I don't truly want this...do I?

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justathoughtm
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I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by justathoughtm » Thu Dec 19, 2024 8:51 am

Been fighting these thoughts for the last couple of months. It gets my heart racing like no other and it makes me cum faster than anything else have in my life.

I met my amazing girlfriend nearly 2 years ago and it has been the most amazing time of my life. She is everyting I want and crave from a partner. While we have our mini fights it's mostly figuring things out. We are so similiar in our thought patterns on most things. Our sex can be so great and she loves swallowing but prefers me cumming inside her. Have had some kinks to work out and personally I am a little worried I might seem boring in bed, we have had many talks and by her own admission, I am by far the best sex she has ever had. I am inclined to believe it consinder how much she craves it, how much she likes it when we do etc.

I guess this is where I begin talking about this. These thoughts have been extremely consuming at times. I don't enjoy the humiliation aspect of this thing. My thought usually are on a more wild encounter where we have some drinks out, we go to a hotel room or the like and a third party shows up. I played with the idea of a threesome but me somehow me watching what is transpiring is what gets me more going. And i want the whole thing from the start as well which is also just a bad idea by itself. The fantasy is that the person passionately makes love while also taking control. Her begging him to cum inside her and he obliges while she cums at the same time. Afterwards she licks his cock clean and swallows whatever cum is on his dick.


But at the same time I really want these thoughts to go. I found my dream girl, I want to start a family. Hell I am the jealous type as well though the emotional aspect is way more concerning for me. I draw a hard line as I never want there to be a third party in that sense or some type of boyfriend on the side. That seems very far away from this kink is for me. Think it stems from my own jealousy and lust I had growing up, never really getting the girl I wanted, watching porn by myself yet not truly getting those experiences. But it has not been a long going thing for me. I thought that porn was hot but never really a big fantasy. I guess truly I have no clue why. And I feel so certain that it's not a type of lifestyle I could tolerate.


It would have to be way more about me and her and I feel, much more controlling from my side. Not so much she messaging back and forth with people, having that constant connection about someone that she wants in her life. And one could say that is totally the wrong type of thing for this but at the same time, this is all about what works. And I don't wanna lose that at all, this is more spicing up the sex part of our life, not our entire life.

Ironically I have always been very mongamous by nature and I hate the idea of cheating. But the idea of someone having my precious everything, cumming inside while she begs for it is so extremely intoxicating. I have a hard time not fantasizing about it all the time.


About a month ago I actually had some form of talk to her about it. I flat out said I had thoughts about her fucking other men. She was extremely intrigued but at the same time bewildered as I am totally not that type of person in her eyes. I did get cold feet a bit and said I would enjoy maybe a threesome but maybe just watch while I saw her enjoy herself to the fullest. Seeing that from a different type of angle was extremely arousing.
We did talk some more my heart was racing so fast at this time I dont remember everything. But I remember feeling at one point that she thought it was awful and I said we can stop talking about this and it was not a big deal but then she said "I mean nooo, I am not totally opposed the idea, just wrapping my head around it all as this is so shocking".

My cock was a diamond at that point but I was sitting in a position where I could hide it. We also talked briefly about how did I see that happening and how it had to be a stranger. And the whole part about protection and what not. She got quite carried away as she knew i was excited. I felt it was going so well and I said I prefer if he came inside as well. She did mention that she feels rubber isn't any good at all and what not and kinda agreed. Early in the morning after I rubbed her and she said it was extremely hot thinking about someone finishing inside her and then I would finish inside her after that point. That whole weekend was crazy. Reading up on experiences here, mine seem to go at lightning pace which squared me at the time. I got extremely cold feet and I said that it was just a really fantasy that had been on my mind and the reality of it seems incredibly unrealistic and not something I would actually want. We talked more and more about it that day and she admitted she got carried away as well like the whole cumming inside thing, actually doing it and for her it was a lot about my excitement for it, not her own. That freaked me out as well because now I figured she was just saying that since she could tell the reality of it all seemed really daunting at me. Or was it something in between?

