Restart

[loving_hubby]

I'm pretty sure this is the true reality. To decide "what we are" seems like over analyzing and not really the point. Once a couple has broken down the communication and judgement barriers you define your own path together. Labels are constraining and come with stereotypes. I often joke about the ubiquitous cuckold path of less frequent sex, to restricted sex, to being cut off, to being in chastity, to becoming "pussy free", to pegging, to enjoying giving blowjobs to lovers/bulls. It seems more about conditioning than fulfillment.
[/quote]
I think labeling helps in a "searching for" situation. It at least narrows it down for both parties when trying to match up with someone. At least in our case, general guidelines or rules are probably more important. Knowing which areas and topics are hot, warm, or hard pass is a good start for avoiding any land mines that could appear. Even then, most people grow in one way or another with time and experience so rechecking with your partner is always a priority with us.

[Vin231]

Now I understand the chaos...LOL I think it was funny that the lady helping you know what was happening so you made sure you got the room so your wife could have a really good time. Thanks so much for sharing the fun. Sounds like a very HOT First time... Looking forward to hearing about all the other adventures with strangers and especially the friends.
Happy New Year

[loving_hubby]

Now I understand the chaos...LOL I think it was funny that the lady helping you know what was happening so you made sure you got the room so your wife could have a really good time. Thanks so much for sharing the fun. Sounds like a very HOT First time... Looking forward to hearing about all the other adventures with strangers and especially the friends.
Happy New Year

We still get a good laugh about the whole event. Especially mister yelly guy not getting a room even though he was some Hilton vip member or something. Just remembered, we also had an issue with the AC unit. I heard maids in the corridor and had one of them help us get it working. They were still doing clean up next door and probably heard my wife at some point!

[loving_hubby]

New Year thought:
Wifey has been getting to know several men through chat and phone. She's let them know in detail what she's looking for and how she'd like to be treated. Each has come through and explained how they'd fill the role(s) that she's looking for. How they love her personality and sexuality. Then each has promptly turned the ball over in the red zone.

One tried to say her feelings weren't valid over a life event. Arguing the term she used. Went on a long mansplaining rant. One came up with a whole page of rules for her to follow. Some of those rules were controlling her sexuality... the same sexuality traits the person loved about her! When the subject was brought up, he quickly backtracked and said those weren't needed. Just a couple of the conversations she's had that has left her bewildered. The common theme that has imploded each situation is how the men eventually came around and showed how they wanted to control her. She made it clear from the start, she can be submissive in situations but that is not a major role she identifies with. All of the men eventually went down the path where they'd want to hold power over her. The nurturing thoughts and ideas faded into the background. Asserting dominance always came to the forefront.

We've had some good discussions over everything. Learning more and more about herself and her discoveries. It's been a very up and down ride in a short time that is starting to frustrate her. The statement I have in my sig about stimulating the mind, is a strong identifier for both of us. If either of us are not engaged mentally, there's just not anything sexy about situations. We're going to table things for now and enjoy things in front of us for the start of the year. Anyway, here's Wonderwall by Oasis.

[loving_hubby]

So curious, one of wifey's criteria is being V-safe in hopes of a long term, regular relationship. There's been several 40s and 50s gentleman that would have been great possibilities but, none of them were v-safe. My question is, do middle age to older men not prefer to be v-safe while participating in the lifestyle? I know this isn't scientific but I would love to hear some views and personal opinions.

[leggysman]

None of the LS guys my wife has played with were, AFAIK. I'm snipped. One recent non-LS prospect was, but he didn't make the cut ( ) in other ways.

[loving_hubby]

None of the LS guys my wife has played with were, AFAIK. I'm snipped. One recent non-LS prospect was, but he didn't make the cut ( ) in other ways.

Hey thanks for chiming in. Do you remember around the ages of those guys?

[leggysman]

None of the LS guys my wife has played with were, AFAIK. I'm snipped. One recent non-LS prospect was, but he didn't make the cut ( ) in other ways.

Hey thanks for chiming in. Do you remember around the ages of those guys?

Mid to late 40s all, I believe, apart from one older guy I have no knowledge about. He may have been snipped too, but it was a condoms-only sort of one-off evening, and we never asked.

[loving_hubby]

Mid to late 40s all, I believe, apart from one older guy I have no knowledge about. He may have been snipped too, but it was a condoms-only sort of one-off evening, and we never asked.
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Again, thanks for chiming in. Much appreciated!

[happyfam71]

Great thread. Thanks for sharing. I too get distracted by all the labeling, and prefer the simple ethically non-monogamous umbrella. In my limited experience with this lifestyle, I've noticed that different partners bring out different aspects of our personalities so one label may fit better than another. Perhaps the label belongs on the relationships we develop with the new partner(s), and not on our marriage.

Just my two cents. Please keep us posted on your progress.

