How did your vixen overcome feeling uncomfortable with her sexuality?

[Gulfcpl]

Some women, and men, always see themselves as unworthy or insufficient. My wife is very fit, works out at least 5 days a week. Through her eyes, she sees herself as fat, her words, not mine certainly. My wife is 65 years old and never ever has had a complaint or been shamed by any of the men with whom she’s been. She goes to swing parties alone and is usually the one to instigate action.

Most men aren’t looking for the perfect female specimen, whatever that is. They look for women that exude confidence, are comfortable in their own skin and are enthusiastic. You can take the most beautiful woman on the planet, plug in whatever Hollywood female star you wish, and they probably think they are ugly, fat or just not really that beautiful. I think most men, unless they are complete jerks, see the beauty in women, and it’s not necessarily always physical.

My advice is to keep encouraging her. Remind her how sexy she is. Tell her that dress is really flattering on her. Simple things to let her know how desirable she is.

We learned a long time ago that everyone is not attracted to everyone. It’s a fact of life. If this happens, move on down the road. The wonderful experience is right around the corner.

[Mr Stag]

Some women, and men, always see themselves as unworthy or insufficient. My wife is very fit, works out at least 5 days a week. Through her eyes, she sees herself as fat, her words, not mine certainly.

Very few of us are happy with the way we look. Possibly, no one is. All mirrors are magical, as we can never see ourselves in them. Think about this: you are walking down the street and some stranger looks you over, possibly because he or she thinks that you were a fellow classmate long ago. In that 10 second careful scan, the stranger has a nearly infinitely better impression of what you actually look like, as you have never seen yourself walking ahead of yourself, so you have no idea what your back looks like in motion. Nor do you really know what your profile looks like; and even you face is not really known to you, as you always prepare your face before looking into a mirror. For example, have you ever stood in a tailor's three-sided mirror, which shows you your front and both sides at once? Or have you ever come upon a mirror by accident, before you could prepare the face you want to see? As Eliot put it:

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet. ​

If so, wasn't odd that you barely recognized yourself?

Women and most men usually see themselves as too fat. For example, I once had a girlfriend with perfect breasts, who was in the top 0.1% attractive people and had even appeared in Playboy magazine, yet she thought she belonged in the bottom 25%. She decided that she was getting grossly out of shape, so she enrolled in a female fitness class for the embarrassingly fat. She showed up in her spandex outfit, looking absolutely amazing. The instructress pulls her outside and said, "I know that this class's time might fit in your schedule, but you cannot be part of it, as your presence would profoundly depress all the other women."

She argued that she was in fact grossly overweight, whereupon the instructress replied, "Listen honey, if I stopped eating for a month and exercised 8 hours a day for a year, I could never look as good as you do now."

The interesting exception is male body-builders, who see themselves as too skinny. I used to be a gym rat, who dutifully visited the gym every other day for years in a row. Early on, I decided that I needed goals. One goal was to get muscular legs, as others had commented on my skinny legs when young. So, I went to work, hard work; but at the end of a year and half worth of effort, I had little to show. One day, I saw in the mirror the reflection of a guy doing the same exercise I was doing, but he looked great, having just the right amount of bulk and high definition, looking muscular, but not muscle-bound. My God, I wish I looked like him, my disappointment with my own legs never greater.

In fact, I did look like him. He was me.

I hadn't realized that I was seeing my reflection bounced around by a few mirrors. One of the few times I saw myself cleaning, without my mental overlay of prejudice and disappointment.

In short, having never really seen ourselves, we make poor judges of what would makes us more attractive.

[TomG]

Thank you gulfcpl and Mr Stag for the thoughtful replies.

I don't have issues with how I physically look, it's my sexuality that can make me feel bad about myself. It's true--the judging really isn't helpful and we judge ourselves too much. I find when I'm around people who are comfortable with stag vixen then I don't feel judge-y judged or shame, it's in an interaction when someone's not into that (and my brain overworking). Also, I think once I havea few / some consistent interactions with a primary partner living this out I'll become more accepting.

