A good Catholic wife.

[Goodhubby7]

Hi all im just airing my thoughts and looking for posible advice.
Im happily married to a very attractive, very intelligent and extremely gym fit wife. Shes early 40s im early 50s.
We have a great relationship, 2 young kids but pretty much a sexless marriage. She dosent like to talk about it though.
She runs her own company, is the main breadwinner, is head of the household and is a bit of a control freak lol. Im laid back easy going and im happy for her to lead.
About 18months ago my gut was telling me she is cheating or close to it. Sudden cha ge of hair style, secretive over her phone, out more and quite a few strange explanations about possibly having to stay away overnight with work ( not uncommon except this time she would only be half an hour away but i she thought it she might have to stay overnight and not drive).
Anyway i never found any proof except i did find out she had started secretly smoking and had hidden it for maybe 3 or 4 months. My thoughts were why has she started again?, not told me? And how well she covered her tracks on that one.
Anyway ive always had a secret desire for her to be a hotwife but never told her. I know the best advice is have the talk, tell her outright etc. The problem with my wife is the control freak aspect, and he need to be seen as the perfect wife and good Catholic girl. Im certain if i suggest it she will freak out, completely dismiss it out of hand and never want to hear it again. She is extremely stubborn and bears terrible grudges.lol.
If it was her idea , or suggested by someone else it would probably have legs to progress.
We have fell into the trap of being parents and need to work on each other and quality time i know that, my problem is i cant have "the talk" with her as ive explained.
It would have been a lot easier if i had found proof of any affair, even just flirting etc, as i could have explained then im ok with it, encouraged it (because it would have started with her).
She goes to thw gym every day (without me) and occasionally she says she was chatting to a guy or guys have approached her. She tells me this when she seems in a very good mood, is happy or somewhat distracted. Almost like she forgets shes talking to me her husband. Most of the time she dosent say a word, its just occasionally.
Im sure there is some potential there, i just dont know how to move forward without risking her putting a complete stop to it before its even began.
I also beleieve a successful, determined wel eductaed woman, in her sexual prime, extremely physically fit, very attractive in a pretty much sexless marriage (which is very good in every other way) sounds like a good candidate for a hotwife, or am i wrong?.
Thanks for listening.

[4herpleasure89]

Sounds like a good candidate for cheating, not necessarily a hotwife.

[superb101]

I think you are a long way from having the type of marriage for hotwifing. Maybe even a bit delusional.

[Seekingmore12]

Several red flags

Seem like you want her to cheat, catch her and then open up…the trouble is the many other variables here such as her running off with her affair partner.

The other thing is the sexless marriage that appears to be in limbo.

I don’t see a path to hot wifing that will not be full of hurt for you…

My only thought here is since she is strong, determined and the main bread winner….that you may be a candidate for a true female led relationship, that could include denial, cages etc….if that’s what you want

I assume you jerk off allot to the thought…you could tell her you want to stop jerking off as you are addicted and need her help to control it…see what she says or leave some cuck porn open for her to find if you can’t bring it up yourself.

Above is a bit of a stretch….and I am with others, focus on your relationship before it’s too late and she cheats

[mundyman]

