Our Hotwives

Thank you for accepting of me as a new member to the OHW forum. Not sure where to start so am going to jump right in .

My hubby and I have been married for 20 years and we both have different hesitations about moving fully into the HW lifestyle as neither of us want to jeopardize our relationship. My hesitations are around crossing a line that one or both of us have regrets. While hubby seems to genuinely want me to experience sexual ecstasy, he is worried I may become emotionally involved and attached to another man.

My pleasure is paramount to my hubby and he shared his fantasy of watching me having sex with another man about a year ago. I was initially reluctant and more recently we have brought this fantasy into the bedroom by reading through this forum to each other, listening to audiobooks together, talking about me being pleasured by another man in detail, me sucking other men, and even bought a male torso doll to play with on some occasions. If I wanted, I am sure I could convince him to take the next step into a HW life with me.

Yet, I am on the fence about taking our HW fantasy to the next level and what rules we should have in place if we do. However, I must admit that fantasizing and talking with hubby about scenarios with other men makes me extremely hot and wet and always leads to extremely passionate sex and over-the-top orgasms.

What advice do you have to address hubby’s concerns? And, what can I do to ensure I receive the pleasure I deserve while not exceeding our limits?

Your advice is truly appreciated.

For starters, welcome. You'll find the group to be generally supportive, helpful, and informative.

Next, your hesitations are absolutely understandable and extremely typical. Frankly, I would be concerned about any couple that didn't have them. They're vital issues that need to be addressed.

While there is no guarantee that you two won't have some struggles and setbacks, I offer the following advice: Start taking your self-introspection moments and discussions from the fantasy level to the practical level. Specifically, on your own, each of you should devote some time to deciding on what you consider your must-haves, want-to-haves, potential concerns, and red lines. If you're interested, I can follow up with more topics to consider, but to name a few, I would consider what traits (e.g., physical and emotional) you're looking for in a partner, whether you are looking for a short-term or ongoing relationship with him, whether you will play alone or with husband, and what your husband's role would be. I'm pretty adamant that you should first consider these things on your own because it allows you both to come up with what you want without being influenced by one another.

Once you're reasonably confident you know what you want, I would find an evening when you two can have some time to yourselves, grab a bottle of wine, and share what you came up with. Yes, this can be a bit nerve-wracking and awkward, but amongst other things, it's the only way to identify the lines you are worried about crossing. The good news is that I bet you two will find a lot of overlap, and that should give you the confidence that you both are on the same page. Identifying areas where your interests or concerns don't overlap will also help you talk through them.

Hopefully, by the end of the conversation, you two should be able to confidently say what you want, what your spouse wants, and what you two are looking for... if you decide to explore the lifestyle. Again, you can't really know if you two are crossing a line if you haven't identified them.

One important thing to note is that this is more than a one-time conversation. I would recommend that you return to it every so often to see if you two are still on the same page. Things can and will change; this is especially true once you two actually start playing.

So, I think that gets to your line-crossing concern; now, let's talk about emotional attachment concerns. Again, that's a widespread concern. A straightforward option to avoid emotional entanglement is to keep things short-term (e.g., one-night stands). The downside there is that I find sex with my wives only gets better with time. Experience gives you a chance to build trust and comfort, allowing you to explore so much more. Additionally, one-night stands may increase the risk of things like STDs.

If short-term setups don't interest you, my next recommendation would be to seek out men with experience with couples. That will demonstrate that he enjoys being with a couple and isn't trying to change their situation. I know my role with my couples, and I am not trying to replace the husband as her romantic outlet.

Finally, your husband may want to remember that emotions aren't zero-sum. Just because you develop feelings for a partner, doesn't mean you will stop having feelings for your husband. You can love your husband for being the incredible husband he is while caring for your partner and what he provides you. One doesn't negate the other.

One last note: I loved reading this, "the pleasure I deserve." That is the right mindset. If you decide to proceed with this, it will not be the time to settle. Seek out a partner who has the physical attributes that you desire and has the sexual ability to use them. Within the boundaries of the previously mentioned limits, you should be able to have the sex that you want and deserve.

I think the thing to remember is that the two of you have used this fantasy wisely and it “always leads to extremely passionate sex and over-the-top orgasms.” Why push for reality. Some fantasies should stay fantasy… especially when they work.

That said, can’t disagree with anything Arhelete said above. If you move forward, talk.. talk outside of the bedroom. Make sure you are managing expectations, more so than setting them. There is a good probability (some might say high) that new relationship energy will take hold early in exploring this type of arraignment. That’s to be expected. If he can’t handle that or if you let it carry you, that is the real danger of moving forward. Know it’s there, know it’s likely to occur and figure out how you will manage it from both of your viewpoints.

Only the two of you truly knows your relationship and nothin g we say should challenge that. We don’t know the two of you.. but you know of he’s likely to feel jealous to the point of being harmful… he’ll have an idea of you can separate sex from feelings of attachment….

And just know the fantasy is hot and sexy and most of all safe. Not all of us want safe or are content with safe but if you dabble in fantasy and it leads to an amazing sex life, why put more obstacles in the way?

Do this as a couple so he is involved. Select the men together and use multiple men. Have hubby present and work out how he can get involved (guiding cock into you) and have him attend to pussy after you have been fucked.

Let him control the guy... ie. his name and contact info... also could you forward him my info ; )