I think that's the ticket right there, Shysubvixen. When you're around people who are okay with a stag/vixen relationship, you don't feel judged. And you're also right in that if you find someone who also wants and likes this arrangement, they'll not only be accepting, but make you feel like a million dollars. Sincerely hoping you find that!

[armyguyot1]

You need to relax Shysubvixen. Personality is every bit as important as appearance. You sound like you are holding off having sex looking for the right set up. You need to treat it more like wine tasting. Enjoy it. There is no bad sex just good sex and better. If a woman relaxes and allows herself to really enjoy and climax it makes sex much better for the man. Men love it when a woman cums and the harder the better. The more the better. When one cums so hard she squirts or produces female cum it makes it even better but that takes relaxing and enjoy and participating. Most men love good head and if they can't give good head boot em. Men on this forum realize that sex is like excersise and the more you use it the better it gets so use it and enjoy it. Some of us thought sex with other men ruined a pussy when we were young and full of testosterone only to realize how wrong we were in later life. Stags love sex and want a vixen that does also. They don't want the silly chase games of early years, they want to enjoy a woman and have her enjoy him. A lot. It's hard to win the lottery without buying a ticket. Play the game and enjoy playing. It's about fun.

[Johnann2227]

We started dating when I was 19 and Ann was 18. When we were 21 and 20 we had our first unplanned swinging event when we were camping with friends of ours. There was a lot of alcohol involved, strip poker was played and Ann and I ended up shagging next to Troy and Jenny in their 4 person tent. During the session Jenny started touching Ann and that led to us all touching and eventually swapping partners. The next morning while nursing hangovers we sheepishly chatted with our friends about that was unexpected etc. They told us that they had been swinging for a year and really enjoyed it. We hadn't even heard of swinging. Jenny asked Ann if she enjoyed what had happened. Ann said she loved it. Jenny's attitude was well don't overthink it. For them it was all about fun and sex and also a way for Jenny to enjoy her bisexuality. Love had nothing to do with it. All that week we talked about it and found that neither of us had felt jealous and had actually really enjoyed watching each other with someone else. So we began swinging with Troy and Jenny most weekends. They then introduced us to couples they had met and took us to a swingers club in Sydney. We loved it! Ann was never self conscious fucking another guy because she knew it turned me on. The next step was her fucking guys on girls' nights out. She would come home horny and tell me how a hot guy had chatted her up and tried to take her home. My reaction was, "Did you want to go home with him?" She said yes so my answer was "Why didn't you then?" This lead to a lot of discussion and us starting our open marriage. The only feeling of insecurity Ann felt at the start of our journey was coming to terms that she was bisexual. I said after a party that she was bi and she got defensive and denied it. I said that at each party she has girls go down on her and she does the same. She blamed this behaviour on too much alcohol and being horny in the moment. I didn't push it. After about 2 years she admitted she was bisexual and has since dated numerous women over the years. She believed that there was no stigma fucking other guys as it was just sex. It didn't change who she was. Admitting to herself that she was actually bisexual was hard.

[Mr Stag]

Thank you gulfcpl and Mr Stag for the thoughtful replies.

I don't have issues with how I physically look, it's my sexuality that can make me feel bad about myself. It's true--the judging really isn't helpful and we judge ourselves too much. I find when I'm around people who are comfortable with stag vixen then I don't feel judge-y judged or shame, it's in an interaction when someone's not into that (and my brain overworking). Also, I think once I havea few / some consistent interactions with a primary partner living this out I'll become more accepting.

I have seen super attractive men and women falter in the presence of others. I have also seen people—not that attractive—shine brightly. Attitude made the biggest difference. Here is an example, I knew a guy in his 30s who was a loser at dating. One day he signed a contract with big Japanese company for use of his patent. He calculated that he would be receiving checks for $50,000 a month. He gave away all his clothes and bought a new wardrobe. He strutted about in public. He told me he had to be careful not to settle for too little in dating, as he was now a major catch. Women were, to my amazement, now attracted to him, in spite of his aloof new manner—perhaps precisely because of it. (It turned out that his checks were closer to $5,000, and his ego ego deflated by the same percentage.)