Hi all im just airing my thoughts and looking for posible advice.
Im happily married to a very attractive, very intelligent and extremely gym fit wife. Shes early 40s im early 50s.
We have a great relationship, 2 young kids but pretty much a sexless marriage. She dosent like to talk about it though.
She runs her own company, is the main breadwinner, is head of the household and is a bit of a control freak lol. Im laid back easy going and im happy for her to lead.
About 18months ago my gut was telling me she is cheating or close to it. Sudden cha ge of hair style, secretive over her phone, out more and quite a few strange explanations about possibly having to stay away overnight with work ( not uncommon except this time she would only be half an hour away but i she thought it she might have to stay overnight and not drive).
Anyway i never found any proof except i did find out she had started secretly smoking and had hidden it for maybe 3 or 4 months. My thoughts were why has she started again?, not told me? And how well she covered her tracks on that one.
Anyway ive always had a secret desire for her to be a hotwife but never told her. I know the best advice is have the talk, tell her outright etc. The problem with my wife is the control freak aspect, and he need to be seen as the perfect wife and good Catholic girl. Im certain if i suggest it she will freak out, completely dismiss it out of hand and never want to hear it again. She is extremely stubborn and bears terrible grudges.lol.
If it was her idea , or suggested by someone else it would probably have legs to progress.
We have fell into the trap of being parents and need to work on each other and quality time i know that, my problem is i cant have "the talk" with her as ive explained.
It would have been a lot easier if i had found proof of any affair, even just flirting etc, as i could have explained then im ok with it, encouraged it (because it would have started with her).
She goes to thw gym every day (without me) and occasionally she says she was chatting to a guy or guys have approached her. She tells me this when she seems in a very good mood, is happy or somewhat distracted. Almost like she forgets shes talking to me her husband. Most of the time she dosent say a word, its just occasionally.
Im sure there is some potential there, i just dont know how to move forward without risking her putting a complete stop to it before its even began.
I also beleieve a successful, determined wel eductaed woman, in her sexual prime, extremely physically fit, very attractive in a pretty much sexless marriage (which is very good in every other way) sounds like a good candidate for a hotwife, or am i wrong?.
Thanks for listening.

I’m currently in a relationship with a woman who has similar characteristics. Strict religious, conservative upbringing, very much a control freak, I’m more laid back, she keeps her sexuality very much undercover and doesn’t like to talk about sex. She takes care of me in pretty much every other way but just can’t seem to let go sexually. Her looks mirror Sharon Stone, thing Basic Instinct. And she’s catholic.
Our sex life was once very limited and seldom, the frustration building, until I had enough. In the midst of a mini argument about something else I brought our sex life and how it wasn’t meeting my needs.
Predictably her reaction was not positive and became very deflecting and defensive. But the thing is her wild side does come out after a very glasses of wine so I know it’s in there. I held my ground and presented my concerns. Initially sup he wasn’t very happy and that night ended with still some tension in the air.
But over the next couple of weeks we continued to talk about the situation, I continued to tell her what I desired and how I found it would not “cheapen” her and how it would strengthen our relationship.
I wish I could tell you it meant she became the hotwife of my dreams, but that didn’t happen. However she has become much more openly sexual, experimental, willing to try and be outside of her comfort zone. We are slowly exploring her and our sexuality.
Bottom line: buck up, take a deep breath and begin to have these discussions. Be prepared for the gaslighting and denials and accusations. Be honest and hopefully over time she will come to understand and accept your needs. Remember you are up against years of conditioning and religious training often demands women to shield and deny their sexuality.
Good luck and please continue to share how things are going.

[wulfenus]

I find the smoking notable. I never saw my wife smoke or have an interest even. After we were married I'd find a butt out front or in the side yard. So she wasnt too sly about hiding it. So I wasnt for being a regular smoker, which she wasn't, but she would have one now and then. I think it made her feel a little naughty and in control of what she wanted to do. A kind of rebellion against my perceived 'goodness', that is not smoking, working out etc.

We often read hot stories, such as Penthouse letters and the like before and during sex. Sometimes I would modify them a bit to make it more about us, they were always wife-getting-laid by someone else stories.

One time I added to a story -- that the wife was taking w/another man, and with him she had a cigarette to feel naughty and show her husband she could be wild and it felt dangerous to do it with this other guy.


She made a point of saying she liked that part of the story and I could tell it made for a hotter experience that night.

[aztd]

Following

[BeNatural]

I like mundyman's reply a lot.

It sounds like you know her quite well. It sucks to see how a woman behaves similar to non-monogamy (or is cheating), but won't take on actually having permission. In an audiobook about female infidelity called Untrue, it is mentioned that some women prefer the secrecy if they will actually shag others. One reason is to have full control instead of rules.

You never know though. There could be growing pains before eventually having more openness at least in talking about sex.

