Our Journey - Enjoying The Ride

[curioushubby1965]

After reading so many experiences of others, I thought I would share my expiences as well. I am still a wannabe and am not sure if I will every be anything more than that, and that's OK. We are at a great place and enjoying the journey, wherever it may lead. The decision is ultimately hers and if we move forward, I want her to do it for her and for us. I would never want her to do it just for me.

I will start with some background and how we got to where we are. BE FORWARNED I overshare at times and like details and may get wordy and way too long. I will try breaking this into a few posts to get to present day to make it more manageble to read, or to skip sections.

Guess I will get started with introductions:
I'm Dale, 57 and my wife M is 59. We have been married 31 years and even though we are older we still have children at home, which of course complcates things as they can be nosey at times.

This fantasy of my wife being with others has been a long time in the making and has been there for many years, though the intensity has ebbed and flowed over the years. For the longest time I didn't really understand it and I thought I was messed up and something must be wrong with me. Let's be honest though, I am a little messed up (or maybe alot), but aren't we all? I never imagined sharing these thoughts with the wife though, just seemed too far out of our straight and narrow life.
As I have a tendency to do, I overanalyze things and this was no exception. I tried to understand why I thought the way I did. I'm a nurture vs. nature type of person and thought about experiences that may have pushed me this way. As I thought through, I realized most of my relationships were with girls that cheated on me or had relationships with other guys. From my from my first real GF in HS that would sneak around with another guy to an older gal I dated when I was in the Navy. I was 18 and she was 26 and she let me know she had a big cocked BF in another state, they were both in the Coast Guard. There were others as well but you get the point.
When I met my now wife at a club, we hit it off but then she left me there when I was letting my friends know I was leaving with someone. I ended up getting in touch with her a few days later and we did go out. It was then she let me know she was married but separated.
We dated regularly after that but when her anniversay came around she let me know she would be spending it with her husband. And they celebrated as married couples do.
Shortly after that, she and I were having sex and she was intoxicated. It was then she said, I wish you were bigger, it would feel better. I have to admit I was humiliated, I had never had someone say something like that. I am average or slightly above and always tried to be a considerate lover and put my partners pleasure first. We talked alittle more, think she said thicker but later said longer was desired. Maybe she really meant both LOL. She then admitted that her husband was bigger, which was already assumed by the timing of the comments. This was probably the final kicker to drive me to my fantasy.

Sorry this was so damn long, I will move on quicker.

Our sex life was always pretty mundane. I was more into sex than she was. As things happen over time with kids and busyness, frequency decreased. It got to a point of mostly handjobs until that faded off as well. During menopause, we went over 2 years with nothing. I lived with my fantasies, masturbation and some porn. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other and had a strong relationship, just not sexually.
Then last year my wife went out with a few friends to a concert at a local casino. Her night out went later than expected and I used that to fuel my fantasy. As it got later and later, I started to wonder. I completely trust my wife and knew she would never cheat but by the time she rolled in at 3:45 AM, I had myself pretty well worked up. During the night fantasizing what could be happening, I got myself off 5 times.
It was after that I decided we needed a change and I had to tell her my fantasy, I just couldn't continue with the status quo.

[BBCfan]

Shortly after that, she and I were having sex and she was intoxicated. It was then she said, I wish you were bigger, it would feel better. I have to admit I was humiliated, I had never had someone say something like that. She then admitted that her husband was bigger, which was already assumed by the timing of the comments. This was probably the final kicker to drive me to my fantasy.

. I completely trust my wife and knew she would never cheat but by the time she rolled in at 3:45 AM, I had myself pretty well worked up. During the night fantasizing what could be happening, I got myself off 5 times.
It was after that I decided we needed a change and I had to tell her my fantasy, I just couldn't continue with the status quo.

Interesting start

Although my wife never admitted she wished I was bigger, finding out the sizes of many of her exes, was easy to assume likewise.

