Hope or a pipe dream…

[Juve1535]

Hello all! I’m reposting my disorganized story below that I posted as a response. Apologies for the read, just trying to find the right place to start. For a little background, my wife and I are a mid 30’s couple with two young kids. We met as teenagers, I was 15 at the time and she was 17. From that time we were in love but dated several other people each and didn’t truly commit to each other until 13 years (and 20-30 partners each) later.

Need to know if I have any hope for the future, or it’s all just a dream.

My wife says she has no desire to sleep with other men, that I am the only one she’s ever enjoyed sleeping with and the only orgasms she’s ever had during sex. She and I met as teenagers but were not officially a couple for more than a few months over the course of 10ish years. In that time, she went from being a virgin to sleeping with 20-30 men, and I know almost all of them. She claims it’s was always only drunk sex, and she doesn’t like to think of that period of her life…I believe it to an extent, but one of the guys, (the only one she says was larger than me), she boned regularly. Year after year and from one city to another they both ended up living in. My wife says she despises him, because he was an evil person and treated her poorly, but clearly there was more there than she will ever admit. I hated him with a passion because one summer we got back together in college, and the first week back at school she already slept with him again. She denies this, but her roommate at the time told me where she was that night. To this day I feel like there is so much about this guy that’s been left out of our communication, which we are 100% transparent otherwise.

Sorry for the long story, it just started spewing out as I sat here. The funny thing is, especially back then, I would get so angry when I heard about her sexcapades, but I would also get horny thinking about her getting railed hard. In those days she told me she loved doggy, it was her favorite, but now she says it feels like degrading because you are basically a faceless hole. My theory is that she absolutely loved having a guy with a large cock taking her from behind, but has no convinced herself it wasn’t “proper” as she has become more empowered/feminist. I have hope she will rediscover this side of herself.

Oddly enough, just last night she had a dream I cheated on her, and it made her incredibly horny. In the last year she has admitted that she gets horny every time I talk about someone I’ve slept with or imagines it. The other day she was asking me about who one of my hottest sexual experiences was with, and wanted details of why I put it high on my list. Sometimes I wonder if she’s turned on thinking about the girl, as I’ve always had my suspicions, which she vehemently denies.

Anywayyyyyy…..there’s got to be something there right? I’ve told her several times I would be totally fine with her having sex with other people, just that I want to be kept in the loop. Again, she says there’s no desire and she never wants to sleep with anyone other than me, but something tells me that’s not true. I would never push her, but wonder what else I can say/do to encourage her. After 21 years she just started telling me about how turned on she gets thinking about my past endeavors, so who knows.

Apologies again for the long, disorganized story! Excited to be a member here and explore where things go.

[snoogaloo82]

Hello all! I’m reposting my disorganized story below that I posted as a response. Apologies for the read, just trying to find the right place to start. For a little background, my wife and I are a mid 30’s couple with two young kids. We met as teenagers, I was 15 at the time and she was 17. From that time we were in love but dated several other people each and didn’t truly commit to each other until 13 years (and 20-30 partners each) later.

Need to know if I have any hope for the future, or it’s all just a dream.

My wife says she has no desire to sleep with other men, that I am the only one she’s ever enjoyed sleeping with and the only orgasms she’s ever had during sex. She and I met as teenagers but were not officially a couple for more than a few months over the course of 10ish years. In that time, she went from being a virgin to sleeping with 20-30 men, and I know almost all of them. She claims it’s was always only drunk sex, and she doesn’t like to think of that period of her life…I believe it to an extent, but one of the guys, (the only one she says was larger than me), she boned regularly. Year after year and from one city to another they both ended up living in. My wife says she despises him, because he was an evil person and treated her poorly, but clearly there was more there than she will ever admit. I hated him with a passion because one summer we got back together in college, and the first week back at school she already slept with him again. She denies this, but her roommate at the time told me where she was that night. To this day I feel like there is so much about this guy that’s been left out of our communication, which we are 100% transparent otherwise.

Sorry for the long story, it just started spewing out as I sat here. The funny thing is, especially back then, I would get so angry when I heard about her sexcapades, but I would also get horny thinking about her getting railed hard. In those days she told me she loved doggy, it was her favorite, but now she says it feels like degrading because you are basically a faceless hole. My theory is that she absolutely loved having a guy with a large cock taking her from behind, but has no convinced herself it wasn’t “proper” as she has become more empowered/feminist. I have hope she will rediscover this side of herself.

Oddly enough, just last night she had a dream I cheated on her, and it made her incredibly horny. In the last year she has admitted that she gets horny every time I talk about someone I’ve slept with or imagines it. The other day she was asking me about who one of my hottest sexual experiences was with, and wanted details of why I put it high on my list. Sometimes I wonder if she’s turned on thinking about the girl, as I’ve always had my suspicions, which she vehemently denies.

Anywayyyyyy…..there’s got to be something there right? I’ve told her several times I would be totally fine with her having sex with other people, just that I want to be kept in the loop. Again, she says there’s no desire and she never wants to sleep with anyone other than me, but something tells me that’s not true. I would never push her, but wonder what else I can say/do to encourage her. After 21 years she just started telling me about how turned on she gets thinking about my past endeavors, so who knows.

Apologies again for the long, disorganized story! Excited to be a member here and explore where things go.

It sounds like the two of you need to get together and talk seriously about what you want to do and to be transparent with each other about everything. That doesn't mean that you should grill her, but it means that from now on you both will be true with each other. It also sounds like she has some hothusband desires. You can always play date and pretend her dildo is another guy or something just to see how she reacts. Please let us know what happens or doesn't happen so that we can help you as much as possible.

[diet_dew_86]

Have you asked her if she would be interested in going to a lifestyle club where she could watch you interact, even on a minor level, with other women? She would likely be approached by other men in that setting (depending on their rules). Who knows where it might head

[Juve1535]

Have you asked her if she would be interested in going to a lifestyle club where she could watch you interact, even on a minor level, with other women? She would likely be approached by other men in that setting (depending on their rules). Who knows where it might head

I’ve tried to have serious conversations about it, but in those moments she just shuts things down. I just think it’s a tough time with the kids, both working full time, and household duties. Unfortunately, I think a lifestyle change would be helpful but she doesn’t understand enough. She’s also pretty vanilla, she doesn’t own a dildo or masturbate. I bought her a vibrator and she used it once when she was pregnant. Otherwise the most common thing is me eating her out and once she cums, she’s done. Hard to describe everything but I don’t think it’s as hopeless as it might sound. Or I’m delusional ha.

[Gearup]

Time to spice up what goes on in your bedroom before you move to anything outside the marriage. You basically say things are pretty boring and vanilla. Well, use your imagination...and buy some toys. Buy a dildo, vibrator, butt plug, etc. - don't forget the lube! Maybe get some basic bondage gear like handcuffs and definitely get a feather tickler and a blindfold (or improvise with a necktie). Start doing some new things in the bedroom - perhaps even roleplay or discuss fantasy scenarios - vary the approach and make "new or different"" the regular thing. Make foreplay an art as opposed to eat her pussy and role over go to sleep. Start there - perfect that - baby steps - make her curious about what comes next and make her crave those times with you in the bedroom.