My wife has fallen in love with my best friend

[luckyguy3]

So Dan called Jen last night and confirmed that he is coming up here for Labor Day weekend. One of the busiest weekends of the season for us but we (especially Jen) are still glad he can make it. Jen and I will wrap up things here by September 10, pack up the car and drive south to our other home which is in the suburbs of Dan’s city. Plans are to stay there for the fall, at least through mid November. Jen told me last night that she would like the three of us to sit down and talk while Dan is here about how things are going to work when we are all in the same area for such an extended period. I said that made sense to me but wanted her and I to talk first. She agreed, said she has been thinking about it ever since spending last month with Dan. We made a date to talk about it tonight.

[D+D]

So Dan called Jen last night and confirmed that he is coming up here for Labor Day weekend. One of the busiest weekends of the season for us but we (especially Jen) are still glad he can make it. Jen and I will wrap up things here by September 10, pack up the car and drive south to our other home which is in the suburbs of Dan’s city. Plans are to stay there for the fall, at least through mid November. Jen told me last night that she would like the three of us to sit down and talk while Dan is here about how things are going to work when we are all in the same area for such an extended period. I said that made sense to me but wanted her and I to talk first. She agreed, said she has been thinking about it ever since spending last month with Dan. We made a date to talk about it tonight.

My mind is swirling wondering what she wants to happen when you're back in Dan's city. I can only imagine what you must be wondering or maybe she gave you an idea? Please don't hold us in suspense for too long when you talk and come to a decision. Dan can't seem to stay away from her for very long. The guy is really in love. Looks as if you may be handling things during labor day weekend without Jen's help. You have a very hot and erotic situation. Did Jen ask many questions about your and Audrey's fling? Is Jen ok with Dan seeing other women as well?

[luckyguy3]

To answer a couple of D & D's questions, the only question Jen pressed me on about Audrey was whether I was going to be seeing her any more after Jen got back to town. She said she did not want or need to hear every detail of our two encounters (readers of these posts actually know far more of the details than Jen, not because I held back, but because she did not want to know. She did ask if Audrey was in our bed and I told her yes, pointing out that Jen had been with Dan in that same bed several times.

Jen never insisted that I not see Audrey again, but I could tell it was a sensitive topic for her. So I made the decision on my own that I would not see Audrey any more once Jen got back. Audrey was totally cool with that, she and I have exchanged a few texts since but mostly re her new work (she does not like the other company as much but appreciates the job.)

Concerning Dan seeing other women, Jen has always taken the position that he should be free to see other women if he wants to. It seemed only equitable under the circumstances. About a year ago another woman did show some real interest in Dan, but he decided that he liked things the way they were and that he did not want to pursue anything physical with her. I know from my discussions with Jen that she likes being the only woman in Dan's life, even though she does not feel like she has any right to insist that things be that way. For now Dan seems very content to be just with Jen, so long as her gets to see her regularly.

The topic of how things will work when we are all back in the same general area has obviously been floating around for a while now. Jen and I have discussed it some but she has been reluctant to commit to any particular plan. Its probably fair to say that I have been pushing her a bit to talk about this more with me. Glad we are going to be sitting down tonight.

[Observer1931]

It will be interesting just what plan it is. Hoping the best for you. That Jen did not want any details about you and Audrey imply that she may not want to share details of her and Dan either. Look forward to your update.

[SutterKane]

Like D+D, I'm deeply interested in how you three make this work, the up's and down's, the Oh my God's and the Oh shit's. Because this is a major opportunity to learn. Not just for me, but all of us. Not that I care about the rest of you perverts!

[luckyguy3]

Jen and I had the big talk about where this is all going last night. Dan will be joining us for Labor Day weekend. Jen wants the three of us to talk about the future of our poly relationship while he is here. Because we both consider me to be her “primary”, we wanted to talk on our own first.

Jen told me that she has been giving this a lot of thought since she spent most of July living with Dan. She enjoyed the time with him. She found that they were compatible living together on a day to day basis, that she feels very comfortable in his condo (she actually slipped once and called it “our condo” – meaning hers and Dan’s) and also that she enjoyed their limited forays as a public couple (she is introduced as his significant other who lives out of town.) But she also missed me – a lot – and did not like being away from me for that long a period. Taking all those things into consideration, this is what Jen proposed.

