Hall Pass?

[Wifewithothers]

Different couples have different guidelines that cover their participation in the lifestyle and that's fine

Of course. But this discussion highlights when a thread discusses a hall pass that the definition being used needs to be clarified.

Different couples will view it differently, each person can discuss it from their own point of view

For some it might be a hall pass be used anytime with anyone , no advanced discussion.

For some you don't have to tell your partner you used it, others will make it a must.

For some it might be only available under certain conditions. Out of town. Nobody you know. Knew one couple who each year they took separate short vacations, that was the only time the hall pass was available and they didn't have to say if they used it.

Maybe certain acts are saved just for the couple. IE no anal with other partners.

So people can discuss their version of the hall pass even if it varies from mine, yours etc

[Just a Fantasy]

Has anyone else created their own physical hall pass? When my wife was about to leave on a business trip out of the country I created one and printed it on cardstock, giving her permission to have fun while overseas. I stuck it in a bag with a couple of condoms and and her vibrator and put it in her suitcase. She didn't use it that time but the concept did come in handy for a later trip.

I also found a small "hallpass" necklace on etsy that I got for her. She's warn it a few times when we've been at Temptation.

[Wifewithothers]

Has anyone else created their own physical hall pass? When my wife was about to leave on a business trip out of the country I created one and printed it on cardstock, giving her permission to have fun while overseas. I stuck it in a bag with a couple of condoms and and her vibrator and put it in her suitcase. She didn't use it that time but the concept did come in handy for a later trip.

I also found a small "hallpass" necklace on etsy that I got for her. She's warn it a few times when we've been at Temptation.

That's pretty cool

[Mumfred]

I think for the purposes of this thread a hall pass is defined as when the husband says a wife can have sex with whom she likes, as long as the hall pass in effect, as long as she tells him afterwards that it happened.

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

Hello, from Kelly Hotwife married to Wesley

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

[Mumfred]

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

I think it is difficult to engage in hotwifing without constraints. It's important for both parties to know each other's constraints and if they are acceptable to each.

[Dream Weaver]

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

I think it is difficult to engage in hotwifing without constraints. It's important for both parties to know each other's constraints and if they are acceptable to each.

I don't quite agree. Here me out. Words "mean things". If the question was, "Did you ever give your wife permission to have sex with somebody else" then yes, we could get into the details, the rules, etc.

But the original thread question specified a "Hall Pass". There is a widely accepted definition that it's a free pass to engage in some extra-marital/relationship fun. You've already given permission. It's a permission slip to break the rules. Not more rules.

So all the extra rules turn it into something else, but not a Hall Pass. A Hall Pass isn't by definition "the right way to do it". It's simply a way to do it that plenty of couples easily understand.

Sure, there is value in having the discussion about what the rules are, for fun, in this thread, but my vote is a Hall Pass is pretty damn loose. Your wife can get down to fuckin', and what happens afterward is up in the air!

[luvwives999]

Hello, from Kelly Hotwife married to Wesley

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

I agree with what you said, and my wife had that from day 1 of our marriage, however, I did give her one stipulation and that was, not to do anything with anyone else she had not done with me first.

[Wifewithothers]

Hello, from Kelly Hotwife married to Wesley

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

I agree with what you said, and my wife had that from day 1 of our marriage, however, I did give her one stipulation and that was, not to do anything with anyone else she had not done with me first.

So you put a limit on the hall pass based on your comfort level as a couple. As it should be.

[SmallTownGuy]

I explicitly told her she has the hall pass maybe a year ago. First I let her know she can do whatever she wants when we were visiting swinger parties and encouraged her to wear an anklet which she agreed to. Nothing ever happened in those circles. About half a year ago she was out partying I sent her a message explicitly saying she has the same rights as when I am present. I also asked her when she got home if the message was understood and she confirmed. One time she went out partying and I asked if she would wear an anklet, and when she said she cannot due to her boots, I let her know she has the same rights.

Fast forward about 5 months and she kissed with a guy she met while travelling and is considering the possibility to meet him again and has asked me where my limits are, so one could say the progress has lately been very promising!

However, before this there's been like 15 years of hinting and occational pillow talk. I encourage every wannabe cuck/stag to express themselves very clear, both verbally and via messages, and be very clear and explicit about what you would enjoy happening.

[NorthOpen]

In a previous long-term relationship, she had a hall pass, and she insisted that what aroused her was the freedom and empowerment implied in having the pass, rather than actually using the hall pass. She had a year-long sabbatical and went to spend several months of it in Europe and when I went to visit her there, I noted that she had taken the condoms from our place with her to Europe and had them on her side of the bed. We laughed a bit about it and she claimed that she had taken them on a whim and hadn't used them (and I believe her), but it sure led to some hot sex that night as we talked about the possibilities.

On the down side, she eventually did use the hall pass on a different trip and the whole thing went sideways fast. All the boundaries we had agreed to (there weren't many, mostly just around transparency and emotional safety) went out the window, so our 5-year relationship ended in a bit of a mess. We're still friends but she acknowledges now that she handled it poorly and caused everyone a lot of pain.

