My wife has fallen in love with my best friend

[Observer1931]

Dan is a fast mover. Seems he pushed the boundaries and Jen gave him assurances that it was alright and that she is all his when she is with him. She got your assurance that you are OK with it too. She most likely will share this assurance with Dan. He may well have her ass before you next see her. He may well return her the weekend you go see her with a very sore/tinder pussy, so not sure just what you will get out of the trip. (Maybe that 22 yr. old may have to cum to your relief Ha) Suggest you thank Jen for keeping you informed/updated so you remain in the picture. By the end of the month you should know to what degree you wish to be a cuckold. This does give a hint as to why Sally left him. Suchen Zucker makes some very very good points!!

[subtoall]

Dan's feelings for your wife sound rather unhealthy don't you think? What could he be thinking fooling himself that your wife is his when she is with him? Playing around and being fond of one another is one thing, but he could be setting himself up for major hurt when he can no longer pretend that your wife will never really be his. He may say that he knows his place and will never do anything that would harm your marriage, but you can't always control how you feel. He could do something stupid or make Jen do something she wouldn't normally do out of concern for him or you because he has let his feelings for her get out of balance with the actual situation. Jen should take care to keep their relationship based in reality lest you want drama down the road. I mean ask yourself - do you really want your wife even pretending she "belongs" to another man when you are not around? Where does your "best" friend get off even asking her that shit? She's not a damn bowling ball you've loaned out. I think he disrespected you man...

Mr. judgmental strikes again, predictably, and predictably unhelpfully. Someday I hope you'll learn the difference between constructive feedback and the mass of negativity you project onto others, based on whatever seems to have happened in your own life that has wounded you so.

[Suchen Zucker]

You are right. I respect your opinion. Thanks, Subtoall

[SutterKane]

Now that everyone else has gotten their feeling out about what happened between your wife and Dan, where are you at right now? BTW, sorry if you felt like some well meaning folks seemed like they were putting their fears onto you and your relationship.
Even if you truly do support the relationship between your wife and Dan, and Dan is your oldest and best friend, it has to be at least somewhat disconcerting to hear what she had to tell you. Yes, it's fucking hot to hear that story and more so to hear it from your wife, but for a lot of guys, even those experienced in this life, it would be a kick in the eggs. If it is and you're not ready to say anything to her or him about it, you can talk it out with us to get your mind clear before you say it to her.
If you are truly good with it, how do you see this having an effect on the three of your relationships? What if he wants more time with her? What if she want's that too? Can you make that adjustment i.e. less of her for you so she can have more of him? Can you focus on her needs and let the positives from her and his happiness make up the difference of any "Losses" you might feel?

[lagercandle2014]

[“I know how much you love [LG3]. He is my oldest friend. I don’t ever want to do anything to mess you guys up. I know there will always be limits on our time together. I’m good with that. I made the choices that put me in this situation. But what I really need from you is this. When we are together, when it is just us, I need you to be all mine. Can you do that?”

Jen told me it was probably the most emotional she had ever seen him. She told Dan that she understood his feelings. She told him she loved him. And she told him that yes, when it was just the two of them she was all his - friend, lover and partner. Essentially his wife, although neither one of them used that word. Dan said “that’s all I needed to hear” and called for the check.]

LG3 maybe I'm going off completely on the wrong tangent here, but I am concerned about the above narrative, I suppose what I mean is I have a gut feeling of danger, is your oldest friend trying to say/suggest to Jen that he does not want her to have any contact with you or you with her whatsoever whilst she is with him, as he has not fully in my opinion laid out/say exactly what he means, is this what he really wants, is this going to be his next move/request on you both using Jen's strong feelings for him as his leverage to get by this, with both you and Jen's acceptance's.

I think you and Jen need to talk about this on her return, as you both need this contact to continue, I feel this would/will have serious consequences to the safety of your marriage if you don’t, and is this his true motive, as you have also told us he is becoming more dominant in the kind of sex they are having even though Jen said she liked it, so in some part he is already changing her, oldest friend or not you need to be guarded and remember that old saying about love and war when it comes to you, Jen and him should I be right in my gut feeling.

