Hotwives who want more than just the sex

[zorro]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

[mdcucked]

Almost all the guys my wife has slept with since we've been married are men she's still fond of. In one case it's more than fond. She's had sex with men she doesn't feel any connection with, but it usually leaves her feeling a bit empty.

[Mrs_Temptabo]

Agreed. I'm looking for friend with benefits. If there isn't at least a basic affection it leaves me feeling empty. But I wouldn't call it poly.

[hotwifeluvr]

My wife says it most likely wouldn't have happened, at least the first time, if she hadn't felt the connection with her friend as a friend. That made her feel comfortable, plus she didn't feel like he was pushing for or expecting sex from her, really didn't think it was going to happen until it did.

Now she says she wishes she had a lover closer to us geographically, and has mentioned a few guys she has met while shopping. These are men she doesn't know at all at this point. Yet I think that before it happens with anyone, she would have to feel that it wasn't simply a fuck. Not poly, not love, just doesn't want to feel like a sperm receptacle.

[geoffrya]

It does happen I know from personal experience in our early encounters, howevr its not a problem any more for either of us and believe we are closer and more secure now. but Ihave to say there are certain lover of my wifes have very close relationships with her

[Mia]

I agree with pretty much what everyone has said. I think that for many women (maybe most, I don't know), having a deeper connection than "just sex" is something they often need. I think this is true even though these same women may also have "just sex" encounters which are satisfying on their own merits (gang bangs; "moresomes" at parties, even a certain number of random encounters, like on trips, from time to time).

Poly aside, I think the friends or pals with benefits situation is something women in particular often need. There seems to be a balance inside each women between the needs for "connectedness" and "randomness." When a woman's emotional "balance" requirements are met, then she feels fulfilled and happy. I think this is true for most hotwives--including those who are poly. I know this is true for me. (Another way of saying this is: poly isn't always about love. )

However, since a poly lifestyle most often enters into the realms of real love (though there are exceptions, especially with partners in multi-partner relationships who are not that emotionally connected to some of the other partners), it's something many people neither can do nor do they want to do. As a good friend said to me recently, they're monamorists (loving, or wanting to love, only one person), but sexually, they live an open lifestyle, and for them, this is optimum.

And I am all for whatever makes people feel optimum.

[LakeDistrictCouple]

After my wife fell in love with her now ex lover, she says any new lover she takes must be open to the idea that they will eventually fall in love with each other.

She told me when we first started out in this lifestyle that she would never fall in love because it may endanger our marriage. Once she discovered that I could live with her loving someone else as well as me, she said that is what she wants again but in a stable and understanding three way relationship.

We are in the process of (negotiating) with a wonderful man who wants to live with us in a poly type relationship. Her dream is coming true!

[mdcucked]

Though I don't think of my wife and I have any kind of poly marriage -- if that's the right term for it -- it is always nice to see a place on this website where people routinely talk about the complex emotional issues of bringing another man into a marriage.

My first exposure to the risks involved in a plural relationship came in college when I lived in a group house where a married couple invited a man to share their room (and bed) with them. The wife was a very sweet and kind person, but the tension between the two guys grew so bad that it totally poisoned the atmosphere of the house (especially after a series of violent arguments erupted between them).

That experience, and others, didn't leave me feeling that a woman loving two men inevitably leads toa disaster, but it did confirm my belief that, unless you're totally committed to that kind of marriage, a couple needs to maintain their own space apart from the other guy.

In our case, as I've said, I accept that my wife is one of those people who is able to love two men simultaneously, if differently. Clearly, the guys she's had (and has) feelings for are able to give her something emotionally that I can't. However, that doesn't mean that the love she and I share is any less authentic or important. Instead, we think the idea that a husband can be all things to his wife isn't very realistic. For instance, if I'm in a crabby mood, I'm glad that there's another man my wife is able to get on the phone and talk about her day with. Similarly, I'm relieved that I don't have sole and exclusive responsibility for fulfilling all my wife's sexual needs. I'm a dud when it comes to intercourse and I'm glad that from time to time she goes to bed with men who aren't -- along with it being a huge turn on for me, it releases some pressure that would otherwise be there.