But what makes women sexier? I have been lucky enough enough to have dated many extremely attractive females. (A friend once looked through my collection of previous girlfriends and commented, "Damn, it's like I am looking at a model agency book of models.") Well, quite a few either were or had been models. One stands out.

All my male friends were super jealous of me, as she was the sexiest woman I have ever dated, not the tallest or the loveliest or the cutest, but certainly the sexiest. My gay friend, Robert, who was an antique dealer, became ultra-hetero in her presence. (I understand the same thing when happened the otherwise gay Stephen Fry met Rowan Atkinson's wife.) Some of you might have seen pictures of her, as in her early 20s, she was a model whose pictures appeared in many national magazines. When we were together she was in her late 30s and still turned heads.

Okay, she looked great, but what was the real source of her intense sexiness? I intently observed her interactions with my friends and strangers and I discovered what it was. She was brave. She looked you right in the eyes, unflinchingly. She was bold and self-assured. She was never defensive. A life-long conservative, she never viewed herself as any sort of victim. We were once in a comedy club and the comedian was being hissed. He stammered out, "Think this is easy, do ya? Well, you come up here and try to make people laugh."

More booing.

She got up and went onto the stage and took his microphone. She went to funny description of all the stand-up comics she had seen, how they always talked about air travel and stupid things such as toothpaste. She got wild applauds and returned to our table. She turned to me and said, "That was something I have always wanted to do, but no one had ever asked me to do it."

Self-confidence, good posture, and nice clothes make for a desirable encounter.

[Iwatchherplay]

Nothing improves and builds confidence in a woman more than knowing she has made a man horny to have sex with her.

It's not automatic. Flirting is the first step. A smile goes a long way.

[Tank Turner]

I was wondering if stags or vixens could answer how their vixen overcame shame and feelings of being unworthy / uncomfortable with her sexuality? Maybe through a lot of talking and reassurance?

Did you ever have an experience where a rejection scenario caused her to stop pursuing being a vixen? If yes, how did you break through the block.

I understand plenty of folks into this don't have shame, but some take years or decades to share their desires with their spouse. If you were someone who did this, would you go back and share sooner? What have you done to help reduce your shame and embarrassment?

Hi Shysubvixen,

You should never sense shame or embarrassment. Sex is merely a physical act. There is no shame in experiencing physical euphoria.

My wife is 100% comfortable with her femininity. She has the most sexual confidence of any woman I have ever been with. She has an endocrine abnormality that is not uncommon. When her endocrine system releases an abundance of testosterone, she'll become sexually insatiable. She craves orgasmic euphoria. Sex is normal and natural for her. She knows the difference between sex for euphoric pleasure and sex and an expression of love.

If you're uncomfortable enjoy euphoric sex without an emotional commitment, you should abstain. If you enjoy letting your hair down and intensive sexual euphoria without emotional entanglements, enjoy your femininity and sexuality. There has to be a reason women have the only organ (clitoris) on the human body that has the only purpose of producing sexual euphoria.

[CaliLondon]

I was wondering if stags or vixens could answer how their vixen overcame shame and feelings of being unworthy / uncomfortable with her sexuality? Maybe through a lot of talking and reassurance?

Did you ever have an experience where a rejection scenario caused her to stop pursuing being a vixen? If yes, how did you break through the block.

I understand plenty of folks into this don't have shame, but some take years or decades to share their desires with their spouse. If you were someone who did this, would you go back and share sooner? What have you done to help reduce your shame and embarrassment?

Hi Shysubvixen,

You should never sense shame or embarrassment. Sex is merely a physical act. There is no shame in experiencing physical euphoria.

