Long time lurker, first time poster

[curiouschattycouple]

I am husband in this curious chatty couple. My lovely bride and I have been talking about my MFM fantasy for a number of years now. She had her own hot wife fantasies too, so we have had a great deal of fun with these over the last number of years. Recently, she met a guy while out with her friend and started a texting relationship that was initially innocent enough and is now full of sexual innuendo and flirtation. We joke about him being her boyfriend and we have been making baby steps together to determine if this is the way we want to go - he seems to be just a player but maybe he is a bull developing us? There are a half dozen issues and concerns for each of us but I am here to address my own thoughts, and she isn't aware. Perhaps I'll post more details but for now just lurking and reading.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum curiouschattycouple.

[Farmgirl]

Welcome .
If you've talked about it, and she has a sexual texting buddy, why have you not told her about your being on this site?

[philxxo]

If she is sexting someone that sounds like a good start. Just let things happen naturally and see what happens. Have you told her you would like her to hotwife? I would suggest you tell her all of your fantasies and don't hold back. Just be honest and open communication. See what she says in response.

[pixwellguy]

As philxxo says. You need to talk out your issues and concerns between you, but eventually you will have to make a move and see how you and she feel about it. Take a baby step. She can go out on a sexless date with the guy. Make it clear to the guy that there is not going to be any full sex on this first date.

Then step back and see how you feel....and talk, talk, talk.

[curiouschattycouple]

We have been talking this out extensively all this year, and it has been a shared fantasy for over five years. We have role played and simulated it, but now she has this "boyfriend" and it becoming more real. They have had two sexless dates, and I am here myself, without her knowledge, to learn mostly how to be the supportive husband since I might be getting closer to what I wanted. I have been having a tough time with the angst on their meets and the thought of that next big step.

My fantasy is MFM. Hers vary, but it is her solo, or her with multiples but without me. When it first started to look like this guy was going to be her first, she pulled back because she wasn't sure, there was guilt , worries, etc about if she will like it, maybe too much, will he not like her naked, is she cheating on me, will it change our relationship, what if he isn't discreet about it or wants to continue meeting if she decides she doesn't etc. Then she decided maybe she did want me there for support, maybe behind the scenes or something. This has changed frequently because it is her right to change her mind. The other factor is the guy - he isn't the ideal candidate from her or my perspective but he is interested and available. He knows she is married, but he wants her to consider an FFM with him, or anal too, at some point, and those are not her interests or mine. She isn't sure about setting rules with him, and I am not sure if I should have any say-so or role, as this is about what she wants and is comfortable with. Do I talk to him?

My wife is naturally submissive. She has been more confident with the attention, is buying more clothes and lingerie, losing weight, and being more vocal about her needs, and our communication is great, but with him she doesn't seem to be able to voice her wants

[2inUPMichigan]

Interested and available are a dime a dozen (I'm being serious).

A good candidate will respect your marriage and any boundaries the two of you have and rules for him to follow. It is up to him if he wants to play within the dynamic that the two of you are looking for.

Submissive does not mean passive! It is her responsibility as a sub to communicate her boundaries and limits to a dominant partner (potential partner in this case) so that nothing happens to violate her limits. He has a responsibility to ensure she is taken care of and although some boundaries may be pushed a bit, hard limits must always be respected!!

If not walk the other way fast!!

Some men think a hotwife or a submissive is a toy they can play with/use to fulfill all their fantasies with no thought whatsoever for the needs or limits of the sub. This is not a good candidate in my opinion.

If this is truly about what she wants, then she needs to use her voice and communicate or she won't be getting anything that she wants. Only he will be.

Please read my post to her and make sure she understands this is coming from a hotwife that considers herself a Switch. That means I have played with dominant men but have also had the opportunity to change roles and dominate my partner.

I am very concerned she may have regrets the next day if she continues without being completely honest with him and giving him detailed information on what she is looking for. If he doesn't fit into HER picture then he is not the right one.

Good luck to both of you!

[pixwellguy]

Everything you describe in your 8/11 post is very normal for first timers. You and she will both go through ups and downs about this, and that's why it's good that you seem to have the open lines of communication you need. Good to hear that they've already had two sexless dates...that's a great start.

To be the supportive husband you simply need to be available, open, loving, and able to cope with and understand her changes of mind and heart. This is a HUGE step for most women...it's simply not how most of us were taught a marriage should work, and getting around that socialization can take time and effort.

You also need to work on your reactions to all this. If you're having a tough time dealing with sexless dates, how will you deal with dates that involve sex?

It is very normal for women to prefer to see other men on their own. If you're there, there's a lot of pressure and concern for her about how you're reacting and how you're taking it all. She won't be able to relax as much and just enjoy the experience of being with a new man. I'd venture to say that my wife saw other men solo more than 75% of the time. But we ALWAYS found a way to share the experience together, even if it was after the fact.

It will take a lot of searching to find the "ideal" guy. One clue that you've found a good one is if he's willing to take his time, and accepts her changing her mind back and forth. He shouldn't pressure her, and should understand this may or may not happen. Another clue is that the right guy won't press your wife for sexual acts that she's not interested in.

[gearhead]

Long time lurker. JMO: tell your wife you’re here, have her join & get verified. Then she can discuss it with ladies like Farm Girl. My take on this guy is he’s a really bad fit, he’ll take advantage of your wife. Hope I’m wrong.

[curiouschattycouple]

Thanks for all of the feedback.

She doesn't want to get on the forums because she got inundated with idiots last time around. We are talking about all these things. She is still interested in him and it is her choice, but I agree with the assessment, and I don't want to tell her otherwise. Of course if he realizes this is a joint project involving me, it may change everything

[curiouschattycouple]

To clarify, different forum, male idiots. No shade on this crew. My wife has a swinger friend (the one who introduced her to the 'BF') who is somewhat of an influence here too. Tonight she is chatting with him to set up a third date. I am to chaperone this time. Looking 3 weeks out, but there are many conditions on her end too. Keep y'all posted.

[Seekingmore12]

Long time lurker. JMO: tell your wife you’re here, have her join & get verified. Then she can discuss it with ladies like Farm Girl. My take on this guy is he’s a really bad fit, he’ll take advantage of your wife. Hope I’m wrong.

I could not agree more….send her here….it would also give you two some more things to talk about….and that’s always a good thing.

[Hot4mywife]

Welcome to posting and I hope ot all works out to fulfill both your fantasies. You being a chaperone for dates has always been the way we start with an unproven guy and it works well.

[Erotica Writer]

Welcome!

[aztd]

Going to happen soon,

[curiouschattycouple]

Well, no news yet. Baby steps though. The flirtation continues, our role play and banter continues. But nothing to report.

[mastiff]

There is value in patience

[curiouschattycouple]

I am away right now and she has been quite overt with him lately, but he seems to have pulled back. She said maybe she needs to find another candidate, as he has just been a little odd and it seems he doesn't really understand our dynamic so he is flip flopping on having future meetups to get to know each other more and maybe see if something comes out of it. He is a bit of a urban millenial type, a bit younger than us, but also not very masculine in some ways, and this is proving to be a turn off for her. He doesn't seem to understand how to be dominant in a more masculine way, and since I am traditionally masculine he almost seems to be threatened by me in some ways, even though we have been clear this is all ok.

When I get back we are going to be talking about what she wants in another candidate, and maybe how to find this candidate. We haven't been actively looking so far and this situation happened more organically which is nice but maybe we need to start thinking about using a site to find someone experienced and respectful.