Once the season is over and we are down there, work is pretty much done for her and I. We have paperwork to catch up on, promotional stuff to prepare, internet reservations and hiring for next year, but none of it is very time consuming, at least not until after the New Year. Through the fall and winter weekdays and weekends are pretty much the same for Jen and I. By contrast Dan has a demanding job that keeps him quite busy, including a fair amount of business travel.

We are all going to be in the same general area for at least two months starting mid-September. Looking at our respective schedules, Jen would like to try living with Dan on the weekends and living with me throughout the week. Her proposal was that she go into town to Dan’s condo on Friday afternoons so that she would be there for him when he gets home from work, then stay with him until sometime late afternoon or early evening on Sundays. Jen half jokingly pointed out that would allow me to indulge my NFL fanatic side on Sundays without interruptions (she is not a huge fan herself, but she humors me.) Net result would be five nights with me, two nights with him every week. She did say that there might be some situations where she would want to spend Sunday night with him if they had special plans (such as a weekend trip together) but that she did not see that happening on a regular basis.

I asked her if she had discussed this with Dan already. She said that they had talked about it some in generalities, but that she had insisted that she needed to talk to me first before she could be in the position to make any decisions or commitments. When I quizzed her more on this she said that she thinks Dan would prefer it if she spent three full days and nights, but that was not what she wanted. Jen said that felt too close to “fifty-fifty” and not enough like the primary/secondary relationships she wanted.

The weekday/weekend split certainly makes some sense given the fact that Dan works a regular job and Jen and I do not during the fall. From Jen’s perspective, it also fits well with her cover story that she is Dan’s out of town girl friend. She was quite honest that she enjoys going out in public with Dan and socializing as a couple.

So that’s the proposal Jen would like the two of us to make to Dan. It was not really a surprise, from our prior conversations I could tell she was thinking about something along these lines. One thing that was clear was how much Jen likes openly living with Dan, it is such a change from the years when they had to sneak off to see each other. We talked about the possibility that she could be seen with him by someone we know. Even though Dan lives in one of the largest cities in the country and our place is 40 minutes or so away in the suburbs, it could happen. Jen said that the worst that could happen was that people thought she was having an affair with Dan and that she could live with that. She even said that part of her wished that all three of us could just be public about our arrangement without making a big deal about it. It would certainly make her life simpler and easier. That's a long, long way from where she was even just a few months ago. But Jen is still worried about our children finding out and made a point of saying we need to continue to be careful for their sake. Fortunately they live in other parts of the country and usually we go to visit them, as opposed to them coming to us.

With D&D’s recent question in mind I asked Jen about what would she thought would happen if Dan met someone else some day. She told me that she and Dan had talked about it and that for now he is very happy in his relationship with her. Jen is meeting his emotional needs, they have formed their own partnership and, as I have indicated in the earlier posts, they are really into their sexual explorations. Given how close they have become and that they have now actually lived with each other, I asked Jen how she would describe that relationship. - Does she think of herself as his girlfriend, lover, significant other or what? We actually went round and round about that for a while. Jen said the best way that she can describe it is that when she is with Dan she feels like they are as committed as a married couple, that she is effectively his wife. Dan certainly feels that way about her. But Jen insists that despite those feelings I am still her primary husband and that Dan respects that.

So that’s where we are. I told Jen that overall I thought her proposal makes sense but that I wanted to think about it and talk more over the next few days. Dan is not due here until Friday after next, so we have some time.

LG3

[ericsacto]

Sounds like you and Jen are on the same page and the relationship is pretty solid. Very impressive. Please keep us posted on what happens in the fall.

Any plans for Jen to celebrate special events with Dan like his birthday?

[samlowen]

Would this potential fall arrangement leave wiggle room for adjustments for weekend plans? What if you wanted to take Jen out on a weekend date? I'm assuming the three of you would be flexible enough to negotiate Jen staying over on other nights for such on-offs? The concern about your kids finding out has been mentioned multiple times. Are you two worried they might react negatively and cut ties with you, not approving of your choices?

