Hotwives who want more than just the sex

[Minnhotwife]

I only want long term relationships with people period. Having sex is good for an orgasm but the best sex I have ever had was when I had a connection with my lovers. I have said this before, my lovers become boyfriends and when they do, I open up to doing much more for them then just getting them off. We can explore their fantasies, enjoy trips, hang out all night, etc and the comfort allows for us to truly enjoy the bond that we form. Plus, we learn each other's bodies, likes and how to groove together in bed. Yes sex is good but without a connection I prefer a dildo since I can make it get me off much faster than sex with somebody I have no interest in.

On top of that, I like being vocal in bed, not loud or yelling but talking as we are having sex. Being more than a one time sex toy allows for sex talk that just sets me off. I have had boyfriends that could get me off in less than 5 mins because we were so in tune with each other and it was EXPLOSIVE. After that first orgasm my body was shaking with multiple orgasm until he had his orgasm. I know there is a certain ego trip tied to being with another man's wife but imagine being able to make her feel that way? haha, anyway, just my two cents.

Thank you for this reply!! It really helps me understand why my wife wants to have longer term lovers.

We’ll see how it goes over the next few months. And I actually am happy my wife is having these intense erotic connections with other guys.She’s told me plenty about how good some of these guys are when they are together.

How much about polyamory have you researched? There are many forms. Since this other man practices poly, what does HE want? His needs are as important as yours. He will become an equal partner to you in many ways. I suggest you spend some time in the FAQ section in the r/polyamory sub-Reddit before making this decision. You could easily get in over your head in a hurry.

anonymister1948, Thank you for this information. Yes my metamour does practice polyamory with his wife. It’s true that he also has needs on my wife and they are important. Can I PM you?

TiA

[bash 44]

A decade ago when we started this lifestyle, the majority of the guys She had sex with were one off’s (make like a koala bear: eats, shoots and leaves) Rare was the repeat cock. He was one that brought something to the situation. That something was either a certain sexual skill or more likely, it was the chemistry between them. Over the course of 3 years, She had a small stable of guys that she would play with and the one night stands became less frequent.

But life evolves… About 5-6 years ago, She stopped playing. This was due to a perfect storm of Her stable moving away, a change in jobs & a bad experience that left her questioning what She was doing.

The dry spell lasted a few years. I knew that She would eventually come back to it, She just needed the right person to coax Her back.

Back in the days when She was going through guys and building a stable, I never felt threatened. Even when She fell for one guy, hard… I knew that if I just gave them enough rope, they’d hang themselves.

There was one guy who did manage to get into my head while he got into Her. When I began to protest, She pushed back and fought for him. The situation resolved itself when he moved out of the area… until about 2 years ago when he came back. It was this guy who got Her back into playing again and for that I’m grateful. She is open to play again, but She wants more than a one night stands. She wants that connection.

Yes, She wants more than sex.

[parklife]

My wife has two people currently in her life that I consider her “friends with benefits”. One is a long term, sex only partner that she had a crush in for a while and they casually have sex now and again. She cares for him to some extent and they have something of a friendship but frankly, I think she could take it or leave it. She just recently hooked up with him again after nearly three years of not seeing him. They traded text and FaceTimed some but if they never got physical again, I don’t think she’d really mind.

The other, is truly a “friend” and they go to dinner and other things that she wouldn’t call “dates” but I do. She has more of an emotional connection and their relationship, sexual and not, means something to her. If they were to stop seeing each other, she’s be hurt. She has built up some walls because he did drop contact for a period of time (he is also married and while my wife have an arraignment where she can play, he does not), so she’s more guarded now, but it’s clearly more than just sex.

In the past, her other FWB was definitely more than just a friend and they often exchanged “I love you”s. The stopped seeing each other because he wanted more than she could give. At one point she seriously considered more of a ploy relationship with him and I and we had briefly discussed it as a possibility but she never had the same discussion with him and ultimately, he didn’t want a poly relationship, he wanted to find his one partner. And she couldn’t be it. She was heartbroken. Swore off non-monogamy for a while but eventually came back to enjoying it.

