New to this, shamed for limits, WTF?

[RickSouthFlorida]

This is my wife's idea, and I'm trying to make it happen, but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

The fact that I am open to my wife dating/sleeping with other men is probably more than most husbands would be comfortable with, but guess not?

And its not that my wife is going to go without oral, not at all, I'm just not ok with another man doing it.

My other limits is that I'm not ok with my wife meeting or communicating with another man without me.

[kaskap79]

It is yours and your wife's life, so you together set the rules.

Don't care what anybody else think.

[trecital]

but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

Hmm, sounds like you are new to this 'internet forum/social media' type thing

Not wanting to sound flippant, but, unfortunately, other people telling you what you should and shouldn't do, is about par for the course. I'm afraid you are going to have to get used to it. But I agree with you, it's pretty irritating.

If those are your rules, then so be it. They don't seem too harsh to me.
I found that seeing another man kissing my wife was strangely difficult to handle, at first, even though I had no great problem with seeing him stick his dick in her pussy! Far from it, I was nearly begging him to do it!
Not sure why you find the 'oral' to be a problem. But, if you do, you do.
And probably quite wise to want to be present.

Over time you will probably find you can relax those rules.

Only other thing I'd say is, make sure your wife sets any rules she thinks are pertinent too.

Good luck, and hope things work out for you.

[steel4u0987]

If you dont appreciate what other people opinions are then stop posting in public forums.

[WatchinginNJ]

This is my wife's idea, and I'm trying to make it happen, but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

The fact that I am open to my wife dating/sleeping with other men is probably more than most husbands would be comfortable with, but guess not?

And its not that my wife is going to go without oral, not at all, I'm just not ok with another man doing it.

My other limits is that I'm not ok with my wife meeting or communicating with another man without me.

I'll give you some advice from a sometimes cranky and jaded long timer.

Use it as your superpower.

These aren't your boundaries to be broken, it's their boundaries to either respect or get rejected.

You'll find very quickly that dick is free and because of that it is unlimited, albeit quantity not quality. So use your boundaries as a filtering method. If you're using a profile, state it upfront and clearly. Then use it as a filtering method. The moment someone asks how "firm" you are, or blatantly ignores it, reject and kick them to the curb. I personally use a few filters in my profiles when I'm active (I'm a single male looking) that if I don't see right away, I don't even read the message.

When I meet couples, I almost always assume I'm talking to the husband. Developing your profile with this in mind is not a problem either. So don't take these criticisms of your style as negative, take it as information. People are revealing themselves to you and making it easier.

[Very Hot Wife]

It's your game, make your own rules.

When Becky started having sex with other guys, I didn't want them sucking on her nipples. Yep, that's right.

Happy for her and him to be naked in bed all night and for him to shag her bareback. As long as he didn't suck her nipples..!

Sounds crazy doesn't it, but those were the rules.

That quickly fell by the wayside, but my point is that however silly your limits appear, they are there for a reason so just go with it.

[trecital]

When Becky started having sex with other guys, I didn't want them sucking on her nipples.....

.......my point is that however silly your limits appear, they are there for a reason so just go with it.

Can't help but ask......what were your reasons?
And were you present all the time? Otherwise, how were you able to know if that rule wasn't being broken?

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

In my experience, rules such as the ones you’ve stated (no oral on her, no kissing) are somewhat difficult to enforce “in the moment.”

What I mean to say is that sex among two consenting people tends to take on its own trajectory. For example, my wife’s boyfriend used to have a strict rule for no husband/boyfriend touching. He absolutely drew the line very early at me touching him, especially his dick or balls, because he did not want to explore that side of himself. (He’s somewhat “old school,” and felt it would lead to “homo stuff” that he was not ready to “confront.”) (Nevermind that homosexuality and homoeroticism is a state of mind and existence, not some action that one person does to another.) I’m sure you get the point.