[curioushubby1965]

It took a couple months after my decision to tell her that I worked up the nerve to do it. We had a long weekend planned in Arizona and I decided I would do it then. This happened the first weekend of November in 2022. I thought the safest way might be to use the concert night as a way to break tell her. We laid in bed and I start some fondling and some light teasing about her being with another guy that night of the concert. As I said in my last post, we had not had any sexual contact in over 2 years except one handjob 20 months before. I'm sure it caught her off guard, she was giggly as I teased her, saying maybe someone hit on you and maybe he touched you like this. We didn't get much farther than that though. She tried stuff with but I was so in my head and nervous about telling her that I coudnt get it up. So long without and I fail under pressure.
Well I tried again the next night, same tact. Sometimes us guys can be so dense. Next thing she says is "Are you accusing me of cheating?" In my quest to tell her my fantasy without really telling her and risking myself, I gave the impression I was accusing her of cheating. I just let it go and blurted out no but the idea turns me on. And I got an "Oh, thats good" Nothing else. I think I shocked her at that point and she didn't know what to say. Pretty much ended everything for that night and went to sleep, well she did.
The next day I finally stopped being a coward and talked to her directly about my fantasies and desires. She had quite a few questions, wasn't angry, didn't reject me, didn't lose respect for me. That was my biggest fear, that she would lose respect for me and think less of me as a man and husband. I answered questions as best I could, assured her I wasn't looking to be with other women, that I loved her more than ever. She shared some of her fantasies, we talked about some of our pasts that we hadn't shared and we started having sexual relations again.

After getting home we continued to talk. Our communication has improved drastically and we are both more open and honest about things. She told me she had been hoping to get things started between us again as well but we both agreed we had just gotten stuck and didn't know how to get out of the rut. I credit my cuckold fantasy with helping turn things around. I use cuckold in the broadest sense, as a man whose wife has sex with others. I really don't know how to classify myself, not that it matters. I probably fall more as a HW Husband. I wouldn't consider myself a Stag and some of the cuck fantasies go too far for me. I have a submissive side, atleast sexually, like the jealousy that goes with idea of my wife being with another man. Enjoy the idea of the humiliation of another man pleasing her in ways I couldn't. But more than anything, I enjoy seeing her have pleasure or knowing she was having pleasure.
I will share more details of how things have progressed, some of the highlights of conversations and the many mistakes I have made along the way in my next post(s). But I will share now that she has admitted that the idea of another man finding her desireable and persueing her is a turn on. And I want that for her, the excitement that comes from a new relationship, from being chased and desired. She is not into one night stands and would need a connection to be able to enjoy herself fully, but she fears getting too close and getting hurt.

[curioushubby1965]

Shortly after that, she and I were having sex and she was intoxicated. It was then she said, I wish you were bigger, it would feel better. I have to admit I was humiliated, I had never had someone say something like that. She then admitted that her husband was bigger, which was already assumed by the timing of the comments. This was probably the final kicker to drive me to my fantasy.

. I completely trust my wife and knew she would never cheat but by the time she rolled in at 3:45 AM, I had myself pretty well worked up. During the night fantasizing what could be happening, I got myself off 5 times.
It was after that I decided we needed a change and I had to tell her my fantasy, I just couldn't continue with the status quo.

Interesting start

Although my wife never admitted she wished I was bigger, finding out the sizes of many of her exes, was easy to assume likewise.

Thanks for your comments.
It was 34 years ago and she wasn't sober when she said that. She won't admit to that now though.

[Wantsomefunto]

Can’t wait to hear more

[curioushubby1965]

Can’t wait to hear more

Thank you! Will try to get another post tomorrow.

[curioushubby1965]

Later than planned...

Since I first shared with her my fantasy/desireds, we have continued to discuss. Intitially it was quite frequent but thankfully she was quite understanding and realized I was very excited and also understood that it was quite a weight off my shoulders finally sharing this with her. She also had many questions about it herself since it was so foreign to her. I did try to pace myself and not burn her out with constant discussion or badgering and I didn't want her to think this was the only thing I thought about. Some many times though I had to go back and clarify things since I really wasn't as prepared to express my feelings and desires as I should have been given the length of time I had imagined this. Looking back, I really did a poor job from my initial sharing through trying to explain things over the following weeks and months. Thankfully over time better communications ensued.
As said, I was trying to limit how much I talked about it, I didn't want her to think it waa just a passing desire and that I had moved on. Two or three times I told her that exact thing and she assured me she knew it was real and not just a whim. Her words were, I it's serious for you or you would never have told me.