[D+D]

Thanks for your candid and informative posts LG3. It's really good. I don't read this as a story, but more how a poly type relationship between 3 people who respect one another is being managed to meet the needs and desires of all three. I ask a question about Dan and another woman, but I actually feel that Dan is very much in love with Jen and that another woman replacing Jen is highly unlikely. Thanks again.

[luckyguy3]

When I looked at the questions that came up in the last couple of posts I almost wondered if some of you guys were listening to our conversation last night.

First, Ericsato's question about celebrating special events. Dan's birthday did not come up during our talk, but Jen and Dan's "anniversary" did. This February it will be four years since they first became lovers. Jen told me that she and Dan have talked about doing a trip abroad to celebrate their anniversary and wanted to know if I objected. Dan has gotten to know Jen pretty darned well, and he knew just what to tempt her with – a hiking and jeep photo safari in eastern Africa run by an excellent guiding outfit. Jen has wanted to go to Africa for years. I was there a couple of times as a young man before we married, have never had a strong desire to return. The trip Dan is proposing is not cheap – 10 days, all the frills – but he has offered to pay for both of them including business class airline tickets. If they do it they also want to spend a couple of days in Paris on the way back, so they would be gone for a total of about two weeks. I told Jen that I had no objection, but also proposed that I meet them in Paris and that we trade Jen so that she and I could spend a week or so on our own in Europe. February is still a pretty dead time for us work wise and Jen and I have enjoyed a number of trips to Europe over the years. Jen said that sounded great - although she did not like the word "trade"! (So much for my sense of humor)

Samlowen's inquiry about "wiggle room" for adjustments in the weekly schedule also came up. That type of flexibility only makes sense, there will be all sorts of reasons why the schedule might be adjusted on some weeks. But the general goal would be for her to spend most weekends with Dan and for us to shoot for an overall ratio of about 5:2 in terms of nights spent with me vs. Dan.

One of the reasons that Jen likes the idea of spending weekends with Dan is that she was really enjoys the more urban, upscale life the two of them share in the city. It is quite a change of pace for her. Through the summers she is working in t-shirts, tank tops and shorts most of the time and meals can be pretty haphazard with so much work stuff going on. During fall and winter our hometown is very quiet (there is a real sense of relief when the tourists depart in September). We do lots of outdoor stuff but nothing very fancy. My grandmother's funeral last week was the first time I have worn a tie in a year or two.

But Jen's life in the city with Dan is very different. They went out a lot during their month together. Jen got to dress up more, found a couple of chic favorite coffee bars and cafes to frequent, went to the theater etc. Jen majored in art in college and has really enjoyed the easy access to so many galleries and museums. She just lives a very different lifestyle with Dan, she said like she feels like "she gets the best of both worlds" this way.

[Suchen Zucker]

I told Jen that I had no objection, but also proposed that I meet them in Paris and that we trade Jen so that she and I could spend a week or so on our own in Europe. February is still a pretty dead time for us work-wise and Jen and I have enjoyed a number of trips to Europe over the years. Jen said that sounded great - although she did not like the word "trade"! (So much for my sense of humor)

Heh, don't you have that idea backward? Jen would be the one doing the trading, would she not?

It would seem that with the establishment of a "regular schedule" within the poly-relationship, that you yourself will have much more freedom and ease to possibly develop a regular fuck-buddy of your own to warm your bed on the weekends. Has this occurred to you or Jen?

[Janes Husband]

This was quite a read. Congrats to you three that it's made it for a few years already with all happy.

[bubbajack]

Hello, LG3. I very well remember when you and Jen were embarking on the prospect of her fucking others. It was a very compelling story to me and the few visual aids you supplied at the time only increased the fascination. Your return is most welcome - I think I still have a couple of unanswered PM's to you or her in my outbox. I feared the worst and I am very glad that my guesses were wrong.

I greatly admire your and her and her lover's clear mutual respect and sincere efforts to meet in a civilized way the inherent coordination challenges of - how shall I say it ? "Two into One".

