This is not a Drill

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TbashnW
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This is not a Drill

Unread post by TbashnW » Mon Oct 02, 2023 5:32 am

Hello,
I previously posted here on how my wife was warming up to the idea of being a hotwife. At the time we thought maybe getting a gigolo would be a good start to test the waters. 3 weeks back she thought i should check on lifestyle sites for someone with experience, i created a profile and showed her potentials. I had also encouraged her to seek her own playmates and if i find someone online i would let her know. She bought herself some anklets and i teased her about the meaning behind anklets as we had never spoken about them before. She had a date with her girlfriends the previous weekend, she asked me to help her pick an outfit for her and i obviously chose the most revealing. To my surprise as she was walking out the door, i realised she was wearing one of her anklets but i did not say anything, it just warmed me up inside.

Last night we were watching a rugby match on her phone in bed because she was too tired to watch in the living room, by the second half of the game she was sleeping and i found myself snooping. I went on to her facebook and realised she was talking to a guy. When I went through the conversation it seemed they were making an appointment to play together. He wanted to come over to the house and she told him that i was working from home on the day. I started to get filled with disappointed because to me it looked like she was planning on going the good old cheating route. I caught myself shaking with the phone in my hands. As i continued to read they were making another appointment and he asks her where will she say she is going when they have to meet, she says to him she will tell me she is going on a playdate. The guy replies in a stunned way asking her " will Mr X not mind if you tell him that you are going to have sex with me?" her response was " He wont mind at all". And that was the end of the conversation. I thought to myself this guy knows my name, he is most likely her colleague but i have no certainty of that. The fact that she said to him she would inform me when they meet up reassured me a great deal.

Now its a waiting game to see if she will inform me when the time comes to do the deed. I wonder if she will be upfront about it. Based on how i was shaking just reading about it, im quite sure i am going to have alot of mixed emotions when the time comes. But it really makes me feel proud and happy for her that she is taking steps because i want her to get best experiences from being a hotwife.

isinlarsa
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by isinlarsa » Mon Oct 02, 2023 12:06 pm

Perhaps she was making sure he wouldn't flake out if he knew you were in the loop. Lots of guys love to cheat with a wife, but get all flustered if the husband knows.

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SilverStag
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by SilverStag » Wed Oct 04, 2023 8:47 am

For many newbies the only template they have for having sex outside of marriage is the cheating one. You have to understand that adjusting to the HW or Vixen mentality, where hubby is on-board, is a tough thing to do. Years of conditioning about what a marriage is "supposed to be" are hard to put aside.

I might point out that this is true both for women and men. We have interviewed several guys who can't wrap their head around the fact that Cecil can do as she pleases with whom she pleases, and I am not upset about it. A couple contacted her separately and wanted her to play with them without telling me. When informed that we always know what and who the other is with, the guys dropped out.

philxxo
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by philxxo » Thu Oct 05, 2023 1:21 pm

I wish the best of luck to you. I hope it all works out the way you want. Undoubtedly since she is talking to this guy on FB, she knew him already. He also knows you, or knows of you. He was thinking he is going to get your wife to cheat with him. It may lose some excitement for him when he knows you are agreeable. You may consider just letting her play the cheating wife card. She can tell you but don't tell the other guy you are OK with it. If a woman is willing to "cheat" to meet the other guy it makes them feel more privileged. Its not as exciting for him if it isn't forbidden fruit.

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SilverStag
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by SilverStag » Thu Oct 05, 2023 1:29 pm

I offered that same "play along with his fantasy" deal to Cecil, figuring she and I know about the tryst, so what harm is it that he "thinks" he is getting her to cheat.

I was surprised that Cecil said, "Absolutely not!". She said she doesn't want anyone to think that she is the type of woman who would cheat on her husband. She values her reputation too much to allow someone to think that of her.