I want to be careful not to get too graphic or share things that should just be between my wife and I. There are things I feel like I need to share to explain things though. So here goes.
After first getting this out, our sex life drastically improved. Our activity went from nothing to 3 to 4 times a week. I know it doesn't sound like alot to some but we seem to get so busy, have kids at home and I do have some ED I deal with, so for us it was quite alot. We have settled down to about 2 times a week with occassional 3.
She became interested in new things, namely toys. And we have a growing collection that she thoroughly enjoys (us together). She has never been one to take care of her own needs but recently admitted she was ready to but forgot where the key to the toybox was. Favorite toy is her magic wand though she does enjoy her dildos, especially when I can't perform and her rabbit for some variety.
I remember first using her first dildo on her. I'ts nothing huge or anything, I believe insertable length is 7 1/2". I was being careful with how deep and as she got into it she was encouraging me go deeper. That drove home to me how she enjoys more lenght than I have. We went shopping for something longer but everything longer was alot thicker and she didnt want that.
She also expressed that she thought it would be fun for her to use a strapon on me. So we did get that (Part of the set with the first dildo). We did buy something smaller to start with but the suction cup attachment just didnt hold well enough and she got frustrated and lost inteterest. We did just have a recent conversation about her still wanting to try and I said we could try to find a better system for her to use. So yes, I am willing to get pegged by my wife if that is what turns her on. To me, that is how things work, we do things for the pleasure of our partner. If anyone has any suggestions on a good, comfortable strapon, please share.
My wife has been very sheltered and had never seen porn but agreed she would like to check it out. I was trying to find something interesting for her and many had Pirates XXX near the top. It took multiple weeks/months but we eventually got through it. I have to say it was bad and too cheesy.
She was very shocked when we first started watching it, she didn't realize how explicit it would be.
Funny now that I say that, when we first started shopping for toys, we watched some demonstration and review vids of girls using them and she seemed to really enjoy those.
I did find some shorter porn vids that were supposed to appeal to women and couples. The first she really did like. It was an attractive couple and he was well endowed but not monsterous. It was also more passionate and romantic which she really enjoys. Out of more discussions, she is aroused by the thought of being desired and pursued by other men. The idea of ads and meeting just for sex isn't that appealing to her. Something more organic where a guy "chases" her is what she would prefer.
Another video showed a husband and wife and another man. At first it looked like the husband was going to watch and she was really intetested in seeing that. Unfortunatly, the husband joined and the 2 guys just used the girl for their pleasure and it was a huge turn off for her. She asked, does it look like she enjoying that? Would be interested in finding some good hotwife porn that is more romance and the husband watching. Any suggestions?

She suffered some from a lack of desire and had some issues with dryness. I suggested it could be a hormonal imbalance or low testosterone, since she is post menopausal, so encouraged her and assisted her with finding a doctor. Turns out she did have low testosterone levels and the Dr. prescribed her testosterone cream which has helped her.

Also, she shared how insecure she felt about her body as she has gained weight over the years. I assured her she perfect just how she was but she wasn't happy with herself so we started dieting and exercising together. The problem was I lost weight so much more easily and aftet some time she got frustrated. As busyness came along it was easy to fall back on old habits. Jumping ahead to more current events, she really did have a desire to lose weight, so we got her in touch with a weightloss specialist that could help her. Not to say it is the only reason, but the idea of her wanting to lose weight in order to attract someone she found desireable (her words) is quite a turnon for me. I mentioned this to her recently and she did say well I did always want to lose weight, so she downplayed the reason. That seems to be the nature of this. There seems to be ebbs and flows of the desires but how things are with everything.
One thing I didn't realize is how insecure she felt about her body and I made some huge mistakes because of it. I was going to share some mistake I have made but need to wait until the next post as I have gone longer than I planned to her.

My apologies some of these thoughts seem scattered. Just working on bringing things up to the present. Some items flow in a more chronological order but some end up more theme based.
Until next time.

[SilverStag]

90% of sex is between the ears. She has desires as well as concerns. Minimize the concerns by helping her attain the look she desires and praising her efforts (no matter the outcome). Most women, in my experience, wish to be desired and pursued. They want that ego boost that it brings and that, in turn, boosts libido.

It's good that you are exploring your mutual sexuality together.

Porn movies aren't real, everyone should be aware of that. Even the "amateur/homemade" ones frequently are done by pros. Take note that she likes the carefully produced ones that feed the fantasy of being valued and pursued, with sex as teh final reward for sensuous, caring exchanges. Seek out those films, even if they are not so explicit as the ones we guys usually choose.