But in the course of our many threesomes with her, there was a lot of accidental or coincidental touching that neither of us expected. Switching positions and moving around….his dick might accidentally rub along my thigh as he gets into place between her legs. And how would he suddenly reconcile that she wanted to try stuffing both our dicks into her mouth simultaneously as we stood next to each other? (We never DVP’d her. She’s terrified of what that would do to her.) And then there are the dozens of times a rope of cum spurts and haphazardly flies through the air to land….well…..wherever it happens to land….sometimes on her, but dripping onto him as she continues to ride him.

I’m sorry to be so graphic for a post that does not really demand it, but I think you get the idea. As the saying goes: The devil’s in the details.

You have these rules for you and your wife. They are good and reasonable rules, too. But there are people like myself here, on OHW, who wonder how you’ll handle a “rule violation” because of the very natural way that sex REALLY happens between two (or three, or four, or ten) people. Believe me, my wife’s boyfriend didn’t ever imagine that he’d have another man’s cum dripping onto his chest while the woman who’s bouncing on his dick is having her own orgasm…….but, hell yes, he sure got used to it very quickly, and it didn’t seem like the big deal he initially thought it would be.

How will you fare?

So…..He started to let h

[Statein88]

This is my wife's idea, and I'm trying to make it happen, but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

The fact that I am open to my wife dating/sleeping with other men is probably more than most husbands would be comfortable with, but guess not?

And its not that my wife is going to go without oral, not at all, I'm just not ok with another man doing it.

My other limits is that I'm not ok with my wife meeting or communicating with another man without me.

You guys get to decide what’s okay and what’s not, no one else. I think you should prepare for some rules to be taken right to the edge, but don’t feel bad for having your own convictions and boundaries.

While the wife/GF is the center of attention in this LS, and rightfully so, folks often forget the husband or BF is giving up exclusivity with his lady. So while he might be getting pleasure from that, he’s also losing something. And I think it’s fair to allow for him to have some boundaries.

[zorro]

The Fundamental Rule should be that each couple decides what will work for them as a couple. If it is legal, anything can go, if the couple agree. And that issue of legality can have fuzzy boundaries: Over the years some couples here indulge in pseudo-rape when the wife is intensely aroused by a rape fantasy and with her husband's approval and sometimes involvement, enact a non-consensual sex scene that both the wife and the HWH want.

On a more common level, setting limits on permissible sex with others is the usual for a couple. Over the years, though, we hear of couples who start with a strict no-no that goes away when the temptations and discoveries of real-life play make the participants aware that more may actually have some appeal. Sometimes what is initially a taboo becomes an erotic stimulant due to the human tendency to be aroused by forbidden activities. And just the process of relaxing into the process of on-going sexual exploration. As biological beings, we have the capacity to do all kinds of sexual things; social conditioning or personal insecurities or personal tastes can and usually do constrain that pansexuality.

So, my counsel would be to start with what you and your wife want to do. And be open to the possibility that over time either or both of you may want more. Sometimes that comes up in the context of playing with a more assertive extra guy, especially if the wife (or husband) also has some sub traits and wishes to please him.

Congratulations on going down this often thrilling path!

[warmnsalty]

Guys that won’t respect a couples rules are guys that aren’t worth having. The only limit Mrs has is no cum in her mouth or on her face anything and everything else is fair game. I’ve been 3rd for a lot of no kissing couples / didn’t like it / i love kissing but alway respected their boundries. My first communication with a couple
is always “you set the rules, I’m there to help where I can”. Keep looking you’ll find a guy who will be more than happy to follow your rules. Ignore the assholes and have fun.

[kort677]

screw what anyone says, it is your relationship, you do as you feel it right. for me one of the most important things is open communication between you and your wife. there must be talks about boundaries, what each person wants from the relationships and respect for each others needs. you do what you feel is right for you, end of story!

[Very Hot Wife]

When Becky started having sex with other guys, I didn't want them sucking on her nipples.....

.......my point is that however silly your limits appear, they are there for a reason so just go with it.

Can't help but ask......what were your reasons?
And were you present all the time? Otherwise, how were you able to know if that rule wasn't being broken?