My wife is 100% comfortable with her femininity. She has the most sexual confidence of any woman I have ever been with. She has an endocrine abnormality that is not uncommon. When her endocrine system releases an abundance of testosterone, she'll become sexually insatiable. She craves orgasmic euphoria. Sex is normal and natural for her. She knows the difference between sex for euphoric pleasure and sex and an expression of love.

If you're uncomfortable enjoy euphoric sex without an emotional commitment, you should abstain. If you enjoy letting your hair down and intensive sexual euphoria without emotional entanglements, enjoy your femininity and sexuality. There has to be a reason women have the only organ (clitoris) on the human body that has the only purpose of producing sexual euphoria.

Tank, what you're saying is what we have found as well.

[Tank Turner]

Hi CaliLondon,

Thank you for your info.

Until I found this site while researching sexual habits of mature women, I did not know what a hot wife was.

We have to protect our anonymity. We cannot risk our kids finding out that their angelic mom is a porn star. Hence, we do not discuss our intimate lives with anyone. Only three people we know are aware of my wife's sexual explorations; 2 are her girlfriends who are far more advanced than my wife, and my wife's sister. I've never told anyone about my wife's sexual experiences. That's why I'm naive about HW'ing.

I have admiration and respect for women with sexual confidence. Women who explore limits of their sexuality have to have sexual confidence.

I've admired porn stars since I saw my first porn film. That was in my late teens. I found their sexual confidence to be a complete turn on to the point of fantasizing about marrying a porn star. My wife assured me that I did in fact marry a porn star, albeit not a professional porn star.

[Natatude]

I still haven’t overcame it, I am a curvy lady with big breast and my husband thinks I am the most sexy beautiful woman that ever walked the face of the earth and I don’t see it! I have multiple men I have spoke with and dated and they all agree with my husband and I still can’t see it! So I get nervous and hold back I know more than I should, so I need help a well!

[Her number1]

I still haven’t overcame it, I am a curvy lady with big breast and my husband thinks I am the most sexy beautiful woman that ever walked the face of the earth and I don’t see it! I have multiple men I have spoke with and dated and they all agree with my husband and I still can’t see it! So I get nervous and hold back I know more than I should, so I need help a well!

Not completely related to this thread, but sort of.

I want to thank you for posting in the open forums. I enjoy your comments and those of all the VHWs.
It's easy to see why you're part of a very special group!

[70sstag]

For my wife it was attending a swing club and meeting other smart, professional ladies living non-monogamous lifestyles. This normalized things for her, and she’s gradually opened up from there.

[Vixenhotwifelou]

I struggled with this a little at the start - when we were still just discussing it and before we'd taken our first steps. I was worried of society's view of a"slutty" woman, the judgement etc.
Behind closed doors my hubby and I have always just accepted I'm promiscuous, have a huge appetite for sex, am "slutty" and we've used that word positively for years.

I think the turning point for me came when I realised that in order to judge people would have to know what I was doing.......and as I had no intention of telling people then how would anyone be able to judge? The only people who know are me, my hubby and the men I meet (usually from a lifestyle site) who are mostly either in the lifestyle or have a very relaxed attitude to sex. As they're all like-minded, I'm happy to say I've got over my preconceived idea that I'd be judged and am happily, proudly even, embracing my inner slut and sharing her with select people!

[Mgcouplemn]

Guess I am lucky, I'm not big and when I fuck it doesn't take long before I cum. I do however had the opportunity to be a swinger with my wife, going to swinger parties, orgy's, and wife swapping. During some of the orgies, the women gave us men real live sessions on pussy licking the way women like it. The teachings were live and they taught us well.

My vixen/wife was there every time, she never was shy, uncomfortable, or embarrassed about being naked or fucking in front of me or others, we both love sex in any term. We love sharing what we have for bodies, I'm not interested in fucking other women, but love masturbating while watching my wife having sex, my wife loves looking at me while she is being banged.

[CaliLondon]

We've been with our playmate now six times and each time keeps getting better. My wife (55) has always been uncomfortable with her body although I find it perfect. The first time with our MFM play, Neil was so good, talented and giving, she was positive I had paid for his services. She finds taking a couple puffs of cannabis helps considerably - not enough to get stoned, just enough to relax and to get her mind to shut-up so she can enjoy the moment.