In short, help her to feel desired and good about herself and you will be on your way.

[curioushubby1965]

Thanks for the great reaponse SilverStag, I appreciate your insight.

On the porn front, funny we just talked about this again yesterday. Yes it is all fake but really comes down to if they build a storyline and does it align with her fantasies. Her comments were; I need time to buildup and in the movies these women jump into sex and are orgasming in 5 minutes. Overall she prefers the erotic and sensuous not so explicit films. And they don't always have to match her expressed fantasies. She really enjoyed the 50 Shades trilogy, had a story and romance she enjoys, but also pushed the boundries some, for her anyways. She isn't into B&D per se, but enjoyed the mild form in the movie. Doesn't want anything though where she feels the woman is being abused.
Thanks again for your input.

[curioushubby1965]

Thought I would share a few mistakes and hard lessons I have learned along the way.

People say it often here that good communication is key and I have found that to be so true. My mistakes are in one way or another related to communication.
Being able to express myself clearly and accuratly for one. I had had to go back on many occassions to clarify or correct things I did not communicate clearly enough.
Listening is always a good skill but think it goes beyond just listening. I needed to learn to seek to understand what she was saying. I would hear, but because of some preconceived ideas, I failed at times to really understand what she meant. A few examples are:

She shared some of her fantasies with me one of which included her being with another woman, all good so far and there was some history there I was aware of. She then talked about me joining and possibly being with the other woman as well. Not against that at all, but, when I first started sharing my fantasy of seeing her with other men, she made it clear she did not feel the same about me being with other women. To be clear, I am not looking to be with other women and I reiterated that with her multiple times. So when she brought this up in the fantasy I was unsure and questioned her and she said well this would be different. I guess I didn't really understand and didn't question it more and kind of dismissed her fantasy. I was more worried about her thinking I wanted something else and didn't want to mess up what I hoped for in the future. Ofcourse being with 2 women has always been a fantasy but didn't want to admit that at this point, again because I was not really seeking that. After taking time to think about it I realized I was wrong not to listen to het fantasies with a completely open mind. Thankfully we have talked many times since and I have finally opened up and admit that would be hot if that is what she wanted.

Abother example is related to another fantasy as well but what I did led to an argument.
One of the first fantasies she shared with me is to be massaged my 2 men at the same time. Sounds perfect right? Fits right in with wanting her to be with other men.
I played on this quite a bit, teasing about getting her a massage with 2 men or me and another man. I eventually thought I would take things a step farther and give the appearance she was getting a full body massage by another man. I share previously that she had body image issues and I am trying to help her lose thr weight she desires. Well I didn't understand how truely uncomfortable she was. And besides it wasn't going to be another man massaging, just illusion of it. What I did was made a recording of myself talking to her as if someone else was was giving her a massage. Took quite a few attempts to get it right and needed a decent length. Then I set up a speaker on the other side of the bed so it would seem I was there. I bought a blindfold and then through the day dropped little hints about something special and gave some mild suggestions. She started to panic and flat out asked if another guy would be there. I didn't want to ruin the illusion and wouldn't answer directly and then it blew up in my face and she got angry. I finally confessed what I planned. She was still pissed, said I didn't listen to her about how she felt about herself and also accused me of trying to push things too fast when I promised to be patient with her.

So I get it. Communicate and not just listen but seek to understand. And don't rush it, I may have had this fantasy for years but she hasn't and she is still digesting it. It's not about arriving, but the journey along the way.
(Both of these happened in the first 6 weeks or so of me sharint and we have both come a long ways since.)

[curioushubby1965]

There have been some positive steps in the right direction. After a couple months and realizing I was overdoing it some, I tried to limit discussions somewhat and not make her think this was all I think about.
After a few weeks of not saying much we a had a trip to Vegas around March Madness. We were there for another event and quite a bit of family with us. One night in the bedroom, she told me about a guy she had talked, how attractive he was and how nice he was and said that he really excited her. I was very surprised and excited and told her so. She said she knew I would like hearing about it and she talked about him quite a bit over the next few days.
We still talk about him and she said something recently about seeing him next year in Vegas after she has lost her weight.