[coastalkid]

My wife began to have adverse reactions to her birth control prescription. Her skin got blotchy patches and her periods became irregular. At a point we had decided that we would not have any more children. She had taken on the burden of birth control for decades and I felt it was time for me to step up and carry my share of the burden. I decided to get a vasectomy. Her skin cleared up and her periods returned to a normal cycle. It really wasn't a big deal to us. I'm glad I did it, she's much happier now and that seems to be at the root of everyone's mantra of, "I'm just happy seeing her happy!"

[loving_hubby]

Great thread. Thanks for sharing. I too get distracted by all the labeling, and prefer the simple ethically non-monogamous umbrella. In my limited experience with this lifestyle, I've noticed that different partners bring out different aspects of our personalities so one label may fit better than another. Perhaps the label belongs on the relationships we develop with the new partner(s), and not on our marriage.

Just my two cents. Please keep us posted on your progress.

I am totally in favor of using ethical non-monogamous for our relationship. I think it's a wide net that covers how our relationship is. I definitely like your suggestion of relationship labels if any needed to be used. Each relationship is unique and different in it's own way. The only way to really describe it if you had to would be to explain the details to someone. I don't think a term would cover each one correctly.

[loving_hubby]

My wife began to have adverse reactions to her birth control prescription. Her skin got blotchy patches and her periods became irregular. At a point we had decided that we would not have any more children. She had taken on the burden of birth control for decades and I felt it was time for me to step up and carry my share of the burden. I decided to get a vasectomy. Her skin cleared up and her periods returned to a normal cycle. It really wasn't a big deal to us. I'm glad I did it, she's much happier now and that seems to be at the root of everyone's mantra of, "I'm just happy seeing her happy!"

Good on you for making a decision that would better your wife's health. I came into our relationship with already having a vasectomy so she was thrilled from the get go. Thanks for offering your personal perspective on the subject.

[loving_hubby]

I need to work on answering replies in one post. Sorry for the multiple comments. I'll figure it out one day. Anyway, wifey and I were discussing another term, demisexual.
Per the Cleveland Clinic:
"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population, most people who are demisexual rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

Most people in the general population can feel sexual attraction regardless of whether they form an emotional bond with someone. They may feel sexually attracted to strangers or to new people they meet. But people who are demisexual don’t feel this initial sexual attraction.

Forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee sexual attraction will develop, but the bond is necessary for them to even consider sexual activity. If they do develop a sexual attraction, the desire for sexual activity is often less intense."

Maybe through experience, age, or just a change of interests, she and I kind of operate under this label. Seeing a good looking person doesn't flip a switch to "I want that," like it used to. There has to be some sort of connection. Shared interest, hobby, or just stimulating conversation. Even though we're self-described introverted extroverts, social interaction is still something that makes us go.

Which brings me to interactions with suitors. Very many have fallen into the throwaway pile. No sincerity, nothing but surface layer thoughts, and dick pics. We're in 2025, what creativity is that when the first message wifey gets is a dick pic? How generic at this point. Then there are the few that send pics of the sky in their neighborhood or work, greenery/trees, flowers on their morning jog. The difference is like getting a hallmark card and flowers that were picked on the morning walk.

Just my Saturday thoughts after morning coffee with the missus. Have a great weekend, have fun, and be safe!

[Mrshappyfam74]

I need to work on answering replies in one post. Sorry for the multiple comments. I'll figure it out one day. Anyway, wifey and I were discussing another term, demisexual.
Per the Cleveland Clinic:
"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation. People who identify as demisexual only feel sexual attraction to someone after they’ve formed a strong emotional bond with them. Compared to the general population, most people who are demisexual rarely feel sexual attraction. Some have little to no interest in sexual activity.

Most people in the general population can feel sexual attraction regardless of whether they form an emotional bond with someone. They may feel sexually attracted to strangers or to new people they meet. But people who are demisexual don’t feel this initial sexual attraction.

Forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee sexual attraction will develop, but the bond is necessary for them to even consider sexual activity. If they do develop a sexual attraction, the desire for sexual activity is often less intense."

Maybe through experience, age, or just a change of interests, she and I kind of operate under this label. Seeing a good looking person doesn't flip a switch to "I want that," like it used to. There has to be some sort of connection. Shared interest, hobby, or just stimulating conversation. Even though we're self-described introverted extroverts, social interaction is still something that makes us go.

Which brings me to interactions with suitors. Very many have fallen into the throwaway pile. No sincerity, nothing but surface layer thoughts, and dick pics. We're in 2025, what creativity is that when the first message wifey gets is a dick pic? How generic at this point. Then there are the few that send pics of the sky in their neighborhood or work, greenery/trees, flowers on their morning jog. The difference is like getting a hallmark card and flowers that were picked on the morning walk.

Just my Saturday thoughts after morning coffee with the missus. Have a great weekend, have fun, and be safe!

