Religious wife….any advice
Re: Religious wife….any advice
having a convo with wife as we type.... what does the NEW TESTAMENT have ot say??? She ferels after Jesus, the rules changed. Is this true, what does the New Testament say, please?
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=52571 our story
Re: Religious wife….any advice
What does "ferels after Jesus" mean? I don't know about the New Testament, but the Catholic Church nuns are supposed to be the brides of Christ; which is pretty weird if you think about it.
Re: Religious wife….any advice
I actually did what you asked of me lol
Re: Religious wife….any advice
I’m 20+ years into your scenario with my deeply conservative and religious wife.
Three times over the years she’s gone from saying there is no way she’d ever do it and rarely being willing to talk about it, to excitedly talking about it almost every day and initiating sex nearly every day for months on end.
Those three windows of time where she flipped 180 degrees overnight were when a guy - that she found attractive - showed interest in her.
Nowadays I rarely talk about it, maybe once or twice a month. However, I’m always running through ideas in my mind about how to get her into another environment where there would be single men to talk to. It’s hard when you have kids, lots of work, and you don’t drink. But I’ve realized there is no other way. If it ever happens it will be because she has a specific person in mind, not because of because of a general fantasy about being with another man.
When I first brought the fantasy up years ago, she humored me a lot. And she did some things to increase the excitement. But I realize now that she was doing that because she loved me, not because she was as into it as I was. Her interest never equaled mine until the right guy came along.
In one of those three situations, it came close to happening. But she found out he had a girlfriend that he kept hidden. That kind of put an end to it and in hindsight was the reason why he didn’t take it further than he did.
My recommendation would be to not use the Bible to change her mind, don’t be overbearing (I made that huge mistake), and focus your energy on finding environments where she’ll meet single men.
If she ever gets into it, her motivations will be totally different than yours. That’s what’s hard for we men to understand.
Three times over the years she’s gone from saying there is no way she’d ever do it and rarely being willing to talk about it, to excitedly talking about it almost every day and initiating sex nearly every day for months on end.
Those three windows of time where she flipped 180 degrees overnight were when a guy - that she found attractive - showed interest in her.
Nowadays I rarely talk about it, maybe once or twice a month. However, I’m always running through ideas in my mind about how to get her into another environment where there would be single men to talk to. It’s hard when you have kids, lots of work, and you don’t drink. But I’ve realized there is no other way. If it ever happens it will be because she has a specific person in mind, not because of because of a general fantasy about being with another man.
When I first brought the fantasy up years ago, she humored me a lot. And she did some things to increase the excitement. But I realize now that she was doing that because she loved me, not because she was as into it as I was. Her interest never equaled mine until the right guy came along.
In one of those three situations, it came close to happening. But she found out he had a girlfriend that he kept hidden. That kind of put an end to it and in hindsight was the reason why he didn’t take it further than he did.
My recommendation would be to not use the Bible to change her mind, don’t be overbearing (I made that huge mistake), and focus your energy on finding environments where she’ll meet single men.
If she ever gets into it, her motivations will be totally different than yours. That’s what’s hard for we men to understand.
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armyguyot1
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Re: Religious wife….any advice
Welcome to the forum sladesoma.
Re: Religious wife….any advice
sladesoma wrote: ↑Thu Dec 19, 2024 3:34 amI’m 20+ years into your scenario with my deeply conservative and religious wife.
Three times over the years she’s gone from saying there is no way she’d ever do it and rarely being willing to talk about it, to excitedly talking about it almost every day and initiating sex nearly every day for months on end.
Those three windows of time where she flipped 180 degrees overnight were when a guy - that she found attractive - showed interest in her.
Nowadays I rarely talk about it, maybe once or twice a month. However, I’m always running through ideas in my mind about how to get her into another environment where there would be single men to talk to. It’s hard when you have kids, lots of work, and you don’t drink. But I’ve realized there is no other way. If it ever happens it will be because she has a specific person in mind, not because of because of a general fantasy about being with another man.