All the same, what is most compelling to me in the present configuration - and I imagine to all of you - is her apparent development of sexual interest in submitting to his appetite for domination.

That kind of domination/submission contrast does not seem to be a part of the practical sex relations between you and her.

That it is part of their connection strikes me as both dangerous and obsessively attractive. Makes my cock stand up to think about her giving it up however he wants it.


It's both chaotic and irresistible.

What strange creatures we are!

[luckyguy3]

It was nice to see Bubbajack’s comment. He provided us a lot perceptive insights some years ago – I have not forgotten. Apologies to him for any unresponded to PM’s, but we went dark on this site for a long time when Jen became uncomfortable with it despite my convoluted efforts to mask or disguise identifying details. (She was also unhappy that I posted some photos on the Hotties site a long time ago.)

Bubbajack’s powers of perception have not dimmed with the passage of time. Here is what he said that most caught my attention:

“What is most compelling to me in the present configuration . . . is [Jen’s] apparent development of sexual interest in submitting to [Dan’s] appetite for domination. That kind of domination/submission contrast does not seem to be a part of the practical sex relations between you and her. That it is part of their connection strikes me as both dangerous and obsessively attractive.”

Bubbajack is right on several points. Dom-sub and bdsm are not part of regular sexual relations between Jen and I. What she is pursuing with Dan can be viewed as dangerous, both physically (so far he has only bruised her once, on the butt) and emotionally (at some point could it threaten us?) But I can’t deny that it is also a huge turn on to me that she is exploring this side of herself and enjoying it so much.

It was inevitable that during our “big talk” the other night Jen and I also did a lot of back and forth on the developing dom-sub side of their sexual relationship. Jen stressed again that this was not something that she and Dan did all the time, just rarely. But she is excited about it. She told me that during their trip to Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago they decided to check out the Green Door club that Dan and his mistress had been to years before. But when they got to the parking lot Jen did not like the look of some of the people (almost all men) going into the place and she backed out.

Jen and I agree that it is hard for either of us to imagine her and I pursuing this path. I have tied her up a few times, but I could never spank her really hard or use a belt or flogger on her. It’s just not the way we relate to each other. But at the same time I am excited about her submitting to these things from Dan. Does that make any sense?

I asked Jen where she sees this going between the two of them. She said she honestly does not know. They have talked about going to a bdsm club or event to see what one is like. Like I said, they almost tried the Green Door but it looked a little creepy to Jen. Dan has found a place in their city that they have looked at online. But that is as far as that has gone. They have fantasized together about taking things further in a variety of ways but it remains to be seen just what they might do.

One thing they have gotten into is “assignments” and “reports” when they are apart. Dan will give Jen a sexual assignment and then she has to email him how she did, or did not, fulfill it. Jen has only started sharing those emails with me recently (I posted one the other day.) Jen actually fulfilled Dan’s latest assignment the night we had our talk. As you can see from the email, I was part of the assignment process. At first I was hesitant to share this – not sure how it makes the three of us appear. But it sure seems relevant to Bubbajack’s concern about the “danger” and "obsessive attraction” of this path.

Here is the “report” which Jen submitted to Dan the next morning:

“Dear Sir,

Well, I completed my assignment even with the lateness of the hour. I must apologize for not sending this email last night as you instructed, I was quite frankly too exhausted, you will have to punish me for my transgression. I used the vibrator you gave me to almost cum, followed by [LG3] going down on me and making love to me while I was thinking and talking to him about you. The first five minutes were the hardest part of your assignment -- I had to stop using the vibrator for a moment so I wouldn't cum. The thoughts: how you undress me and make me stand in front of you unashamed; how you slowly move your fingers in a tingling sensation down my back, my ass, my legs; how you put wrist restraints on me and tie my hands together behind my back; how you lay the flogger next to me or sometimes lying it on my back while I am bent over the bed to show me it before you use it in unexpected ways. The anticipation I feel, the quicker breathing, all not knowing when you will strike with the flogger or bring out a new toy such as the nipple clamps which really hurt at first then hurt in a good way and provided a wonderful sensation as you played with my pussy. So these thoughts almost sent me over the edge. Then I thought about your thick cock and how it feels when you are inside me, how I am now trained to take you in without discomfort when you fuck me really, really hard, it is sheer fucking pleasure. You are my best fuck Sir and I love to feel your cock. I like it when you use me as you want and I also envision you and another man (of your choosing) taking turns with me. I have no choice but to comply and the result is tremendous pleasure from you Sir.