Personally, I think she would like to occasionally have some other cock with me watching. And she would do all those things I would like. I do not think it's a big kink for her, but I think she would be receptive to that and equally love it. Sex is a little more about sex for her while for me it has always been something you do with someone you love(I think partially fuels the intoxicating feeling and arousal of it all, how "wrong" it really is)


Sorry if this post is awful or not interesting. It's just me writing my thoughts of everything into the void I suppose. Truly, I am not really ready for this and a huge part of me never wants to be. I love the fantasy but I feel my fragile ego regarding love and women etc would never allow it. I guess I am looking for perspective on what to do. Should I do everything I can to break free of this or do I want to slowly try pursuing this. Mostly, I wanna her from people that are more intrigued about sex part of this kink, not the ongoing relationship part of it all. Should I even talk to my girlfriend in lenght about detail about all of this and try to get rid of it that way? Is that bad or healthy?

Also a part of me is having thoughts about what if she brings it up in a couple of months, say she wants to try it. So many thoughts. The whole pandoras box etc or could it bring us even closer? I am scared and intrigued. Mostly I hope people read this and see that I am easily not ready for this type of thing and talk me out of it. Because this is not it for me....right?

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by hubudig2 » Fri Dec 20, 2024 1:29 am

I'm sorry you're going through this turmoil.
It's not uncommon to go through this struggle of different emotions fighting each other but they will usually resolve themselves with time.

I think you did the right thing by opening up to your girlfriend sooner rather than later.
A problem shared is a problem halved, not to mention it does strengthen your relationship and communication skills being able to share these vulnerabilities with each other. Did you feel better about it after having shared it with her?
I'm sure there is a sense of fear now that she knows but that's because you feel vulnerable.
Keep talking honestly about the subject, if you clam up about it she might start to make her own (possibly false) assumptions, if you say things you don't mean, you might regret it in the future or worse, dig a hole for yourself that you can't ever get out of.
Talking about it will help both of your understandings of where each other are at with it and will build trust which is key.

With regard to what to do, you mentioned breaking free of it, I've helped people to do this before, it's essentially an addiction. The problem is that, unlike other addictions, the thing you're addicted to is in your head. It's not like drugs where you can remove them from your house and have the willpower not to obtain more, you have less control over whether you will think about something. If you have a dream about it, it's very difficult to stop that and you will relapse. I've helped people to stop for months at a time but when they inevitably and involuntarily think about it after all that time it will be too pleasurable to stop.

I think you already know what will happen if she brings it up in a couple of months that she wants to try it, you will probably shoot your load there and then. I'd be surprised if you haven't already fantasized about that happening. Maybe you want me to tell you that you will be unable to stop yourself agreeing to it? That sense of inevitability, being pushed into it and being powerless to stop it probably feels intoxicating.
I think the reason you ask is because you feel vulnerable that she has the power to hurt you and you not only feel defenceless but like you've asked for her to do it. The truth is she already had the power to hurt you, the difference is her knowing that you're vulnerable and that a part of you wants it.
If you knew that there was something that gave you both pleasure but also then gave her emotional trauma, you probably wouldn't seek to exploit that. You might try to find a way of extracting some of the pleasure for her without any of the trauma which would be equivalent to playing with your fantasy as a fantasy, in the bedroom, just the 2 of you.
Ultimately, as a couple, you will figure out where you both wish to go or not go with it. That might seem like a nerve-wracking idea right now but once you build the trust and understanding, that vulnerability will become a pleasure that she can tease and indulge you with, however that may be.
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leggysman
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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by leggysman » Fri Dec 20, 2024 3:41 am

justathoughtm wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2024 8:51 am
Sorry if this post is awful or not interesting
Not at all, and quite interesting :)
justathoughtm wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2024 8:51 am
I hope people read this and see that I am easily not ready for this type of thing and talk me out of it. Because this is not it for me....right?
This is not for you - yet. If you're like us, this kink is part of who you are psychologically (and it's very common as a fantasy), so it's probably not going away. Seems like you've only come to the realization very recently. Give it time.

If she asks and you're still feeling conflicted, tell her you're not ready yet. I'm sure she will understand.

When you're sure, then it's time. You need to be rock solid (no, not like that :lol: ), because even then, the first time is pretty intense.

To me, it sounds like she's actually interested -- lucky you! -- when you're ready.

Some kind of swinger club or party might be the place for you two to have the sexual experience with a stranger, without worrying about the relationship/feelings side of things.
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Dream Weaver
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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by Dream Weaver » Fri Dec 20, 2024 1:10 pm

She sounds like a great partner. You already brought it up. I agree with the other who said you "aren't ready" yet.

