Poly references and resources

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Hotwife_Mustang
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Poly references and resources

Unread post by Hotwife_Mustang » Wed Apr 13, 2011 6:30 pm

As a relative newbie to the concept of polyamory, I've done a little bit of reading. I realized that I kept going to the same handful of people on this board to get recommendations for a reading list. I thought it might be helpful to have a "sticky" thread in the Poly Forum where people could post titles of books and articles that they want to recommend.

I suggested this to Mia, and she asked me to start the thread.

So here goes...

1. The Ethical Slut - A Practical Guide to Polyamory , Open Relationships & Other Adventures, by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy. Second Edition. Copyright 1997, 2009. Published by Celestial Arts

2. Opening Up - A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships, by Tristan Taormino. Copyright 2008. Published by Cleis Press, Inc.


Please add to the list as you feel inspired.

HWM
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Wed Apr 13, 2011 6:58 pm

This thread, now a sticky on the Poly Forum, is a truly great idea from Hotwife_Mustang! I know this will prove to be a wonderful source of continuing assistance for our members on OHW. :D

My own first contribution is:

POLYAMORY: THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships, by Deborah M. Anapol. This is not only a valuable resource for everyone interested in polyamory, but also for anyone on this board who is affected by jealousy (either your own jealousy, or the jealousy of one or more of your partners). The chapter on jealousy in this book (which identifies and explains the five different kinds of jealousy, which are quite distinct and need to be dealt with in their own ways) is invaluable, and (since the book was first published in 1997) has helped countless people on all parts of the alt sexuality lifestyle spectrum.

I suggest http://www.abebooks.com or amazon as sources for this book (which I think is out of print now).

For anyone who is poly (or is interested in possibly creating a poly lifestyle), this is a book which I think is a "Must Have."

Thanks for the great new contribution to OHW, Hotwife_Mustang!

Mia

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Jameson » Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:31 pm

The Poly Weekly podcast is a great resource, too. Lots of good interviews and discussions about poly topics. Minx and her guests are always very thoughtful and articulate.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by cum4me2 » Sun Apr 17, 2011 7:41 pm

My sweet Mustang, try www.lovemore.com Loving More magazine it's a online magazine dedicated to the Poly lifestyle and there is plenty of resources. I have read the books you and everyone else have mentioned... what does that mean...Hmmm. Here's one that hasn't been mentioned yet that I thought was ok but more loving more as in men and women and something tells me you mean more men. But anyway it's called Redefining Our relationships. Than again if you go to Amazon and put in any of these books they will give you a selection of alternatives choices, that is usually of same interest.

Good luck on this new journey
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Jameson » Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:23 pm

I would be also be interested in hearing what readers find to be the best way of connecting with other poly people. Any advice or stories about how poly friends or partners are commonly found?

Mia

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:40 pm

Jameson wrote:I would be also be interested in hearing what readers find to be the best way of connecting with other poly people. Any advice or stories about how poly friends or partners are commonly found?
It's a lot more difficult now (post-HIV/AIDS). Prior to everyone becoming aware of HIV/AIDS (and herpes, for that matter), there were a number of different groups and organizations which had many members in common, and a great percentage of these different memberships were people who were either poly-and-looking-for-poly-partners, or else very poly-friendly. All of these different groups intersected with the different nudist/naturist organizations and locales (nudist beaches, hotels which were at least sometimes-during-the-year nudist, etc.), so just about anybody in most any part of the country could, in effect, "plug in" and get connected to the larger, totally informal poly network.

I am very grateful for Family Synergy (which still exists, in another form), and Sandstone (which no longer exists), and Elysium (whose forcible demise was and is mourned by everyone who ever went there)...all of which were essential to my S.O. and I meeting and then, at last, finally realizing that we really ought to go out on an actual "outside" date ;) , and then spend the rest of our lives together. :D

It's more difficult now, but not impossible. Were I starting over again right now, I would begin by going to everything nudist/naturist, making new friends, and asking questions about poly life and poly activities in the area. There are also annual conventions of poly people, and if you make friends and ask questions there, you will soon be a part of whatever informal networking exists. Poly people tend to be very friendly and incredibly helpful people. :)

