New to poly, how do we tell mom?

When a fuck buddy becomes something more.
Spread_Eagle
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New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by Spread_Eagle » Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:56 am

I am a 33 year old woman, but still attached by the umbilical cord to my mother. Besides my husband and other lover, she is my best friend. I feel like she will never understand and disown me if I tell her that we have invited a third into our life. She is a strong member of the church and is very opinionated.

I need help from more experienced people here that can help me break it to my mother. It’s only a matter of time before she finds out on her own. My children know we all sleep in the same room now, so it is going to come out. I just want to go about it the best way possible.

Thank you.

tractorman2
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by tractorman2 » Thu Dec 20, 2018 3:21 am

Only you know what your mothers reaction will be, should you tell her, if she is anything like my mother she would ask you or drop big hints she knows. Personally we wouldn't want our mothers to know, would she tell you about her previous sex life???

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SSQ
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:25 pm

I would maybe work on cutting that umbilical cord anyway. If you're adult enough to be making your own choices about relationships, then you don't need your mother's approval. Live your life for yourself.

I would just tell her, also tell her that you expect her to behave with a certain amount of decorum (i.e treating your new partner with respect etc) or else she isn't welcome to be around. I wouldn't want to deal with the negativity. You can in fact disagree with someone's choices and still respect their right to make that choice. I would hope your mother understands that, and if she really is your best friend hopefully she will.
tractorman2 wrote:Only you know what your mothers reaction will be, should you tell her, if she is anything like my mother she would ask you or drop big hints she knows. Personally we wouldn't want our mothers to know, would she tell you about her previous sex life???

Depends if it's just about your sex life, or if this person is a romantic partner. If the kids know, I hope it's not just about sex life. If this person is an actual romantic partner, it's pretty dismissive to treat them just like a sex toy. Maybe they want to be acknowledged as a partner, and get to go to family events and the like. It's not fair to immediately expect someone to want to live in the closet as the price of admission.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's even more fun! :whip:

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radio4ron
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by radio4ron » Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:31 pm

Why does anyone need to know? This seems to be a private matter between you and your husband.

But if you feel you have to tell her, just tell her, but do so when no one else is around, no interruptions. Say few words and be direct. Avoid rambling and justifying.

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SSQ
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:34 pm

radio4ron wrote:Why does anyone need to know? This seems to be a private matter between you and your husband.
What if the new partner doesn't want to live life in the closet? I'm always so surprised at people who feel it should be normal just to pretend that a new partner is a roommate or friend.

https://www.morethantwo.com/blog/2013/1 ... oly-closet
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Fallenone19108
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by Fallenone19108 » Thu Dec 20, 2018 4:55 pm

How long has this partner been living with You? A month? Six months? A Year? If less than a Year how do You know He is in it for the long haul? Why turn Your life upside down for someone who may not be there in another month or two?

ArizonaGuy
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by ArizonaGuy » Fri Dec 21, 2018 1:10 pm

You don't tell mom nothing, best way to keep peace.....

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Des 31
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by Des 31 » Tue Dec 25, 2018 7:22 pm

Do not, do not do that. There is no sensible reason for others to know. A few here enjoy their lifestyle to be known by others for various psychological reasons and I can understand that. But family members can also find themselves isolated when those secrets come out.

Unless you can't avoid the feeling you need to have it known, this isn't at all a good idea. And even if you do feel that way for whatever reasons, my wife and I strongly advise against it.

We do have one question . . . How the hell did others find the three of you share the same bedroom? If you think that's getting out, kill the gossip any way you can. There's no logical reason for that information to be shared.

Desibull
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by Desibull » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:53 pm

SSQ wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:34 pm
Cuz society has deemed polygamy to be illegal. Why would anyone want to be invited to any social event as a "2nd husband"...like he's not good enough to be the ONLY husband?

If I was banging a married chick, I'd just want to keep it between the 3 of us. I would even only brag about it to a handful of my closest non-judgemental friends.

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SSQ
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:11 pm

Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:53 pm
SSQ wrote:
Thu Dec 20, 2018 2:34 pm
Cuz society has deemed polygamy to be illegal. Why would anyone want to be invited to any social event as a "2nd husband"...like he's not good enough to be the ONLY husband?

If I was banging a married chick, I'd just want to keep it between the 3 of us. I would even only brag about it to a handful of my closest non-judgemental friends.
Wow. How offensive is that? Guess she's just a conquest to you. But some of us actually care about our partners and don't treat them like dirty little secrets. Not to mention that your post is the clearest illustration of the scarcity mentality. Why do people have a second child? Like the first one isn't good enough to be the ONLY child?

Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Maybe it's not for you, but that doesn't make it wrong.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's even more fun! :whip:

http://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.ca/

calicolombia69
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Re: New to poly, how do we tell mom?

Unread post by calicolombia69 » Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:08 pm

god bless my MIL! She was also a slut in her time. 2 of my BILs are from other fathers. Family secret. So my MIL is used to seeing my wife show up with different men. Yes she is a nut case and will sometimes visit her mom with one of her boyfriends! But the MIL is astute and never mentions it to me!

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