[Cobra1000]

This statement “I don’t ever want to do anything to mess you guys up” followed by “I need you to be all mine” Is disingenuous at the very least. Still......I think we’ve known all along what the friend wants. As I read this, Jen calls the shots and LG3 is good with the situation. The “friend” wants as much of Jen as he can get. Some of us think we’re seeing a wife slipping away from her husband however, she doesn’t sound conflicted. That, to my thinking would be the tell. As long as she is concerned about balance, this will work.

I’ve been on both sides of the third-party-in-a-marriage equation and the burn is real from both perspectives. However it shakes out, this is incredibly hot.

[D+D]

There are two threads that I'm familiar with on this poly forum. In both cases the wife and husband are deeply in love. In both cases, the husband actually initiated the inclusion of the third party into the marriage. In both cases the woman is in control although one of the wives is seemingly stronger and more in control. In both cases the husband is turned on and finds a huge amount of excitement from compersion. Those of us who are willing husbands of hotwives understand this. If you are not in this LS as a hotwife husband, you have no idea. In both cases the third party, boyfriend, lover, co-husband, or whatever they choose to call him does not understand nor care about compersion or sharing in anyway. They do it because they are in love with the women and in order to be with them at all they have to share. They would prefer she leave her husband and be their's exclusively, best friends no. So it is entirely in the control of the wife and if the train has already left the station, there is very little the husband can do but trust in the love between he and his wife, that it will endure and prove as strong as he believes it to be. So, why lecture LG3? Let's follow this and pull for a great outcome for all involved.

[sabya167]

There are two threads that I'm familiar with on this poly forum. In both cases the wife and husband are deeply in love. In both cases, the husband actually initiated the inclusion of the third party into the marriage. In both cases the woman is in control although one of the wives is seemingly stronger and more in control. In both cases the husband is turned on and finds a huge amount of excitement from compersion. Those of us who are willing husbands of hotwives understand this. If you are not in this LS as a hotwife husband, you have no idea. In both cases the third party, boyfriend, lover, co-husband, or whatever they choose to call him does not understand nor care about compersion or sharing in anyway. They do it because they are in love with the women and in order to be with them at all they have to share. They would prefer she leave her husband and be their's exclusively, best friends no. So it is entirely in the control of the wife and if the train has already left the station, there is very little the husband can do but trust in the love between he and his wife, that it will endure and prove as strong as he believes it to be. So, why lecture LG3? Let's follow this and pull for a great outcome for all involved.

Very very well put and so damn true. Damn true insight from your experience, I'm sure. Frankly, I didn't see a red flag here so far, but one can't fault
others if they do, based on what they have experienced in life. It's the husband who is/ should be the best judge regarding threat perception. This one month may result in getting Dan somewhat out of Jen's system. May result in getting her over him a litlle, the love part diminished, but not the sex.

[D+D]

There are two threads that I'm familiar with on this poly forum. In both cases the wife and husband are deeply in love. In both cases, the husband actually initiated the inclusion of the third party into the marriage. In both cases the woman is in control although one of the wives is seemingly stronger and more in control. In both cases the husband is turned on and finds a huge amount of excitement from compersion. Those of us who are willing husbands of hotwives understand this. If you are not in this LS as a hotwife husband, you have no idea. In both cases the third party, boyfriend, lover, co-husband, or whatever they choose to call him does not understand nor care about compersion or sharing in anyway. They do it because they are in love with the women and in order to be with them at all they have to share. They would prefer she leave her husband and be their's exclusively, best friends no. So it is entirely in the control of the wife and if the train has already left the station, there is very little the husband can do but trust in the love between he and his wife, that it will endure and prove as strong as he believes it to be. So, why lecture LG3? Let's follow this and pull for a great outcome for all involved.

Very very well put and so damn true. Damn true insight from your experience, I'm sure. Frankly, I didn't see a red flag here so far, but one can't fault
others if they do, based on what they have experienced in life. It's the husband who is/ should be the best judge regarding threat perception.