Your Slut”

I can’t deny it – I was thrilled to have Jen talk to me about how excited she gets submitting to Dan. The two of us shared fantastic lovemaking. Afterwards we held each other close and talked quietly. I had to ask Jen if Dan really was her “best fuck”. Her answer spoke volumes: “Yes, but you are my best lover.”

That feels like it works for me. Hopefully I am not out of my mind.

LG3
PS I also want to respond to Stephen Zucher’s comment about my pursuing an outside interest, but that will have to wait until next time.

[samlowen]

My wife and I have tried multiple times to incorporate bdsm and D/s into our relationship and found that it just doesn't work for us together as is does apart. Each of us found other partners to enjoy that side of ourselves with and that setup has worked just fine. Like Dan and Jen, it's something we do infrequently.
What jumps out at me in her assignment is Dan asking her to think of him while the two of you are together sexually. If this were in the cuckold form and Dan was her bull it wouldn't jump out at me as much, but here in the poly forum, it irritates me. This is the first time in your writings were I have felt Dan has pushed a line that I would prefer to not see crossed. Jen choosing to think of Dan all on her own while being intimate with you doesn't bother me much but being told to imagine Dan, does. I feel like you and Jen should be allowed to focus on each other during your time together, just as Dan and Jen are left alone to focus on their side of things without you. I don't recall you ever asking Jen to have you top of mind while she is having sex with Dan. That's the boundary I would want and request to help me feel comfortable.

[voxhominum]

What jumps out at me in her assignment is Dan asking her to think of him while the two of you are together sexually.

That jumped out at me too and for the same reasons. It was my understanding that the arrangement was poly, not cuckold. Unintentional? Maybe. But Dan definitely crossed a line there and it needs to be addressed.

[Robrt]

I'd like to add my thoughts to Dan's assignment for Jen. He had his alone time with Jen and now he wants Jen to be thinking of him when she's with you. Calling him a friend after that is a bit of a stretch. I'd definitely let him know that's not acceptable and also ask him what was he trying to accomplish.

[veub]

What jumps out at me in her assignment is Dan asking her to think of him while the two of you are together sexually.

That jumped out at me too and for the same reasons. It was my understanding that the arrangement was poly, not cuckold. Unintentional? Maybe. But Dan definitely crossed a line there and it needs to be addressed.

It would seem pretty obvious to me that Dan, and probably Jen, have moved to a point in which, whatever they may say to the contrary, consider this a cuckold relationship. I would suspect that the 5/2 nights split will change fairly quickly after the move to the other house. After all, she likes the cultural aspects of the city - is LG going to able to object when Dan has tickets for a show, opening or other event?
Then again, if dominance and submission of the husband to the third party is the hallmark of cuckoldry, much (almost all) of what is posted as poly, the co-husband thread for example, sure look like they would better fit in the cuckold forum.

[samlowen]

It would seem pretty obvious to me that Dan, and probably Jen, have moved to a point in which, whatever they may say to the contrary, consider this a cuckold relationship. I would suspect that the 5/2 nights split will change fairly quickly after the move to the other house. After all, she likes the cultural aspects of the city - is LG going to able to object when Dan has tickets for a show, opening or other event?

I don’t believe this is the case, Dan & Jen viewing LG as a cuckold. I believe it’s Dan’s way of dealing with the hole he must feel when he can’t be with Jen. Who doesn’t want their lover thinking about them when they can’t be together. That’s a natural thing in any relationship. The three of them have consistently demonstrated the ability to negotiate and compromise as best as possible so everyone can feel fulfilled. When Dan gets tickets to an event they will talk about it, make it happen and probably reduce other allocated “Dan” time back towards LG.