In my humble opinion this will come up again, it's part of who you are. Don't push it, enjoy life with her, and if the opportunity comes up, go for it. At the end of the day, if both of you go in with an attitude of "it's just sex", then that's a good start. Obviously feeling and things can crop up, but hey, play with fire, as they say.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by AstaSilva » Tue Dec 24, 2024 1:20 pm

If its not someone you care about, its a novelty.
If it is someone you care about, its INTOXICATING.

Remember that.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by billbred » Thu Dec 26, 2024 4:24 am

justathoughtm wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2024 8:51 am
About a month ago I actually had some form of talk to her about it. I flat out said I had thoughts about her fucking other men. She was extremely intrigued but at the same time bewildered as I am totally not that type of person in her eyes. I did get cold feet a bit and said I would enjoy maybe a threesome but maybe just watch while I saw her enjoy herself to the fullest. Seeing that from a different type of angle was extremely arousing.
justathoughtm wrote:
Thu Dec 19, 2024 8:51 am
Also a part of me is having thoughts about what if she brings it up in a couple of months, say she wants to try it. So many thoughts. The whole pandoras box etc or could it bring us even closer? I am scared and intrigued. Mostly I hope people read this and see that I am easily not ready for this type of thing and talk me out of it. Because this is not it for me....right?
My experience with my gf has some parallels to this though with more of the impetus coming from her than in your case. We were talking once and she mentioned she'd always wanted to have a threesome with two men and I had said I'd be open to that. She had often liked to talk about guys she'd seen or met who are good looking, especially younger ones, and after this chat she did this more often, and I started to feel more comfortable encouraging that sort of talk.

But it was still just at the level of fun chat until one night she said that the next night she wanted to go to a club and pick up a young guy and bring him back to have sex with him. She said this just as we were going to sleep and I barely slept that night, my thoughts constantly racing, scared about what might happen, turned on by what might happen, and also knowing that there was no way I could say no to her -- I'd regret not seeing what happened.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by billbred » Thu Dec 26, 2024 4:28 am

leggysman wrote:
Fri Dec 20, 2024 3:41 am
Some kind of swinger club or party might be the place for you two to have the sexual experience with a stranger, without worrying about the relationship/feelings side of things.
I agree that a swinger's club is a good place to start. That's what we did and it's a good way to get over the hurdle of first trying a sexual experience outside of your relationship without any emotional complications. Also a good excuse to get your gf to dress sexy. :D

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by parklife » Fri Dec 27, 2024 5:38 am

I think we’re missing the obvious and getting ahead of ourselves. You described a fantasy, the two of you spoke about it openly and you can see the limits of how far that fantasy can go because of your own self limits.

Great… so why not keep playing with the fantasy? In the words of Columbia in rocky horror “slowly, slowly, it’s too nice a job to rush”.

There’s no need to make fantasy reality nor is there a need to shy away and ignore the fantasy altogether. Play with it, use it… it can help stoke the fires for both of you I a safe and reliable way. Get a dildo or vinrator that’s nothing like you and role play. No flakes, no unintended consequences…. Easier to keep your jealousy in check.

You can do this for years and see if it takes you both to a place you feel more comfortable doing it for real or it satisfies the urge and adds a litttle spice to your sexlife that n a safe and monogamous way.

This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing game.

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leggysman
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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by leggysman » Fri Dec 27, 2024 6:00 am

parklife wrote:
Fri Dec 27, 2024 5:38 am
Great… so why not keep playing with the fantasy?
That's a very good point
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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by athlete915 » Sat Dec 28, 2024 8:09 am

My two cents is that, yes, you want this. I seriously doubt that this is a fleeting fantasy for you and that it will lose its grip on you.

With that said, I don't think you're ready to go through with it. It is still too new, and you have too many unsettled thoughts.

I think you owe your girlfriend a frank conversation about where you are. She's indulged in your fantasy and seems to have bought into the idea. I would explain to her that it excites you, but you're not ready to act on it. You appreciate her openness and willingness to discuss with you. Don't make her guess.