Where it ultimately takes us, who knows, but my wife definitely enjoys longer term play partners that are more than just physical. She’s also not afraid to get emotionally involved and our marriage has been able to handle it.

[Minnhotwife]

My wife has two people currently in her life that I consider her “friends with benefits”. One is a long term, sex only partner that she had a crush in for a while and they casually have sex now and again. She cares for him to some extent and they have something of a friendship but frankly, I think she could take it or leave it. She just recently hooked up with him again after nearly three years of not seeing him. They traded text and FaceTimed some but if they never got physical again, I don’t think she’d really mind.

The other, is truly a “friend” and they go to dinner and other things that she wouldn’t call “dates” but I do. She has more of an emotional connection and their relationship, sexual and not, means something to her. If they were to stop seeing each other, she’s be hurt. She has built up some walls because he did drop contact for a period of time (he is also married and while my wife have an arraignment where she can play, he does not), so she’s more guarded now, but it’s clearly more than just sex.

In the past, her other FWB was definitely more than just a friend and they often exchanged “I love you”s. The stopped seeing each other because he wanted more than she could give. At one point she seriously considered more of a ploy relationship with him and I and we had briefly discussed it as a possibility but she never had the same discussion with him and ultimately, he didn’t want a poly relationship, he wanted to find his one partner. And she couldn’t be it. She was heartbroken. Swore off non-monogamy for a while but eventually came back to enjoying it.

Where it ultimately takes us, who knows, but my wife definitely enjoys longer term play partners that are more than just physical. She’s also not afraid to get emotionally involved and our marriage has been able to handle it.

Thank you for this post. We have very similar situations. My wife has a few guys which she has an emotional connection and another guy who is mainly a FWB. Nothing poly yet but we have discussed the possibility one of these relationships could go this way.

[MildlyWlLDnFun]

My wife says it most likely wouldn't have happened, at least the first time, if she hadn't felt the connection with her friend as a friend. That made her feel comfortable, plus she didn't feel like he was pushing for or expecting sex from her, really didn't think it was going to happen until it did.

Now she says she wishes she had a lover closer to us geographically, and has mentioned a few guys she has met while shopping. These are men she doesn't know at all at this point. Yet I think that before it happens with anyone, she would have to feel that it wasn't simply a fuck. Not poly, not love, just doesn't want to feel like a sperm receptacle.

We've had very similar experiences. She fell in love with one, but in general it's exactly what the last sentence says. We go to seeing parties if we want something quick and casual. If we're giving someone our real time, it needs to be for someone that we enjoy as a friend and want to hang out with.

[Des 31]

At first, when my wife was then 28, it was for her just the thrill of extramarital sex. After a year of encouraging her to meet other men, she agreed to place a personals ad and had sex with several random guys. Soon she realized a deeper connection was more exciting and emotionally fulfilling. She and her boss at the bank where each work have been fucking going on four years. She met a 19-year-old student in a none-credit night class she was attending around three years ago; he is now married. His wife is agreeable to their ongoing relationship. An instructor she met through another adult education class also seems to be turning out to be a long-term relationship.

The emotional attachments between her and others with who she has been having ongoing sex are deep and meaningful. None of that has been a problem for our marriage. I often think I gain as much pleasure and excitation from that as she, although for the obvious reasons. she wouldn't quite agree. Neither of us wish to go back to the time when it was just the two of us.

~ Des

[54321]

You might like to check out a poll I did on this subject:

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=58703&p=1130738#p1130738

The findings were really interesting

I expected a straightforward binomial bell curve with the most in the middle (the norm) and the fewest at the outer limits.
In fact, we did find something approaching a binomial but we ALSO found there are quite large groups at the fringes. I call them the 'It's Pretty Much Only Sex' group and the 'Full Blown Love Affair' group.

At one end we have:
The 'It's Pretty Much Only Sex' group
About 20% of Hotwives absolutely want to 'play it safe' emotionally. For them, it's 'sex, no strings' and they are extremely careful not to endanger their primary relationship.

At the other end we have:
The 'Full Blown Love Affair' group
About 20% fearlessly embrace loving their lovers. They've discovered that they can completely go with it, ride it out and come out the other side still in one piece. I think that these women are very passionate and love the drama, excitement, thrills and spills of falling in and out of love but are smart enough to know that their unwavering husbands will love them long after their lovers have come and gone.

