Beginners in need of advise

[Carlas husband]

We have come this far: Carla had her first M&G date, which was quickly followed by a solo date. Then she had her second M&G, and a solo date with this guy is scheduled. Her third M&G date is also in her calendar.

She is over the moon excited. Her search, her dates, the fucking - all of it gives her so much satisfaction. She blossoms. Which is exactly what I hoped would happen.

Now here’s the thing.

The effect on me is that I am attracted to her like never before and want to fuck her over and over.
The effect on Carla is that she is mentally exhausted and needs some quiet time, where life is as it used to be and she can enjoy all the good stuff that has been given to her.

So we have ended up in the stereotypical situation where I want to fuck more than she does.

The good thing is that we still have an open and honest dialogue, also about this topic. I fully understand where she is and I do my best to be supportive, and the last thing I want to do is to put any kind of pressure on her. Carla acknowledges where I am and is sad about the “lust gap”.

We are looking for suggestions on how to progress from here.

[MartasBoy]

It's a risk of polyamorous relationships. Hopefully she can find the energy to share her time and passion to save some for you. The understanding that most people have in these kinds of relationships, is a pledge that you both must work to preserve your marital relationship and not let outside play threaten it.

Some couples take a break from outside play, from time to time, to reinvigorate the marital relationship and love life. A weekend romantic getaway from time to time can help. Now that you have begun, it might be a time for you to request a break while you renegotiate the terms. A time to talk about how it is going, how it is feeling, what you each have discovered about yourselves, and to reconnect to what is needed to preserve the marriage relationship and sex life.

[SilverStag]

We call this "The Kid in the Candy Store" phase. Everything is so new and exciting that it is easy to go overboard and play too much. If continued there will be a point of burnout, and everything will stop. Sounds as though she is hooked on the thrill and is trying to make sure she still grabs the guys, afraid it will end (hence the candy store kid grabbing more than they can eat). Once she realizes she doesn't have to worry about her supply of guys running out, she will calm herself a bit if she doesn't burn out first.

My suggestion is to "budget" playmate meet up time, say one a month, that gives you time to also be a couple and maintain yours as the primary relationship.

Open communication about your feelings is key to ensuring the balance required to sustain this lifestyle.

[mrdnrm]

I agree with both post above and have experienced a bit of both of those post. For us we are in our early sixties, married in 1989 and have been having a male join us since 2003. Everytime we do I have the tendency to go crazy with lust afterwards wanting more and more of what we just experienced, hence the kid in the candy shop effect.

When my wife was in her late thirties and early forties she was a crazy sex kitten and not only would want to go all night but do it a couple times a week. Now in our sixties once a month is good for her. Age and time plays a factor to all this as well as good health and self esteem.

Another issue we hit very early on was a lot of the men we met were much large and better in bed than I was. So she not only felt guilty about enjoying herself with another man but sometimes was not in the mood to fully enjoy me as she felt it was not as fulfilling and not worth it to her. It took her years to explain this to me, hence the advice above about taking breaks and rekindling your relationship is very important to both of you. How strong your love for each other, Age, and time together in your relationship has an impact on how good your journey will be. Best advice I can give is communicate, be patient and allow her desires to drive the bus.

[Carlas husband]

You have no idea how much your kind replies mean to us. We appreciate your advise; thank you for taking the time to share. Carla was very ‘yeah I get what they mean’ when I told about the kid in the candy store

[Outlaw]

It'll go away. The risk, you ask them to cut back and they'll not take it well. Just enjoy what you enticed her to do.