Lesson learned.

snoogaloo82
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by snoogaloo82 » Wed Oct 25, 2023 1:59 pm

TbashnW wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2023 5:32 am
Hello,
I previously posted here on how my wife was warming up to the idea of being a hotwife. At the time we thought maybe getting a gigolo would be a good start to test the waters. 3 weeks back she thought i should check on lifestyle sites for someone with experience, i created a profile and showed her potentials. I had also encouraged her to seek her own playmates and if i find someone online i would let her know. She bought herself some anklets and i teased her about the meaning behind anklets as we had never spoken about them before. She had a date with her girlfriends the previous weekend, she asked me to help her pick an outfit for her and i obviously chose the most revealing. To my surprise as she was walking out the door, i realised she was wearing one of her anklets but i did not say anything, it just warmed me up inside.

Last night we were watching a rugby match on her phone in bed because she was too tired to watch in the living room, by the second half of the game she was sleeping and i found myself snooping. I went on to her facebook and realised she was talking to a guy. When I went through the conversation it seemed they were making an appointment to play together. He wanted to come over to the house and she told him that i was working from home on the day. I started to get filled with disappointed because to me it looked like she was planning on going the good old cheating route. I caught myself shaking with the phone in my hands. As i continued to read they were making another appointment and he asks her where will she say she is going when they have to meet, she says to him she will tell me she is going on a playdate. The guy replies in a stunned way asking her " will Mr X not mind if you tell him that you are going to have sex with me?" her response was " He wont mind at all". And that was the end of the conversation. I thought to myself this guy knows my name, he is most likely her colleague but i have no certainty of that. The fact that she said to him she would inform me when they meet up reassured me a great deal.

Now its a waiting game to see if she will inform me when the time comes to do the deed. I wonder if she will be upfront about it. Based on how i was shaking just reading about it, im quite sure i am going to have alot of mixed emotions when the time comes. But it really makes me feel proud and happy for her that she is taking steps because i want her to get best experiences from being a hotwife.
what happened in the end? you have me very curious!! ;-)

Gearup
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by Gearup » Thu Nov 09, 2023 2:36 pm

any news about the wife's playdate?

TbashnW
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by TbashnW » Fri Nov 17, 2023 3:38 pm

Hello everyone, since my last update alot has been happening in general (Work/Life) so I have not been able to sit and give a detailed update

On the weekend I assumed she would have a play date my cousin and his partner asked her to babysit because they were going away with friends. I was working that weekend, when I would come home I could see that she's quite bummed out,throughout the weekend she kept herself busy with laundry and other activities around the house. She had no intentions of going anywhere.

Sunday night I looked at that Facebook conversation again and I realized that the guy was her former colleague who she had been sexting with in 2018, at the time I confronted her about it and she told me nothing more had happened between them. I was furious and didn't know whether to believe her or not.
We went to therapy and were able to move passed it.

A little more background about us is that we started dating when she was 17 and I was 20.
We have been together for 15 years and married for 5 years with 3 children. After our first child was born when I was 23 I bacame a serial cheater for about 6. Never caught but I just grew tired of it and every time I would think that she was better than the women I was engaging with. I put an end to it and never looked back. After I stopped it was like I passed her the baton because thats when I discovered sexts with that guy and to be fair on her she was no longer dealing with toddlers.

Because I had no emotional attachments to the women I was messing with, in 2021 I felt we could open up the relationship on her end and she could also just get it out of her system. We had the conversation on a long road trip from visiting her mom but she just laughed it off. A couple of months later I brought it up again and she said that it sounds like I have become gay or i don't love her anymore. We were really not on the same page and everything I would bring it up she would get upset. Fast forward to May 2022 , we have a big fight and she asked if I had ever cheated on her and I said yes. She asked how many times and I said not more than 3 encounters with 2 different women. I made this slight confession hoping that she could see that it's not a big deal and she could also let her mind open up to non monogamy. I was not prepared for the storm that broke out the following day when she came back from work. She almost broke everything in the house. We got a new therapist and we resolved everything.