It crosses my mind that a spouse can give permission at any point. It's a different mental situation for them if they've been hiding it, and then they have permission. It doesn't mean they'll become honest (if it was even happening), but they'll probably adjust their mindset a little bit slowly.

[safado]

It would be possible to find out if she is having an affair by looking at her phone calls, if you have a family wireless and cable package. If she is there will be frequent and long phone calls to the same number.

Another thing I recommend is a GPS tracker on her car. Credit card charges may be a clue, but he's probably paying.

If she is having an affair you can have the satisfaction of where and when she is fucking him. You can remain silent.

[philxxo]

It sounds to me more likely that she will cheat and leave you, rather than hotwife for you. There is no way around having the sexual desire conversation. Find out why you guys don't have sex. Depending on the answer you get, have the hotwife talk also. Tell her she can be sexually free and have any gym fit guy she wants and you would be happy for her. If you think she is having an affair, perhaps you could ask her and see what she says. She might confess and let you know why. Perhaps you could hire a private investigator. If she isn't having sex with you there are only 3 options - she has no sexual desire, she is masturbating, or she is having sex with someone else. Women can have hormone problems or other things leading to no sexual desire, so that is a definite possibility. It's also possible that if she is wearing the pants in the family, that she just has no sexual desire for you. You have lots talk with her about.

[funfortwo]

I'm not sure I am qualified to provide a response that would seem credible. We are relatively new at this stuff, but learning and enjoying the journey.
My wife has never cheated with anyone else and was totally against the hotwifing scene. But, over time, she started to change her attitude about taking the leap into the lifestyle. I was a lurker for years before I started to post about our lives. In our relationship, we don't have any secrets and discuss everything. We are best friends, parents and truly enjoy sex, even before we took the leap. Even with a solid foundation, we had some bumps along the road after entering the lifestyle. I honestly believe that if we went into this LS with a rocky foundation, unable to effectively communicate, it would have started the demise of our marriage. In her words, our life was amazing before, but we have added a dynamic that took it to a new level. It has improved our communication wherein we can talk about a lot of topics, including her experiences with her BF. Just some thoughts from a newbie...

[jadedbutcurious]

Hate to be another bell sounding the cheating alarm, but if you are not getting sex from her, that is most likely what is going on. You haven't been able to prove it. That just means she knows you SO well she can hide it more effectively. Since your relationship is being led by her, she is probably being submissive to much more dominate man possibly BDSM even if light.
There are tons of cheating spouse stories on reddit to find resources as far as books about cheaters and their red flags. You already mentioned a couple of them. Learn more of them.
You might be a laid back easy going man, but NO ONE deserves to be lied to and cheated on.
Your only recourse to gather proof is to hire a private investigator. Hire a P I and get proof.
What you do with that proof is up to you.
Some how some way you have lost your man card with her and she no longer respects you. You will have to find some way to get that back. While the Catholic church frowns heavily on divorce, the reality is many Catholics do get divorced. Even the church has no answer for the real world result of a woman leaving their man, because she longer respects him.
If it means taking charge in the bedroom, then do it.

Others have said you have to get the relationship between you back on track sexually and elsewhere. Listen to them, they are right.

[2inUPMichigan]