[Suchen Zucker]

It would seem pretty obvious to me that Dan, and probably Jen, have moved to a point in which, whatever they may say to the contrary, consider this a cuckold relationship. I would suspect that the 5/2 nights split will change fairly quickly after the move to the other house. After all, she likes the cultural aspects of the city - is LG going to able to object when Dan has tickets for a show, opening or other event?

I don’t believe this is the case, Dan & Jen viewing LG as a cuckold. I believe it’s Dan’s way of dealing with the hole he must feel when he can’t be with Jen. Who doesn’t want their lover thinking about them when they can’t be together. That’s a natural thing in any relationship. The three of them have consistently demonstrated the ability to negotiate and compromise as best as possible so everyone can feel fulfilled. When Dan gets tickets to an event they will talk about it, make it happen and probably reduce other allocated “Dan” time back towards LG.

So if it's only "Dan’s way of dealing with the hole he must feel when he can’t be with Jen" why would Jen agree to do it?

What purpose do you think Dan would have in ordering Jen to think about him and to talk to LG about him, while LG was "being her best lover", and then report back what happened? Did LG accept and "get off" on that happening to him?

Do you think Dan is working towards becoming the primary sexual partner, calling the shots in the relationship?

[D+D]

I'm glad that you will be intercepting jen in Paris and poor dan will go home alone while she continues in Europe with you! A very good move. I would also suggest that she not converse with dan during that time too. Have her to yourself for a change, completely to yourself. And he should be considerate enough not to give her sexual tasks while she's yours. A phone call or a daily text should be enough. Not criticizing, but it's looking as if you are going to have to "police" dan a little and slow him down. Maybe remind him when you have your talk that you are the primary.

[samlowen]

It would seem pretty obvious to me that Dan, and probably Jen, have moved to a point in which, whatever they may say to the contrary, consider this a cuckold relationship. I would suspect that the 5/2 nights split will change fairly quickly after the move to the other house. After all, she likes the cultural aspects of the city - is LG going to able to object when Dan has tickets for a show, opening or other event?

I don’t believe this is the case, Dan & Jen viewing LG as a cuckold. I believe it’s Dan’s way of dealing with the hole he must feel when he can’t be with Jen. Who doesn’t want their lover thinking about them when they can’t be together. That’s a natural thing in any relationship. The three of them have consistently demonstrated the ability to negotiate and compromise as best as possible so everyone can feel fulfilled. When Dan gets tickets to an event they will talk about it, make it happen and probably reduce other allocated “Dan” time back towards LG.

So if it's only "Dan’s way of dealing with the hole he must feel when he can’t be with Jen" why would Jen agree to do it?

What purpose do you think Dan would have in ordering Jen to think about him and to talk to LG about him, while LG was "being her best lover", and then report back what happened? Did LG accept and "get off" on that happening to him?

Do you think Dan is working towards becoming the primary sexual partner, calling the shots in the relationship?

Those are good questions Mr. Zucker.

Jen might agree because she is enjoying the exploration she and Dan are doing and it’s one way for them to connect while apart. Doing new things is fun and it’s easy to get lost in them, not really seeing a bigger picture.

Dan’s purpose is to push at the boundaries. He wants more Jen and this is a way to work towards that. Part of this exploration the three of them are doing involves breaking boundaries and assessing the new normal. Dan will continue to push and push until he hits a wall, imo. Gentle pushes. So far, no solid wall as been encountered that I remember. What he asked from her is kinky as hell. Yes, it could be a nefarious plan to eventually steal Jen away but I don’t currently believe that. His request turns me on for the kinky factor but irritates me for the intrusion into LG’s time with Jen as well. Only LG can answer your question about his view.

I think Dan obviously wants more time with Jen. That has been stated multiple times. Why wouldn’t he want to be her primary sexual partner? Wouldn’t you? I would. She sounds amazing! Do I think that will happen? Nope. I don’t see Jen tapering down sexy time with LG at all to submit to Dan, someone she will forever see far less of unless she decides to divorce LG. I just don’t see that path happening at all in this situation.

Edited to add your last name.

