wife out of town for a week, says she isn't going to tell me "anything"

[Itasca]

So, my wife knows about my desire to have her flirt and more with another man. We've discussed it a lot and she goes back and forth between finding it hot and telling me "it's your fantasy, not mine." But in any case, she is very clear that it is what I want and that it turns me on. A few years ago, she was alone in another city and texted me that she was thinking about it and that she wished she had some "items from your kit" with her (condoms.) But nothing happened.

Next week, she is off to another state by herself for a business conference, and she has booked a hotel in a beach city for a few days after the conference ends. I've told her that for my upcoming birthday, I'd like to think that "that thing I want to happen" might happen. She said "OK" and then went on to plan the extra time.

I know that there are going to be lots of opportunities, both in the conference and as she spends some time in the seaside town.

She has also said "I'm not going to tell you anything that happens"...she has said in the past that she wants to "keep me guessing." I'll admit, I do get a buzz from wondering, as it makes a couple things clear - that she knows she is free to act, and that she is even considering it.

Over the years we've talked about this, I feel she has become more and more comfortable with the idea, and I've read enough here to know that some wives are "absolutely not" until they are good to go, and that it can happen fast. She is more confident with her body, and has been working out a lot in the last couple of years. She looks terrific. She is younger than I and has gone through menopause which seemed to reduce her libido temporarily but it is definitely coming back.

I'm so looking forward to the next week or so, as there is this increasing electricity between us. She told me what she was going to do in the beach town and then added "there are lots of good places to meet people."

I'm curious to know what y'all think of this "I'm not going to tell you" - I really do want to know but at the same time, I want her to feel unpressured. And the "cheating" theme that goes with not telling me is also a kind of turn on. We both know it wouldn't be cheating, as she has my full consent. And as I said to her last week "If anything happens, know that you would actually be having sex with ME since this is something I want and which turns me on and that seemed to click with her.

Also, should I suggest she take some condoms with her?

[Threeisacharm]

I would think that you are having a communication problem. Why would she not feel like she could tell you? You may want to follow up on that to start.

[Just a Fantasy]

She maybe concerned if something starts going in the right direction that she will raise expectations too high for you and feel pressured to follow through. She may feel more comfortable with seeing what happens before telling you. As for the condoms - put put a few in her luggage along with a homemade hallpass and tell her about the "care package" after she arrives at her destination.

[Itasca]

I would think that you are having a communication problem. Why would she not feel like she could tell you? You may want to follow up on that to start.

I think it is less that she doesn’t feel like she could tell me than she thinks it is a turn on for me to keep me guessing, and it is, to some extent. Also, is there less pressure if she doesn’t feel like she has to disclose exactly what, if anything, happens?

[superb101]

Would it be possible(normal?) for her not to say anything until she is actually ready to take the "next step", whatever that might be? That perhaps she isnt ready to put those thoughts into words just quite yet?

[Itasca]

Yes, I think that is very possible and probably accurate - thanks for putting it into words.

[Itasca]

Would it be possible(normal?) for her not to say anything until she is actually ready to take the "next step", whatever that might be? That perhaps she isnt ready to put those thoughts into words just quite yet?

Yes, I think that is very possible and probably accurate - thanks for putting it into words.

[LongTermHubby]

My wife and I had a similar scenario about fifteen years ago. She was attending a conference together with a colleague to whom she felt attracted. We discussed the situation beforehand and I agreed that "she should feel free to let things happen." They did.

[mfm4bnc]

I would think that you are having a communication problem. Why would she not feel like she could tell you? You may want to follow up on that to start.

She is making it a game... if nothing happens, she still pleases her husband by fueling his fantasy...

[philxxo]

For me, I would definitely want to know if my wife does anything. That's the fun of it for me. I have given my wife permission, and so far she says no. I also told her I much rather I know about it than her doing it behind my back.

In your case it sounds like maybe she just doesn't want to be pressured more in the moment. She is definitely thinking about it. Maybe when she meets the right guy she wants to make her own decision without giving you play by play and having you pressure her to do something in your excitement. Maybe she means when she says "I won't tell you anything", she really means she won't tell you until it has already happened. I would just keep reassuring her that this is OK and exactly what you want. I think this will happen for you. I am excited for you. Keep us updated as things happen please.

[Itasca]

For me, I would definitely want to know if my wife does anything. That's the fun of it for me. I have given my wife permission, and so far she says no. I also told her I much rather I know about it than her doing it behind my back.

In your case it sounds like maybe she just doesn't want to be pressured more in the moment. She is definitely thinking about it. Maybe when she meets the right guy she wants to make her own decision without giving you play by play and having you pressure her to do something in your excitement. Maybe she means when she says "I won't tell you anything", she really means she won't tell you until it has already happened. I would just keep reassuring her that this is OK and exactly what you want. I think this will happen for you. I am excited for you. Keep us updated as things happen please.

I think you are right, especially "she really means she won't tell you until it has already happened..." Thanks for the thoughtful reply.

[Bent_n_Twisted]

For me, I would definitely want to know if my wife does anything. That's the fun of it for me. I have given my wife permission, and so far she says no. I also told her I much rather I know about it than her doing it behind my back.

That is one of our few 'rules' as well- I have to be aware and/or 'somehow involved'. It wouldn't be any fun if I didn't know.

[Itasca]

Quick update: Last night she texted me a photo of her in front of her hotel bed and wrote "too much bed for one person...still trying to find someone else to share it" and a bit later a photo of a guy sitting down from her at the rooftop bar she was at (he didn't know she was taking a pic) with this "last night's candidate..." But she didn't go sit by him. She wrote a bit later that she was going back to the same bar to see if he was there, but he wasn't. I told her I was very hard reading these texts...and asked if she was wearing a sexy bra and she said she was... A bit later she wrote that her battery was dying and that was the last I heard from her. She comes home today and I am still hard and can't wait to see her. My guess is that not much happened, but these texts were so hot and such a turn on for me.

[Mumfred]

She comes home today and I am still hard and can't wait to see her. My guess is that not much happened, but these texts were so hot and such a turn on for me.

Very hot Itasca.

I hope she tells you either way. If a tree falls in the forest and nobody heard than it isn't very fun.