own mind you want to do it.

What are the pitfalls?

Staying over snuggling up in bed to watch a DVD, that is what couples do, early days this gives the wrong signals to the FB.

Don't share arguments you've had with hubby with your FB, he is not your counsellor he is a life support system for extra martial HW sex. Family stuff is personal stuff.

Having your 'things' at the FB place is a relationship, bring it with you and leave with it. Let him buy you toys that you leave there if you wish, but if buys you something useful, take it with you, it is yours.

Staying the night and actually 'sleeping' is what couples do, (newbies, should not do this in the early days, think of hubby's heart). wouldn't you like to get back to hubby snuggle up and wake up with somebody who really loves you no matter what. Sleepovers can come later when you are a bit more aware of your own emotions. After the first time you are likely to have some guilt feelings, perfectly normal, so keep the first solo 'short, sharp and shit hot'. Tell the FB that you will call him not him call you.

Throughout the whole scene, you will get into it, a nice new man giving you attention, a different cock and different sex. But once the sex has stopped, remember there is another person that has experienced minutes that feel like hours whilst you have been in throes of orgasm. Call him as soon as you leave and if necessary speak to him all the way home.

This is not exhaustive and is designed to help you think through your first solo. Remember FB sex can also be crap and not what you expected, it can also be brilliant. Think through every scenario. One last thing, if you don't normally do anal. it is not a great idea to be doing it on your first solo, stick to what you know and remember he can only do thing to you that you consent to.

Have fun out there.

Guess that MrsTruckstar did all the right things. This all sounds wonderful in your relationship.

We have not given the first step, so everything is hypothetical for me now.
However, not matter how wondeful and respectful of my feelings MrsNifty could be, it would be excruciating for me if she would even think of going solo. The sole consideration to it by her, would be breaking the whole deal for me, marriage included.
I simply could not survive her playing by herself.
Damn!!

[dinoo]

Liked to read this thread. So many different thoughts but sometimes difficult to implement.
In the thick of the fighting you have to think and this can take away the fun one already has or possibly could have.
In many cases this occured and we were glad to have established only simple rules.

After some talks, LadyD and I agreed on having only three rules:

- She had a 100% freedom even when an emotional connection was the result. A 100% freedom to prevent quarrels about something.
(She had one emotional connection: with her steady lover she met regularly in "our" swinger club. BTW, he gave her also a 100% freedom.)

- I would stay monogamous as much as possible to prevent her becoming jealous or angry. The last thing I wanted.
(In a swinger club it isn't always possible f.e. because of a foursome with another couple.)

- Last but not least, she would finish a connection directly when our marriage could (so not would) suffer from it.
(In fact our already very good longtime marriage became the best you can imagine. Because of our very open and intimate communication?)

And of course (a relative) safe sex. But we didn't consider it as a rule.

Dinoo

[ShortandSweet88]

This was a great read!

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum ShortandSweet88 .

[Akhunter02]

We are just getting started

[Thomastom]

A very informative thread. Rated 5 star. The best part is the pictorial explainations of various points which must be kept in mind. And needless to say you have done an exhaustive study on the subject.
I would like to know how we can judge whether the odometer has been tampered. Also can the digital meter can be tampered too.

[Mrs L 88]

Thank you for this thread. Husband has been very interested in this lifestyle and I have had a lot of reservations (although not disgusted or opposed to it, just not fully understanding what is involved). Your guide has helped a lot to understand the relationship dynamic and put some of those reservations at bay

[Whosbeensleeping]

Thank you for this thread. Husband has been very interested in this lifestyle and I have had a lot of reservations (although not disgusted or opposed to it, just not fully understanding what is involved). Your guide has helped a lot to understand the relationship dynamic and put some of those reservations at bay

If you didn't know, you can get verified as a woman here (VHW). That also gives you access to the ladies-only lounge where you can air your concerns. It would be wonderful to hear about your thoughts, if you wanted to start your own thread. In any event, welcome!

[Mrs L 88]

Thank you for this thread. Husband has been very interested in this lifestyle and I have had a lot of reservations (although not disgusted or opposed to it, just not fully understanding what is involved). Your guide has helped a lot to understand the relationship dynamic and put some of those reservations at bay

If you didn't know, you can get verified as a woman here (VHW). That also gives you access to the ladies-only lounge where you can air your concerns. It would be wonderful to hear about your thoughts, if you wanted to start your own thread. In any event, welcome!

Hi Whosbeensleeping, thanks I was aware of being verified as a hot wife. Just waiting for the approval and addition of PM's so that I can do this

[Whosbeensleeping]

Thank you for this thread. Husband has been very interested in this lifestyle and I have had a lot of reservations (although not disgusted or opposed to it, just not fully understanding what is involved). Your guide has helped a lot to understand the relationship dynamic and put some of those reservations at bay

If you didn't know, you can get verified as a woman here (VHW). That also gives you access to the ladies-only lounge where you can air your concerns. It would be wonderful to hear about your thoughts, if you wanted to start your own thread. In any event, welcome!

Hi Whosbeensleeping, thanks I was aware of being verified as a hot wife. Just waiting for the approval and addition of PM's so that I can do this

Wonderful! :-)

[Masterbull34]

How can I be verified as a bull