First is this:
Now I know you agreed to this before he assaulted you and I fully understand why it was hot, however those few sentences to me convey the essence of everything that went wrong. Mike cannot consent to that demand on your behalf and so Aaron had his knickers in a twist over something that had never been negotiated with you.willingtoo wrote: ...
He wasted no time telling me that he had made it clear that beside Mike, I was his to use exclusively. That meant him taking me or giving me to another man, it was his decision. I said, "I didn't realize that was what you and Mike agreed to. I'm sorry I misunderstood."
He said, "Well we need to make sure that never happens again. Who gets to fuck you and when they fuck you is my decision or it's over and I'll move on to another girl.
That is non consensual from the start. I can't tell you how angry I am with this guy for fucking up this badly. If this halfwit in the big condo had even the vaguest understanding of consent ... well woulda, shoulda, coulda.
Second point .. the thing is, punishment does happen sometimes in BDSM, however it must never be real. Yes, when a submissive breaks a rule then the nature of the response is very different. It will be painful, not erotic. Hell, it's a pretty standard game to setup rules that can't actually be met and then meting out some 'punishment' that's in between erotic and out and out painful. And when this happens *everyone involved is smiling and knows that the "rules" are being twisted to make things fun*.
Striking a bottom in actual anger is a completely different thing, let alone getting angry about rules you never consented to in the first place. BDSM is entirely based on a firewall between negotiation of consent and actual play.
I'm going to let go of my anger about that and channel it into simply being every bit of supportive for you both that I can.
<3 <3
S