You are absolutely right. The husband knows his wife best. However, I will admit that there has been more than one trainwreck on here. Actually there have been many, but I feel LG3 has a very good grip and feel of his and Jen's relationship and is sure of their marital foundation. Sometimes I wonder if some posters are actually involved in the lifestyle. Not judging mind you, just wonder.

[Observer1931]

Looking at the last portion of his last post seems he is asking for people's thoughts. "are we crazy" so perhaps any cautionary thoughts should not be posted.

[voidworld]

I read all the posts of luckyguy from the beginning in this thread and I'm sorry where you are at this juncture in your 'triad' However I should say I saw this end coming from your posts five years ago. Just sad you didn't see it. I don't know whether to compliment you or to feel pity for being readily satisfied with everything when she says you are his primary. They are just words man.

You narrated your story very well (perhaps you should have been an erotic story writer.) and reading the story as an outsider it is not hard to see what was happening slowly. I mean read it from the begginning yourself man. You should see what was happening. Just think.. why do people cheat? Why did Dan cheat? How much did Dan love his wife? Then think Why doesn't your wife cheat? Because she don't have to. You let her. So she keeps you happy (very easily) not because she wants you happy but because in order for this thing to work with Dan, she needs your consent.

You might have realised this only by now or perhaps you haven't yet... you are living a lie thinking you are her primary.

As for the commenters except for one or two, others have been mostly jacking off to your posts trying to get more and more from you. They will motivate you to keep the things as they are no matter what you go through.

[samlowen]

For a thread in the poly forum about a triad that is working pretty damn well, this sure gets a ton of naysayers. Any situation can turn sour at moments notice but the way the three people involved here communicate with each other has me believing that no matter what happens in the future, they will work it out amicably. Will Dan keep pushing for more (most likely). Will Jen leave LG3 for him (not from my vantage). Will LG3 seem his personal time with his wife diminish as Dan and Jen continue building their bonds (most likely)? The way LG3 has portrayed his Jen strongly indicates that she will continue to be aware of the difficult position she is in as the fulcrum and that she will work very hard to minimize the negative feelings each of her two men experience when they don't get to be with her. She doesn't seem like the type to connive behind LG3's back to hurt him intentionally, nor do I see her leaving LG3 for Dan on a permanent basis. I think all three should be congratulated in how far they have come without it derailing into a chaotic mess like so many other stories do.

[D+D]

I read all the posts of luckyguy from the beginning in this thread and I'm sorry where you are at this juncture in your 'triad' However I should say I saw this end coming from your posts five years ago. Just sad you didn't see it. I don't know whether to compliment you or to feel pity for being readily satisfied with everything when she says you are his primary. They are just words man.

You narrated your story very well (perhaps you should have been an erotic story writer.) and reading the story as an outsider it is not hard to see what was happening slowly. I mean read it from the begginning yourself man. You should see what was happening. Just think.. why do people cheat? Why did Dan cheat? How much did Dan love his wife? Then think Why doesn't your wife cheat? Because she don't have to. You let her. So she keeps you happy (very easily) not because she wants you happy but because in order for this thing to work with Dan, she needs your consent.

You might have realised this only by now or perhaps you haven't yet... you are living a lie thinking you are her primary.

As for the commenters except for one or two, others have been mostly jacking off to your posts trying to get more and more from you. They will motivate you to keep the things as they are no matter what you go through.

I don't Jack off to these damn threads. I don't have to. I'm here because I live in this LS. Period. I read what others are doing. If what you're saying is true, then LG3 will get his walking papers. You're right, Jenn didn't have to cheat, but she doesn't have to stay with him either. Dan will gladly take her anytime and he can take care of her. You may be a stud, but you don't get being a husband of a hotwife. In the end you may be right, but I'm betting otherwise.

[subtoall]

It really saddens me how so many readers see evil and nefarious intent behind every honest expression of feelings. I have sensed little but love, respect, honesty and care for all involved by all 3 players in this polyamorous group, including in the most recent beautifully written post by luckyguy3.

To those predicting gloom and doom around every corner, I would caution you against projecting so much of this onto your loved ones...you risk finding that by doing so, those people will make your worst fears come true.

Thankfully, I don't fear that kind of outcome for luckyguy3 in this situation. That's not to say that he won't be feeling the most exquisite angst.