In the middle we have:
The 'Mix and Match' group
About 60% of Hotwives are shaping up to the expected binomial trend (more people in the middle and fewer towards the extremes). They like some connection but are wary of too much so they seek a balance, unique to them, that they feel comfortable with.

Please take the poll. The more takers we have, the more accurate it will become.

54321

[LongTermHubby]

My wife has had a number of short-term hookups but much prefers longer-term relationships. She describes herself as serially monogamous.

[CoupleFun555]

My wife, Cordelia, generally prefers having boyfriends to enjoy in and out of the bedroom. She’s in NY with a boyfriend this weekend, having romantic dinners, going to jazz clubs and having a lot of sex. It works better for her this way. Most of the times, she’d rather have an intimate experience rather than just fuck.

We both know that we can care about tower people and have sex with them without it taking anything away from our relationship except for the time apart.

[Minnhotwife]

Just found out we are dealing with this right now. My wife has 4 other lovers right now and while some are just FWBs, she's really wanting to spend more time with one of them both in and out of the bedroom.

She's actually going to his place tonight for some drinks and hot sex. He's been in poly relationships before and I think wants to be poly with my wife from earlier conversations. Kind of hot and also makes me a little nervous. This will be our first poly relationship and don't know what else it will involve besides fluid bonding (they still use condoms right now) and maybe going on trips and weekends together to a nearby cabin or resort.

They have a really strong emotional and physically connection. I'm sure he's a really good lover and my wife loves to fuck him and suck his cock.

We will see what develops over the next few months and will share with you all as I learn about it. Please ask me any questions on or offline.

Have fun everyone!!!

[Des 31]

With most men my 34-year-old wife has been with, it's just sex. But she has a deeper emotional connection with three with who she's currently involved. There have been some others in the past like that. She says the sex is much better when she feels compatible with them and each can express their feelings.

We have a solid and committed marriage and can tell the other anything, so that has never been a problem with our marriage. At the outset when she was then 27-28, I hadn't considered that she and other men would develop romantic feelings. The second man she met through a dating site was only 19 at the time they first got together and their emotional connection lasted three years until he transferred to Seattle to finish his last year of school and take a job he was offered while still here.

Currently, she has been involved for six-plus years with her boss at her bank and a 12-year-younger man who has since become employed at the bank; she met the younger man at a night class when he was a student and they have a rather different connection between them, that seems more like a mom-son sexual relationship but not biologically related. She occasionally sees a local biology teacher she met from his online personals ad. Those three have feelings for my wife as she does for them, and she finds fucking them more exciting and satisfying than short-term hookups.

Judging from many posts at this website, her preferences aren't for everyone but it works for us and her guys. We are all different in many ways, so the choices depend on what a wife considers best for her.

~ Des

[SmallHubbyTexas]

My wife wants more than just sex. They are not bulls, they are boyfriends. At first I was unsure of how to feel about this, but now I am fine with this. This doesn’t surprise me, my wife never seemed like the one night stand type. She is enjoying herself and I am enjoying it too, so everything is good.

[LongTermHubby]

My wife has had sex with a number of men over the years while traveling on business. Mostly, they were sometime colleagues whom she already knew before sleeping with them. The pandemic changed all that. For the last 18 months, she has been seeing a man who is local to us. It is safe to say their relationship has deepened to the point where it is "more than just sex."

[Des 31]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

I think that's the norm for wives fucking other men. My wife has established emotional bonds with most men she has been with for an extended time. It wasn't an intentional goal; it just happens over time. We have been in this for about seven years, and she has learned all her extramarital relationships have an expiration date, something like the warranty on a kitchen appliance. Both men and women move away, get married or engaged, or just move on to someone else when the sex becomes less exciting - as in many marriages.

But I haven't experienced any time in which she has said she intended to have that close a relationship at the outset. It just comes about after men and women are intimate with the other, talking about their feelings and intimately sharing a sexual relationship. I don't think that's a problem for most marriages that aren't otherwise troubled. (On the other hand, I dislike making sweeping statements like the foregoing as if it's some established, general truth. It works for us, but I suppose that doesn't mean it does for all.)

