Did she? Or didn't she?

[stillhopeful]

On the other side, she has lost weight, she does casually mention the "work husband", and been more amorous. What has her behavior and demeanor been like since the party?

Very affectionate.

More so than normal?

The affection level has been on the increase the past couple of months, and a little more so since the party.

[superb101]

What is your thinking now?

[stillhopeful]

What is your thinking now?

Very much unsure.

Of course the wannabe in me wants the answer to be She Did!
The more rational me says there is no solid evidence anything happened, and what my suspicions are based on is circumstantial and weak. But after 25 years together, there is something different that I can't put my finger on.

[coastalkid]

What is your thinking now?

Very much unsure.

Of course the wannabe in me wants the answer to be She Did!
The more rational me says there is no solid evidence anything happened, and what my suspicions are based on is circumstantial and weak. But after 25 years together, there is something different that I can't put my finger on.

If (or since) you have suspicions I'm sure that the 25 years has a lot to do with it. You can't be around a person for that amount of time and not have learned/picked up on behaviors and anticipated responses. I'm sure that the reason for the increase in affection nags at you, It would me.

Maybe the next time you have sex with your wife you could casually mention, "Oh baby that was great, thank you! Things have been so awesome lately. It feels like you've intentionally stepped up things lately and I love it. Have I done something lately that I don't realize I've done to deserve this attention?" That may open the door to more discussion if you make it all about you and how good she makes you feel.

Whether she did it or not will be easier to discover when you find out why she has behaved differently of late.

[Gearup]

I still think something happened. Maybe she did / maybe she didn't but something was not normal that day.

You have had discussions about your desire to share her in the past. Let her know that wish is still alive today. Share the many positive personal improvements you have noticed that she has made in recent times and point out how desirable she is....not only to you but to other men. Subtilely let her know you encourage her exploring her feelings. Some women are really good at keeping their secrets.

[Shiphead]

The only real important part of the equation is how you feel. It's that simple.

The rest of us here have opinions that really don't matter. If you can deal with it either way, then just choose to keep a positive attitude about it.

But I have some questions to ask since I want to consider if I was in that situation, how I would feel.

Has she in your 20 years of marriage, ever
done that before? Have you ever gone to an event and came home to her washing her clothes and showering at that time of day?
What also matters is if you had given her permission to be with someone else? Some stories I've read on OHW, the guy will give permission to go ahead and do it, but have a different scenario in their fantasy of how it was supposed to happen. They never get to the point of setting ground rules, they just say they would be OK if it ever happened.
These guys get so wrapped up in trying to get her to be a HW, that they just give an open ended option for her to fuck someone else.
Some work out well and some don't.
You may want to consider what you have said and how you have left things when you're horny.

[stillhopeful]

But I have some questions to ask since I want to consider if I was in that situation, how I would feel.

Has she in your 20 years of marriage, ever
done that before? Nothing that made me this suspicious

Have you ever gone to an event and came home to her washing her clothes and showering at that time of day? She does have to wash her clothes and /or shower on rate occasions, but usually she gives a specific reason, this time it was simply "wash the filth off"

What also matters is if you had given her permission to be with someone else? Many times. I've packed condoms in her suitcase when she traveled without me and always made sure she had a hall pass if she met someone

Some stories I've read on OHW, the guy will give permission to go ahead and do it, but have a different scenario in their fantasy of how it was supposed to happen. They never get to the point of setting ground rules, they just say they would be OK if it ever happened. We never set grounds rules per se, but have talked in the bedroom of things like 'no one can cum on her face' or 'no choking'. The other thing I've told her is I'm okay with it as long as she lets me know
These guys get so wrapped up in trying to get her to be a HW, that they just give an open ended option for her to fuck someone else.
Some work out well and some don't.
You may want to consider what you have said and how you have left things when you're horny.

[Gearup]

stillhopeful
trying to read between the lines. My guess is that your last post is meant to show that you have serious doubts about what your wife did that day. If that is the case, it might be time to talk with your wife. simple & easy something like "is there anything we should be discussing? Let her possible guilt bring her to the point of self confession if any.

[shadowtantra]

I agree with much that has been said but I think what I would recommend is that you speak with your wife as has been suggested here. Coming from a supportive and loving husband can preempt stress or fear that she may be feeling if she did do something with the work husband. She may have guilt that she did do something and is too ashamed to tell you. As others have said it might be nothing but exploring it with her is important for you.

I had a similar experience when my wife had a work husband about 10 years ago. she started to act differently. She was more passionate with me and she was more stressed to the point that she nearly had a breakdown. I found out that she had had an affair and that it had recently ended. I had asked her numerous times if there was anything happening and each time she said no. She was too afraid to tell me because of her own past history and that she thought I would take the kids and leave her. I am not proud of how I responded to the affair - lots of anger at having been lied to and crushed that she could not trust me to tell me. This all happened before I found OHW but I have since shared with her that my response to her was one of my life's regrets. Had I come in to the conversation with compassion, curiosity and love, I think it could have been a very different healing process.

[stillhopeful]

She said she didn't.
There are still some discrepancies that will bug me for a long time but I will take her word for it.
I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and told her I would always have the desire.
Thanks for all the advice and support.

[Dream Weaver]

She said she didn't.
There are still some discrepancies that will bug me for a long time but I will take her word for it.
I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and told her I would always have the desire.
Thanks for all the advice and support.

