Should I reveal my fantasy?

[Thin-University-6131]

Hi all, as I'm sure it is for all of you, these questions of if/how/when to reveal my hotwife fantasy to my partner is driving me up a wall.
So I need your help and constructive opinions, as I have nowhere else to go for advice on this matter.
I'll try to keep this brief and well-organized, so please read the full story and then give your conclusion.
Thank you!

Background
I'm in my late 20s and my fiancee is 4 years younger than me. I'll call her Jane.
We met when she was still a virgin and have been together for 8 years.
I would say our relationship is incredibly strong and filled with love. We are crazier about each other than we were, say 5 years ago.
It doesn't hurt that she is gorgeous.

The biggest issue for us is that from about year 3 of our relationship to year 7, we had a huge issue with our sex life.
Sure, there was the pandemic and some stressful life events, but Jane's libido crashed to the point where we were lucky to have sex once a month.
It was the typical cycle of a dead bedroom. But through persistent talks and her own efforts through therapy, we are finally in a place where she takes initiative on a weekly basis.

One of the first signs that she may be receptive was that we were having a conversation a few months back about sexual fantasies.
Of course, I've been hiding the fact that I've had a hotwife fantasy for nearly a decade from her.
We were talking about fantasies that seem hot in theory / porn but we would never do in real life.
I mentioned an orgy, because it's hot in videos but it would be way too stressful and kind of gross.
We then got into talking about threesomes and I admitted (to no one's surprise) that a FMF threesome would be hot.
That's when she said "obviously" MFM threesomes are hot for women. "You just sort of lie there and get all the.. you know"
She asked me whether I would be open to either threesomes and when I said yes, she was very pleasantly surprised.
A few days later we tried talking dirty in bed about threesomes.
I asked her if we had a threesome with a guy what race she'd want. She said maybe a white or black guy cause she's never been with one (I'm latino).
I mentioned my favorite porn video was with an actress that looks like Jane and two guys. I said I imagined her sucking me while she was fucked from behind. To be fair, I was really nervous so I didn't speak so directly but that was the gist.
Jane played along very briefly, but she was uncomfortable. She's a shy, 'proper' girl so she quickly moved off the topic.
A few days later she told me she felt like though she may be open to a threesome at some point, she felt like we were making it too real too quickly.
So I backed off.

Fast forward a few months (present day), we started watching porn together in bed.
Knowing that she scares easy, I didn't want to click on anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.
There have been some data points that are very encouraging, but also a few that make me feel cautious.
First of all, one night she pointed out a video titled "Cuckold gone wrong - she got addicted to him". Jane said it looked hot.
Though we didn't watch it (I don't know why I didn't have the guts to click on it - just trying to act too cool), at the end of the night I told her I loved how honest she was and open in sharing what she found hot, like cuckold porn. She said she did hesitate.
A few weeks later, she had me click on a video titled "Busty British Wife Gifted BBC Fantasy For 5 Year Anniversary".
We watched the first few seconds, but then she sort of freaked out and said I don't like it.
It might be because of the odd racial dynamic in some of these videos.
We ended up playing a non-explicitly cuckold video while we had sex, but it was a video of a actress that Jane knows I think looks like her. It was that actress getting fucked by a hung black guy.

I recognize these are great signs, but yesterday during a handjob when I brought up to her that I had a dream recently about us in a threesome, she didn't really pursue the topic.
I would imagine if she was truly interested she would have asked me what kind of threesome or more details.
It seems like I'm getting conflicting signs from her.

What do ya'll think?

[MatthewStagberg]

Well I think this is just the beginning. I have shared my fantasy of MFM or only watching with my wife[28] and since then she sometimes plays along dirty talk in bed.
I am sure that your spouse should understand this is hot fantasy of yours, but not actually be willing to Jump straight into it. I do not expect it from mine either. Want to make sure i desire it myself.

[Dream Weaver]

You are definitely in a tricky place. One piece of advice - which I’m 99% certain you know but maybe need the encouragement - which she does something like show interest in a cuckold video, don’t let that opportunity die. You’ll never make any progress.