Reasons...? Not sure to be honest..!

Irrational thinking I suppose. It's the same as me being happy for her to put her tongue on his dick. Or to have his bare dick in her pussy and to cum inside her. But not happy if he kissed her on the lips..!

It just seemed too personal, in a way that many of us find difficult to explain.

At that time we hadn't considered solo meets, which has now become the norm.

So I was present for all the early meets. Even if I hadn't, I would trust Becky to do her best to keep to our agreed limits, as she still does today.

[trecital]

Irrational thinking I suppose. It's the same as me being happy for her to put her tongue on his dick. Or to have his bare dick in her pussy and to cum inside her. But not happy if he kissed her on the lips..!

It just seemed too personal, in a way that many of us find difficult to explain.

I wouldn't say that your thinking is irrational.
I know, to someone outside of hotwifing/cuckolding, that it can seem somewhat irrational that a husband can be ok with her wife being fucked by another man (even encouraging it), and yet be intolerant of her kissing with him.
But, these are people who don't understand the 'lifestyle' at all.
I had similar reservations to you, at the beginning. I was very encouraging of her to go fuck her boyfriend. And I assumed that their meet ups were pretty much just sexual. The first time I saw the two of them, at a party, deep snogging each other...... I can still remember that feeling. Shock, fear, but tinged with a big dollop of excitement.
Of course, I was naive to think that they wouldn't kiss. I knew how much my wife liked to kiss and snog with me. So I should have known she would want to do it with him. For her it was part and parcel of the sexual act. For me it was just a bit too personal, too 'lovey dovey'.
But I got used to it. Now it would seem odd if they didn't kiss when I watch them. Their sex would seem too 'transactional' without the kissing. Like he was treating her like a piece of meat. Now I want their fucking to look like two lovers, not to look just a bloke shooting his cum up her pussy.

I think the problem with kissing, and other less overtly sexual, more 'sensual' activities, is that they speak about love and affection, rather than sex.
And it brings up thoughts of her falling in love with him, and moving apart from you.

I think you have to also consider what your wife would like. Does she, like my wife, see kissing and suchlike, as an important part of lovemaking? If so, then you are at risk, by forbidding it, of reducing your wife's enjoyment, maybe to the point of her thinking that it's not enjoyable being a hot wife.

The 'no sucking her nipples' rule is, to my mind, somewhat odd. Perhaps this is something that you particularly enjoy. Maybe it's 'your thing', and you don't want it to be 'his thing' too. Maybe there's other issues around this. Some 'Freudian' aspect? (Ok, no need to discuss that one).

Anyway, you work out whatever rules are good for you.....and your wife. Just be prepared to change and adjust them as time goes on.

Have fun, and come back and tell us what's happening.

[Very Hot Wife]

The 'no sucking nipples' comment was mine, not the OP.

This rule was in our very early swinging days and like most people we've changed our outlook on things and now we have very few 'off limits' activities. If Becky is enjoying herself, I'm happy.

We both know that there is no risk to our relationship by her sleeping with other guys, so we can indulge ourselves with whatever takes our fancy.

Currently we enjoy the Hot Wife/Stag Vixen but also love meeting couples for sexy fun too.

Bareback fun has crept into our lives in the last few years so our tastes are still evolving.

[coastalkid]

This is my wife's idea, and I'm trying to make it happen, but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

The fact that I am open to my wife dating/sleeping with other men is probably more than most husbands would be comfortable with, but guess not?

And its not that my wife is going to go without oral, not at all, I'm just not ok with another man doing it.

My other limits is that I'm not ok with my wife meeting or communicating with another man without me.

Nobody seems to acknowledge how it factors in to your decision that it's your wife's idea and NOT yours. So many men here are so spellbound with their desire for a hot wife/cuckold lifestyle that they SEEM ready to give in to any and all restrictions/conditions. They are the ones that want it and they are biased because of that. Their opinions are tainted because they can not fathom NOT being the instigators.