[DavaoMike]

I’m wondering what will happen when you visit your wife while she’s staying with Dan. Will she say, “I’m sorry, while I’m here I must remain faithful to Dan”? Will you be her platonic friend while visiting Dan’s place, relegated to the guest room, while your wife belongs exclusively to Dan?

[ExiledSage]

DavaoMike that is what I've been wondering too. What being "all his" might entail, and if LG3 is ready for that.

[samlowen]

I’m wondering what will happen when you visit your wife while she’s staying with Dan. Will she say, “I’m sorry, while I’m here I must remain faithful to Dan”? Will you be her platonic friend while visiting Dan’s place, relegated to the guest room, while your wife belongs exclusively to Dan?

So far, Dan has proven to be very considerate towards the marriage. I feel there is very little chance Dan rocks the boat and tries a power play when LG3 visits. That seems out of character and short sighted of him, risking losing Jen. The control has been centered around the D/s power dynamic and I’d expect that to continue between them.

[D+D]

I’m wondering what will happen when you visit your wife while she’s staying with Dan. Will she say, “I’m sorry, while I’m here I must remain faithful to Dan”? Will you be her platonic friend while visiting Dan’s place, relegated to the guest room, while your wife belongs exclusively to Dan?

So far, Dan has proven to be very considerate towards the marriage. I feel there is very little chance Dan rocks the boat and tries a power play when LG3 visits. That seems out of character and short sighted of him, risking losing Jen. The control has been centered around the D/s power dynamic and I’d expect that to continue between them.

LG3 has always given jen and Dan alone time when Dan visits them. He should expect and receive no less.

[SutterKane]

I read all the posts of luckyguy from the beginning in this thread and I'm sorry where you are at this juncture in your 'triad' However I should say I saw this end coming from your posts five years ago. Just sad you didn't see it. I don't know whether to compliment you or to feel pity for being readily satisfied with everything when she says you are his primary. They are just words man.

You narrated your story very well (perhaps you should have been an erotic story writer.) and reading the story as an outsider it is not hard to see what was happening slowly. I mean read it from the begginning yourself man. You should see what was happening. Just think.. why do people cheat? Why did Dan cheat? How much did Dan love his wife? Then think Why doesn't your wife cheat? Because she don't have to. You let her. So she keeps you happy (very easily) not because she wants you happy but because in order for this thing to work with Dan, she needs your consent.

You might have realised this only by now or perhaps you haven't yet... you are living a lie thinking you are her primary.

As for the commenters except for one or two, others have been mostly jacking off to your posts trying to get more and more from you. They will motivate you to keep the things as they are no matter what you go through.

Welcome to OHW, voidworld!
First post and all you do is project your fear and uncertainty on to others living a life that you clearly have no understanding of. Why not spend some time learning and understanding before before you evacuate your bowels all over the OP's actual life. Or avoid reading and posting on Poly and Cuck forums until you can be helpful and respectful! Notice I didn't say "Shut up". I said be more respectful. Respectful is beautiful! That's a big part of why so many of us love this site! If you just want to vent your angst and issues, try Facebook or Twitter, they eat that shit up there!
Yes, we have Cheerleaders and we have Eeyores and lots more that are just trying to do the best they can and help others in this life out with their experience and/or opinion, plenty of room for all of those. Sometimes the Eeyores get it right, sometimes it's the Cheerleaders, sometime it's the the one's in the middle, but 98% of the time it's dealt with respectfully. We should expect no less from every member toward the rest of the membership.
We disagree on OHW's all the time, but most of us try to treat others with respect even if there is disagreement. The ones that can't manage respectful disagreement tend to get added to each of our personal "Ignore This Fucktards Posts" list. Some folks enjoy that "Fucktard" status. The "Fucktards" have run hundreds of OP's off the site who got tired of being dumped on by those that can't disagree without being abusive and disrespectful. Just because they're "Hey, it's the Internet, I can be a fucktard keyboard commando!" people. Because they get off on that on line. The Admin's ban the one's that can't control themselves.
Now, you can respond with disrespect to the OP, to me, or even the rest of the members of this site, or you can say "Sorry Luckyguy, I didn't realize my words came across as disrespectful and I truly regret that they did" to the OP and be respectful from this point on to all the members, even if you disagree with what and how they make their way in this life. If you choose the first, then I suspect that you may have been poorly socialized as a child. If it's the second, then I'm like "Hey man, everybody has a bad day. We'll do this again tomorrow and you can give it another shot". Own up, man up and move forward, this doesn't have to be how your time on OHW plays out!
I don't speak for OHW, it's Admin's, Or members. I only speak for myself. If I'm in the wrong on ANY of this, I'm sure my fellow members will let me know. Most of them will even manage to do it respectfully!
Best wishes,
Sutter