[Mkliny442015]

I think this is the way things evolve naturally. When my wife and I started doing this it was quick hookups or one night stands where I believe it satisfied our subconscious safety net. It’s a big step to have sex outside your marriage and once you take that plunge you are both silently afraid of it affecting your marriage so you avoid emotional connections. After awhile this gets boring, predictable and lacks substance. My wife has learned that the more of an emotional connection you have with a guy the better the sex becomes. I’ve seen the change in her recently, she has been dating the same guy for the past four months and they are becoming more exclusive. It’s not just about the sex, they have a real connection more like a boyfriend and girlfriend and I find it that much hotter. We feel much more secure and if feelings develop we are fine with that, she has learned to balance her love for me and feelings for a boyfriend.

[pixwellguy]

I think this is the way things evolve naturally.......It’s not just about the sex, they have a real connection more like a boyfriend and girlfriend and I find it that much hotter....

Isn't that crazy? That we cuckold husbands (some of us, anyway) should find it so much hotter when our wives become emotionally involved with another man?

Would love to hear from other men who are going down this path and enjoying it.

[Mkliny442015]

I think this is the way things evolve naturally.......It’s not just about the sex, they have a real connection more like a boyfriend and girlfriend and I find it that much hotter....

Isn't that crazy? That we cuckold husbands (some of us, anyway) should find it so much hotter when our wives become emotionally involved with another man?

Would love to hear from other men who are going down this path and enjoying it.

We consider ourselves stag/vixen and I could never get into the degradation or humiliation part of being a cuckold, although I find some aspects fitting into our lifestyle as we grow. For instance the first time she had sex with another man I was eager to reclaim her when she got home that night . Her inner thighs were all sticky and I put my finger inside of her and she was still warm being fucked just within the past hour, unfortunately she also had too much to drink and when she got home she ended up sick in the bathroom and I had to jerk off next to her. I got to experience what denial felt like and why it could be a turn on. For the next day I had to walk around with the knowledge I wasn’t the last man to fuck my wife as she went about her daily business knowing she just got laid the night before and so did the guy but I had to jerk off. It had a residual benefit and when I finally reclaimed her the next night it was more carnal.

Eventually I did get to experience the joy of fucking her right after she was fucked and to experience that warmth and feel of your wife’s freshly fucked pussy which is the cherry on top of the whole experience, but now I’m changing my preferences. She has been dating the same guy exclusively for about four months now and it’s becoming more of a real relationship. She is actually ready to take her next plunge and let him cum inside of her, this will be the first time another man will fuck her bareback since we have been married. Of course I want to really feel and experience sliding into her freshly fucked semen filled pussy but I also want to pull out and finish outside of her leaving only her boyfriends cum inside of her. Knowing she has another mans sperm and only another mans sperm inside of her has more mental erotica for me and I can cum in her days later when the thoughts drive me crazy and can’t take it anymore. I’ve experienced some of this in reclaim sex when I finish so quick she doesn’t cum, knowing I’m not the last guy to make her cum from sex also makes me want her more and brings out the primitive male in me.

Seeing her grow close to him emotionally makes me also feel like I’m fucking someone’s girlfriend so I think every stag has a little bull in them too. Watching him grow attached to her makes her all the more desirable to me. Their texts have gone from purely sexual to every day things and he is the first to tell her good things going on in his life just like she is a girlfriend. This lifestyle is so much more than just sex, it’s a constant residual state of eroticism.

[pixwellguy]

......but I also want to pull out and finish outside of her leaving only her boyfriends cum inside of her. Knowing she has another mans sperm and only another mans sperm inside of her has more mental erotica for me ......

Completely understand that mental state. It's hugely exciting for me when I'm allowed to return home after my wife and her lover have been together. She'll be completely dressed (only her lover is allowed to see her naked now), and looking very normal....except for the delight still in her eyes and the fact that her mind is still so obviously on him. When I hug her, I always think of the fact that his cum is deep in her body - deeper than I ever put mine - and that he is the ONLY man allowed to cum in her now.