[Fredposer2017]

I think nearly everyone deals with that not just shared wives. Jennifer is BBW in the truest sense. Beautiful face and a voluptuous full body that looks great in and out of clothes. The number of men that have complemented her on her beauty, her breasts, belly and ass -- not to mention getting rock hard when they see her nude hasn't reassured her that she is golden as she is. I have to remind her that these men desire her and exhaust themselves fucking her because she is a BBW.

[SRKnight]

I think nearly everyone deals with that not just shared wives. Jennifer is BBW in the truest sense. Beautiful face and a voluptuous full body that looks great in and out of clothes. The number of men that have complemented her on her beauty, her breasts, belly and ass -- not to mention getting rock hard when they see her nude hasn't reassured her that she is golden as she is. I have to remind her that these men desire her and exhaust themselves fucking her because she is a BBW.

This sounds like my HW, Mandy. Despite having a LTR with an ex boyfriend (Todd) and many other men over the last 12 years, she still thinks everyone views her as a BBW. Even though men beg she will never be truly confident in her body. Of course once sex starts it is a completely different woman.

Now that Todd, who used to live five hours away,has moved 10 minutes away I think she may be more confident though.

[CaliLondon]

Honestly, cannabis.

[Breakerhymen]

I still haven’t overcame it, I am a curvy lady with big breast and my husband thinks I am the most sexy beautiful woman that ever walked the face of the earth and I don’t see it! I have multiple men I have spoke with and dated and they all agree with my husband and I still can’t see it! So I get nervous and hold back I know more than I should, so I need help a well!

I am sure this is all in your mind…..you should embrace yourself wholly….you are a wonderul sexual being who seems to be reasonably comfortable in the LS

[tiedyeHotwife]

This may seem a bit odd - but its really working for me.

I've never felt "sexy". Never comfortable.

A few months ago, while my husband was out of town - he got the idea of trying camming on AFF.
I wore a covid mask - showed my tits. SUPER fun. Loved all the comments from men.
Kind of a rush to have over 100 guys hot for my naked boobs.

So we've continued this game.
Can't express the rush I got the first time I did my makeup and spent an hour, full face, full body live camming.
Sexy outfits, toys are now all part of it and I've never felt sexier or been more comfortable enjoying sexual attention from men.

Now when I go out, I have zero issues dressing sexy and showing a lot more cleavage. I mean, how could I have issues after 1000 guys have all enjoyed the view and been nothing but complimentary?

just some thoughts ......

[Mumfred]

A few months ago, while my husband was out of town - he got the idea of trying camming on AFF.
I wore a covid mask - showed my tits. SUPER fun. Loved all the comments from men.
Kind of a rush to have over 100 guys hot for my naked boobs.

If you don't mind me asking. How does the camming work on AFF? Do you cam 1 on 1 or in front of many?

My wife has gone on DirtyRoulette but doesn't like that it sometimes bounces you to the next person without anyone clicking.

[tiedyeHotwife]

AFF and Chaturbate are what I've played around with.
Its 1 to many.

Oddly all the comments in the chats have been super flattering and very respectful! (and super sexy).

Lately I've been buying new outfits - and just stay on cam for an hour - then I'll text my husband that I'm on and once I see him watching, I go full naked and toy play.
Never in a million years would I have thought I'd do something like this or love it so much.
Total sexual introvert turned into my sexy/slutty alter ego.

[Mumfred]

Lately I've been buying new outfits - and just stay on cam for an hour - then I'll text my husband that I'm on and once I see him watching, I go full naked and toy play.
Never in a million years would I have thought I'd do something like this or love it so much.
Total sexual introvert turned into my sexy/slutty alter ego.

I’m so glad you are having fun I love it when my wife does it.

I’ve looked at Chaturbate but they require the broadcaster to send a copy of your driver’s license. I’m don’t know if we would be ready to so that.