You have to trust that if she shows interest, it’s real. The conversation might not go like you want, but that’s life.

If you can find that video, bring it up next time you browse with her.

Lastly, you should tell her about your fantasy of sharing her. It’s going to come up one day, so there is no point in delaying the inevitable. You might as well use the cuckold video as your in. Tell her offhandedly that “I have to admit the idea of sharing you is a turn on”.

If she really loves you she will not get mad. In fact I’d say is she can’t handle a statement like that, you’re sex like is doomed to boredom. I’d reconsider the marriage thing unless she brings some serious other things to the table (She better be a real wife who contributes financially or around the house and not some pillow princess)

[Thin-University-6131]

Thanks for the input gents.
It's really difficult to break that barrier and tell her I'm into something that I'm not entirely sure she is.

I guess the pessimistic voice in my head says that she is only trying to like it because she already thinks I do.

[Fapster69]

Check out my post about telling my girlfriend my fantasy!

viewtopic.php?f=48&t=70087

It went horribly wrong at the start but is going very well at the moment!

[aztd]

Hi all, as I'm sure it is for all of you, these questions of if/how/when to reveal my hotwife fantasy to my partner is driving me up a wall.
So I need your help and constructive opinions, as I have nowhere else to go for advice on this matter.
I'll try to keep this brief and well-organized, so please read the full story and then give your conclusion.
Thank you!

Background
I'm in my late 20s and my fiancee is 4 years younger than me. I'll call her Jane.
We met when she was still a virgin and have been together for 8 years.
I would say our relationship is incredibly strong and filled with love. We are crazier about each other than we were, say 5 years ago.
It doesn't hurt that she is gorgeous.

The biggest issue for us is that from about year 3 of our relationship to year 7, we had a huge issue with our sex life.
Sure, there was the pandemic and some stressful life events, but Jane's libido crashed to the point where we were lucky to have sex once a month.
It was the typical cycle of a dead bedroom. But through persistent talks and her own efforts through therapy, we are finally in a place where she takes initiative on a weekly basis.

One of the first signs that she may be receptive was that we were having a conversation a few months back about sexual fantasies.
Of course, I've been hiding the fact that I've had a hotwife fantasy for nearly a decade from her.
We were talking about fantasies that seem hot in theory / porn but we would never do in real life.
I mentioned an orgy, because it's hot in videos but it would be way too stressful and kind of gross.
We then got into talking about threesomes and I admitted (to no one's surprise) that a FMF threesome would be hot.
That's when she said "obviously" MFM threesomes are hot for women. "You just sort of lie there and get all the.. you know"
She asked me whether I would be open to either threesomes and when I said yes, she was very pleasantly surprised.
A few days later we tried talking dirty in bed about threesomes.
I asked her if we had a threesome with a guy what race she'd want. She said maybe a white or black guy cause she's never been with one (I'm latino).
I mentioned my favorite porn video was with an actress that looks like Jane and two guys. I said I imagined her sucking me while she was fucked from behind. To be fair, I was really nervous so I didn't speak so directly but that was the gist.
Jane played along very briefly, but she was uncomfortable. She's a shy, 'proper' girl so she quickly moved off the topic.
A few days later she told me she felt like though she may be open to a threesome at some point, she felt like we were making it too real too quickly.
So I backed off.

Fast forward a few months (present day), we started watching porn together in bed.
Knowing that she scares easy, I didn't want to click on anything that would make her feel uncomfortable.
There have been some data points that are very encouraging, but also a few that make me feel cautious.
First of all, one night she pointed out a video titled "Cuckold gone wrong - she got addicted to him". Jane said it looked hot.
Though we didn't watch it (I don't know why I didn't have the guts to click on it - just trying to act too cool), at the end of the night I told her I loved how honest she was and open in sharing what she found hot, like cuckold porn. She said she did hesitate.
A few weeks later, she had me click on a video titled "Busty British Wife Gifted BBC Fantasy For 5 Year Anniversary".
We watched the first few seconds, but then she sort of freaked out and said I don't like it.
It might be because of the odd racial dynamic in some of these videos.
We ended up playing a non-explicitly cuckold video while we had sex, but it was a video of a actress that Jane knows I think looks like her. It was that actress getting fucked by a hung black guy.