By August the was alot of distance between us and that lasted for the rest of the year. In January 2023 she asked to see my phone one and scrolled through it. It was bizzare to me because she had access to my phone at anytime but something weird about the way she asked. The following day I asked to connect to Bluetooth on her phone and play some music. When she handed me her phone her friend arrived and they sat outside. I went through her just like she went through mine. I found nude pictures of her and dick pics of some other guy. I went to text messages between her and him and between her and her friends. And he was all she could talk about. At first I thought good for her, she is finally getting some action and then I was like but why did she not tell me. That night I confronted her, I asked her are you having an affair, her response to me was "Yes I am, so what". I was shattered.

Following day I told her I wanted a divorce because her response showed disrespect and disregard. After a few days of turmoil I sent her a recording with a divorce lawyer of all the steps we need to take. One of the steps was once again therapy to make sure we iron everything out and split as peacefully as possible. In Feb We went to same therapist for the toughest conversation ever. She had been seeing the guy from October 2022. I saw all the trips on her Uber app and car trip log. On our forth session the therapist said that we had both done the same thing to each other and it seemed as if we were willing to move passed it. We dealt with alot underlying issues. We decided to stay together and only have good intentions for one another going forward.

We started thrive as far as communication, family life and all other aspects. Shortly after the therapy we had the conversation about opening up the marriage, she said she was intrigued but felt that it was too soon we still have alot things to deal with. Time went on up until my first post on this group.

Her chatting to this guy on Facebook felt like deja vu, I was only reassured by the fact that in the text she said she would tell me if she were to meet up with him.

The following week I mentioned to her that she must remember how fragile we are without communication and transparency.
She asked what I meant and I told her about a call she got and didn't answer and she showed me that it was a telemarketer. I didn't want her to know that I saw her messenger.

She has since sent me columns on people's failed swinging sessions with neighbour's and we would laugh and joke about it. Today while she was at work she sent me a picture of her anklet and I wasn't even aware that she was wearing it today. Sometimes during sex she wants a toy for Dp.

She made me buy her short dress that she wore to a wedding that she attended with friends last sunday, next week she wants me to buy her another sexy outfit for a spa date with the girls. I sometimes send her pics of guys from the swinger's site she said I must join because she is not ready to engage .

Kids are going to their grandmother's place by the end of the month. I don't know if she will unleash when they are gone. But I really want to move at her pace. I don't know if her former colleague is still a prospect or if he ghosted her but I don't mind. I just want to move at her pace. Once she starts I hope to not let her down with jealousy and whatever that is not known to me.

aztd
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by aztd » Sun Nov 19, 2023 12:10 pm

Wow, you guys have a turmoil of a time.
I would suggest don't do go back to counseling.

philxxo
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by philxxo » Sun Nov 19, 2023 4:04 pm

Sounds to me like your marriage is not really in a stable enough situation to be doing swinging or hotwifing just yet.

snoogaloo82
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by snoogaloo82 » Tue Nov 21, 2023 10:50 am

TbashnW wrote:
Mon Oct 02, 2023 5:32 am
Hello,
I previously posted here on how my wife was warming up to the idea of being a hotwife. At the time we thought maybe getting a gigolo would be a good start to test the waters. 3 weeks back she thought i should check on lifestyle sites for someone with experience, i created a profile and showed her potentials. I had also encouraged her to seek her own playmates and if i find someone online i would let her know. She bought herself some anklets and i teased her about the meaning behind anklets as we had never spoken about them before. She had a date with her girlfriends the previous weekend, she asked me to help her pick an outfit for her and i obviously chose the most revealing. To my surprise as she was walking out the door, i realised she was wearing one of her anklets but i did not say anything, it just warmed me up inside.

Last night we were watching a rugby match on her phone in bed because she was too tired to watch in the living room, by the second half of the game she was sleeping and i found myself snooping. I went on to her facebook and realised she was talking to a guy. When I went through the conversation it seemed they were making an appointment to play together. He wanted to come over to the house and she told him that i was working from home on the day. I started to get filled with disappointed because to me it looked like she was planning on going the good old cheating route. I caught myself shaking with the phone in my hands. As i continued to read they were making another appointment and he asks her where will she say she is going when they have to meet, she says to him she will tell me she is going on a playdate. The guy replies in a stunned way asking her " will Mr X not mind if you tell him that you are going to have sex with me?" her response was " He wont mind at all". And that was the end of the conversation. I thought to myself this guy knows my name, he is most likely her colleague but i have no certainty of that. The fact that she said to him she would inform me when they meet up reassured me a great deal.