I should also mention that she sees us having a plan in place and she mentions our plan on occassion. That is once she reaches her target weight she would like to go out and flirt and who knows, while I go to same place separately. Also talked about potentially going on a fee dates and getting to know someone better.

A few weeks ago she did mention the plan again and going out doing serious flirting, even making out but said she just isn't sure if she could sleep with someone.
She goes warm, hot and cold at different times as she works through all this in her mind. I imagine other wives have been the same?
My thoughts, based on how excited she was about the guy in Vegas, that it would just take the right guy to move it along.

Another item out of the blue, about a month and a half ago, she asked "So I can have a boyfriend as long as you know about it. right?" Took me by surprise but answered, yes you can. She said OK. So I asked later about that and she said that she wanted to make sure she understood what she could do.
I rushed some of these last parts, but have been pretty long winded in most posts and don't want to bore everyone.
Also had a really good discussion again this weekend that seems to be hitting on where she is with this. Will share in next post.

[Long Lurker 34]

There have been some positive steps in the right direction. After a couple months and realizing I was overdoing it some, I tried to limit discussions somewhat and not make her think this was all I think about.
After a few weeks of not saying much we a had a trip to Vegas around March Madness. We were there for another event and quite a bit of family with us. One night in the bedroom, she told me about a guy she had talked, how attractive he was and how nice he was and said that he really excited her. I was very surprised and excited and told her so. She said she knew I would like hearing about it and she talked about him quite a bit over the next few days.
We still talk about him and she said something recently about seeing him next year in Vegas after she has lost her weight.

I should also mention that she sees us having a plan in place and she mentions our plan on occassion. That is once she reaches her target weight she would like to go out and flirt and who knows, while I go to same place separately. Also talked about potentially going on a fee dates and getting to know someone better.

A few weeks ago she did mention the plan again and going out doing serious flirting, even making out but said she just isn't sure if she could sleep with someone.
She goes warm, hot and cold at different times as she works through all this in her mind. I imagine other wives have been the same?
My thoughts, based on how excited she was about the guy in Vegas, that it would just take the right guy to move it along.

Another item out of the blue, about a month and a half ago, she asked "So I can have a boyfriend as long as you know about it. right?" Took me by surprise but answered, yes you can. She said OK. So I asked later about that and she said that she wanted to make sure she understood what she could do.
I rushed some of these last parts, but have been pretty long winded in most posts and don't want to bore everyone.
Also had a really good discussion again this weekend that seems to be hitting on where she is with this. Will share in next post.

CH65 - So long do you think your wife will have to wait to go out and start flirting. Meaning how much more weight until she hits her target? Is she going to the gym and if she dresses right a potentially target rich environment.

[curioushubby1965]

CH65 - So long do you think your wife will have to wait to go out and start flirting. Meaning how much more weight until she hits her target? Is she going to the gym and if she dresses right a potentially target rich environment.

It may take up to 6 months plus to reach her final target weight but she also gave me a different target before she starts flirting. I would guess close to 4 months to reach that target. With holidays, I think January is most realustic. She is ahead of what the doctor expected so timeframe could change. The important thing is for her to be comfortable with herself and confident.
She goes to the gym some days and some days works out in out garage gym.
I just will add I am proud of her and she is putting in the effort to get to where she wants to be

[Long Lurker 34]

CH65 - So long do you think your wife will have to wait to go out and start flirting. Meaning how much more weight until she hits her target? Is she going to the gym and if she dresses right a potentially target rich environment.

It may take up to 6 months plus to reach her final target weight but she also gave me a different target before she starts flirting. I would guess close to 4 months to reach that target. With holidays, I think January is most realustic. She is ahead of what the doctor expected so timeframe could change. The important thing is for her to be comfortable with herself and confident.
She goes to the gym some days and some days works out in out garage gym.
I just will add I am proud of her and she is putting in the effort to get to where she wants to be

CH65 - That's great. Even if all this goes no where she will have achieved a goal and her health should improve so bonus in any direction.

[CuriousOne36]

Looking forward to hearing how your situation progresses.

[curioushubby1965]

CH65 - That's great. Even if all this goes no where she will have achieved a goal and her health should improve so bonus in any direction.