I recognize these are great signs, but yesterday during a handjob when I brought up to her that I had a dream recently about us in a threesome, she didn't really pursue the topic.
I would imagine if she was truly interested she would have asked me what kind of threesome or more details.
It seems like I'm getting conflicting signs from her.

What do ya'll think?

I think that she probably hasn't come to terms her with it. Go slow, but most maybe find it exciting, but will never act on it

[Cuckhub91]

Tell her exactly how you feel about the fantasy. Honesty is key.

[lanceHarden25]

Just tell her that the idea of her with another guy turns you on. Acknowledge that - of course - she doesn’t have to act on it but it’s something you find hot. What’s she gonna do ? Besides it’s difficult walking around feeling this way without ever telling her. She was a virgin when you met but surely she’s had desires for coworkers or celebrities.

[Thin-University-6131]

She actually did tell me once that she had sexual feelings for a coworker and she felt so guilty about it. This was during our 'dead bedroom' era. I told her it's natural but to be honest I was really turned on.

[lanceHarden25]

She actually did tell me once that she had sexual feelings for a coworker and she felt so guilty about it. This was during our 'dead bedroom' era. I told her it's natural but to be honest I was really turned on.

So there’s something to work with, that’s very good. Do you feel comfortable bringing that up with her and telling how it made you feel? It seems like a natural opening.

I didn’t check above, but do you go down on her frequently? Do you give her slow, sensuous foot, leg and body massages? Shave her pussy? My wife goes insane for all the above. And when I’ve got her feeling great I introduce the idea of ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to have another guy treat you like this once a month ( whatever frequency)? ‘

And hell, what woman doesn’t want TWO guys giving them slow, sensuous massages, grooming their pussies and going down on them?

Buy her some sexy cuckold themed panties from Etsy. Let her play slutty with you. I think lots of women like to play slutty, bad girls in the bedroom.

[leggysman]

I think you should just tell her already. Lead up to it with hints, for a while, if you feel like you need to. But come clean.

Telling your partner your naughty fantasies is actually a lot of fun, and also a relief, if you're harboring a strong kink like the one we have. Then ask about hers too.

I'm honestly baffled by how many couples (most, probably) can't just talk honestly about this stuff. I couldn't live that way. Everyone seems so hobbled by fear and shame. It's a tragedy; couples who could be living out their fantasies together, bottling things up for years and years, and never *really* knowing one another sexually.

Be bold. Tell her! I doubt you'll be sorry you did. Quite the opposite, I expect.

[leggysman]

Also, point her to this site (or similar reading materials) so she can learn that it's a really common kink in men, that you're not some kind of weird sissy or whatever, and that there are plenty of hotwives out there in the world. And if a MFM threesome is most appealing to her, make sure she understands that she'd be making a fantasy come true for you. Not just that you'd "be OK with" it or whatever, as if you don't care what she does. Tell her you want it.

[Statein88]

I think you should just tell her already. Lead up to it with hints, for a while, if you feel like you need to. But come clean.

Telling your partner your naughty fantasies is actually a lot of fun, and also a relief, if you're harboring a strong kink like the one we have. Then ask about hers too.

I'm honestly baffled by how many couples (most, probably) can't just talk honestly about this stuff. I couldn't live that way. Everyone seems so hobbled by fear and shame. It's a tragedy; couples who could be living out their fantasies together, bottling things up for years and years, and never *really* knowing one another sexually.

Be bold. Tell her! I doubt you'll be sorry you did. Quite the opposite, I expect.

That’s great advice leggysman!

We will probably never act on anything (in our situation), but man talking about it as well as other things has been so beneficial to communication and trust. We’ve grown and learned from it. A lot.

[Thin-University-6131]

Thanks for the encouragement and words of advice, gents.
I think I might have an angle in with the porn, given that we have a flow going there.
Any porn recommendations that aren't too 'humiliation' oriented ?

[armyguyot1]

You might look in the links at videos people post there.