I wish there was a more straightforward answer, but if there is one, I am unaware of it.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by SeaGirtCuck » Thu Apr 28, 2011 6:38 pm

Mia wrote:
Jameson wrote:I would be also be interested in hearing what readers find to be the best way of connecting with other poly people. Any advice or stories about how poly friends or partners are commonly found?
Were I starting over again right now, I would begin by going to everything nudist/naturist, making new friends, and asking questions about poly life and poly activities in the area.
Hi Mia,
I have never been to a nudist/naturist resort.
Could you tell me what type of people go and what are they really looking for?
SeaGirtCuck

Manasquan, NJ

Mia

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Thu Apr 28, 2011 10:53 pm

SeaGirtCuck wrote: Hi Mia,
I have never been to a nudist/naturist resort.
Could you tell me what type of people go and what are they really looking for?
You kind of stumped me with this one (my first response to your questions was "everyone," and "freedom"), so I asked my S.O. (who had years more experience than me with nudist/naturist/clothing optional organizations and places before we ever met) and here's what he says:
What type of people go?
"Your next door neighbor...s/he just never says anything [to you] about it. "Everybody" goes...you just aren't aware of it."
What are they really looking for?
"A relaxed atmosphere, where everyone can be themselves. People who tend [overall] to be more openly honest than most other people...people who are looking for equality, good people, and a relaxed atmosphere. People who are willing to give up preconceptions, which begin with clothes and cars."

That's my S.O.'s take.

What I remember most vividly is people (all kinds of people) sitting around a fireplace or campfire, eating buffet dinners (or breakfasts, or lunches), and everyone at that moment feeling comfortable being who they really were, and contributing what--from their own lives and wisdom--they really had to contribute.

Where we used to go, auto mechanics would be having animated conversations with entertainment industry people, supermarket cashiers with "trust fund babies," and people who never graduated from high school with people who had literally three or four graduate degrees from some of the top universities in the world. (One of our population sub-groups was employees from Cal Tech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. ;) ) It was an incredible experience, and everyone was--quite literally--equal. The next morning (if you stayed overnight), when the clothes went back on and the extremely mixed melange of vehicles in the parking lot were backed out, it was back to normal life for awhile...

...until the next weekend, the next get-together, the next trip to some camping ground, or the next three-day holiday weekend. But everyone seemed to leave better than when they came, and most everyone would be back.

It was that kind of magical experience.

I remember those times with great fondness.

:)

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Jameson » Fri Apr 29, 2011 6:38 pm

Thanks, Mia. I haven't been to a nudist resort, sounds promising, though. I have been to some regional Burning Man events and have met a few poly people there, among diverse others. I'm not aware that there's any sort of organized poly group in my area but can imagine one might get started.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by cum4me2 » Fri Apr 29, 2011 8:09 pm

God bless you Mia's SO in speaking your truth, honesty and perspective. Speaking for one that understands nakedness/nudity has nothing or doesn't always have anything to do with sex or sexuality but rather just being and being one with nature or one's creator as in the purest form of truth and love. Maybe not always the case but it is very much my truth. When we shed all that we believe we are, we are free to become that which we truly are. In that splendid moment we understand what it means to be free. My apologize to HWM for treading on her thread but this resonated with me profoundly. Yet somehow I feel you will understand and get it.
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In case anyone is wondering my new avatar is the Chinese symbol for desire, longing and craving.
I thought it appropriate given the subject in hand...

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Hotwife_Mustang » Sat Apr 30, 2011 5:31 am

All,this is *not* my thread - anyone can, and should contribute. The intent is to have a place where we can post, and later find references and resources.

That being said, this thread has been designated as "sticky" by Allengt. If you post something here, it will not roll off the board due to aging.
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Hotwife_Mustang » Sat Apr 30, 2011 5:34 am

Jameson wrote:The Poly Weekly podcast is a great resource, too. Lots of good interviews and discussions about poly topics. Minx and her guests are always very thoughtful and articulate.
I Googled the keywords, and here is the link:

http://polyweekly.com/

Thank you for posting the suggestions, Jameson. This was new to me!
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by zorro » Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:16 pm

Cunning Minx at www.polyweekly.com is awesome! She makes it seem sometimes that being poly is the most natural and self-evident thing in the world! Because it can be.