Now its a waiting game to see if she will inform me when the time comes to do the deed. I wonder if she will be upfront about it. Based on how i was shaking just reading about it, im quite sure i am going to have alot of mixed emotions when the time comes. But it really makes me feel proud and happy for her that she is taking steps because i want her to get best experiences from being a hotwife.
I have my fingers crossed for you!!

TbashnW
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by TbashnW » Tue Nov 21, 2023 12:18 pm

I appreciate all the feedback very much. The reason I painted a full picture was so that you can have a view of where we are from and where we want to go. What I appreciate about the views on this platform is that it removes the fantasies of the lifestyle and slaps you with realities and challenges you may face. What I did not mention was that we both agreed that it would be the last time we use therapy for damage control. And it's a discussion we had during and after that therapy session. It would then be best to divorce if our marriage hit the rocks like that again. Alot of pain was laid out on both ends. Since then to date I can appreciate alot of work and effort from both of us. Communication and quality time and checking in with one another. When we had the discussion to open up, we read the book The Ethical Slut together, had discussions about it (Probably in May). That's when she said we still had alot of work to put in to the relationship before we can invite others. And we are still putting in the work. However hotwifing comes every now and then, even when I decided to give the conversation a rest. She will bring it up one way or another. To shut it down or move at her pace, I don't know.

snoogaloo82
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by snoogaloo82 » Tue Nov 21, 2023 1:11 pm

TbashnW wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2023 12:18 pm
I appreciate all the feedback very much. The reason I painted a full picture was so that you can have a view of where we are from and where we want to go. What I appreciate about the views on this platform is that it removes the fantasies of the lifestyle and slaps you with realities and challenges you may face. What I did not mention was that we both agreed that it would be the last time we use therapy for damage control. And it's a discussion we had during and after that therapy session. It would then be best to divorce if our marriage hit the rocks like that again. Alot of pain was laid out on both ends. Since then to date I can appreciate alot of work and effort from both of us. Communication and quality time and checking in with one another. When we had the discussion to open up, we read the book The Ethical Slut together, had discussions about it (Probably in May). That's when she said we still had alot of work to put in to the relationship before we can invite others. And we are still putting in the work. However hotwifing comes every now and then, even when I decided to give the conversation a rest. She will bring it up one way or another. To shut it down or move at her pace, I don't know.
It sounds like you are doing everything that you possibly can. Stay jovial and happy, and if anything bad happens just chuck it up to been there done that and let it slide off your back. You should have an enjoyable life. If you're not you need to try something different.

trecital
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by trecital » Mon Dec 04, 2023 11:55 pm

Yeah, an enjoyable life.

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Suedostbaier
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Re: This is not a Drill

Unread post by Suedostbaier » Tue Dec 05, 2023 11:15 am

TbashnW wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2023 12:18 pm
I appreciate all the feedback very much. The reason I painted a full picture was so that you can have a view of where we are from and where we want to go. What I appreciate about the views on this platform is that it removes the fantasies of the lifestyle and slaps you with realities and challenges you may face. What I did not mention was that we both agreed that it would be the last time we use therapy for damage control. And it's a discussion we had during and after that therapy session. It would then be best to divorce if our marriage hit the rocks like that again. Alot of pain was laid out on both ends. Since then to date I can appreciate alot of work and effort from both of us. Communication and quality time and checking in with one another. When we had the discussion to open up, we read the book The Ethical Slut together, had discussions about it (Probably in May). That's when she said we still had alot of work to put in to the relationship before we can invite others. And we are still putting in the work. However hotwifing comes every now and then, even when I decided to give the conversation a rest. She will bring it up one way or another. To shut it down or move at her pace, I don't know.
can you imagine a marriage in which nothing of that sort ever happens and the partners sleep in a cemetary-like peace?
pls contact me if you want to share experiences with me

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