[NorthOpen]

If a husband gives his wife a Hallpass it should not come with a bunch of constraints, then it defeats its purpose of a hallpass and the wife will never use it.

A Hallpass should enable the wife to date and have sex with whatever man she is attracted to and comfortable with. Let the wife have fun and share the details with her husband afterwards. Kelly

I think it is difficult to engage in hotwifing without constraints. It's important for both parties to know each other's constraints and if they are acceptable to each.

I tend to agree with you, Mumfred. "Constraints" is a bit of a loaded term as it implies limitations somehow, which may or may not be the intention. I've always preferred the terms "agreement" or "understanding".

Semantics aside, the book Polysecure does a great job of exploring how attachment and autonomy intersect in relationships, and why having frank discussions and being honest about needs, wants, desires and limits is so important. If the partner with the hall pass isn't invested in keeping their partner and relationship safe and thinks that a hall pass means zero consideration for anyone else, then that might be a red flag or at least a yellow flag.

As I've written elsewhere in this thread, I have some experience around this with a former partner. Leading up to the breakup, she had resisted having those important conversations, and it should have been a red flag for me that although she was saying her intention was to keep our relationship safe, she wasn't investing the time to actually understand what that meant at a deeper level. i.e. I wanted total transparency as to what she was doing with him and their communication so I could feel safe, whereas she felt that a one-sentence summary of a day spent in his bed was sufficient lol. Definitely a hall pass disaster.

[Dream Weaver]

I tend to agree with you, Mumfred. "Constraints" is a bit of a loaded term as it implies limitations somehow, which may or may not be the intention. I've always preferred the terms "agreement" or "understanding".

Semantics aside, the book Polysecure does a great job of exploring how attachment and autonomy intersect in relationships, and why having frank discussions and ....

red flag for me that although she was saying her intention was to keep our relationship safe, she wasn't investing the time to actually understand what that meant at a deeper level. i.e. I wanted total transparency as to what she was doing with him and their communication so I could feel safe, whereas she felt that a one-sentence summary of a day spent in his bed was sufficient lol. Definitely a hall pass disaster.

This seems to be a super common theme. We want the woman in our life to tell us, she doesn't want it like that, but she is VERY comfortable making a decision to be a secret cheater. Human nature, I guess.

[WatchinginNJ]

I tend to agree with you, Mumfred. "Constraints" is a bit of a loaded term as it implies limitations somehow, which may or may not be the intention. I've always preferred the terms "agreement" or "understanding".

Semantics aside, the book Polysecure does a great job of exploring how attachment and autonomy intersect in relationships, and why having frank discussions and ....

red flag for me that although she was saying her intention was to keep our relationship safe, she wasn't investing the time to actually understand what that meant at a deeper level. i.e. I wanted total transparency as to what she was doing with him and their communication so I could feel safe, whereas she felt that a one-sentence summary of a day spent in his bed was sufficient lol. Definitely a hall pass disaster.

This seems to be a super common theme. We want the woman in our life to tell us, she doesn't want it like that, but she is VERY comfortable making a decision to be a secret cheater. Human nature, I guess.

Speaking from personal experience, it's because of the way some women compartmentalize sex.

I gave the same thing to my ex-wife. Told her we should do it, in a way that was healthy and positive. I didn't have many rules, namely be discreet, be safe. Yet she stepped out and had an affair. My arm chair psychologist says it wasn't about the sex, but instead about the "empowerment" she got from it.

Giving her 'permission' didn't empower her. Her doing it behind my back means she was doing something of her own volition. There's a lot more to unpack, but that's the basics.

I was hurt because of the deceit, not the sex. She knew that it was the sneaking around that was wrong.

[lisamyhotwife]

Lisa has had hall passes for years. I'm the one she comes home to. The idea of cheating seems strange when she can do anyone anytime with my blessings. To be honest I wish she would use that pass much more often.

[JRE2]

Early in our dating mode, we agreed to new openness that led to a couple of threesomes. A few months later, we evolved into her also dating others alone as long as I was informed first. After a year or so, we mostly threw out the rule book and agreed that she could date freely and I mostly preferred not to be with other women. That led to about a dozen years of completely compatible sex, including a live-in boyfriend until he died in a car wreck. Since then, it's been mostly two of us older folks just enjoying great memories, but she still has a hall pass and always will.

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

Hello JRE2 from Kelly Hotwife married to Wesley

Hall passes are more common than some people realize both in and out of the lifestyle.

I know a few vanilla or non lifestyle couples were the wife used a hall pass from once or twice to multiple times over the years. For these married couples, wives and husbands were very happy and satisfied they were open minded enough to let the wife have the option of having a long term hall pass. Thanks Kelly

PS the husbands I have talked to whose wife had used her hall pass and dated and had sex with another man, in general had a sense of relief and pride that their wife had the motivation to go through with it and had a satisfying and successful experience and in turn was a happier and more confident wife. A win win for all

[cuckhus715]

She has had hall passes and has been very eager and happy to use them.