Obviously, not every wife is capable of operating the way my wife does. I admire her ability to sort out her feelings. She's never been a "one man woman." But I'm pretty sure I couldn't deal with it if I had to be around the other men. That's why I regard it as a part of my wife's life that's hers alone. Anyway, it works for us.

[Mia]

Once she discovered that I could live with her loving someone else as well as me, she said that is what she wants again but in a stable and understanding three way relationship.

We are in the process of (negotiating) with a wonderful man who wants to live with us in a poly type relationship. Her dream is coming true!

I love living poly, and I hope this works out for all three of you. Please let us know how things proceed.

My best wishes to you all,

Mia

[Mia]

...it is always nice to see a place on this website where people routinely talk about the complex emotional issues of bringing another man into a marriage.

My feelings as well, md!

My first exposure to the risks involved in a plural relationship came in college when I lived in a group house where a married couple invited a man to share their room (and bed) with them. The wife was a very sweet and kind person, but the tension between the two guys grew so bad that it totally poisoned the atmosphere of the house (especially after a series of violent arguments erupted between them).

That experience, and others, didn't leave me feeling that a woman loving two men inevitably leads toa disaster, but it did confirm my belief that, unless you're totally committed to that kind of marriage, a couple needs to maintain their own space apart from the other guy.

My feeling is that in most circumstances, each couple needs to have their own "space" which is theirs alone. This isn't always true because some people involved in poly relationships have significantly different needs and motivations, and what they are looking for doesn't need, and sometimes doesn't even want, that kind of two-person dyad within the overall, larger relationship.

Real world poly relationships are incredibly diverse, and the people who are in them sometimes have enormously different needs from what most people consider the norm; it is because of this that those relationships function so well: they're meeting the actual needs and desires of actual people. This is also something that people work their way into, step by step. Everyone has dreams and visions of what they would ideally like to happen, but once a poly relationship has begun, those wishes often change, and many times in ways that none of them would have imagined possible, but all are extremely happy about when they occur.

Poly life is often an amazing adventure into the unknown, hopefully in very safe and comforting circumstances, which no one is able to fully foresee before it begins.

Instead, we think the idea that a husband can be all things to his wife isn't very realistic. For instance, if I'm in a crabby mood, I'm glad that there's another man my wife is able to get on the phone and talk about her day with.

This works on all levels. In a live-in relationship, for example, there's always someone to go to the concert or film you want to see but one of your partners doesn't. There's always at least one person who can take up the slack when someone gets sick or is facing serious life challenges. There's always someone to babysit, someone who can pick up groceries for dinner, someone who can get the important package to the post office for shipping even if the person who needs it shipped has to work. There are immense practical and often emotional benefits to having three adults in the family. As someone who has lived most of their adult life in three-person relationships, but is now living in a male/female dyad that gives every appearance to the neighbors of being "conventional" , both of us miss having three adults in the family.

But I'm pretty sure I couldn't deal with it if I had to be around the other men. That's why I regard it as a part of my wife's life that's hers alone. Anyway, it works for us.

Poly relationships are not necessarily live-in ones (in fact, most are not). Whatever works for you and for her and for whoever she is involved with is what poly life is all about.

And it sounds to me like you and your wife have this very much the way it ought to be for you.

[LakeDistrictCouple]

This is directed to Mia - Thank you for your thoughts. We have only read forums like this to gleam some insights to a lifestyle that contains three adults living together.

Obviously when three people are discussing the practicalities of setting up such an arrangement we are all enthusiastic and very, very positive about the whole thing. When the reality exists there will undoubtedly be difficulties, difficulties we don't perceive yet. It would be really helpful Mia if you would be willing to illuminate some of your experiences to help us avoid potential mistakes right from the start. These could be communicated here or privatly via email if you were willing to help us?