Seeing her grow close to him emotionally makes me also feel like I’m fucking someone’s girlfriend so I think every stag has a little bull in them too. Watching him grow attached to her makes her all the more desirable to me. Their texts have gone from purely sexual to every day things and he is the first to tell her good things going on in his life just like she is a girlfriend. This lifestyle is so much more than just sex, it’s a constant residual state of eroticism.

Yes, that's it in a nutshell. They are far beyond being just "fuckbuddies" or FWB's. My wife now shares her life with her lover as much as she shares it with me.

[Christinebitg]

We consider ourselves stag/vixen and I could never get into the degradation or humiliation part of being a cuckold, although I find some aspects fitting into our lifestyle as we grow.

Cuckold relationships don't have to include degradation and humiliation of the cuckold. There are plenty of different ways you can do it.

That said, there's probably a gray fuzzy area between cuckolding and polyamory. Feel free to describe your relationship however you want to.

The things you described in what you posted can fit nicely into cuckoldry if you want to call it that. Things like "I'm not the last man to fuck my wife." And "His sperm is the only sperm inside her."

If you prefer to call it "stag and vixen," that's perfectly okay too. Or you can call it one thing, and she can call it something else. Whatever works for you.

[SSQ]

We consider ourselves stag/vixen and I could never get into the degradation or humiliation part of being a cuckold, although I find some aspects fitting into our lifestyle as we grow.

That said, there's probably a gray fuzzy area between cuckolding and polyamory. Feel free to describe your relationship however you want to.

I don't really see how the two of these are gray and fuzzy in any way. Cuckolding is a kink. Polyamory is a relationship orientation. They can overlap but they most certainly don't describe the same situation in my opinion.

[Christinebitg]

We consider ourselves stag/vixen and I could never get into the degradation or humiliation part of being a cuckold, although I find some aspects fitting into our lifestyle as we grow.

That said, there's probably a gray fuzzy area between cuckolding and polyamory. Feel free to describe your relationship however you want to.

I don't really see how the two of these are gray and fuzzy in any way. Cuckolding is a kink. Polyamory is a relationship orientation. They can overlap but they most certainly don't describe the same situation in my opinion.

I didnt say they're the same thing. I dont believe that they're the same thing.

[Minnhotwife]

I think this is the way things evolve naturally.......It’s not just about the sex, they have a real connection more like a boyfriend and girlfriend and I find it that much hotter....

Isn't that crazy? That we cuckold husbands (some of us, anyway) should find it so much hotter when our wives become emotionally involved with another man?

Would love to hear from other men who are going down this path and enjoying it.

Hi Pixwellguy and the OHW community.

You wanted to hear from other men who are experiencing this situation where the wives are becoming more emotionally involved with their lovers? Well here is our situation.

My wife had a few open marriage experiences but nothing too serious until last fall 2020. She met up with an old married co-worker from several years ago. I learned shortly after they started dating they had a mutual attraction when they worked together but never explored it. It wasn't a problem for me since I knew him and trusted my wife completely. But what happened kind of blew me away (sadly not that way ) They started hanging out at his house when his wife wasn't there and took it slowly in terms of sex but not in the emotional connection. They had a heavy emotional bond and it moved quickly towards polyamory and they were in love with each other. If not for my metamour's wife getting nervous and ending the relationship, they were headed towards some kind of poly relationship and fluid bonding at least. But they had to end it and it destroyed my wife for a long time (Cautionary tale about how poly can sneak up on you if you're not careful and it can really strain a marriage or LTR)

Fast forward to 2021. My wife and I decided to really open up our marriage and my sexy wife (see her pics on here) has had no shortage of dates, lovers, and sex (sometimes 2 dates in 1 day!!!) but only has found a few guys with an emotional connection. Of those, she is currently seeing 2 of them. While she hasn't used the word love yet, there is one guy who she is really comfortable with and has sex with several times a month. She wants' to have an overnight with another lover and told me she has a strong emotional bond with another man she sees every month or so but their schedule is hard to coordinated. This guy is in a poly marriage with a bisexual wife. My wife told me he also has strong emotional feelings for her too. He and his wife want to include her in a small polycule which I already consented to once my wife is there, too. This will also literally expose my wife to more bisexual women and hopefully bring her to explore more lesbian sex. So far my wife isn't ready to try it but has been completely waxing her pussy and she recently asked about a threesome. If you add in some alcohol, edibles, and a cabin up north, I think my wife's heterosexual wall will collapse. Again, be careful what you ask for and I am taking my own advice.