P.S. If you want to see how to respectfully disagree with a poster on a thread, see lagercandle2014's post closer to the top of the page!

[D+D]

I read all the posts of luckyguy from the beginning in this thread and I'm sorry where you are at this juncture in your 'triad' However I should say I saw this end coming from your posts five years ago. Just sad you didn't see it. I don't know whether to compliment you or to feel pity for being readily satisfied with everything when she says you are his primary. They are just words man.

You narrated your story very well (perhaps you should have been an erotic story writer.) and reading the story as an outsider it is not hard to see what was happening slowly. I mean read it from the begginning yourself man. You should see what was happening. Just think.. why do people cheat? Why did Dan cheat? How much did Dan love his wife? Then think Why doesn't your wife cheat? Because she don't have to. You let her. So she keeps you happy (very easily) not because she wants you happy but because in order for this thing to work with Dan, she needs your consent.

You might have realised this only by now or perhaps you haven't yet... you are living a lie thinking you are her primary.

As for the commenters except for one or two, others have been mostly jacking off to your posts trying to get more and more from you. They will motivate you to keep the things as they are no matter what you go through.

Welcome to OHW, voidworld!
First post and all you do is project your fear and uncertainty on to others living a life that you clearly have no understanding of. Why not spend some time learning and understanding before before you evacuate your bowels all over the OP's actual life. Or avoid reading and posting on Poly and Cuck forums until you can be helpful and respectful! Notice I didn't say "Shut up". I said be more respectful. Respectful is beautiful! That's a big part of why so many of us love this site! If you just want to vent your angst and issues, try Facebook or Twitter, they eat that shit up there!
Yes, we have Cheerleaders and we have Eeyores and lots more that are just trying to do the best they can and help others in this life out with their experience and/or opinion, plenty of room for all of those. Sometimes the Eeyores get it right, sometimes it's the Cheerleaders, sometime it's the the one's in the middle, but 98% of the time it's dealt with respectfully. We should expect no less from every member toward the rest of the membership.
We disagree on OHW's all the time, but most of us try to treat others with respect even if there is disagreement. The ones that can't manage respectful disagreement tend to get added to each of our personal "Ignore This Fucktards Posts" list. Some folks enjoy that "Fucktard" status. The "Fucktards" have run hundreds of OP's off the site who got tired of being dumped on by those that can't disagree without being abusive and disrespectful. Just because they're "Hey, it's the Internet, I can be a fucktard keyboard commando!" people. Because they get off on that on line. The Admin's ban the one's that can't control themselves.
Now, you can respond with disrespect to the OP, to me, or even the rest of the members of this site, or you can say "Sorry Luckyguy, I didn't realize my words came across as disrespectful and I truly regret that they did" to the OP and be respectful from this point on to all the members, even if you disagree with what and how they make their way in this life. If you choose the first, then I suspect that you may have been poorly socialized as a child. If it's the second, then I'm like "Hey man, everybody has a bad day. We'll do this again tomorrow and you can give it another shot". Own up, man up and move forward, this doesn't have to be how your time on OHW plays out!
I don't speak for OHW, it's Admin's, Or members. I only speak for myself. If I'm in the wrong on ANY of this, I'm sure my fellow members will let me know. Most of them will even manage to do it respectfully!
Best wishes,
Sutter

P.S. If you want to see how to respectfully disagree with a poster on a thread, see lagercandle2014's post closer to the top of the page!