Thanks

R & L

[Mia]

This is directed to Mia - Thank you for your thoughts. We have only read forums like this to gleam some insights to a lifestyle that contains three adults living together.

Obviously when three people are discussing the practicalities of setting up such an arrangement we are all enthusiastic and very, very positive about the whole thing. When the reality exists there will undoubtedly be difficulties, difficulties we don't perceive yet. It would be really helpful Mia if you would be willing to illuminate some of your experiences to help us avoid potential mistakes right from the start. These could be communicated here or privatly via email if you were willing to help us?

Thanks

R & L

In my two long-term MFM Vees (with me as the "pivot," which means: I had sex with both men but they did not have sex with each other), we really didn't have all that many difficulties...or maybe a much better way of saying would be that the ones we did have, we worked through pretty efficiently, and without any kind of human (or kitty cat! ) harm.

In each case, the three of us were all dealing with people who were being honest and open with each other. Nothing important was being withheld, and there was a very long three-person "courtship" in each case, so going in we all knew what sorts of difficulties we were likely to face.

Each Vee happened step-by-step and over a longish period of time so there was no radical change in any of our lives by the time we all shared the same legal address. As that initial process unfolded, all the important information about finances, etc. was being disclosed, also in a step-by-step way.

In my first Vee, the man involved was substantially younger than I am and he was completing the educational part of his life. Because of this, my husband and I bought a second home out of state, in the town where the other man lived, though my husband never lived there and was in that place only once. While the other man finished his education, he and I lived in that second home, and when he was not at school, he and I lived with my husband in my home state. Because he was still a student, the finances were simplified and we took care of the legalities (Powers of Attorney, Durable Health Care Powers of Attorney, etc.) as wisdom indicated during that period of time.

I caution anyone who is going into a new relationship to be very careful about "taking care of the legalities," and this is meant both in a positive and in a negative way. There is a balance here, and it needs to be heeded or you could find yourself in a great deal of long-lasting devastation if something goes very wrong (such as: the third person has ulterior motives or is otherwise untrustworthy).

Powers of Attorney can be restricted to specific actions, or they can be "general." I recommend beginning with restrictive Powers of Attorney: the third person has signature authority in this case or in that case, but in no other situation. (I actually used several Powers of Attorney when someone granted me temporary custody of their children, so I would have the authority to get the children needed medical treatment or whatever else they needed, and in one case, so I could take their minor children across international borders and to another country for a trip.)

General Powers of Attorney give that person all the same legal authority over you and your assets as you have, so this should NEVER be done unless and until all parties KNOW they can trust each other! This may well take a great deal of time: more than two years in the case of both my first Vee and my second.

So far as finances went, we started out with everything as it was before the expanded relationship began and then, step by step, began mingling things. For me, in my first Vee, it was a joint checking account in the town where that man and I lived. Throughout both of my Vees, vehicles were titled or retitled according to outer realities like insurance complications, tax consequences, etc. (In my second Vee, the man has substantial vision problems which he was born with and his driver's license had always been restricted to him driving only between sunrise and sunset. Because of this, the three of us began minging vehicles almost immediately after we moved in together because it greatly simplified insurance matters.)

For both of my Vees, tax and inheritance complications were taken into consideration as the need arose: buying a house, buying a new car, etc.

I want to emphasize that both I and my husband could totally trust both of the men with whom I was involved in poly relationships, and we still can totally trust both of those men to this moment. For example: right now, I would have no hesitation whatever having either of those men decide when and if to "pull the plug" on my life. The same can be said for financial matters as well. Both men were and are totally trustworthy. (I pick poly partners well! ).

But for others who are contemplating poly relationships, the necessary prerequisite to this is that you must pick partners worthy of being granted access to your most intimate legal realities and assets. If you grant someone who is untrustworthy signature power over your financial, legal, and actual biological life, you are in danger of not only losing everything you have ever had up to this point, but you can be plunged into an unbelievable nightmare that could possibly last for all the rest of your life. Be wise and be careful.