[Suchen Zucker]

Yeah, I don't think Jen is trying to manipulate LG underhandedly. I think her hearts in the right place. It's just after reading story after story around here you would think by January 2020, Dan will have moved into their home, sleeping in the master bedroom with Jen, and LG will be on his knees, caged, denied, pegged and fluffing nightly.

[samlowen]

Yeah, I don't think Jen is trying to manipulate LG underhandedly. I think her hearts in the right place. It's just after reading story after story around here you would think by January 2020, Dan will have moved into their home, sleeping in the master bedroom with Jen, and LG will be on his knees, caged, denied, pegged and fluffing nightly.

From other stories, yes, I would agree with you. Not this one though.

[luckyguy3]

Wow, lots of reaction to my last post. I appreciate the concerns expressed by those of you who fear that Dan may be overstepping boundaries, trying to grab more time with Jen at my expense, place me in more of a "cuckold" status or perhaps even position himself to push me aside altogether. If I were to pick a common theme through all the different responses, it was that you all seem to be looking out for my best interests. Thank you for that - but I really think your concerns are misplaced.


All of the serious posters who have followed our story understand and appreciate the very close connection that Jen and Dan have created together. And I know that you all recognize and respect the incredible love and commitment that are the fundamentals of my marriage to Jen. Everybody seems to get both of those key facts, but then they often view them as being in conflict one another, as evolving into a contest as to who will ultimately be Jen's primary.

What people miss in that analysis is the fundamental importance of the relationship between Dan and I.

Remember, Dan is my oldest friend. We have been hanging out together for well over forty years. It is Dan and my relationship that led to everything between him and Jen and which makes their relationship possible. Because I cannot imagine sharing her to this extent with anyone other than him. And I think the same thing is true for Dan.

I honestly don't think Jen would have fallen in love with Dan if he and I were not so close, no matter how attracted she may have been to him.

Similarly, Dan would not have fallen so in love with Jen if she were not married to me. The lifelong friendship - more like brotherhood - between Dan and I is a major part of what allowed our poly relationship to develop in the first place and which contributed mightily to it becoming so powerful once it got going.

Despite the kinky stuff (which I admit can be a little threatening at times) what the three of us share is a far cry from a cuckold relationship where the bull and the wife please the husband by demeaning and humiliating him. Our situation is NOTHING like that.

Dan's request that Jen talk to me about their sex life while she was making love to me was not an effort to humiliate me or put me in my place. To the contrary, it was an effort by him to include me more in their relationship. Let me explain why I know that.

For the first couple of years after Dan and Jen started sleeping together, while he was still married to Sally, Dan and I never talked directly to each other about the details of our respective sexual relationships with Jen. Probably neither of us was brave enough to bring it up, anyway we both avoided any discussion of intimate details. Then about a month after Sally and Dan broke up he and I went on a weekend canoe trip on a river in Canada, something we have done many times over the years. During that trip, after a few beers the two of us finally started talking directly to each other about how amazing it is to make love to Jen. We agreed that for both of us she is the most talented, sexy and enthusiastic lover we have ever had. We shared a lot that weekend, and one of the things that Dan learned about me is that the better a time he and Jen have together, the more it excites me - and the better the sex is between Jen and I. It really is a "win-win" for all of us.

I know that Dan would love it if Jen spent three days with him every weekend instead of two - and I don't blame him for it. I would want the same in his shoes!! But I also know that Dan would never knowingly try to push me aside for his own benefit. He knows and accepts that Jen and my marriage is the primary relationship - and that it always will be. Fundamentally, I think that Dan realizes how lucky he is to be in the position he currently enjoys and would not what to do anything to jeopardize his relationships with both Jen and me. He is just still adjusting to the fact that he has himself in a committed, loving, monogamous relationship with another man's wife.

So I don't fear Dan trying to demean or undercut me. He just would not do that to me. And speaking for myself, seeing how important Jen has become to him - the only woman in his life for years now and for the forseeable future - I would never try to undercut his relationship with Jen either. I am happy, even proud, to share Jen with Dan And happy for both of them that they have formed such a valuable and loving relationship of their own. As long as our marriage is primary - and it is - I am happy to do whatever I can to make their unique and very special secondary relationship thrive.

LG3