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by athlete915 » Sat Sep 14, 2024 5:05 am
For starters, welcome. You'll find the group to be generally supportive, helpful, and informative.
Next, your hesitations are absolutely understandable and extremely typical. Frankly, I would be concerned about any couple that didn't have them. They're vital issues that need to be addressed.
While there is no guarantee that you two won't have some struggles and setbacks, I offer the following advice: Start taking your self-introspection moments and discussions from the fantasy level to the practical level. Specifically, on your own, each of you should devote some time to deciding on what you consider your must-haves, want-to-haves, potential concerns, and red lines. If you're interested, I can follow up with more topics to consider, but to name a few, I would consider what traits (e.g., physical and emotional) you're looking for in a partner, whether you are looking for a short-term or ongoing relationship with him, whether you will play alone or with husband, and what your husband's role would be. I'm pretty adamant that you should first consider these things on your own because it allows you both to come up with what you want without being influenced by one another.
Once you're reasonably confident you know what you want, I would find an evening when you two can have some time to yourselves, grab a bottle of wine, and share what you came up with. Yes, this can be a bit nerve-wracking and awkward, but amongst other things, it's the only way to identify the lines you are worried about crossing. The good news is that I bet you two will find a lot of overlap, and that should give you the confidence that you both are on the same page. Identifying areas where your interests or concerns don't overlap will also help you talk through them.
Hopefully, by the end of the conversation, you two should be able to confidently say what you want, what your spouse wants, and what you two are looking for... if you decide to explore the lifestyle. Again, you can't really know if you two are crossing a line if you haven't identified them.
One important thing to note is that this is more than a one-time conversation. I would recommend that you return to it every so often to see if you two are still on the same page. Things can and will change; this is especially true once you two actually start playing.
So, I think that gets to your line-crossing concern; now, let's talk about emotional attachment concerns. Again, that's a widespread concern. A straightforward option to avoid emotional entanglement is to keep things short-term (e.g., one-night stands). The downside there is that I find sex with my wives only gets better with time. Experience gives you a chance to build trust and comfort, allowing you to explore so much more. Additionally, one-night stands may increase the risk of things like STDs.
If short-term setups don't interest you, my next recommendation would be to seek out men with experience with couples. That will demonstrate that he enjoys being with a couple and isn't trying to change their situation. I know my role with my couples, and I am not trying to replace the husband as her romantic outlet.
Finally, your husband may want to remember that emotions aren't zero-sum. Just because you develop feelings for a partner, doesn't mean you will stop having feelings for your husband. You can love your husband for being the incredible husband he is while caring for your partner and what he provides you. One doesn't negate the other.
One last note: I loved reading this, "the pleasure I deserve." That is the right mindset. If you decide to proceed with this, it will not be the time to settle. Seek out a partner who has the physical attributes that you desire and has the sexual ability to use them. Within the boundaries of the previously mentioned limits, you should be able to have the sex that you want and deserve.
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