Holy crap this is hard!

[WPBCouplex]

You would never think it would be this hard meeting a real guy to play with the wife. We’ve been stood up twice this month alone and been ghosted on KIK a few times as well. The standing up took place when the “guy” said he had something to do. And the ghosting took place after just chatting a few times. I’m thinking of maybe taking her to a swingers club and maybe meeting someone that way. Any other advice? Any sites with more success?

Thanks!

[rabbit16]

Even harder as a bi couple. Dating and sex is hard. If things are to easy it can raise questions. And then how compatible everyone is even if a one night wam bam done deal you still need some attraction and there can be doubt with that to. And there is a lot of flakes as well. Couple near us backed out several times and they still are backing out on others on a forum all the time. Another couple we met with a few times nothing sexual and once I got with her and then they disappeared. People are just weird and flakey

[Wife4Guys]

Best for us pay sites like SLS (get some skin in the game), free stuff like doublelist you generally get what you pay for. After the initial contact, we sometimes as a couple sometimes, just him arrange a meet at a coffee shop or bar to vet the potential for attitude, green teeth etc. We are very clear initially we are doing MfM, he will be a guest with good manners, and how the first scene will go. No shows for us have been rare. No second chances for no shows, well then I just enjoy the beer then, NEXT. Don't get jerked around by the jerk off zombies, it's like trying to fix stupid.

[Farmgirl]

I do my hunting in person the ages-old way, I flirt. Online is filled with fakes and flakes in my experience.

[MarknSusan]

You live in south Florida so go down to Trapeze. We haven’t been in a long time but our lifestyle friends are regulars there and they enjoy the hotwife lifestyle. They also go to Defy and enjoy that too.

[WPBCouplex]

Thanks everyone

[Liese]

Hub and I find playmates at the local/regional lifestyle parties. Couples are always welcome, most parties have at least some solo guys around, and everyone at the party has it together enough to get to a lifestyle event. There's no obligation to do anything with anyone there, it's just a great opportunity to meet folks who are open to at least discussing sexual interests, compare desires and limits, see if there's overlap and attraction. If not, move on and talk to someone else.

We gave up on the 'net long ago for finding playmates. Too many fakes, flakes, weirdos and no shows.

And I agree that SLS is very helpful for us, to find the and sign up for events/parties that appeal to us.

[SilverStag]

Yup, finding guys that aren't all talk, or just trying too prove to themselves that they could if they wanted to is tough. Many talk the talk, but few walk the walk, and quality ones are even harder to locate.

As my HW, Cecil, says, "You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince".

If you just want to "Crack open the jar" by seeing her with another (and presuming she is on-board with that transactional event), then by all means go to a swinger club and chat up a couple who is willing to loan out the hubby to you. The old adage about fishing where the fish are located, holds true.

You may find one in the wild, but it can be a long, frustrating search.

Look into some specific searches. There is a group in Fla that I think calls themselves "The Good Guys" or something like that, which has as members guys who are experienced in being the HW date or the 3rd. They are vetted and trained in proper etiquette. There are also groups (like Front Porch Swingers) that put on hot wife events around the country where couples (and single ladies) can meet eligible, interested guys.

[WPBCouplex]

The Good Guys!? That sounds like some eyes wide shut stuff! LoL, thanks for the reply!

[SilverStag]

It may be The Good Fellows or Fellas, I can't recall...

[2inUPMichigan]

Screening is incredibly important online and asking a lot of questions so that you can weed out most of the fakes and flakes. I have been ghosted once but it was in retrospect partially my fault for ignoring some obvious signs that I would ordinary not have missed.

If you chat with someone (for the first time) on a Wednesday and make plans for a Friday I would think you would have more flakes than if you had a week or two of interactions. No time invested means if something else comes along there isn't much thought to changing plans.

I know that some guys are booked out in advance so if you are making plans on the spur of the moment you get whoever is available answering. Not necessarily the reliable guys who are in demand.

[katrinahotwife69]

Agreed. Many guys are all talk and poof. One guy seems like a great fit. But wifey likes the initial contact to be genuine. Told him it’s sure thing. Now it’s “she goes to the gym too early” or “it’s too far”. It’s a sure thing. If a 30 min drive and 5:30 not doable then that’s all we needed to know. She’s not the “hey girl, hmu” type. She invests a lot to look like she does and he can’t do that small of an effort?

[Des 31]

Farmgirl has good advice but if that's out of bounds for your wife, the easiest way to start is to place a personals ad for guys interested in fucking married women. That's how we began (but now, she meets guys in her day to day activities like Farmgirl.)

[gulfcpl]

Those of us that have been in this lifestyle for a long time know how frustrating finding good men is. I’m a man so I can say this: most men are morons when it comes to interacting with women. They talk a big talk but can’t complete the job. Some can’t even talk!