But the road to get here was filled with many arguments, discussions, hurt feelings, anxiety, jealousy, and hot sex talking about it!! My advice is not just communicate but go into this with the expectation of either poly or a strong emotional bond between your wife and her lovers.

[parklife]

You wanted to hear from other men who are experiencing this situation where the wives are becoming more emotionally involved with their lovers? Well here is our situation.

Reading your situation, there are elements that certainly ring thru our own.

My wife’s first serious FWB came with a lot of NRE and she did say she loved him and we did discuss the potential for moving towards something more involved. She had my consent but never really pursued it and their relationship ended for other reasons and she was crushed.

That first real experience taught her a lot about the process and a lot about keeping her wits about her in the face of NRE and the rush of excitement of a new relationship.

Now, she’s been seeing a FWB for the past year and he is also (and was prior to sex) one of her closest male friends. She insists she her feelings don’t approach anything like ‘love’ but that he does mean a lot to her and she knows when this all ends, she’ll be crushed again. So, she’s emotionally bonded but at the same time has it at arms length and isn’t getting caught up in that bonding. So, she’s definitely more than just the sex but with experience has learned how to balance it all within herself and with me.

[bubbajack]

In experience the phrase "just the sex" doesn't fully describe any actual experience we have ever had - well, except maybe one!

" ... Seeing her grow close to him emotionally makes me also feel like I’m fucking someone’s girlfriend so I think every stag has a little bull in them too." (My emphasis)

::twisted:

It's much more complicated, I'm sure - but I love fucking her "for us" after she has enjoyed letting some other attractive and interesting guy use her adventurous pussy -

[GoddessJ]

Though I don't think of my wife and I have any kind of poly marriage -- if that's the right term for it -- it is always nice to see a place on this website where people routinely talk about the complex emotional issues of bringing another man into a marriage.

My first exposure to the risks involved in a plural relationship came in college when I lived in a group house where a married couple invited a man to share their room (and bed) with them. The wife was a very sweet and kind person, but the tension between the two guys grew so bad that it totally poisoned the atmosphere of the house (especially after a series of violent arguments erupted between them).

That experience, and others, didn't leave me feeling that a woman loving two men inevitably leads toa disaster, but it did confirm my belief that, unless you're totally committed to that kind of marriage, a couple needs to maintain their own space apart from the other guy.

In our case, as I've said, I accept that my wife is one of those people who is able to love two men simultaneously, if differently. Clearly, the guys she's had (and has) feelings for are able to give her something emotionally that I can't. However, that doesn't mean that the love she and I share is any less authentic or important. Instead, we think the idea that a husband can be all things to his wife isn't very realistic. For instance, if I'm in a crabby mood, I'm glad that there's another man my wife is able to get on the phone and talk about her day with. Similarly, I'm relieved that I don't have sole and exclusive responsibility for fulfilling all my wife's sexual needs. I'm a dud when it comes to intercourse and I'm glad that from time to time she goes to bed with men who aren't -- along with it being a huge turn on for me, it releases some pressure that would otherwise be there.

Obviously, not every wife is capable of operating the way my wife does. I admire her ability to sort out her feelings. She's never been a "one man woman." But I'm pretty sure I couldn't deal with it if I had to be around the other men. That's why I regard it as a part of my wife's life that's hers alone. Anyway, it works for us.

I can complete appreciate your remarks and wanted to add my thoughts to yours. I find it very satisfying and fulfilling to be in love with two men at the same time. The basis and experiences with each man is different, the feeling of love whilst the same, brings different tones to the word depending on which man I am referring to. My husband will always be my husband and my lover may lover, I adore both, have different motivators for each, but love them both. Fortunately one is an Alpha male and the other a beta male, both strong, both resilient and reliable, just with different needs that jointly fulfill my needs. It can be a challenge balancing both, but frank open conversation, fair actions and affection demonstrates to them both that they are equally important to me.