Hi from Australia

[Thirdleg]

I've been cuckolded for a few years now, although it's not as black and white as seems to be the norm here.

We have issues sexually. There were some underlying issues:

- When we met, she was a virgin and I had only had a small number of previous partners. So both inexperienced.
- She was pretty shy and resistant to anything beyond missionary or doggy with the lights dimmed.
- She has PCOS and that caused discomfort at times.
- After orgasm, she would get very painful cramps although the gynaecologist could find no issues.
- I began to avoid sex with her as I knew it would end up with her in pain.
- We did still try sometimes, but I would always take it slowly, and I could tell she was losing interest.
- When we tried for a baby, it took over a year, and during that time sex was more frequent, but very mechanical. Hurry up....cum...

Things didn't seem to get much better. Eventually we had a talk and I said I wanted her to sleep with someone else, as she had a right to sexual happiness and it could well be that a major part of her issues were actually due to me. This was me talking to her out of love and out of concern; not to push her into cuckolding me, which wasn't something that excited me back then.

She saw 4 different men. She said she didn't cum with any of them and each was only a once-off. She seemed to be losing interest.

A short while later, we went on a family holiday and she had been texting with a guy in our holiday location. She wanted to go meet him. I asked her not to, mainly because it seemed a bit risky and I was feeling a bit conflicted at that point. She agreed, and never met him, but I could sense her disappointment.

She then said she was over it all and wouldn't meet anyone else.

But, she did, behind my back. There have been several men over the years. I know of two because I found out and she confirmed it. The others I don't know for sure, but am fairly certain. We have arrived at a don't ask don't tell and we haven't had sex for nearly 5 years now.

Many here will say this is unhealthy, seek counselling etc. But it is what it is and her actions are a combination of not wanting to hurt my feelings, needing discretion, probably a thrill seeking element, and also some guilt that good girls don't do this.

Nobody I know IRL knows any of this; it's good to have just said all of this!

[hubudig2]

My wife has similar issues with pain and cramping but it comes and goes.
We went down a bad road at one stage of sex leading to frustration and that subconsciously resulted in neither of us wanting to try anymore.
It's hard to know that's happening until the point you realise that you don't have sex anymore and then when you try to initiate, she never wants to.
It took a lot of work and time to reverse that and to associate sex as a positive thing rather than negative.

Why did you think you might be the problem?
Why did you think her sleeping with other guys might be the solution?
Does she still want sex but you don't? Or does she just not want sex with you?
You said cuckolding didn't excite you back when you suggested it, does it now?
How would you like to go forward from here? Do you want to fix the sex in your relationship?

[Thirdleg]

It's not easy. We have other issues as well - separate bedrooms, as she has severe (medicated) insomnia and I snore.

I felt that my inhibition (knowing I'd hurt her, so holding back) was unhelpful. So that was the main reason I suggested trying other men.

The turning point for me, when I got excited by it all, was the 2nd man she met. He was part of a couple, and they wanted a 4some with us. I wasn't sure at all, but was willing to try. Then on the day, he said his wife wasn't able to be there, so he suggested he meet my wife solo and I talk on the phone with his wife. So we did...our spouses in a hotel room having sex, me and his wife at home having phone sex. She said she sometimes has couples set with her hubby, but often she just got off on her hubby seeing women solo
So that was a turning point for me!

Wife got back the next morning. She said she'd enjoyed herself, but that she hadn't cum and that the condom broke. I mean you wonder, did it really break? There was just so much going on at this stage!

[hubudig2]

So when she was with the 3rd and 4th guys, it was a turn on for you?
Then immediately after each, the jealousy/conflict set in and you backed away from the idea?
I guess when she started cheating it was even more conflicting?
Are you not tempted to ask about the experiences you don't know about?

[Thirdleg]

Definitely a turn on for me when she was out seeing those guys, yeah. She'd come home and she'd tell me about it, actually the part that I liked the most was seeing her get changed. She would be wearing her nicest lingerie.