I don’t know what is common for most women, but I can tell you that it was a very gradual process for me and that I started out the same way with bedroom fantasy scenarios as sexy pillow talk with my hubby and never really thought (at the time) it might lead to actually living them out in real life. Right now, the talk itself is spicing things up in the bedroom for you two…so enjoy it! It’s what I call a “working fantasy” since you both are getting off on it.
You could try to help her delve deeper into the heart of her sexual desires so then you can truly understand and explore what really excites her and pushes her over the edge. Do you truthfully know what images flash inside her head just at the moment she’s about to cum? Don’t just assume you know. For some women, it may be something they have never shared with anyone (including hubby) since it can make them feel so vulnerable to bare their sexual soul like that. Don’t be surprised to find out that her “orgasm” images are not the same ones you see on the porn movie you’re watching in your head.
To find out, you’ll have to learn to ask the right questions at the right times. This can be difficult to do during the heat of the moment because most men are totally focused on what is turning them on and assume it’s the same for their partner. I’ve been around enough men to know that it’s hard for them to think clearly when their cock is throbbing.
Just remember to relax and enjoy this working fantasy stage as it is a very exciting process learning what really turns you both on and sharing those intimate secrets. Truthfully, one doesn’t exactly “arrive” anyway. It is the journey itself that we derive pleasure from. Some of us are just at different places along the way, but we all have a starting point – just not usually the same ending point!
Whatever you do, don’t pre-arrange something behind your wife’s back in an attempt to push her toward a real Hotwife experience! No wife likes to find out her husband is being sneaky… unless he is buying her some new impressive gift that he is planning to give her at her surprise birthday party he’s planned.
But heck, if a woman like me can end up being a Hotwife, I suppose any woman can. You see, I attended a Christian high school, a Christian college and was a virgin bride. I was even voted “Most Christ-Like” upon my high school graduation! I was adamant that I would never do anything I deemed sinful ~ ever! So I think I’m living proof that, given the right encouragement and lots of love and lots of time, any wife can become a Hotwife. It took years of baby steps to get to where I am today. That is something I find most hubbies don’t understand. Husbands are ready to jump right in but good wives have tons of cultural deprogramming to do. And I mean TONS!!!
It was a REAL struggle for me. But once I became comfortable with the idea that anything you do (even sexual activities) as a couple (short of breaking legal laws) that enhances your relationship is okay with the Almighty, I eventually got over it. I finally came to this realization after years of baby-steps. So now I believe it is NOT cheating, adultery, or in anyway sinful if Hotwifing is a shared activity that a couple is completely open about with each other. It just happens to be the way you choose to express and experience sex in your marriage. It is simply a choice we make. Obviously it is not for everyone nor is it socially acceptable. But you have to admit it will shake you out of a typical boring married sex life and add a zest to your relationship like nothing else!
The social unacceptability of it was my only lingering problem. I’m a very honest person and I’m never very happy about having to keep personal secrets. So I rationalize it as just “private” not secret. Even vanilla couples don’t generally share their sexual fantasies or bedroom play-preferences with their family or friends. It is a private part of their life and is not anybody else’s business. I think the same applies to Hotwife/Cuckold couples. It took me years but I’m finally over the moral dilemma associated with this lifestyle choice.
For all those husbands who want their wife to venture down this same journey: be extremely loving, be extremely patient, take only baby-steps, expect occasional setbacks, and realize the whole process can take several years longer than you want. But I hope you enjoy the ride no matter where it takes you.