Hi all im just airing my thoughts and looking for posible advice.
Im happily married to a very attractive, very intelligent and extremely gym fit wife. Shes early 40s im early 50s.
We have a great relationship, 2 young kids but pretty much a sexless marriage. She dosent like to talk about it though.
She runs her own company, is the main breadwinner, is head of the household and is a bit of a control freak lol. Im laid back easy going and im happy for her to lead.
About 18months ago my gut was telling me she is cheating or close to it. Sudden cha ge of hair style, secretive over her phone, out more and quite a few strange explanations about possibly having to stay away overnight with work ( not uncommon except this time she would only be half an hour away but i she thought it she might have to stay overnight and not drive).
Anyway i never found any proof except i did find out she had started secretly smoking and had hidden it for maybe 3 or 4 months. My thoughts were why has she started again?, not told me? And how well she covered her tracks on that one.
Anyway ive always had a secret desire for her to be a hotwife but never told her. I know the best advice is have the talk, tell her outright etc. The problem with my wife is the control freak aspect, and he need to be seen as the perfect wife and good Catholic girl. Im certain if i suggest it she will freak out, completely dismiss it out of hand and never want to hear it again. She is extremely stubborn and bears terrible grudges.lol.
If it was her idea , or suggested by someone else it would probably have legs to progress.
We have fell into the trap of being parents and need to work on each other and quality time i know that, my problem is i cant have "the talk" with her as ive explained.
It would have been a lot easier if i had found proof of any affair, even just flirting etc, as i could have explained then im ok with it, encouraged it (because it would have started with her).
She goes to thw gym every day (without me) and occasionally she says she was chatting to a guy or guys have approached her. She tells me this when she seems in a very good mood, is happy or somewhat distracted. Almost like she forgets shes talking to me her husband. Most of the time she dosent say a word, its just occasionally.
Im sure there is some potential there, i just dont know how to move forward without risking her putting a complete stop to it before its even began.
I also beleieve a successful, determined wel eductaed woman, in her sexual prime, extremely physically fit, very attractive in a pretty much sexless marriage (which is very good in every other way) sounds like a good candidate for a hotwife, or am i wrong?.
Thanks for listening.

My first thoughts after reading this were - she must be exhausted! Sounds like she is always busy, does she ever have down time? I can tell you that being a hotwife is taking on yet another role that will take some of her time. Does she have that time? Or would it stress her out?

How old did you say your children are? If they are very young her priorities are focused not only on her business but on them. Unfortunately if the two of you have not made a concerted effort to prioritize your relationship then it will take a backseat to the kids when they are young.

What I am asking is, when was the last time the two of you got a babysitter and went out on a date together? Not just for an hour but for the entire night. Really relax and spend some quality time together. Do the two of you do that?

You can't expect to expand your sex life to include other people if the two of you aren't having sex or can't talk about sex openly and honestly. So start there. Start dating each other again, building up towards having sex again. Share what first turned you on about her and what still turns you on about her.

You can't sprint until you walk, so start there. And good luck!

[vanquished005]

i would love to chat with you and compare notes about our catholic wives.

my 60YO catholic wife had been faithful for most of our marriage. she was a virgin when we got married and, until about 4 years or so ago, i believe that she had never even seen or touched another man's cock.

My wife is very involved with our local catholic church and our diocese. She is on the parish's board of trustees and various diocese committees, she gets involved with different church ministries, she teaches religious education to teenagers and the like. She also started a Bible study group.

to cut to the chase, over the past 4 years she has been cheating on me with 2 mone (that i know of) who are in our parish, including one of our priests.

i have not confronted her, for reasons i'd be happy to discuss. but i cant stop thinking about her cheating, especially when i know that she is with her boyfriend.

very weird thing....A while back, I suggested that she have sex with another guy while I would watch. She flew into a rage, lectured me for an hour on our “sacred catholic wedding vows”, and didn’t speak to me for a month. She also closed her legs to me for 6 months. Now, she is bending over for another man’s cock and tongue behind my back.

[CuriousHusband91941]

i would love to chat with you and compare notes about our catholic wives.

my 60YO catholic wife had been faithful for most of our marriage. she was a virgin when we got married and, until about 4 years or so ago, i believe that she had never even seen or touched another man's cock.

My wife is very involved with our local catholic church and our diocese. She is on the parish's board of trustees and various diocese committees, she gets involved with different church ministries, she teaches religious education to teenagers and the like. She also started a Bible study group.

to cut to the chase, over the past 4 years she has been cheating on me with 2 mone (that i know of) who are in our parish, including one of our priests.

i have not confronted her, for reasons i'd be happy to discuss. but i cant stop thinking about her cheating, especially when i know that she is with her boyfriend.

very weird thing....A while back, I suggested that she have sex with another guy while I would watch. She flew into a rage, lectured me for an hour on our “sacred catholic wedding vows”, and didn’t speak to me for a month. She also closed her legs to me for 6 months. Now, she is bending over for another man’s cock and tongue behind my back.