Awwe. That's fine. Really no need to feel bad about it (if you are).

[coastalkid]

I agree with much that has been said but I think what I would recommend is that you speak with your wife as has been suggested here. Coming from a supportive and loving husband can preempt stress or fear that she may be feeling if she did do something with the work husband. She may have guilt that she did do something and is too ashamed to tell you. As others have said it might be nothing but exploring it with her is important for you.

I had a similar experience when my wife had a work husband about 10 years ago. she started to act differently. She was more passionate with me and she was more stressed to the point that she nearly had a breakdown. I found out that she had had an affair and that it had recently ended. I had asked her numerous times if there was anything happening and each time she said no. She was too afraid to tell me because of her own past history and that she thought I would take the kids and leave her. I am not proud of how I responded to the affair - lots of anger at having been lied to and crushed that she could not trust me to tell me. This all happened before I found OHW but I have since shared with her that my response to her was one of my life's regrets. Had I come in to the conversation with compassion, curiosity and love, I think it could have been a very different healing process.

Thanks for your honest account. Mistakes are easily made when emotions and desires are involved. They seem to prompt other mistakes in the form of overreaction, grudges, contempt and list goes on. Anticipating the consequence of an uncharacteristic response while emotionally charged has to be a difficult task. You often read where a husband discovers his wife's infidelity and his head is swirling with worse case scenarios. Invariably, he ends up in a bar drowning his sorrows.

I really appreciate you saying that you were not proud of your reaction and response. It speaks to how potent the emotions are. The wife knew it was wrong and she let her emotions do it anyway. You knew (or rather found out later) things would have been better if you had not responded the way you did. Your emotions lead you there anyway. Nobody is perfect.

How are things now?

[coastalkid]

She said she didn't.
There are still some discrepancies that will bug me for a long time but I will take her word for it.
I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and told her I would always have the desire.
Thanks for all the advice and support.

Honestly, probably just move on. At a minimum she knows she has your attention enough to ask her. If you're convinced then let it go to your "over active imagination".

[Gearup]

Thanks for responding.Sorry it didn't work out for you.

Hoping you get your dream fulfilled at some point in the future. It would be a real turn on.

[stillhopeful]

So a week after our conversation in which she said never never never gonna happen, we’re making love and she says; “thanks for coming over and fixing my hot tub”. I didn’t say anything but thought; now you’re being cruel. A couple minutes later she adds to it saying maybe you should come check the chemicals more often. This time I replied that we could probably schedule something. Her reply to that was; “maybe you could bring a buddy to help you”.
Sigh. It’s hard for me to not keep thinking it may happen when she initiates that kind of role play.
Enjoy!

[Dream Weaver]

So a week after our conversation in which she said never never never gonna happen, we’re making love and she says; “thanks for coming over and fixing my hot tub”. I didn’t say anything but thought; now you’re being cruel. A couple minutes later she adds to it saying maybe you should come check the chemicals more often. This time I replied that we could probably schedule something. Her reply to that was; “maybe you could bring a buddy to help you”.
Sigh. It’s hard for me to not keep thinking it may happen when she initiates that kind of role play.
Enjoy!

Have fun with her at her speed, you never really know what's going to happen.

[Gearup]

So a week after our conversation in which she said never never never gonna happen, we’re making love and she says; “thanks for coming over and fixing my hot tub”. I didn’t say anything but thought; now you’re being cruel. A couple minutes later she adds to it saying maybe you should come check the chemicals more often. This time I replied that we could probably schedule something. Her reply to that was; “maybe you could bring a buddy to help you”.
Sigh. It’s hard for me to not keep thinking it may happen when she initiates that kind of role play.
Enjoy!

So she is willing to role play a little - celebrate that! many of us have spouses that can't even get that far.

Your job is to keep the fantasy part alive by suggesting more role playing in the future. keep it fresh and even weave in a little real life scenarios when possible. For example - you take your wife out of town for a trip. while dining or in the hotel bar role play that you are her "work husband Sam" (or what ever his real name is) and you are on a business trip or at a coference together. Have a couple drinks and then suggest that the 2 of you take it upstairs to review some notes in your room while having a night cap. Seduce her and fuck her while staying in the role of work husband Sam (make the sex different than your normal routine in bed - do things to her that you never do and only Sam does - spice it up!)

[stillhopeful]

So a week after our conversation in which she said never never never gonna happen, we’re making love and she says; “thanks for coming over and fixing my hot tub”. I didn’t say anything but thought; now you’re being cruel. A couple minutes later she adds to it saying maybe you should come check the chemicals more often. This time I replied that we could probably schedule something. Her reply to that was; “maybe you could bring a buddy to help you”.
Sigh. It’s hard for me to not keep thinking it may happen when she initiates that kind of role play.
Enjoy!

So she is willing to role play a little - celebrate that! many of us have spouses that can't even get that far.

Your job is to keep the fantasy part alive by suggesting more role playing in the future. keep it fresh and even weave in a little real life scenarios when possible. For example - you take your wife out of town for a trip. while dining or in the hotel bar role play that you are her "work husband Sam" (or what ever his real name is) and you are on a business trip or at a coference together. Have a couple drinks and then suggest that the 2 of you take it upstairs to review some notes in your room while having a night cap. Seduce her and fuck her while staying in the role of work husband Sam (make the sex different than your normal routine in bed - do things to her that you never do and only Sam does - spice it up!)

Insightful and some sage advice for sure, thank you very much!