Never ever grant a poly partner this kind of power unless and until they have proved themselves to be absolutely totally trustworthy and working for your best interests.

It is not necessary to mingle finances beyond a certain minimal point: financially and legally, you always have the option of having a poly partner be, from a legal and financial standpoint, nothing more than a housemate (assuming you all live together). In many poly relationships, this would probably be the preferable option and, in fact, in the majority of poly relationship I know about, this is the way it is.

In my case, both of the "other men" were considered--by all three of us--to be husbands of mine. For us, especially after a number of years of living together as a family, "spouse power" was what felt right and just.

This varies according to the people involved. Even in the best poly relationships outside of my own, the partners may never rise to this level of responsibility and commitment. Be exceedingly cautious before you grant access or sign away your own power over your own life (or your spouse's). Or power over your finances. Or anything which could possibly impact your credit rating.

I think this is getting too long now so I'm going to bring it to a close. Thanks LakeDistrictCouple...you've pointed out some things that needed to be discussed and I am grateful.

Mia

EDITED TO ADD:

I was just informed by a reader on this board who is an attorney that my words might be construed as me attempting to practice law without a license. I had no such intent. I do think that people who are contemplating poly relationships, and most especially live-in poly relationships, need to be aware of possible legal and financial considerations and pitfalls.

Toward this end, I suggest that, if and when poly relationships begin to enter the areas where the financial and legal areas of life become germane, that anyone considering this check into the information and publications of Nolo Press http://www.nolopress.com. I have used a variety of Nolo Press publications for many years and have found them to be excellent in every way: they are frequently revised, are easy to read and understand, are authoritative, and they do a good job covering the laws of the different states. Regarding poly relationships, I particularly recommend Nolo's Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples, as well as their books on Power of Attorney, Wills and Estate Planning, and Trusts of various kinds.

And although I never did it, it would probably also be in order for anyone thinking about a live-in poly relationship to at least consult with an attorney in your area who is experienced in dealing with people whose lifestyles (particularly their sexual lifestyles) are outside the norm. (In alt sexuality lists of recommended professionals, these are sometimes described as "kink friendly" or "kink aware.") This is probably extremely wise if pregnancy during the poly relationship could occur. (This was never a consideration for me since I had my tubes tied when I was in my very early twenties.)

I just Googled "kink friendly professional" and "kink aware professional" and I found the results most interesting. At the very least, this is a place to start.

[LakeDistrictCouple]

Mia - Thank you so much for all the effort you put into writing all of that information. Our strategy is to take it step by step and grow into it. We have not done this in this form before and don't want to make any huge mistakes. To date my wife has had a couple of lovers outside our marriage and it is with one of these lovers that we would like to set up a joint home.

We have pretty well agreed that for an undetermined period of time we shall keep our individual assets separate. We shall rent a home initially and divide up things like living costs proportionately. I am older than my wife but her lover is of a similar age and they have discussed having children together therefore this is an area that will have to be dealt with carefully and your comments on children and legal crossover was useful and thought provoking, thank you.

In you Vee, did your husband have a higher status than your other partners? This seems to be something that we have spent some time thinking about. Equality is easy to say but how easy is it in a true vee relationship?

So many questions and I guess in the end the solutions will all become obvious when we actually start the step by step process.

Once again, thank you so much for your experiences.

R&L

[Mia]

We have pretty well agreed that for an undetermined period of time we shall keep our individual assets separate. We shall rent a home initially and divide up things like living costs proportionately.

This is a very good way of doing it! And I like your use of the word "proportionately." In my first Vee, since my other partner was a student, there was no way he could have carried an equal percentage of the financial cost of my husband's and my lifestyle at that time. So proportionately, for us, meant him adding what he could to the family financial assets (buying groceries when he could, etc.) and him taking on a bit more of the practical responsibilities of householding than would otherwise have been the case. This worked for us--and this same approach also worked with the man in my second Vee, who had a full-time job in his field, but whose income was substantially different than my husband's and mine at that time.