You and your lady need to work on some things privately before she continues at your parish and before you continue to indulge in your fantasy by including her. I have my own desires that are antithetical to Catholic teaching but my wife knows them and teases me, plays along with me. I have been on these sites for years and have read many couples who have great relationships despite their unorthodox behaviors and rules. They stay on the same page with the same goals.

[annsman]

I don't mean to be contentious, but what is her being Catholic got to do with it?
My wife is Jewish, previous girlfriends have been of all faiths and none at all and were all open minded about sex.

[CuriousHusband91941]

I don't mean to be contentious, but what is her being Catholic got to do with it?
My wife is Jewish, previous girlfriends have been of all faiths and none at all and were all open minded about sex.

Non-Monogomy is not Church teaching. Being that she is so involved with her local parish, it's an issue. To your exact words though, being open-minded about sex does not have to include having an open relationship of any type.
More to the point, what a religion teaches is not always reflected in the individuals who practice said religion. It's not correct to judge a faith on the people we know as they may not be convicted in everything in their religion or they may be woefully ignorant of the details.
More to my point, a healthy marriage is very important in the practice of Catholicism. Not allowing your partner to have sex with you out of anger is not healthy. It's a deprivation of what is owed to the other (aka marital debt).
As adults we have a decision about how we want to live. Whether or not that is healthy and in line with our core beliefs is something we have to wrestle with. Specifically including our spouses in that is a good thing.

[Midnight Joker]

I don't mean to be contentious, but what is her being Catholic got to do with it?
My wife is Jewish, previous girlfriends have been of all faiths and none at all and were all open minded about sex.

Never met a Jewish girl (and I've dated many) that weren't complete sluts. I hear that changes after you marry them, though.

[annsman]

I don't mean to be contentious, but what is her being Catholic got to do with it?
My wife is Jewish, previous girlfriends have been of all faiths and none at all and were all open minded about sex.

Never met a Jewish girl (and I've dated many) that weren't complete sluts. I hear that changes after you marry them, though.

Neither my wife, nor me have had any problem with religion and which god they believe in and we can't understand the hatred between people who do believe in different gods.

I would never call my wife a slut (I wouldn't dare), but if anything she has got more adventurous since we married. I'm surprised that you think they change after they get married, my experience is that all girls get more sexually relaxed in a committed relationship and certainly that was true with my wife

Her ex was controlling and wouldn't let her wear anything sexy or relate to other men, so when she realised I liked her being and acting sexy she became a lot less inhibited. When we married, knowing she had my support she embraced her sexuality, flashing, flirting then having sex with other men.

I don't think this has anything to do with her being Jewish or her religion.

I had an affair with a married Irish girl with her husband's approval, they were supposedly church going catholic but didn't see her having an affair with me with his approval as a sin.

My wife's family is Jewish, although only two are believers.
She's married to me an atheist as did one of her brothers.
Hers sister married to a relapsed catholic.
One of our nephews married a Sikh girl and a niece married a Muslim, so we are a vey eclectic mix of religions and cultures and there has never been any problem with our meeting as families.

I know I've strayed off topic, but in my experience religion should not come in to it. I don't se how a (married) couple doing something they both enjoy can be wrong.

[CuriousHusband91941]

I point to my previous post. A lot in religion is morally definitive concerning sexuality and who/what God is.
My fantasies here are not inline with my faith and I go to and from, regarding my desires on this matter.
If most on this website is accurate, there are both happy couples and unhappy ones who have tried this LS.
I don't know of any religion that says it is moral grey matter for a man to let his wife have sex with other men.
Couples just need to agree to not believe in said religion or that they won't bother living fidelity to their faith regarding sexual matters.

[mfm4bnc]

To help me understand this better, tell me what YOU bring to the table. What is going to make her want to stay if she finds someone to have great sex with? What made her fall in love with you? What keeps her married to you?

My question is not so I can judge you. There are no good or bad reasons for what turns you on. However, there are reasons more or less likley to be realized.