So very true. As we get older that gets more and more important. I didn't call us old (that's more a state of mind), but we are playing the back 9 now.
She knows this isn't about her being with someone else. She has been wanting to lose weight for quite a while and I just want her to be healthy and for us to be able to enjoy our lives fully as I move closer to retirement.
Now I will admit, it's hot that me talking of her being with others seems to be a motivator for her to take action, though she doesn't want to admit that, LOL, though she mentioned in the past that she wants to lose weight to be able to attract someone she finds attractive.

To be clear, I love her and find her attractive regardless and never asked her to lose any weight. This was all her. I am just supporting and encouraging her.

[Sharing One]

Now that she is talking about loosing weight, you may want to surprise her by taking her out and buying her some new sexy shoes or something else to show her that you are interested in her and her new direction without making a big issue out of it. Sounds like you and her are heading for an exciting future.

[curioushubby1965]

Now that she is talking about loosing weight, you may want to surprise her by taking her out and buying her some new sexy shoes or something else to show her that you are interested in her and her new direction without making a big issue out of it. Sounds like you and her are heading for an exciting future.

Great idea thanks for the suggestion.

[curioushubby1965]

Been meaning to get an update out.
I try to limit how often I talk to the wife about this. Don't want her to get sick of hearing about it or think that this is all there for me. But over the last week or so we have had a number of interesting talks.
I am going to be pretty brief on the first couple convos since last one is where I want to spend the most time.
So last Sunday, the 13th, we had an evening in the room to ourselves. She enjoys massages so I try to give her extended ones when we have time. This is also a great opportunity for discussions.
I should mention that my wife has had a difficult time sharing fantasies or thoughts about about other men freely. I usually get vague responses like, "I think about other guys sometimes" but no detail and no names or desciptions. She has been open about past experiences but not fantasies.
She has been more open about fantasies with other women. She had some experience before we were together and still thinks about it.
We first talked about massages and she admitted again that she finds the idea of 2 men massaging her at the same time very exciting, having one start at the bottom and the other at the top. I was a little cautious with where I went with this after an earlier misstep. I just let her know I would be more than happy to make that happen for her whenever she felt comfortable with herself and was ready for that. She seemed to appreciate that answer.
So also got on the subject again about fantasies with others and she was slightly more open than in the past. But only to the extent of saying that if we are honest with each other we both have committed adultry in our minds. Confirmation she imagines sex with others. But does give a hint at other concerns.
I believe we briefly discussed flirting with others and worked our way to her telling me she doesn't know if she could do a one night stands. That they would damage her emotionally (and in my words, make her feel cheap and used). I'm not really into her having one nighters. I think a connection would be important for her to really be able to enjoy herself and we did talk about this some. But she said she is afraid of getting too close to someone and getting hurt and also the other guy getting hurt as well. Just let her know we need to communicate with each other and with the other guy as well so he knows where things stand.

We picked a sexy movie to watch called Permission. It is about a couple that have been together 10 years and who were each other's first loves. They show them together having sex and it routine and short.
As he is ready to propose to her, they end up talking about experiencing others since neither has. They eventually agree and there are some hookups involved. We didn't finish the movie, was using a toy and well things progressed. A few things interesting. After the GF was with someone for the first time they talk about it and she downplays it. I commented that she felt guilty and my wife said she feels guilty because she enjoyed it more. My wife also talked about how jumped in, going back to same guy again and another in the back room of a coffee shop. Guy hooked up but she focused on the girl's experience. That's where we stopped.
I have to say my wife was very aroused and I would say she had the most intense experience I had seen to date, with multiple orgasms and aftershocks I will call them. After we had finished she was like wow I feel like I am still vibrating, I like it.
There was a point in there I had started talking about her interest with other girls but she stopped that quick because she became worried our 2 youngest ( 17 and 18) might hear
We did discuss it the next day when we were alone. Good discussion but nothing is standing out to me.
Overall I felt very encouraged. Her arousal level is always a good indicator of how she is feeling about things. I have left some stuff our either because I just can't think of it now or because it comes up in the next couple discussions.

Will follow up with next soon.

[curioushubby1965]

Before I start next discussion, a few key items from the last one I missed

So big thing, I asked if it would be hard for her to have me watching. She said not she didn't think it would bother her. That surprised me, always felt it would since when I had told her I would like to watch, she thought that was kinda weird.
She likes her toys, and said my fault for introducing them to her. She names her 2 dildos same night, Ben (she was being silly and came from bendy, go figure) The other which is slightly longer, she came up with Hugo, not sure where that came from.
Talked about a better harness as she is intetested in trying to peg me again. Said the porn made her realize anal is a thing and asked some questions about it.
Also talked how the toys would be a real game changer if she is with another woman again and interested in harness for that.
She still has reservation and this is just talk at this point.