Well said sutterKane. It's advice that I can use too. Thanks

[luckyguy3]

Wow, what a discussion. Our situation certainly has engendered some strong feelings. Trust me, I have not ignored your comments. But it has been our busiest week yet in what is turning into a really good season for us (fingers crossed). Plus, to be honest I have been more focused on my communications with Jen - we have been talking much more by phone the past few days.

I don't have the time to respond to each post since last Sunday and I would prefer to stay out of any debates on posting etiquette - although I will say that at times I have wondered where a couple of the posters are coming from. But I asked for comments so I can't complain too much and I have carefully read them all, even those I disagree with.

For now I just wanted to update how I am feeling and what I am doing.

I am not worried about Jen's love, commitment and desire for me. She is so straight with me and as much as she has enjoyed the time with Dan so far she has also made it clear that she is missing me. We have talked a lot about two things these past day. First, the difference between words said in the throes of hot passionate sex vs. the reality of lifelong commitments. And second about the different types of triads that poly people can create. Some time ago Jen and I read the book "The Ethical Slut" aloud to one another. It was a great and informative exercise. The author points out that some triads can be perfectly equal, with all of the relationships being of parallel strength and importance. But more frequently in triads there is a primary relationship and a secondary relationship. That does not diminish the sincerity and depth of feelings in the secondary relationship, but it does recognize that there is a primary relationship that must be preserved and nourished above all else. Jen and I agree that is the situation we feel we are in here. Our marriage is primary. She and I have chosen to make room for another very important but ultimately secondary relationship with Dan.

I am also not seeing Dan as trying to move in and supplant me as Jen's primary. It is a little bit of a tougher call for me, but my gut tells me that he is just feeling the strain of the situation he has put himself in. He is now in a committed, monogamous relationship with another man's wife. Ultimately he cannot get around that fact. His only choices are to live with it, end it, or try to supplant me (which I don't think he wants to do and which he knows would not succeed.) For now I think he is trying to maximize his enjoyment of the time he has with Jen to the fullest extent, but I think he may also be wrestling with what the future holds long term.

I have been just plain missing Jen, and when she told me she was missing me too that caused me to change my plans. I had originally planned to go down for a weekend with her on the 26th. But just last night we decided that I am coming down this weekend instead. Got myself a ticket that will get me there late Friday night. The staff swears they can keep the place afloat for a weekend without me so I am scheduled to come back Monday morning. Short visit, but it feels right to be going now.

Will update on how things go, thanks again to all those who offered supportive and constructive thoughts.

LG3

[D+D]

[mundyman]

Well spoke LG3.
Your calm in the face of some strongly worded posts is quite admirable.
Question: Do you think Jen was rattled by Dan’s request/confession, and perhaps you a little bit as well. Has it been a whoa, this is definitely more real then even we realized and you two want to reconnect sooner rather than later?
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.

[luckyguy3]

I don't think Jen was rattled too much by the conversation they had at dinner. She sees his request that she be "all his" when they are together more of a statement about how he wants them to live and behave as a couple while she is with him as opposed to a fundamental change in the overall relationship. I think Jen was more rattled by the powerful sex that they shared afterwards. This dom-sub play is new to her and she is finding that at some level it really turns her on. We have talked more about that the past couple of days and actually had great phone sex talking about it yesterday afternoon. That was a first for us in a long time - well worth the time spent away from the office!

The desire to see her sooner rather than later was partly fueled by that - pure sexual desire. But mostly by that fact that she genuinely misses me. That may be hard for some folks to understand - that she can be living with another man essentially as his wife, enjoying her time with him, going out in public with him, having great sex with him - yet still be missing me. But it's true, and it's why I am going down a week early. I miss her too!

[luckyguy3]

The folks at work are being terrific at getting things covered for me so I can go see Jen this weekend. The woman who is handling Jen’s responsibilities has been doing a great job, I feel good that she can run the show while I am away. She has even encouraged me to stay an extra day if I want to, will need to check out flights etc and see if coming back Tuesday is an option.

I will be with my lovely wife tomorrow night!

PS The French girl has been flirting again. Damn, she really is sexy. And 22!!! Good thing I am headed south to Jen!