Paid sites and swing clubs are good because it sometimes weeds out the incompetent among us. Still, there are flakes and fakes even in these venues. We belong to a couple pay sites and block all free members. If they can’t pony up a little cash, they aren’t worth it and it many times is a clue that they are married and cheating. Some couples don’t care if the guy is cheating and that’s fine if their preference. We don’t care for that, but that is just us, no judgment on others.

My best advice, stick with it and be patient. Good ones are out there, there just aren’t many. When you do find a good one, it’s well worth the hunt.

[WPBCouplex]

Gulfcpl

Very well said! Thanks for the encouraging words.

[pixwellguy]

Those of us that have been in this lifestyle for a long time know how frustrating finding good men is. I’m a man so I can say this: most men are morons when it comes to interacting with women. They talk a big talk but can’t complete the job. Some can’t even talk!

^^^This.

Back when my wife was an active slut we must have contacted, and been contacted by, hundreds of men. We used both a paid adult dating service and Craigslist (back when it CL was a useful place). We considered ourselves fortunate if more than 1 or 2 out of every 20 men reached the point of a first date. Can't even begin to count up the number or times we've been ghosted after what seemed like a good start, or had a man bail out for that first date. My wife and I have always laughed about it...as in: "You'd think it would be so easy to give a guy some free, no-strings sex!"

It's certainly a lot easier now that my wife is faithful to one man (her lover)!

[Breakerhymen]

That’s what she said….

[hotwifesman]

i feel this so hard! my wife is a sexy little 26 year old that i treat as my queen! I'm a bit older and its like i hit the lottery! like why! oh well their loss!
much love everyone!!

[419Wife]

“It’s supposed to be hard, if it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.” Jimmy Dugan

Also, “Avoid the Clap”, that’s good advice.

[likesmoresomes]

I appreciate all the couple's relating to this. I wish we could find a few good men who enjoyed getting laid. We have been discouraged and stopped. We talk about the guys she slept with every once in awhile when we have sex but as far as getting back into the lifestyle hasn't happened. I truly enjoyed watching her have sex with other men. Maybe one day we might try again who knows.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum likesmoresomes. This will be a good start. We have a lot of members in your location. For a long time it was the largest number of new members. I started a thread encouraging people to get together. You might revive it and use that as a springboard.

[Iwatchherplay]

Our first experience was with someone we both knew and partied with many times. When I wanted to find someone new for her I posted on swinger forums. There was no shortage of men wanting to fuck my wife. No shortage of dick pics. I was excited of the biggest cocks I've seen that I could imagine going into my wife.

After many texts/emails and a meet and greet she had an experience with her first big porn star cock from someone we met through the forum. It was a one and done. It wasn't as satisfying for her as what I expected.

After that I quit looking on forums or dating sites. It was a lot of effort. We tried establishing ourselves at a bar, talking and getting to know people. She would purposely dress sexy. Men started flirting with her, in front of me, and she had her first time with someone we/she met at the bar.

After a few encounters she began to have a reputation as a "party girl". Men started to treat her like a "working" girl and began to be disrespectful. We had to move to a different bar.

A few of her playmates became friends to both of us. And from hanging out and going to parties together she had relations with new men just like it started in the beginning.

[sherulestherooster]

Flaky bulls is the reason my hotwife quit the lifestyle. She thought she found “the one”, a boyfriend type of candidate and played with him a few times and had a scenario worked out and letting me watch (finally!), but it turned out he too flaked, and lied to her about many things.

[CaliLondon]

When my first wife and I decided to take the plunge, we figured finding a guy would be a breeze. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our requirements weren't that extreme: a gentlemen, clean, no STDs, sense of humor, not pushy, if married his wife had to be 100% onboard - we had to know this for a fact - and weight more or less body proportional. His race, cock size, age, etc, we were very flexible with. In the end, it took about three years and by that time our interest had started to wane.

[Dutch]

Hi from Lakeland.

We have been in the lifestyle off and on for several years. We had an SLS account for a long time, but after awhile, we went through all the single guys and at the time we lived in the Phoenix area.

So we tried Craigslist. (They no longer allow lifestyle ads) Anyway, yeah, lots of flakes, but I managed to sort through what seemed like hundreds to get a few good guys.

Now we use Doublelist. Same results as Craigslist, hundreds to sort through, but she has a regular guys that she sees for the last 4 years. (In fact, we all went on a motorcycle ride this morning and out to breakfast and we came back to our house where him and the wife "enjoyed" each other for awhile.
We also found a younger black guy on Doublelist and we' had a couple of MFM threesomes, and now him and the wife enjoy each other alone. He leaves her quite horny and her regular white lover and myself enjoy the excess lust that she carries over. LOL.