We easily figured out what was fair for everyone (it's obvious in real life), we made constant adjustments as life unfolded for the three of us, and this approach worked very well.

In you Vee, did your husband have a higher status than your other partners? This seems to be something that we have spent some time thinking about. Equality is easy to say but how easy is it in a true vee relationship?

"Equality" can be a fluidly changing thing according to the needs of particular situations and the strengths and weaknesses of the people who are involved in them. In both of my Vees, we figured out pretty quickly who was superior to who in what.

For example: my husband is the world's worst when it comes to practical household matters. If you tell him something is on the top shelf on the right, he will always reflexively go to the bottom shelf on the left; if you tell him he must not touch a live electrical wire, he will immediately reach out his hand to touch it! And NEVER trust his road directions!

On the other hand, my O.S.O. is one of the world's best when it comes to anything practical. If he can't yet do something, or doesn't know how to do something, then he finds out how to do it, and then he just does it. Poof! It's done! This kind of specialization also carries over into many other aspects of life: finances and financial strategy, major decisions like choosing real estate, information about health, diet and nutrition...

In our families, we went with whoever was best in whatever it was. When joint decisions were being made, everyone had their say, and we finally went with whatever the three of us agreed was best once we had everyone's input.

So my experience is that everyone has higher status, depending on the situation at hand. In my experience, it's a constantly moving process where each of us got to shine, and where, on other occasions, we each took subordinate roles if that was the common sense thing to do at that time. But regardless of whether we were temporarily leading or temporarily following, each of us got our full say all of the time. We all felt we were being listened to and respected, and we felt this pretty much all the time. (A few misunderstandings here and there, but once these were identified, we then just dealt with them.)

This is a most important thing to talk about, LakeDistrictCouple. Thank you very much for bringing this up.

[Creampuff_Wife]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

All I can say, is that for me, it depends upon the 'other men' in question. Some I'm naturally more deeply attracted/attached to...and then there are those whom I like fucking, but can't get away from fast enough after sex.

[Jonnyinsa]

Every wife I've ever been with was looking for, or wanted, more than just sex. It's in the female psyche. It turns me on a lot too. For one, it makes the experience more intense for the wife, but especially for her husband. It's like taking away the safety nets. It raises the "stakes" and gives them more to dwell on. Since I'm not looking to steal anyone's wife (especially someone who trusted me enough to let me be there in the first place), it's safe to do with me. The idea that there is more than just lust in her eyes when she looks at me and they are getting more turned on by that makes me hotter too.

[Curioushubby99]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

My wife has fucked guys simply for sex but always wants and hopes for more. As a minimum she must be physically attracted to them and like their personality. Obviousrly she also hopes they will be good in bed, and that they will want to meet again.

Her preference is for long term relationships where the the sex gets better and better and the guy becomes more like a lover or boyfriend. There will be little gifts such as flowers or paying for meals, the intimacy and passion will increase, and eventually there will be solo meets and unprotected sex. When it reaches this stage we are both very happy and never has it ever felt a threat to our marriage.

[Minnhotwife]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

My wife has fucked guys simply for sex but always wants and hopes for more. As a minimum she must be physically attracted to them and like their personality. Obviousrly she also hopes they will be good in bed, and that they will want to meet again.

Her preference is for long term relationships where the the sex gets better and better and the guy becomes more like a lover or boyfriend. There will be little gifts such as flowers or paying for meals, the intimacy and passion will increase, and eventually there will be solo meets and unprotected sex. When it reaches this stage we are both very happy and never has it ever felt a threat to our marriage.

Thanks for this reply and for sharing your story. This was just what I needed to hear!

My wife is dating and having sex with a few men right now and has talked about how she really wants an emotional connection besides the physical one. It’s a little hard for me to be honest as my wife seeks deeper intimacy with one of her lovers who has been and is poly. One isn’t an option for anything deeper and the third is still up in the air. Nothing firm yet.

