First off, definitely do the coffee date with the expectation that it ends when you've finished your drink. The reason for this is simple - you're feeling each other out, seeing if the in-person chemistry feels good, seeing if he talks to BOTH of you, addresses your concerns, talks about how he can accommodate your wants/needs/desires...
So, let's take your concerns one by one:
- She's nervous about the husband being there. That's actually pretty common, and it can be a hard hurdle to get over. It makes sense, right? This is your first time doing something, she probably has never had sex with an audience before... it's all new and having extra-marital sex is both exciting and scary. How he addresses this will give you a good insight into how he performs as a third/bull. Personally, I always want the husband there the first time. First times are intense, emotional... and until the clothes start coming off, you just never know how a couple is going to respond to this (because a hot fantasy doesn't always mean it will be a hot reality). I want to be able to see how a wife responds to being touched in front of her husband... I want to see how the husband reacts to me undressing his wife. I want to see the immediate physical responses as a clue to how they are doing. Also, having the husband there allows me to ease them into this - by having the husband involved, it helps keep the couple connected. Honestly, many first playdates don't end in full-on sex. This can be too much for a first time... it might be enough for us to get naked and do oral and then turn it over to the husband to finish the job (so to speak). Remember, there is nothing wrong with taking it slow, as you can always speed things up if you thrive in your first few experiences. It is really, REALLY hard to back up from a disastrous first date.
- The end of the encounter is however you want it to be, so set the expectation. I have left the bed to shower the moment I've cum, and I've stayed to have tea and chat and have meals. For a first playdate, I definitely recommend that your chosen third/bull talks to both of you, gets some immediate feedback and discusses how things went. But not for too long, as you will want to reclaim/reconnect with your wife. In short, do what feels natural and right and take care of each other.
And lastly, the condom question. This is always out there, and the easy answer is a question - how much risk do you want to take? Even if he has tests from last week, that only means he was "clean" last week. It's a good show of good faith, but... it's not an iron clad guarantee of being "clean". So be realistic about this. My best advice is that, even though your wife (and really, who doesn't) prefers bare play, wait on that until you have experience and built up the trust and communication with a lover. You can think of it as a well earned reward for being successful in this lifestyle, the first playdate your wife can whisper to her lover that "I'll be taking you bare tonight". Patience has it's rewards...
So good luck, be patient in your search, and make sure it's a good fit for you - Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.
Agree 100% and for what regards the condom that is an absolute must not just for hotwives, for anyone regardless of age, status anyone.
We don't hear much about HIV BUT be aware that it has not yet been found a cure, just ways to keep it under control with medecines whcih have side effects like all medecines so taking risks is just foolish in my opinion.
After a while, that is not the following week or month, if trust is established and the guy/woman is reliable going bare it's so much better. Good luck!