So we got away Thursday night, stayed at a hotel. Went out for dinner and some drinks. Probably had a bit too much and with her favorite toy dying we ended up talking for awhile. Should refrain from that when both drinkining.
Anyways, she has mentioned more than once as we talk through things and if it would excite me if she was doing stuff without me know. How could it excite me if I didn't knoe about it? I let my mind wonder in the wrong direction and started thinking maybe she has done something and this is her way of seeing if it is safe to say. First I trust her and she has told me before she has always been faithful. Not sure why my mind went there but I tried to step in it and asked if that was the reason she talked about doing things in secret. Thankfully she didnt take it wrong and said, just ask me instead of beating around the bush and no she has never been with anyone else during our marriage.
She did go on to explain she thought I would like it because wouldn't it be humiliating for me to find out sometime and wouldn't I like that? So when I first told her about my desires I mentioned humiliation as part of the what excited me. We were able to clear this all up though. I explained I would not like if she did it in secret. This has to be about us and we needed trust. If I thought she was doing things behind my back then I would always wonder what she was hiding and trust would be broken. I am not into humliation either but left that for another day.
I did go on to talk about her going out on a date and then telling me about it after. How that could be very exciting as well since I whe was out with a man and I could imagine so many things while she is out and then hear about it later. She didn't quite get it, said I thought you wanted to watch. I really do want to watch and told her but also liked the idea of her dating. She struggled with how this was about us then. Felt it was just about her. I have emphasized the us part quite a bit and that I would want to be invloved in some way. Went on about the excitement of seeing/helping her get ready for a date. Maybe a text here, a picture there, while she is out and and then hearing about it later. I don't think it made sense to her. Seemed put off about the idea of telling me about it after. Nothing else memorable in the discussion from that night. We were both good after and we had a good time.

[curioushubby1965]

Alright so our conversation from Sunday which catches me up to current.

My wife has been opening up more over our last few chats and seems to have gone to another with this one.
So another spend the evening together in the bedroom. Was another massage for her so more time to talk. I really had no intention of going to my desires, I wanted to focus to what she was interested in. So I asked her what a fantasy of hers is so I'm always discussing mine. Right off the bat she tells me, "I think about being with a guy with a nice cock and think about being with other women". Said "I go between them two pretty evenly". I was caught by surprise since my wife never talks like that and has hesitated admitting much about fantasies involving other men.
Then she asked mine, which I said you already know my fantasy but decided to add something new. Since in our early talks she had shared a fantasy about us being with another woman together, I came clean and told her that being with 2 women together is a big fantasy, whether I do something with the other woman or not.

I had previously teased her about getting her a panty vibe or some other wearable toy that had blue tooth or wifi remote control and using that when she was out. She wasn't so keen on giving me that kind of control then. But she asked about it and said that would be pretty fun now and would like to find something.

Somehow we got back into her being with other men and she wanted to know the things I would like; Watching would be number 1, Her dating with my knowledge then sharing telling me about it a close number 2, Her out with friends and meeting someone and texting to let me know what she was going to do is 3 and same scenario but her not telling me till after is 4. And then reiterated no secrets.
And then after talking about her with others, including other women, I said I would love to watch her with another woman but said that might be the harder. She agreed and said yes women can be bitchy.
She did talk about how me watching and her dating are completely different that one would be arranged and sex from dating would be more spontaneous. I never saw it that way but I guess it depends on the circumstances and how the dating starts.
Somewhere in here we got on humiliation. I had to explain to here I don't want to be humiliated, or be put down, or be belittled, or made fun of. But there is some mild humiliation in another man being with my wife, in him pleasing her a special way. It's that along with some jealousy and angst and seeing her happy and excited that turns me on. She didn't understand that and I used an example of being on a roller coaster just coming to the top of that first big hill, the excitement and fear and that knot in the pit of your stomach as you start to go over. And exhilaration you feel as you go through it. Then the ride ends and you can't wait to get back on and do it again. Someone else on shared that example with with skydiving instead. I thought my wife could relate to the coaster more.