We need more sites and people like hers.
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Where To Find Nudist/Naturist/"Clothing Optional" Places

Unread post by Mia » Mon May 02, 2011 9:06 pm

Since nudist/naturist/"clothing optional" places and organizations can often be the gateway into all things poly, I thought it would be a good idea to post some sources here that could be of value to anyone who is looking at this for the first time.

Wikipedia's article on naturism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naturism ) serves as a good introduction. This is probably the best place to begin.

In modern times, nudism as a philosophy and way of life dates back to the late 19th century. Historically, there was a distinct difference between "nudist" and "clothing optional" (though my sense is that the terms are used much more interchangeably now). Back many decades ago, "nudist" sometimes had a compulsory feel about it; in fact, in some "nudist" places, wearing clothing in the "nudist" sections was actually prohibited. I think this doesn't ever happen anymore, but I'm not sure. However, this is why the term "clothing optional" came into use: it meant that people could wear or not wear whatever clothing they chose to.

There are two organizations important to contemporary nudist life: the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR), founded in 1931 (http://www.aanr.com ), and the International Naturist Federation which is worldwide (http://www.inf-fni.org ). Anyone interested in nudist recreation should check these out (and if you Google "American Association of Nude Recreation," and "International Naturist Federation," the many sites which come up are highly informative all on their own).

As I have mentioned on this board, the hallowed memory of Elysium (which used to exist in Topanga Canyon, in the Santa Monica mountain range which runs through Los Angeles) echoes even today, but Elysium is no more and will never come back. (The property, which was inherited by the offspring of Elysium's founder, is now covered with McMansions.) So…given that Elysium is no more, I am going to recommend a place I have never personally been to, but want to go to very much: Olive Dell Ranch. (http://www.olivedellranch.com ), located in Colton, in Southern California, fairly near to the intersection of the San Bernardino Freeway (Interstate 10) and the Riverside Freeway (Interstate 215). From everything I know, Olive Dell is the nearest thing to Elysium that exists (at least my part of the country). Family friendly, it is open for day trips and also--for those who want to stay overnight--has cabins which can be rented, plus RV hookups, and there are camping facilities available.

AANR, the American Association for Nude Recreation mentioned above, is divided into regions (Eastern Region, West Region, Florida, Northwest, etc.), so more information on what is available in your area is easy to find. (For countries other than the U.S.A., go to http://www.inf-fni.org ).

It may be obvious, but it needs to be said that there are quite substantial differences between family friendly facilities (where children are welcome) and those which are meant for adults only. (Some resorts, etc. are both: they're family friendly most of the time, but are "adults only" at specific times and on specific occasions…like a New Year's Eve party as one example.)

Also: some organizations rent out entire hotels, etc. for conventions or other gatherings, where "clothing optional" is available to everyone almost everywhere. The exceptions are usually in the public entrance areas, and in the places (like dining rooms) where food is served. The conventions that Family Synergy used to give were wonderful: they would rent out an entire hotel in Palm Springs for the duration of the event. It would be in the middle of summer (the least popular time of the year because Palm Springs is three figures Fahrenheit most every day), and a giant "island" made of ice would be plopped into the swimming pool to moderate the water temperature as it melted (because otherwise, the water was literally too hot to swim in for most of the day). There was a whole lot of "sharing" going on, and the population(s) of any particular room at any particular time seldom accorded with the names of the people who the front desk had registered for that room.

Everyone had a great time. (And I should point out that this kind of gathering is probably one of the perfect, totally safe places to begin hotwifing adventures. The people tend to be friendly and accepting, everyone knows and accepts "the rules" (for example: " 'No' means NO"), and pretty much everyone is coming from similar mental/emotional/sexual attitudes and desires. )

One point of etiquette: At many places, you are expected to keep a small towel handy so—if you are not wearing clothes--you can put the towel down on chairs, benches, etc. before you sit on them. This is considered good nudist manners, so be aware that this may be expected of you. In any case, it's obviously a good thing to do.