The potential poly lover sounds like he might be okay meeting me if they go that route. . Not sure if I am onboard with it but who knows. It depends on how my wife and I are connecting sexually, too.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated on or offline, please. Thanks.

[cuckoldcpl4fun13]

I only want long term relationships with people period. Having sex is good for an orgasm but the best sex I have ever had was when I had a connection with my lovers. I have said this before, my lovers become boyfriends and when they do, I open up to doing much more for them then just getting them off. We can explore their fantasies, enjoy trips, hang out all night, etc and the comfort allows for us to truly enjoy the bond that we form. Plus, we learn each other's bodies, likes and how to groove together in bed. Yes sex is good but without a connection I prefer a dildo since I can make it get me off much faster than sex with somebody I have no interest in.

On top of that, I like being vocal in bed, not loud or yelling but talking as we are having sex. Being more than a one time sex toy allows for sex talk that just sets me off. I have had boyfriends that could get me off in less than 5 mins because we were so in tune with each other and it was EXPLOSIVE. After that first orgasm my body was shaking with multiple orgasm until he had his orgasm. I know there is a certain ego trip tied to being with another man's wife but imagine being able to make her feel that way? haha, anyway, just my two cents.

[Minnhotwife]

I only want long term relationships with people period. Having sex is good for an orgasm but the best sex I have ever had was when I had a connection with my lovers. I have said this before, my lovers become boyfriends and when they do, I open up to doing much more for them then just getting them off. We can explore their fantasies, enjoy trips, hang out all night, etc and the comfort allows for us to truly enjoy the bond that we form. Plus, we learn each other's bodies, likes and how to groove together in bed. Yes sex is good but without a connection I prefer a dildo since I can make it get me off much faster than sex with somebody I have no interest in.

On top of that, I like being vocal in bed, not loud or yelling but talking as we are having sex. Being more than a one time sex toy allows for sex talk that just sets me off. I have had boyfriends that could get me off in less than 5 mins because we were so in tune with each other and it was EXPLOSIVE. After that first orgasm my body was shaking with multiple orgasm until he had his orgasm. I know there is a certain ego trip tied to being with another man's wife but imagine being able to make her feel that way? haha, anyway, just my two cents.

Thank you for this reply!! It really helps me understand why my wife wants to have longer term lovers.

We’ll see how it goes over the next few months. And I actually am happy my wife is having these intense erotic connections with other guys.She’s told me plenty about how good some of these guys are when they are together.

[cuckoldcpl4fun13]

I only want long term relationships with people period. Having sex is good for an orgasm but the best sex I have ever had was when I had a connection with my lovers. I have said this before, my lovers become boyfriends and when they do, I open up to doing much more for them then just getting them off. We can explore their fantasies, enjoy trips, hang out all night, etc and the comfort allows for us to truly enjoy the bond that we form. Plus, we learn each other's bodies, likes and how to groove together in bed. Yes sex is good but without a connection I prefer a dildo since I can make it get me off much faster than sex with somebody I have no interest in.

On top of that, I like being vocal in bed, not loud or yelling but talking as we are having sex. Being more than a one time sex toy allows for sex talk that just sets me off. I have had boyfriends that could get me off in less than 5 mins because we were so in tune with each other and it was EXPLOSIVE. After that first orgasm my body was shaking with multiple orgasm until he had his orgasm. I know there is a certain ego trip tied to being with another man's wife but imagine being able to make her feel that way? haha, anyway, just my two cents.

Thank you for this reply!! It really helps me understand why my wife wants to have longer term lovers.

We’ll see how it goes over the next few months. And I actually am happy my wife is having these intense erotic connections with other guys.She’s told me plenty about how good some of these guys are when they are together.

You are most welcome. Good luck in your journey.

[Minnhotwife]

How many hotwives out there have found that after a while just having sex with other men is not enough and they want to have deeper, more emotional relationships with other men than hubby? In other words, for how many want more than just the sex?