She got on to flirting. She admitted once she gets her weight down and is comfortable with herself, she is very excited about flirting, kissing and full on make out. It would make her feel desired and she really wants that, and it may be with both men and women and it would be easy for her to do this. I mentioned maybe even setting up a date to out would give her that feeling of being desired and chased as well, which she agreed.

I asked her what would be easier for her to do, sleep with another man or another woman. She responded that well the flirting is the easiest, then another women and another man would be hardest. Then she said I don't know if I could sleep with another man, would you be ok with just the flirting and kissing? would that excite you?
At this point I told her again as I have many times, please don't do anything just for me, do it because it excites you and you want to do it. She assured me she wouldn't do anything just for me. Then said maybe we can do the flirting, that would be a good start and see where things go from there. And I agreed, that's a great start, let's take it slow and only do what we both are comfortable with.
She went back to sleeping with another man being difficult that it could be too intimate and them becoming one. And it may be the same with being with another woman. So if you don't know this is a bible reference from Genesis. I was staying away from religion on this site but this is/was a sticking point for her. I try to be careful about twisting scripture at all but told her what I thought here. That we are one because of our commitment to each other, not sex. And she again repented but there would a deeper intimacy here and the 2 become one flesh. I told her again that we are one because we have chosen to be committed to each other. We both have had sex with others and we are not joined to them and her and I are not joined just because we had sex. Our love, commitment, desire for each other and choosing to be joined with each other for as long as we are both on this earth makes us one. I think I explained this to her better than I did here but you get the picture.
This seemed to ease her mind some as we got back into the discussion of sex with another man. Worked our way to talking about her dating someone and what a thrill it would be for me to have her come home and tell me how incredible the sex was. Then she became more animated and said wait, you would really get turned to have me tell you that? Said she wouldn't like to hear that, why would that excite you? I told I don't know, it's hard to explain. But seeing/hearing her excitement and happiness would excite me and make me happy. I told her again that I get so much pleasure from her pleasure.
It was like things just clicked and this lightbulb went on. She was excited. She asked well what if I start liking it too much and decide the grass is greener over there. I'm like honey come on, we have been married 31 years and been through so much and our relationship has never been stronger, you wouldn't really leave me would you. She said your right. I said you may experience that new relationship energy and excitement and it will be thrilling but that will fade after time. Again she agreed. Then she asked what if I get addicted to this? You know my personality, I could get addicted. I told her that's ok.
We talked love and commitment and how she is very loyal and that loyalty gives us trust and that is the only way this works. We just need to talk to each other and share where we are at and what concerns us. I assured her I love her very much and am not going anywhere and I would fight for her if I had to. Also let her know that she is all I ever need.

We talked about how some guys like married women, they like not having the commitment but there can also more to it than that. I went on to mention Bulls (I never really liked that term but it worked well here) and explain that dynamic. My wife was pretty intrigued and seemed excited about that.

It seemed things made sense to her now, and her fear of hurting me as well as other fears, were relieved.

I have to say my wife was more aroused than I have ever seen her after this talk. I don't always perform well at night, morning seems to be my best time. But we had our fun and then the toys got a major workout. Her favorite is her magic wand. It is a smaller, rechargeable model but always more than strong enough. She wanted that along with "Hugo". I know in a previous post I said that was her most intense experience to date. But this was on a new level. She usually wants speed 1 or sometimes bumps to 2 on her magic wand. This time after some prolonged use she handed it to me after trying to push the button. Sometimes she accidently bumps it up and wants me to turn it back down. I figured she done this time and asked if she wanted me to turn it off. She was like no, can you turn it up more? But it was already on the highest level (3). And she said ok that will have to do. 2 is very rare and 3 is a no go but tonight she wanted more. And I was still using Hugo on her as well. She went so long the wand got hot from overheating. After I don't know how many orgasms she finally quite. Said she was still fluttering and said she would be sore tomorrow.

I have rambled some but was pretty excited after this. Time will tell where this leads.

[njcouple]

Just trying to encourage an update

[CuriousOne36]

Yes it’s been much too long

[Trevose]

Yes it’s been much too long

It's well worth the wait.

[aztd]

Many time you see the couple making great progress and then nothing
I get concerned they may how go to far for them and it blow up.