And now, you too have enough information to begin your adventures in nudist/naturist/"clothing optional" living. It is a very easy way to find compatible people who are looking for very much the same things you are seeking.

Mia

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Tue Jun 28, 2011 11:50 am

I just got a PM from a member of OHW which made me realize that I need to provide this resource for those who are interested in anything poly:

http://www.polymatchmaker.com

Polymatchmaker goes well beyone "matchmaking" (although that happens too ;) ). It is a board similar to OHW (but with a different primary focus, obviously). Some of their forums are invaluable to those who are poly or who are thinking about entering or creating poly relationships and families. (For example: there is a forum on poly families which contains very practical information about raising children within poly circumstances...there is a forum for BDSM poly people...there is a recipe forum...there is a forum which focuses on legal issues of particular interest to the poly community or to poly people in their personal lives ...there is a forum for LGBT poly people...)

If you're poly, or thinking about entering into a poly relationship or family, I suggest you check out Polymatchmaker. What is there just may turn out to be of great value to you.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Jameson » Sun Jul 03, 2011 7:50 pm

I just started using Polymatchmaker myself. Agreed that the discussion forums there seem to be its strong suit. I'm glad OHW has a poly forum as well, though! I've also heard that OKCupid has a number of poly users and far more users overall than PMM.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Max_Devli » Sat Jul 30, 2011 7:55 am

I'd also suggest http://www.polyamoryonline.org/smf - tremendous forum and support for all manner of poly relationships.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Cuck4Life » Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:59 pm

You might find this site of interest. It touches on several different views of relationships. http://venusandherlover.com

Mia

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Fri Aug 05, 2011 1:10 pm

Cuck4Life wrote:You might find this site of interest. It touches on several different views of relationships. http://venusandherlover.com
This is beautiful!!!

Thank you!!!

:)

Mia

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by alan7388 » Sat Jan 28, 2012 3:39 pm

At the top of any list of poly resources has to be Franklin Veaux's "More Than Two" site, rich with detailed wisdom. It's reported to be the most-viewed Poly 101 (and 201 and 301) site on the web:

morethantwo.com/

Of course I've gotta plug my own site: Polyamory in the News, reporting on poly appearing in mainstream, alternative, and new media since 2005. Frequently updated:

polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/

And there's the Loving More nonprofit, which among other things runs conferences -- such as the Poly Living conference coming up in Philadelphia February 10-12 (2012):

lovemore.com/

Listings of other cons, gatherings, campouts, etc:

polyevents.blogspot.com

Lists of local poly groups polyevents.blogspot.com#localgroups

--Alan

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Melinda » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:37 am

Wow these are great! Thank you for sharing them!
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Reprobate » Mon May 06, 2013 5:26 am

I have been listening lately to a podcast, called "The Swingset" (website: http://lifeontheswingset.com ), which discusses the poly, open, and swinging liftestyles. One of the contributors, Shira B. Katz, also has a poly podcast, called "Pedestrian Polymory" which is hosted off the same site.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Rooter48 » Sat May 18, 2013 5:51 am

Reprobate wrote:I have been listening lately to a podcast, called "The Swingset" (website: lifeontheswingset.com ), which discusses the poly, open, and swinging liftestyles. One of the contributors, Shira B. Katz, also has a poly podcast, called "Pedestrian Polymory" which is hosted off the same site.
I'm a big fan of podcasts and have listened to these folks. It was basically two people at their kitchen table or in the car so not professionally produced, at least the ones I heard. But their adventures are interesting. There are some very good podcasts about sexuality, two of the best are

itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/savage-lovecast/id201376301?mt=2

and

itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/speaking-of-sex/id625276860?mt=2

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by dali_23 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 6:15 am

polyamory.com/forum/ is an incredible resource for all things poly.
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by dali_23 » Sat Oct 26, 2013 7:20 am

K actually sent me this link through facebook this morning. cnn.com/2013/10/26/living/relationships-polyamory/index.html?sr=sharebar_facebook

I nearly fell over at my desk. :o :o :shock: :shock: It was a happy shock though. :D :D
I'd rather have a broken heart than a heart of stone.



I don't mind other guys dancing with my girl
That's fine, I know them all pretty well

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