Finally, Parklife nails it. Where this all leads is anyone's guess, and that's okay. Explore things within your comfort zone and see where it takes you. You may find that you want to take the next step or that the fantasy is enough. Don't put pressure on yourself, her, or your relationship. This isn't a race or even a defined finish line.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by BrunetteLover » Mon Jan 13, 2025 3:08 pm

Take ten years or more to build a home together, travel, fall really truly in love.

Then get back to us and we will give you sound advice.
Live life in the moment. Know who you are, what you accomplished and hope to be remembered. Men protect, women are desired. A life of service, discipline, self sacrifice. 3 things for her: freedom, passion, connection. How she gets there is her choice.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by Massage4Wife72 » Tue Jan 14, 2025 9:39 am

I could see so much of myself in your post. Society teaches us that these desires are wrong and any “normal” man or woman should not have them. The path we take get here is different for most everyone I am sure. However you can’t help what turns you on, it’s just part of you you are. I honestly don’t think you can just make these desires go away.
As for you freaking out a bit when she seemed to agree to being interested in it. Completely understand! Took me lots of reading and research “mainly on this site” to muster enough trust and confidence to tell my wife! The idea is so far from the norm.
Anyway, I was terrified what her reaction might be or what she would think of me . She seemed to be on board right away. I told her my fantasies and that I wanted her to fuck an ex fuck buddy. Her reply was “soon as I get a chance”! Freaked me out to be honest. Later I told her it was just a fantasy. Long story short, she has known my desires for the last 15 years and has zero interest in doing anything as far as I can tell. Good luck in figuring it out and just remember as weird as it sounds they are literally millions of men and women just like you in the rest of the world.

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Re: I don't truly want this...do I?

Unread post by justathoughtm » Sat Feb 08, 2025 6:50 am

Lots of great responses here and I truly appreciate the insight from you all.

As for an update, well we had some further talks. In December we had some talks again about this but we both handled it poorly, ne especially. She has admitted to finding it interesting, but her internet is pretty low and seems very focused on what i think and feel about the whole thing. Mostly we ended last year on a pretty solid no about the whole thing. After that it was mostly mentioned as some sort of joke or what not but she would never mention interest from her side. So everything seemed to get worse. I could not be entirely honest with her either from her point of view as i was a bit all over the place about doing this or not. Many aspects of this "lifestyle" is neither something i want nor her. I hate the aspect of losing her. More i want it like some sort of spice or Celebration of our sex life. And there is a lot of what i want her too.

She has mentioned that its really sad that i am not as turned on by making her enjoy herself etc. I tell av her that is completely wrong and its a lot about her enjoyment. Equally it is about my enjoyment as she is doing something so intoxicating. She seems to be hating the idea more.


Earlier this week though, i was more up front. I told her that yeah, i would like to try this fantasy. She was shocked and disappointed and felt there were some change in me as it seemed i had less doubt in my convinction than the last time. Told her that its driving me a bit crazy thinking about taking her after someone has cummed inside her. To my surprise she was a bit turned on about this as she has a fetish for cum like me(always inside or swallow, literally never on her, not even once)

She talked dirty and asked if i would like it how cum dropped downward her legs as i pounded her to fill her up again. That was so erotic and the sex felt incredible. I asked her after lots of moaning if she would let someone else cum inside her besides me and she had the sexiest yes. That turned me on so bad i think i came like 5-6 seconds after she answered. Afterwards she tells me she played along with to get me excited but she has no interest at all. Expressing the same concerns about why wasnt i i having fantasiens about her alone. We also talked on text the day after while i was at work and she said firmly that this will never happen.


I know she is not interested in some type of different relationship. She is deeeeeply in love with me, more so than anything she has had previously. It cannot compare at all and for me it is the same thing. This is the women i will die with married.


So yeah, i know she can find it exciting at times since I do, her own interest seems very low on the matter.


Some parts of me sr happy about that being the case.i am terrified of losing what we have, our future and everything else between us. She means and is the world to me.


Yet, the fantasy usually comes back. I wanna experience it once. See her take a man in front of me, holding him tight while he fucka her bare. She needed it bare. And she needs him to cum inside her as well. She begs for it. He leaves and i continue. His cum becomew my lubricant and i can barely hold on. I end up cumming inside her as she gets filled completely. But can i actually take that. What that might mean. Im not sure. I am so scared of the consequences what it might mean between her and I. Our relationship and future is so much more important than this fantasy. I love her.

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