Thanks for this thread zorro! I'm finding this to be true in our situation. My wife is seeking out more emotional bonds with her boyfriends. Even mentioned poly in a recent discussion.

Your signature is also becoming true for us as well. Have a great holiday weekend.

[CU4A2on1]

My wife connects differently based on the man. She has two long term sexual partners. One is an old college fuck buddy. In college they never dated, just studied, hung out, and had sex. She’s continued that type of sex when we approached him with this lifestyle. They are truly friends that just like to fuck eachother. Doesn’t hurt that he has a huge cock that gives her very different sensations than with me. I’m always welcome to join or watch on webcams to join their fun. He does get to go bare with her and cum inside her but that’s largely because she gets off on that mental piece of knowing he couldn’t hold back.

Her other partner is more of a lover, but she’s not in love with him. Their sex is more sensual, intense, and seeing them together it clearly is two people making love to eachother. She has let me join for a threesome before and I watch on occasion but the vast majority of their sex is just them with no interaction or interruptions from me. She says it allows her to kind of suspend the reality of being a mom and a wife and truly connect with him. He also is bare with her and cums inside but more because she enjoys that level of bonding with him. He is actually smaller than me in cock size but she fully enjoys the loving pleasure he gives her.

[anonymister1948]

I only want long term relationships with people period. Having sex is good for an orgasm but the best sex I have ever had was when I had a connection with my lovers. I have said this before, my lovers become boyfriends and when they do, I open up to doing much more for them then just getting them off. We can explore their fantasies, enjoy trips, hang out all night, etc and the comfort allows for us to truly enjoy the bond that we form. Plus, we learn each other's bodies, likes and how to groove together in bed. Yes sex is good but without a connection I prefer a dildo since I can make it get me off much faster than sex with somebody I have no interest in.

On top of that, I like being vocal in bed, not loud or yelling but talking as we are having sex. Being more than a one time sex toy allows for sex talk that just sets me off. I have had boyfriends that could get me off in less than 5 mins because we were so in tune with each other and it was EXPLOSIVE. After that first orgasm my body was shaking with multiple orgasm until he had his orgasm. I know there is a certain ego trip tied to being with another man's wife but imagine being able to make her feel that way? haha, anyway, just my two cents.

Thank you for this reply!! It really helps me understand why my wife wants to have longer term lovers.

We’ll see how it goes over the next few months. And I actually am happy my wife is having these intense erotic connections with other guys.She’s told me plenty about how good some of these guys are when they are together.

How much about polyamory have you researched? There are many forms. Since this other man practices poly, what does HE want? His needs are as important as yours. He will become an equal partner to you in many ways. I suggest you spend some time in the FAQ section in the r/polyamory sub-Reddit before making this decision. You could easily get in over your head in a hurry.

[Minnhotwife]

My wife connects differently based on the man. She has two long term sexual partners. One is an old college fuck buddy. In college they never dated, just studied, hung out, and had sex. She’s continued that type of sex when we approached him with this lifestyle. They are truly friends that just like to fuck eachother. Doesn’t hurt that he has a huge cock that gives her very different sensations than with me. I’m always welcome to join or watch on webcams to join their fun. He does get to go bare with her and cum inside her but that’s largely because she gets off on that mental piece of knowing he couldn’t hold back.

Her other partner is more of a lover, but she’s not in love with him. Their sex is more sensual, intense, and seeing them together it clearly is two people making love to eachother. She has let me join for a threesome before and I watch on occasion but the vast majority of their sex is just them with no interaction or interruptions from me. She says it allows her to kind of suspend the reality of being a mom and a wife and truly connect with him. He also is bare with her and cums inside but more because she enjoys that level of bonding with him. He is actually smaller than me in cock size but she fully enjoys the loving pleasure he gives her.

Hi CU4a2on1! Thank you for this informant insight! We are talking about many of the same topics and interests. My wife also brought up the getting away from being seen mainly as a mom. You’ve really helped me out! Thanks and have a fun weekend.