Well said! Isn’t it funny? Sometimes we stumble across a term that perfectly encapsulates something we’ve been unable to describe previously. The irony that this is happening in a discussion which includes finding/shedding labels is making me smile. Enjoy your night

[loving_hubby]

Well said! Isn’t it funny? Sometimes we stumble across a term that perfectly encapsulates something we’ve been unable to describe previously. The irony that this is happening in a discussion which includes finding/shedding labels is making me smile. Enjoy your night

Thank you for letting me go on one! Have a great rest of your weekend!

[Mrshappyfam74]

Well said! Isn’t it funny? Sometimes we stumble across a term that perfectly encapsulates something we’ve been unable to describe previously. The irony that this is happening in a discussion which includes finding/shedding labels is making me smile. Enjoy your night

Thank you for letting me go on one! Have a great rest of your weekend!

I must confess, I hadn’t read the entirety of this thread when I initially commented. I’d like to add; “….center of attraction.” I see what you did there another thought on labels, I remember listening to a podcast… The Keys And Anklets, the host said you could ask 10 people to define a word or a concept like stag/vixen and you would get 12 different answers.

Your story sounds very similar. My drug of choice is also a Daddy Dom, I’m submissive by nature but, the quickest way to get me to NOT do something is to demand it

Thanks again for sharing

[loving_hubby]

I must confess, I hadn’t read the entirety of this thread when I initially commented. I’d like to add; “….center of attraction.” I see what you did there another thought on labels, I remember listening to a podcast… The Keys And Anklets, the host said you could ask 10 people to define a word or a concept like stag/vixen and you would get 12 different answers.

Your story sounds very similar. My drug of choice is also a Daddy Dom, I’m submissive by nature but, the quickest way to get me to NOT do something is to demand it

Thanks again for sharing
[/quote]
No confession needed! One could spend all day catching up on the different channels and threads here! Being this is our second go around in the lifestyle, I'd like to think we've both learned from our past. What works and what doesn't for us. Kinda falls in line with the 12 different answers for stag/vixen. I think we all have a general framework and then customize it to fit the relationship between husband/wife. Then, attach on to it the lover.

You and wifey sound exactly the same. Oh demand I act like that? Hello Brat season! The interactions with Daddy-Dom men has been something. If you ever want to trade notes feel free to message me.

Thank YOU for sharing your thoughts and insight from your perspective. Have a good Sunday!

[Mrshappyfam74]

I must confess, I hadn’t read the entirety of this thread when I initially commented. I’d like to add; “….center of attraction.” I see what you did there another thought on labels, I remember listening to a podcast… The Keys And Anklets, the host said you could ask 10 people to define a word or a concept like stag/vixen and you would get 12 different answers.

Your story sounds very similar. My drug of choice is also a Daddy Dom, I’m submissive by nature but, the quickest way to get me to NOT do something is to demand it

Thanks again for sharing

No confession needed! One could spend all day catching up on the different channels and threads here! Being this is our second go around in the lifestyle, I'd like to think we've both learned from our past. What works and what doesn't for us. Kinda falls in line with the 12 different answers for stag/vixen. I think we all have a general framework and then customize it to fit the relationship between husband/wife. Then, attach on to it the lover.

You and wifey sound exactly the same. Oh demand I act like that? Hello Brat season! The interactions with Daddy-Dom men has been something. If you ever want to trade notes feel free to message me.

Thank YOU for sharing your thoughts and insight from your perspective. Have a good Sunday!
[/quote]

I’m always up for discussing this lifestyle, and we certainly have a lot in common. Message incoming…if i can figure out how

[loving_hubby]

I’m always up for discussing this lifestyle, and we certainly have a lot in common. Message incoming…if i can figure out how

Good lawd I butchered that reply. I really need to remember to use the Preview button more.

Feel free to send!

[loving_hubby]

A midweek observation: Wifey has a list of check boxes that any suitor would have to be able to complete to be considered. A man that, to use a baseball metaphor, wasn't even in the minor leagues yet decides to message her. In it he picks out one thing on the checklist, being v-safe, and says he wishes he was so he could get with her?

We always have discussions about interactions through the internet. This falls in that typical one where said man, disregards everything she's about and zeroes in on the one thing that he's focused on. How disrespectful for one, and so conceited secondly to think your one item would seal the deal. Immediate block. Little did he know, he was the first local person that she even said "hi" to. The failure of men just has me laughing my ass off! I guess it's all or nothing? The rush to score ends up leaving them with nothing.

Anyway, I exaggerate with failure. She has met and talked with a couple men that continue to be genuine. One even knows that they will be nothing more than friends since each of their check boxes don't align. Good on him for seeing that there is worth to her friendship and continues having conversations with her. The others are at AA and AAA level. They're are getting a good look to see if everything matches up and are worthy of a call up to the majors.

Thanks for listening to my talk. I'll be here for awhile?