absolute beginners ask for your advice

[Artemis]

My I introduce myself here, plz apologize for my English writing upfront.

I’m Sven 50, from Europe, married since 25 years, we are still somehow “vanillas“.
I must say, we do have a rather decent but active sexual life.
We are using numerous of toys (all good quality, very realistic dildos), using a wide selection of high heels and lingerie.

In regard to my expectations (this is not meant to be egoistic here): I would be interested to see my wife having sex with other men. I can’t say right now if I would then join in or not.
But I’m definitely NOT AT ALL into humiliation, not verbally and not physically, that's for sure!
Also, I would never involve people who we know.
And, I would never do it at, or close to our home.
I have not talked about this with my wife yet! Main reason: She expects me to be "the", or a “bull“ for her, which I have been over the last decades. She is rather submissive. I have no idea how she would react to my fantasy; Knowing her for almost 30 years, I expect she could react negative and dissapointed.

On the other hand, my wife is always making jokes about „double is always better…with a smile referring to a DP etc., but so far no third (or fourth) parties were involved at all.
I repeat, she's making jokes so far only.

Also we have been even visiting swingerclubs, just to check and to see this new world for us and to see whether it turn us on or not. We did have no real intentions to do something.... The outcome was unfortunaltely very sobering, we both were pretty dissapointed about the cleanliness there and also we had bad luck on these nights since there were no match for us to even start an initial discussion. Not ideal for newcomers, the athmosphere turned us rather down.

Now my idea is now to book a week in one oft these resorts in US, Caribbean, or Mexico who are sometiems mentioned in the forums here. The idea is to be far far away from home in a relaxed erotic athmosphere to break the ice.

Now I have 3 questions to the forum:
1.) Am I in the right forum with my phantasies? Referring to the fact that I’m not into humilation, but want to see my wife having sex with other men?
2.) How best should I try to convience my wife without risking a harm to our good realtion!!!
3.) Could someone recommend me one of these resorts and telling me:
- which season is the best?
- do we have to register in communities upfront?
- will they still let us in with the age of 45 and 50?
Thanks for your advice in advance,
Sven

[Lucky Dog]

Welcome, Artemis. I think you're in the right place, and hope you get more replies soon. All of us have had uncertainties when trying to get our wives to agree to this very exciting type of play. Each of us has done so differently, so I hope you find lots of good advice here. What does your wife like to do, and do you know what kind of men she finds attractive?

[Deeperlove1369]

Hello Sven.

1) Yes, you're in the right forum. My wife and I are also very turned off on the cuckold side of Hotwifing; you sound like us so if you want to label it, we're of the "Stag & Vixen" variety.

2) We've been married 30 years ourselves and it took me to year 21 to tell my wife about it (I've had this fantasy my whole life). It sounds to me like you've already "told" her in that you've more than "joked" about it, you're likely role-playing it with her toys and you've even not only talked about social events, you've already attended even though it wasn't the best experience for you. That being said, I found my very traditional wife, while surprised, confused, and in disbelief, did not look at me like a deranged pervert and was very supportive of me trusting her with my vulnerable desires. It still took months of conversation before she believed the things I was telling her and your wife will have the same questions, so if you really want to explore this lifestyle in reality, it is time to rip the bandaid off and just tell her...everything. You are going to find your already solid marriage is going to be enriched in ways you are not even expecting, regardless of how you both go forward. Remember, this is a team effort, you both need to be on the same page.

3) We can't advise you on resorts/clubs since we've never been to a club or any lifestyle event for that matter as my wife prefers to meet guys "naturally" and let nature take its course. We are dabbling in some online apps (SLS, SDC, Kasidie), but it is a daunting task to filter out the fakes, freaks, and creeps as many horny pervs troll those for a quick piece of married ass. The fact that your wife is open the lifestyle, your journey has already started.

[Artemis]

Hello Deeperlove1369,

first of all, thanks for your kind words and for coming back so specifically to my questions.
And yes, you might be right, I like the idea of being part of the "Stag & Vixen" variety! (hope my vixen will be soon too)

It is pretty much the first time for me that I have the opportunity to talk to people about these topics, it's already very exciting for me.

BTW, I would really love to get some hints from "new" and experienced females in this forum too!
I will definitely keep you posted.

[DDfun]

Hello and welcome, Sven! My wife and I have been where you are at now about 10 years ago when we got started in the lifestyle, and we are at similar ages to you now, so your descriptions sound very familiar to me. I believe we should get in touch, so please send me a PM, or let me know if I can send you one. Just I would rather confirm you are still actually active on these forums, before writing too much, since this was posted back in March. Regardless, good luck in your adventures!

[Swanilla]

My wife and I have been to both Desire RM and Desire Pearl numberous times. We have not been to Temptations or Hedo but have lots of friends that have been to them. Here is our take:

Desire RM and Desire Pearl: Our "home" - They are very similar. Both are "clothing optional" so you can dress as much or as little as you want and nobody will care. Most are 40's - 50's so you'd fit right in. It is couples only and classier than others.

Hedo: Younger and more "spring break" vibe. Singles allowed. Not as nice as Desire. MUST be nude or clothed, depending on the area you are in.

Temptation: Younger and more "spring break" vibe. Singles allowed. No nudity (topless only). More party atmoshere.

If you decide to go to any, there are some good web sites to get more information. Make sure you talk about things before going (We've seen men "surprise" their spouse... and this NEVER goes well). Go with no expectations and bring cloths/costumes for the theme nights (much more fun if you participate in the theme).

If you have ANY questions, feel free to reach out ot me - I'm always happy to help!