If and when you read about a husband that initiates the conversation/desire. It is typically met by the wife with a lot of emotions and questions. You rarely (I mean Halley's Comet rare) read about a wife that just goes along with it from the git go with no objections or concerns or discussions. Yet, here there are a host of cheerleaders that advise husbands to do just that! When the situations are reversed why shouldn't it be the same for the husband?

If you aren't comfortable with it, why invite it into your life to cause more tension if it was intended to enhance your sex life in the first place? I don't completely disagree with other posts that say your rules will probably relax given time but that's telling you to ignore/suppress the concerns you have NOW. It probably wasn't as easy for them when they first started either. You should feel justified making your own conditions since this was something your wife asked for. Like a wannabe cuck, she should be grateful you're considering it.

[bowlerlb]

This is my wife's idea, and I'm trying to make it happen, but I do have to say that some people already in the lifestyle are quick to judge someone based on their limits.

I'm not ok with my wife kissing another man, I'm not ok with another man giving my wife oral, I didn't think this was such an unreasonable limit, but aparently it is.

The fact that I am open to my wife dating/sleeping with other men is probably more than most husbands would be comfortable with, but guess not?

And its not that my wife is going to go without oral, not at all, I'm just not ok with another man doing it.

My other limits is that I'm not ok with my wife meeting or communicating with another man without me.

My question is " Is your wife Ok with these rules." She may find it difficult to comply. Kissing is a natural part of love making and oral is a natural way of making sure her pussy is wet and ready for a cock to penetrate.

[Kranks71]

If this is the wife’s idea I am sure she would like some kissing and oral ?

[Outlaw]

Walk away. This really isn't for you

[isinlarsa]

You're free to do whatever is comfortable for you; but it sounds like you might be as happy with a dildo fucking your wife.

[semaj3001]

I would say when my wife and I first got into this, I had probably 50 plus rules. Very hard to follow and difficult for her. As time as passed and I became more comfortable, its become more about what rules she wants. Ultimately, it has to be what works for the 2 of you and no one else. I had my share initially of the internet trolls who probably never were in the LS but always had insulting opinions. I just ended up blocking them. Good luck to both of you. My only advice is to keep the lines of communication completely open between the two of you and make sure you are both getting something out of this. Good luck

[mandl4fun]

In the beginning my Vixen asked that I tell her potential bulls her likes and dislikes. As well as mine. We put limits on what they could and couldn’t due. As she got more comfortable she did more but still always had her dislikes so the bulls are told ahead of time their limits if they don’t agree to abide by them they don’t play plain and simple. That goes for both mine and hers. We are asking them to do this not them asking us.
So we see nothing wrong with setting limits boundary’s what ever you want to call it.
And have always been happy doing so as well as the bulls

[coastalkid]

Is there anyone here that sees this as a wannabe hot wife/cuckold husband just reversed? It's the wife asking for this not the husband. Shouldn't she have to jump through all the hoops to make it happen just like a wannabe husband would have to? Men accept all kinds of outrageous restrictions and make all kinds of concessions to make it happen. Why should it be different when a woman promotes the idea?

You often read about how a reluctant wife/gf readily admits that what she initially thought was way off after having a successful experience. If she wants the same results from her husband she's going to have to do the work.

[VwatchesK92]

I tend to agree with Coastal here. His wife should need to comply with all the rules or she should forget about it. He’s letting her have her cake and eat it too. As a wanna be myself, I have brought this kink up to my wife and have been met with roadblocks. She hasn’t even got to the ground rules part lol. Rick SF sure is in a lucky spot. Most, if not, all men in the wanna be section would trade their souls for their wives to bring it up first!

[JayR693]

As a "bull", or as I prefer "intimate guest", with couples for many decades, I always share the following when getting to know a new HW couple:
As a guest in your intimate world I will always make sure of the "ground rules" and never violate them, and if I ever do something either of you don't want me to do, simply tell me and I will graciously follow your instructions.

Jay in SW FL