When I first brought the fantasy up years ago, she humored me a lot. And she did some things to increase the excitement. But I realize now that she was doing that because she loved me, not because she was as into it as I was. Her interest never equaled mine until the right guy came along.
In one of those three situations, it came close to happening. But she found out he had a girlfriend that he kept hidden. That kind of put an end to it and in hindsight was the reason why he didn’t take it further than he did.
My recommendation would be to not use the Bible to change her mind, don’t be overbearing (I made that huge mistake), and focus your energy on finding environments where she’ll meet single men.
If she ever gets into it, her motivations will be totally different than yours. That’s what’s hard for we men to understand.
Wow. Thanks for telling your story. Can I ask what religion?
Re: Religious wife….any advice
I should also add that my wife is in a place internally where she will have sex with another man and not be restricted by her religious beliefs. All she needs is the right guy to show up in her life. Her feelers are always out looking for someone. I know she subconsciously does this at her work, she’s even said as much. However, it’s really (extremely) subtle. But if the right man shows up and shows interest, she will reciprocate.
As a husband, I think the keys to understanding how to help your wife unlock this state of mind within herself, for deeply religious women (and many non-religious women!), are more likely to be found in a Danielle Steel novel than on this website. It’s not that this website is bad. It’s that it’s mostly men. We don’t have a female brain and woman’s life experience, so there’s a lot of talking in circles and never really peeling back that 1000-layered onion known as the female mind.
Once you understand her dreams, desires, fears, etc, thru her eyes, then it’s waaaay easier to make progress towards this potentially being part of your life. I ran up against a brick wall for at least ten years, with her doing things early on to humor me for my sake (which still plays a large roll in her motivation), before I finally got the sense to sincerely set my fantasies aside and place myself in her shoes.
I recommend reading PG romance novels to understand her. That’s what we did and we talked about them together. She loved it and I learned alot about how she see’s the world. I knew that stuff on an intellectual level before I read those books, but the books helped me internalize it emotionally. After that we moved on to steamy novels that still followed traditional romance themes. Lots of understanding, sex, and a mind shift towards her sleeping with other men, ensued.
I also recommend reading The 3 Marriage Enigmas. I would read it first if I were you, just to make sure your wife won’t take any of the content the wrong way. It’ll help your wife understand herself, you, and the situation with your sex life. After my wife read it, she said that “the only way for us to find that excitement we had when we first met is for me to find another man” with a look of determination on her face. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather.
As a husband, I think the keys to understanding how to help your wife unlock this state of mind within herself, for deeply religious women (and many non-religious women!), are more likely to be found in a Danielle Steel novel than on this website. It’s not that this website is bad. It’s that it’s mostly men. We don’t have a female brain and woman’s life experience, so there’s a lot of talking in circles and never really peeling back that 1000-layered onion known as the female mind.
Once you understand her dreams, desires, fears, etc, thru her eyes, then it’s waaaay easier to make progress towards this potentially being part of your life. I ran up against a brick wall for at least ten years, with her doing things early on to humor me for my sake (which still plays a large roll in her motivation), before I finally got the sense to sincerely set my fantasies aside and place myself in her shoes.
I recommend reading PG romance novels to understand her. That’s what we did and we talked about them together. She loved it and I learned alot about how she see’s the world. I knew that stuff on an intellectual level before I read those books, but the books helped me internalize it emotionally. After that we moved on to steamy novels that still followed traditional romance themes. Lots of understanding, sex, and a mind shift towards her sleeping with other men, ensued.
I also recommend reading The 3 Marriage Enigmas. I would read it first if I were you, just to make sure your wife won’t take any of the content the wrong way. It’ll help your wife understand herself, you, and the situation with your sex life. After my wife read it, she said that “the only way for us to find that excitement we had when we first met is for me to find another man” with a look of determination on her face. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather.